better pissed off than pissed on
I am enraged.
I am not seeing red. I see white.
Though not the peaceful serenity of angel's wings,
nor the hopeful approaching light at the end of the tunnel. No,
this is Different.
There is no hopeful anticipation or nervousness associated with what could be at the end of the tunnel.
There is no tunnel, this is the destination, and it is just whiteness.
I am white heat, hotter than hell itself.
(I maybe even burned through hell to get here)
this white is not pure. It is trimmed with shadowy red and fleck with lightning like flame tips of blue. but mostly it is just white hot, burning.
It does not hurt. the nerve ending burned off or evaporated long ago.
I feel no pain,
nothing.
but burning rage, molten, refined into something more tangible. maybe like a light-saber but unweildy, accurate but wild. deadly, lethal heat.
but hotter.
i want to punch a neat burning hole through him, through them. cauterizing heat, so it may never heal. but they'll live. maybe. not hurting, it burns their nerve ending off too. but with a hole through them that can never be filled.
Desecrated as I feel, as I am now.
I make a wall of fire so no one can come near. don't hurt my baby, keep your hands off!
keep your poisonous selves and minds away,
or you will be burned, evaporated like your poisons,
burnt off.
I am the white heat, I want to grow, to spread.
But I see that wall of fire not only keeps them away, but traps us, traps her.
I want to cool. But I cannot. This is when it gets surreal. (maybe my mind has grown heat resistant nerves because I can start to think again, though not fully, it confuses me and I feel even more dangerous. I want to be less unwieldy, I don't want to hurt her, hurt my friends. but I still don't care for their safety and still want to burn a hole through him)
because it is my mind, and I know too much damn physics. I know I cannot destroy this energy.
But Maybe I can transform it. I am the white heat still...but i change, take on a tangible form. Now I am more like an angry grizzly. I think of him and them, and I charge at them, unthinkingly-through the fire wall. it burns and singes my hair.
I lash out with one great paw and they retreat.
My fur is smoking now. I roll to put it out and roll through the wall, smothering a portion of it.
but I am still angry, and flame lick up to cover the bare place.
I roll again, making the bare place anew, making it the bear place.
in Masochistic fashion I roll again and again to create an exit.
i go to the center of the ring to get her.
She clambers onto my back.
patches of flesh and burnt hair pull out painfully as she climbs on my back.
I don't let her see my pain, and i walk out of the flame.
I am not seeing red. I see white.
Though not the peaceful serenity of angel's wings,
nor the hopeful approaching light at the end of the tunnel. No,
this is Different.
There is no hopeful anticipation or nervousness associated with what could be at the end of the tunnel.
There is no tunnel, this is the destination, and it is just whiteness.
I am white heat, hotter than hell itself.
(I maybe even burned through hell to get here)
this white is not pure. It is trimmed with shadowy red and fleck with lightning like flame tips of blue. but mostly it is just white hot, burning.
It does not hurt. the nerve ending burned off or evaporated long ago.
I feel no pain,
nothing.
but burning rage, molten, refined into something more tangible. maybe like a light-saber but unweildy, accurate but wild. deadly, lethal heat.
but hotter.
i want to punch a neat burning hole through him, through them. cauterizing heat, so it may never heal. but they'll live. maybe. not hurting, it burns their nerve ending off too. but with a hole through them that can never be filled.
Desecrated as I feel, as I am now.
I make a wall of fire so no one can come near. don't hurt my baby, keep your hands off!
keep your poisonous selves and minds away,
or you will be burned, evaporated like your poisons,
burnt off.
I am the white heat, I want to grow, to spread.
But I see that wall of fire not only keeps them away, but traps us, traps her.
I want to cool. But I cannot. This is when it gets surreal. (maybe my mind has grown heat resistant nerves because I can start to think again, though not fully, it confuses me and I feel even more dangerous. I want to be less unwieldy, I don't want to hurt her, hurt my friends. but I still don't care for their safety and still want to burn a hole through him)
because it is my mind, and I know too much damn physics. I know I cannot destroy this energy.
But Maybe I can transform it. I am the white heat still...but i change, take on a tangible form. Now I am more like an angry grizzly. I think of him and them, and I charge at them, unthinkingly-through the fire wall. it burns and singes my hair.
I lash out with one great paw and they retreat.
My fur is smoking now. I roll to put it out and roll through the wall, smothering a portion of it.
but I am still angry, and flame lick up to cover the bare place.
I roll again, making the bare place anew, making it the bear place.
in Masochistic fashion I roll again and again to create an exit.
i go to the center of the ring to get her.
She clambers onto my back.
patches of flesh and burnt hair pull out painfully as she climbs on my back.
I don't let her see my pain, and i walk out of the flame.