Ms. Brightside?
Today, when leaving for school in the morning... I felt like shit.
Now ain't that a 'typical' way to start off an lj entry?
But apart from self-bashing myself for the no-no emo attitude, I really felt miserable.
I have no idea why.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep.
Maybe it was hormonal fluctuation (harr harr).
Or maybe it was the Killers' song that got me in such a depressive state.
Perfectly correlating how I felt and still feel whenever I think about it.
Lyrics anyone? here - http://www.lyrics007.com/The%20Killers%20Lyrics/Mr%20Brightside%20Lyrics.html
And yes, like that.
"I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies"
I'm like this pathetic addict that is aware she should just fucking forget it, but at the same time gladly accepts torture from her favorite drug whenever wherever.
garrh. -__-
Those who might have an idea what I'm rambling about will get it and those who don't... you won't bother caring anyway and I guess I for once don't mind. Do you?
Also what consumes me is constantly realising how fucking simple my life is and how fucking irresponsible it is for me to be living like this. Like as if tomorrow doesn't matter any sooner than tomorrow. Fucking fatalistic.
Especially when many of the people I care about and like to call my friends are going through some serious changes in their lives and other significantly important events... and there's nothing I can really do to help. Even if I want to. Really really want to. Be your friend and help. Provide a kind word when you might need it, a joke to lighten you up when you need it, just to be there when you need it.
I want to be around so many people but seriously, do they even really care for this person on the other end of this monitor in the middle of nowhere-fucking-europe?
I'm sorry for the nasty accusation.
It's just insecurity season all over again. -___-
To sum it up- I have a few e-mails to reply to and a few I want to write.
Because I don't have the spare time for chatting and due to graduation-preparation-stressnation I will have less and less time altogether.
So there.
I'm obsessive.
Insecure.
And UNhappy.
I want her. Don't cure me. :|
Now ain't that a 'typical' way to start off an lj entry?
But apart from self-bashing myself for the no-no emo attitude, I really felt miserable.
I have no idea why.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep.
Maybe it was hormonal fluctuation (harr harr).
Or maybe it was the Killers' song that got me in such a depressive state.
Perfectly correlating how I felt and still feel whenever I think about it.
Lyrics anyone? here - http://www.lyrics007.com/The%20Killers%20Lyrics/Mr%20Brightside%20Lyrics.html
And yes, like that.
"I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies"
I'm like this pathetic addict that is aware she should just fucking forget it, but at the same time gladly accepts torture from her favorite drug whenever wherever.
garrh. -__-
Those who might have an idea what I'm rambling about will get it and those who don't... you won't bother caring anyway and I guess I for once don't mind. Do you?
Also what consumes me is constantly realising how fucking simple my life is and how fucking irresponsible it is for me to be living like this. Like as if tomorrow doesn't matter any sooner than tomorrow. Fucking fatalistic.
Especially when many of the people I care about and like to call my friends are going through some serious changes in their lives and other significantly important events... and there's nothing I can really do to help. Even if I want to. Really really want to. Be your friend and help. Provide a kind word when you might need it, a joke to lighten you up when you need it, just to be there when you need it.
I want to be around so many people but seriously, do they even really care for this person on the other end of this monitor in the middle of nowhere-fucking-europe?
I'm sorry for the nasty accusation.
It's just insecurity season all over again. -___-
To sum it up- I have a few e-mails to reply to and a few I want to write.
Because I don't have the spare time for chatting and due to graduation-preparation-stressnation I will have less and less time altogether.
So there.
I'm obsessive.
Insecure.
And UNhappy.
I want her. Don't cure me. :|