"Statues," for My March B-Day Friends

Mar 23, 2007 23:36

Yes, I do still write stories! And Silmfic stories too ( Read more... )

nerdanel, short story, birthday present

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Comments 35

tarion_anarore March 24 2007, 06:09:54 UTC
*sigh* Beautiful.

Strange how powerful art in any form really is.

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dawn_felagund March 24 2007, 21:53:22 UTC
Thank you! :)

Strange how powerful art in any form really is.

So true ... I always marvel at the idea that essentially meaningless scribbles on paper can evoke the same sort of strong emotions as an actual event: joy, fear, sadness, et cetera. Though I try not to think that way too much ... it makes writing a scary prospect, really. ;)

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tarion_anarore March 24 2007, 22:14:49 UTC
Though I try not to think that way too much ... it makes writing a scary prospect, really. ;)

Actually, I think that's why I write better at night - my inhibitions are lower, because I'm less awake. ;)

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dawn_felagund March 24 2007, 23:06:28 UTC
I've always thought the same thing! I would allow myself to write things that I would never even consider during the day ... though being forced into writing in the daylight hours has made me lose those inhibitions a bit. ;)

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rhapsody11 March 24 2007, 14:17:58 UTC
I really love the moment of Nerdanel with Earwen, it felt like a turning point to me. The thought of a statue memorial, for all to process their grief is a beautiful thought.

I have a comment though, did you write this in one session? At a certain moment your story is littered with 'and', but to be honest even the extra overuse there of it doesn't make sense to me. It jumps at me, making me want to whip out my red pen and mark it, especially since the piece around it flows naturally. By ommiting the half, you would achieve the same effect.

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dawn_felagund March 24 2007, 21:58:54 UTC
Yay! I'd intended that moment between Nerdanel and Earwen to be a turning point, so to hear you say those exact words is great! :)

I wrote it in two sessions, about half each time, about two days apart. The only "revision" that came was a quick perusal last night ... while watching Bill Maher, I'll admit, so I was distracted. :( And also looking mostly for tense problems, which happen a lot to me and especially stories that flip between past and present. (Blood perfect tenses ...) But thanks for noticing this; I will definitely address it in my next revision! It's one of my weaknesses, actually, I've noticed, that I tend to start a lot of sentences with conjuctions: and, but, so, and so, et cetera. I really need to focus on this in general in my stories, maybe with a search for And to frighten myself with the number of times that I actually do it! :)

Thanks as always, Rhapsy, for reading. :)

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rhapsody11 March 24 2007, 22:44:19 UTC
Yay! I'd intended that moment between Nerdanel and Earwen to be a turning point, so to hear you say those exact words is great! :)

Score! As of that point I got goosebumbs that stayed with me 'till the end. Mothers always will have the most intimate bond with their children, giving birth does change so much.

I wrote it in two sessions, about half each time, about two days apart.

Eeep! I think I will never get used to spotting this, it occured to me somewhere halfway. It is a slight shift, but noticable for me. It felt as if you, I don't know, needed to get back into it.

Writing and conjuctions, where to use them or not, well timed and not to many in succession: it's always easier for a proofreader to spot. I usually have (more advanced) author's now that struggle with what I call the 'as' monster. But I have the same, no worries! You should see the red lines in my works when it gets back ;)

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noliel March 24 2007, 16:29:51 UTC
Oh Dawn! This is beautiful! I toyed with the idea of Nerdanel making statues of her sons and Feanor when I first read of her talent in making lifelike statues, and even wrote a little crappy thing on paper- but to see it in actual writing- *like this*- it's like a wish come true.

It's interesting how you made it that after her sons were born, she did not make statues but instead the shapes- which were named after emotions. That line from Morgoth's Ring had me scratching my head, wondering what they could look like, but: "they twisted into strange shapes and bore the names of emotions", this evokes a clearer image for me for some reason.

And I love how the story has a, if not exactly happy, good ending.

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dawn_felagund March 24 2007, 22:06:28 UTC
I'm glad that you liked it! (And happy official birthday too, btw, since I posted this about an hour before midnight EST, the day before!)

I'm sure that the "crappy little thing on paper" is quite wonderful actually; you don't give your talents enough credit. Yes, I've only written one piece of fiction that you've written, but it was much better than I could have written at your age. (Now it makes me sound all old and stuff ... ;^D) But seriously, that and your drawings ... you've got talent, girl! :^D

So I hope that you'll share that thing on paper someday. ;)

I love that line from MR about "shapes strong and strange" ... I wish that and everything else about Nerdanel had survived into The Silm. (Have you ever noticed just how little about her did? And always in conjunction with the men in her life--Mahtan, Feanor, her sons--and never her own individuality ... booooo.) I have a picture in my head of shapes that don't make much sense but that one looks upon and feels something and very strongly too. Kind of like modern art that ( ... )

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noliel March 25 2007, 01:28:46 UTC
Thank you vewy much *huggles back* I was having a terrible beginning to my day, actually, but then I read this and whoosh! my spirits skyrocketed. So thank you for being the highlight of my morning!

Modern art makes me giggle. (Or should that be new-age art?) Particularily pieces like this: http://swirlee.org/media/2006/07/strange_statues.jpg

Nerdanel is such an intriguing character- when first reading the Silm, I remember pausing and thinking, "Seven sons, *and* she was the only one whose counsel Feanor took! Wow!" I suppose Christopher Tolkien had his reasons for keeping the extra info. out of the Sil, but dang! If I hadn't read MR I'd be missing out on a lot of interesting character-building bits.

