Sing To The Moon
I don't know why I find it so hard to write in my public blog. I like to write, but I think I can get distracted when I know it's in a journal that is public. I'm already right now having a hard time letting the thoughts flow because i'm thinking too much about others reading it and judging my grammar/skill level. Blah. Whatever. I need to get that out of my head. I can tell that i've been lacking in the mental area because I haven't been doing any yoga or meditation or praying etc. I'm letting my thoughts take over too much in certain ways. Atleast tonight, right now I am.
Anyways, I really wanted to update my blog tonight with my adventures and thoughts about living in the mountains but I was just having too hard of a time getting started. I don't want to forget my thoughts. I also just feel restless yet exhausted. I have too many starts to ideas and hobbies. I need to engage more, practice more, calm down, start and finish projects. Goals goals goals.
I "worked" at Foggy today. Moreso, I was there and helped and was "on call"..yet at the location.. for a few hours but didn't get paid. I could have gotten paid, I could have walked with tips, but I don't think anyone quite knew what they wanted to do. I could have used the money for sure, but I didn't want to take it from others. I also was really tired. As nice as the quick money is bartending I just don't think I like it anymore. I don't know- My mind has just been going a mile a minute lately. Anyways, I before I left I had a conversation with a co-worker that led us to talking about money. We talked about the stress not having money brings and the comfort having money brings. We also talked about the different ways people who have money have been getting it, which reminded me of a book that my friend had recently recommended me to read. I decided once I left Foggy to walk up to the bookstore and see if they had the book. While walking I decided to call my mom to update her about my weekend, my cousin being here, and my life breifly. I found that I had a lot more to tell her than I expected and since I was downtown I kept walking around trying to find a somewhat private/peaceful place to talk to her. I eventually sat on a random bench that I had never sat on before. Laying right next to me (which I didn't fully notice at first) was this book called "Dharma. The Way of Transcendence"
-It's actually now the next day. I don't even remember stopping the above train of thought, but clearly I stopped mid sentence. I was in a really weird funk last night. I think I came off of an exhausting weekend feeling accomplished yet not accomplished. This is a really confusing time of life where there are lots of options (financially, morally, spiritually, career-wise, etc.) It's tough to know which one is for you. Each persons life is different- how do you know if you follow anothers success story then it will be yours too? It could all go completely different. It's confusing to know what to follow. I'm rambling. I need to look into myself more and see what internal guidance I have to offer myself. It's there, I know it. I've been told plenty.
To finish my story from last night, that book was laying next to me. I instantly knew it had previously "belonged" to this munk who walks around the streets of Asheville. He stops me from time to time- but I assume he stops a lot of people. It's a weird feeling I get when I'm stopped because I feel like i'm being solicited, yet it's all for spiritual reasons. I just don't know how I feel about it. I don't like things to be forced.
Anyways, the book was laying next to me. I looked around (still on the phone with my mom) and sure enough the munk was behind me, nearby talking to others. He saw that I had the book and walked over. I offered it back to him, assuming he lost it (but still somewhat aware that he probably left it for somebody to pick up.) He offered for me to keep it, which I did, and thanked him. I was still on the phone so I didn't get the chance to talk to him much- he walked away and that was that.
Later that night I got the urge to message Taylor Bailey (from Sprad days) because I knew she has begun practicing a similar spiritual path like this munk (I had actually thought of her during the book exchange, maybe subconsciously asking her guidance?) Sure enough, she responded with pure excitement for the situation, knew the munk, and wanted to talk to me more about her life, my life, and my questions i've been having.
When Sprad died I was reading the Alchemist for the first time. The last time I saw Sprad was at the Philosophers Stone. I've learned to watch for Omens from the Alchemist. I consider a lot of experiences I've had to be brought forth from watching these Omens (Jamaica, Spain, Murphy-Harpst, Art Therapy..etc.) I saw the munk offering me the book-and me thinking immediently of Taylor- as an Omen. Sure enough, she brought up Sprad as her geniune reason for getting involved in the spiritual practice (and lifestyle) she now loves and embodies.
I can't help but feel like the universe is talking to me. I've been asking for it to. It's subtle- but I think (hope) i'm listening right. On a scale of 1 to 10 i'm still at a 3 maybe? But i'm picking up on it- there's frequency.
