Okay, I'm Going to ... (9/11 Tenth Anniversary)
All day, I've known that I should write this post, but I didn't want to. I knew I should because I want this journal to represent my life and times, so to speak, and how could I just ignore a day like today?
I honestly find myself without much to say today. I've already written about what 9/11 was like for me, and how personal and world events entwined on that day and became a personal turning point for me, as well as a political one for the nation and world. The sting has lessened a lot, but it is still a painful memory for me, and I can still cry readily if I think about it too much.
For me, the last 10 years have seen a shift in how I regarded 9/11. When it happened, of course, it was very raw and painful. As the post above attests, it at once plunged me deeper into an already existing depressive episode while also turning my awareness outward and providing the means by which I saved myself, after many long months at rock bottom. Then I went through the same phase as much of the country in allowing 9/11 to inspire solidarity and hope. I wore my sparkly American flag necklace (I found it the other day), and I even supported Bush II for a while, believe it or not. (Never voted for him but was willing to stand behind him, trusting that he must surely feel the same that I felt and that his decisions would, therefore, be decisions I would support. I was quickly disabused of that idea.) As the post above shows, I then went through an angry period where I felt like the memories of 9/11 were being misused, but I felt like there was still a chance to turn the ship, so to speak, making anger a fruitful emotion. If only enough people could be convinced to raise their voices ... That was five years ago. Today? My anger remains but has cooled to bitterness and apathy. The ship ain't turning; I realize that now. I hurt for the people who lost their lives; I hurt more for their friends and loved ones, who have seen their names used to justify atrocities and to pay lip service to "being American." I still cry at the images and the memories, but I hardly expect the rest of the world to feel sorry for us today's anniversary.
That's really all I have to say today.
This post was originally posted on Dreamwidth and, using my Felagundish Elf magic, crossposted to LiveJournal. You can comment here or there!
http://dawn-felagund.dreamwidth.org/279340.html
I honestly find myself without much to say today. I've already written about what 9/11 was like for me, and how personal and world events entwined on that day and became a personal turning point for me, as well as a political one for the nation and world. The sting has lessened a lot, but it is still a painful memory for me, and I can still cry readily if I think about it too much.
For me, the last 10 years have seen a shift in how I regarded 9/11. When it happened, of course, it was very raw and painful. As the post above attests, it at once plunged me deeper into an already existing depressive episode while also turning my awareness outward and providing the means by which I saved myself, after many long months at rock bottom. Then I went through the same phase as much of the country in allowing 9/11 to inspire solidarity and hope. I wore my sparkly American flag necklace (I found it the other day), and I even supported Bush II for a while, believe it or not. (Never voted for him but was willing to stand behind him, trusting that he must surely feel the same that I felt and that his decisions would, therefore, be decisions I would support. I was quickly disabused of that idea.) As the post above shows, I then went through an angry period where I felt like the memories of 9/11 were being misused, but I felt like there was still a chance to turn the ship, so to speak, making anger a fruitful emotion. If only enough people could be convinced to raise their voices ... That was five years ago. Today? My anger remains but has cooled to bitterness and apathy. The ship ain't turning; I realize that now. I hurt for the people who lost their lives; I hurt more for their friends and loved ones, who have seen their names used to justify atrocities and to pay lip service to "being American." I still cry at the images and the memories, but I hardly expect the rest of the world to feel sorry for us today's anniversary.
That's really all I have to say today.
This post was originally posted on Dreamwidth and, using my Felagundish Elf magic, crossposted to LiveJournal. You can comment here or there!
http://dawn-felagund.dreamwidth.org/279340.html