Do you know, I had a mad urge to post a bunch of my Silmfiction, unedited and completely devoted to Feanor, Nerdanel, their Sons, and etc., when the thing with LtoH/TBB happened. (I notice she doesn't like Feanor much. Big surprise.)

Yes, I've only ( ... )

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dawn_felagund March 25 2007, 14:19:12 UTC
Modern art makes me giggle. (Or should that be new-age art?) Particularily pieces like this:

*snicker* I love that! I wonder if Nerdanel's "strong and strange shapes" ever took that particular shape. *evil grin*

Do you know, I had a mad urge to post a bunch of my Silmfiction, unedited and completely devoted to Feanor, Nerdanel, their Sons, and etc., when the thing with LtoH/TBB happened.

Ai. Well, if you ever decide to post there, you know that I have your back. ;) She's learned her lesson about messing with me and, more importantly, messing with my friends. ;)

How about another archive? HASA, Tolkien Fan Fiction, SoA, LotR Fan Fiction ... I'd suggest OSA as they're so supportive over there, but it's an adult archive. :^/ The SWG LJ community doesn't get a lot of feedback but lots of people read there.

I'm not sure what my stance towards my writing/drawing is. >.> The only concrete thing I have is that I'm really cagey about them/it.I think that's normal. I see my writing/painting as full of flaws. Sometimes, I think that you all ( ... )

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heartofoshun March 24 2007, 18:32:48 UTC
I have more to say and want to read again--I was spellbound all the way through it. By the way, you hit on something I have been feeling strongly lately in my recent musings over characterization. You captured it in these lines:

"Instead, my artworks came strong and strange, called unusual when people were being polite and bizarre when they were not. Brows furrowed and heads tilted; Fëanáro came up beside me, shoulders squared with pride, and kissed me for all to see. "I have married a true genius of the Noldor," he said, "whose talents bypass that which is common and trite, whose gifts instead speak directly to our hearts and minds."

After I started reading fanfics about the Fëanorians, I got very frustrated that people didn't seem to get them. (Why I fell so in love with your work.) Then I got it stuck in my head that one of the things I wanted to communicate about these characters, was that those who loved Feanor and his sons, were the true geniuses of the Noldor. So I was bowled over when I read those exact words here. Don't ( ... )

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dawn_felagund March 24 2007, 23:05:33 UTC
Thank you, Oshun. You and I think far too much alike ... it's scary! (For you ... ;) I can only echo weakly yet again that I completely agree with you. I do remember that line about Vingarie; it drew my attention because you drew her as an equal to Macalaure more than I think that most writers would. (And, yes, I'm always trying to increase the love for Tolkien's rare female characters, who rarely get the treatment they deserve in stories, imo.)

I also noticed a line in the most recent chapter of your new story about how Maitimo also drew to him the best and brightest ... I don't know if this was done intentionally, but it captured nicely for me the magnetism of these characters, which I think that people forget. (And when Tadiel talks about the sons ... "so many and so handsome and bold!" [I am quoting from memory, so that may not be exactly her line] made me want to jump up and shout, "YES!!!" because this fact about them seems to get neglected a lot ( ... )

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heartofoshun March 25 2007, 00:21:20 UTC
Oh. So glad you are agree that we agree on this. I will write up my thoughts on the rest of the story later...cooking, distracted right now.

Yes. You did get exactly the point I was trying to make in my latest chapter draft about who I thought would have been around Nelyo in those days. Don't even get me started on that whole scenario, because I have a lot of thoughts on it.

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pandemonium_213 March 24 2007, 19:49:51 UTC
February birthday here, but I'll take it as a belated present. :^)

Nicely executed as per usual, Dawn. I have to admit that the emotion and imagery conveyed in "Statues" ripped away at the sentimental heart which lurks under my crust of cynicism. Again, I read your work just as I would Julian May or Marion Zimmer Bradley. As far as critique is concerned, you know my opinion on that. Heck, I'm the person who is just as happy watching "Mansquito" on SciFi Originals as I am at some experimental Off-Broadway production. Art is so subjective, and what I like may not be what someone else favors, and well, I really like your work, and it is much better than "Mansquito." ;^)

Ooooh, and hat's off to using "viscera" so effectively!

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dawn_felagund March 24 2007, 23:12:30 UTC
Thank you! :) And I missed your birthday?? Bad me! I need to do another "friends please tell me your birthdays" post since most of my original circle have buggered off in the last two years!

I'm actually quite proud of myself for managing a nice, sweet story that didn't have gory violence or dark sexual undertones. I was sort of forced into it by the fact that noliel is underage, so giving her a normal dark Dawn Felagund story wasn't possible. :^P Maybe I need more young'uns on my flist!

I can't say that I've ever seen "Mansquito" but I'll take it as a compliment that you like my work more. ;)

Ooooh, and hat's off to using "viscera" so effectively!It's one of my favorite words, alongside its adjectival sister "visceral." (And "atavistic" ... was I dreaming that you sent me an email with that word in it? I can't remember if it was actually in the last email that you sent me or if I just had a dream where someone did ... you're the only person I can think of that would probably use that word! Anyhoo, I digress ...) But any word that lets ( ... )

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pandemonium_213 March 24 2007, 23:20:03 UTC
Yes, I think I used "atavistic" in an e-mail to you. Heh. Let's just say I had it in my head because I used it, umm, elsewhere.

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