I talk with Taylor tomorrow, on the phone. I'm excited to hear where this conversation goes. I'm nervous I won't do myself justice in explaining my life to her. I hope that she is at a point where she can pick up on those things that I don't necessarily tell her, but still communicate. I think there's a secret language.
------------
I could have almost gotten my second D.U.I tonight. For the first time since my first one I got pulled over. I didn't realize my cousin had turned my lights off. I had this intuition to go home, plus I was tired. Sure enough the cop asked if I had been drinking and made specific comments that alluded he was looking for drunk drivers. I'm glad i'm broke, tired, have a lower drinking/driving limit than most and have a job that doesn't allow me to enjoy staying out late anymore---those are the things that saved me from getting my second D.U.I and sending me on a path that would take much, much longer to navigate on (and may never get to where I needed to be..at least not in this life time.)
I think positive forces are working in my favor. I feel a slight presence of my grandparents (I think) and definitely now Sprad. These thoughts scare me because **IF** I actually am feeling the presences of the deceased then I really don't want to feel them of anything negative. All of that is too confusing to me. I wish I could say I wasn't scared of that- but I am. I think they may be able to sense it. I've talked to enough people who I trust and read enough books at this point to believe that "encounters" are possible. I just pray (which is weird to do through typing) that I have some protectors nearby, shielding out the bad.
I also had a conversation with a friend who is on the high part of the frequency wave right now. He's like me, we are very all or nothing, high or low, slow or fast- etc. When we're on a high we're (ironically) very passionate, motivated, determined, usually more sober, healthier and more imaginative. However when we're on a low we're pretty distracted, stressed, worried, uncomfortable, not confident, bored, unsettled etc. Both have ups & downs-
Anyways, I told him advice today that I need to hold on to myself to remember myself/ I also was given a lot of advice today from others. Basically I just want to hold on to all of this advice:
1) We're still "learners" at this age. Honestly, I don't know if we will ever be full "knowers". I think a lot of people strive to be a full knower- but I think for many it's not fully posible in this lifetime. We just have to keep learning, more you learn the CLOSER you are to knowing- if we will ever fully get there I don't know (that's a circle if i've ever seen one.)
2) Start small. Don't overwhelm yourself with so many ideas from the get go. Build. Take your time. Be patient, organized, and direct. Stay on topic. Stay black & white then add the accent colors later.
3) If you truly love something you won't always be focused on climbing the latter. You will be content right where you are- which may lead to eventual climbing. Unintentional though. Genuine. That's hard to find.
Themes:
Fire
Must. Sleep.
Anyways, I really wanted to update my blog tonight with my adventures and thoughts about living in the mountains but I was just having too hard of a time getting started. I don't want to forget my thoughts. I also just feel restless yet exhausted. I have too many starts to ideas and hobbies. I need to engage more, practice more, calm down, start and finish projects. Goals goals goals.
I "worked" at Foggy today. Moreso, I was there and helped and was "on call"..yet at the location.. for a few hours but didn't get paid. I could have gotten paid, I could have walked with tips, but I don't think anyone quite knew what they wanted to do. I could have used the money for sure, but I didn't want to take it from others. I also was really tired. As nice as the quick money is bartending I just don't think I like it anymore. I don't know- My mind has just been going a mile a minute lately. Anyways, I before I left I had a conversation with a co-worker that led us to talking about money. We talked about the stress not having money brings and the comfort having money brings. We also talked about the different ways people who have money have been getting it, which reminded me of a book that my friend had recently recommended me to read. I decided once I left Foggy to walk up to the bookstore and see if they had the book. While walking I decided to call my mom to update her about my weekend, my cousin being here, and my life breifly. I found that I had a lot more to tell her than I expected and since I was downtown I kept walking around trying to find a somewhat private/peaceful place to talk to her. I eventually sat on a random bench that I had never sat on before. Laying right next to me (which I didn't fully notice at first) was this book called "Dharma. The Way of Transcendence"
-It's actually now the next day. I don't even remember stopping the above train of thought, but clearly I stopped mid sentence. I was in a really weird funk last night. I think I came off of an exhausting weekend feeling accomplished yet not accomplished. This is a really confusing time of life where there are lots of options (financially, morally, spiritually, career-wise, etc.) It's tough to know which one is for you. Each persons life is different- how do you know if you follow anothers success story then it will be yours too? It could all go completely different. It's confusing to know what to follow. I'm rambling. I need to look into myself more and see what internal guidance I have to offer myself. It's there, I know it. I've been told plenty.
To finish my story from last night, that book was laying next to me. I instantly knew it had previously "belonged" to this munk who walks around the streets of Asheville. He stops me from time to time- but I assume he stops a lot of people. It's a weird feeling I get when I'm stopped because I feel like i'm being solicited, yet it's all for spiritual reasons. I just don't know how I feel about it. I don't like things to be forced.
Anyways, the book was laying next to me. I looked around (still on the phone with my mom) and sure enough the munk was behind me, nearby talking to others. He saw that I had the book and walked over. I offered it back to him, assuming he lost it (but still somewhat aware that he probably left it for somebody to pick up.) He offered for me to keep it, which I did, and thanked him. I was still on the phone so I didn't get the chance to talk to him much- he walked away and that was that.
Later that night I got the urge to message Taylor Bailey (from Sprad days) because I knew she has begun practicing a similar spiritual path like this munk (I had actually thought of her during the book exchange, maybe subconsciously asking her guidance?) Sure enough, she responded with pure excitement for the situation, knew the munk, and wanted to talk to me more about her life, my life, and my questions i've been having.
When Sprad died I was reading the Alchemist for the first time. The last time I saw Sprad was at the Philosophers Stone. I've learned to watch for Omens from the Alchemist. I consider a lot of experiences I've had to be brought forth from watching these Omens (Jamaica, Spain, Murphy-Harpst, Art Therapy..etc.) I saw the munk offering me the book-and me thinking immediently of Taylor- as an Omen. Sure enough, she brought up Sprad as her geniune reason for getting involved in the spiritual practice (and lifestyle) she now loves and embodies.
I can't help but feel like the universe is talking to me. I've been asking for it to. It's subtle- but I think (hope) i'm listening right. On a scale of 1 to 10 i'm still at a 3 maybe? But i'm picking up on it- there's frequency.
I talk with Taylor tomorrow, on the phone. I'm excited to hear where this conversation goes. I'm nervous I won't do myself justice in explaining my life to her. I hope that she is at a point where she can pick up on those things that I don't necessarily tell her, but still communicate. I think there's a secret language.
------------
I could have almost gotten my second D.U.I tonight. For the first time since my first one I got pulled over. I didn't realize my cousin had turned my lights off. I had this intuition to go home, plus I was tired. Sure enough the cop asked if I had been drinking and made specific comments that alluded he was looking for drunk drivers. I'm glad i'm broke, tired, have a lower drinking/driving limit than most and have a job that doesn't allow me to enjoy staying out late anymore---those are the things that saved me from getting my second D.U.I and sending me on a path that would take much, much longer to navigate on (and may never get to where I needed to be..at least not in this life time.)
I think positive forces are working in my favor. I feel a slight presence of my grandparents (I think) and definitely now Sprad. These thoughts scare me because **IF** I actually am feeling the presences of the deceased then I really don't want to feel them of anything negative. All of that is too confusing to me. I wish I could say I wasn't scared of that- but I am. I think they may be able to sense it. I've talked to enough people who I trust and read enough books at this point to believe that "encounters" are possible. I just pray (which is weird to do through typing) that I have some protectors nearby, shielding out the bad.
I also had a conversation with a friend who is on the high part of the frequency wave right now. He's like me, we are very all or nothing, high or low, slow or fast- etc. When we're on a high we're (ironically) very passionate, motivated, determined, usually more sober, healthier and more imaginative. However when we're on a low we're pretty distracted, stressed, worried, uncomfortable, not confident, bored, unsettled etc. Both have ups & downs-
Anyways, I told him advice today that I need to hold on to myself to remember myself/ I also was given a lot of advice today from others. Basically I just want to hold on to all of this advice:
1) We're still "learners" at this age. Honestly, I don't know if we will ever be full "knowers". I think a lot of people strive to be a full knower- but I think for many it's not fully posible in this lifetime. We just have to keep learning, more you learn the CLOSER you are to knowing- if we will ever fully get there I don't know (that's a circle if i've ever seen one.)
2) Start small. Don't overwhelm yourself with so many ideas from the get go. Build. Take your time. Be patient, organized, and direct. Stay on topic. Stay black & white then add the accent colors later.
3) If you truly love something you won't always be focused on climbing the latter. You will be content right where you are- which may lead to eventual climbing. Unintentional though. Genuine. That's hard to find.
Themes:
Fire
Must. Sleep.