A very long, rambling entry about my mind =)
I want to thank those of you who read this. I purposely didn't tag anyone, because I wanted this information to be sought out. Whether out of boredom or pure interest, I thank you for reading this.
There are three things in this world that are of the utmost importance to me. They are, in order of most important to 3rd most important: Independence, Religion, and Love. I shall start by explaining why Love is so important to me and work my way up to the most important thing.
- Love isn't referring to that "oh, let me suck your face and be oh-so cute whilst in public" bullshit. I'm talking about love for Humanity, the Earth, for a specific Subject, or some other abstract way. Yes, the Romantic Love is under that umbrella, but that isn't my major concern. If I do not have a Love for something or someone in my life, and I have deemed that I may never plausibly love something or someone, I eliminate it from my life. I will not tolerate anything that I merely like or do not enjoy in my life. Like discrimination or Catholicism, I vehemently seek to eradicate unnecessary or purposeless things from my life. This may include, but not be limited to: friends, sports, clubs, subjects, bosses, clothes, food, animals, habits, etc. I relentlessly and continually purge many things from my life to keep myself unburdened and refreshed. I will not tolerate purposelessness or annoyance. However, if I'm ever lacking love for something that I want to love, I work as hard as I can to become closer and more involved with that something or someone. I will fight for relationships, academics, or beliefs that I have a love for, even if the love isn't always reciprocal or fair. I also constantly seek out new things and people to give me a new, interesting perspective on life and love. I am never content with simply being content. Once I find a love, I constantly seek to improve it and integrate it into all parts of my life; like I have with my studies of mysticism. My loves are public and open, for I love openly and kindly. Yes, I do happen to get bitter and jealous, but I get over that quickly, or suppress it quickly, and let my heart stay warm.
- Religion is the most vocalized important thing to me. Besides my absolute fascination by any and every religions' myths and fables, I am amazed by the blind faith people can have. Yes, I am blindly faithful to Gaia, but I've dedicated most of my life to religious studies to question and prove that she is my Mother Deity. Through my studies, I have found my Father Deity, Ouranos. I prefer this spelling, even though it may not be entirely accurate. Until I find a fellow son/daughter of Ouranos, I shall keep the spelling as such. It honors me greatly to have two Parental Deities, especially the Mother and Father of all life on this Earth, according to the Greek and Roman mythologies. They both have unique mythological importance that I will not go into, because this is not a Mythology lesson. However, their impact on Mythology also affects me greatly, so I advise you to do some research. =) I enjoy religion, because it is up to the reader to discern their faith. If you wish to be a blind sheep, go ahead, but be prepared for when I seek to crush your feeble mind and mold you into an independent and strong mind. Make your own views on religion and stand by your ideas. If you think something is wrong/right, don't let someone else change that unless you accept their point of view. Do not be a sheep merely guided by a shepherd, or I will quickly seek to crush you. Follow whatever shepherd you want to, but willingly make that decision and constantly ask if it was the right decision. Validate your beliefs and ideas and prove that they are important to you. Anything less is to say that your ideas and beliefs aren't worth shite.
- Independence is a very important thing to me on multiple levels. Insert an adjective of your choice before the world independence. I believe that one should be independent in regards to any and all adjectives. One should be able to be financially, romantically, socially, emotionally, sexually, academically, and (continue adding adjectives) independent. The goal is to become independent, because at one point or another, we all aren't independent and this is a crippling, embarrassing feeling that should be avoided at all costs. Situational dependence is perfectly fine and dandy, so long as one seeks to move into independence. For all of you swooning couples or "daddy's girls" that simply cannot function without one's partner or father (respectively in terms of order,; you are weak and pathetic. If one is content HAVING to depend on another for mental or any other form of stability, I pity you. I acknowledge that we all must depend on another, for we are social beasts of ignorance and oppression and our economy makes it all but impossible to every truly be financially dependent. However, I continually strive to become independent and become less of a burden for everyone's benefit. I work two time-consuming jobs to improve my resume and to ease the financial burden I am placing on my parents; to whom I am dependent. Lather, rinse, repeat with any other adjective. =) I am a bit of a fanatic about independence; so much so that I become vehemently agitated and insulted when I am around people content to have to rely on someone. There is a difference between "Oh, it's so nice waking up to someone who loves me in the morning" and "I can't sleep if he/she isn't in the same bed as me!" The former is a way of appreciating and validating a healthy co-dependence. The latter is sick and disgusting.
So, now that I've better explained a few of my ideals ...
I have no idea who I am ... but I am overly proud of whom I am. I know what I've done in my life; I've made some extremely shitty decisions (*cough* never doing homework *cough*), but I've made some good ones to redeem myself too. My best decision was to make sure that I never commit some of my more heinous acts ever again ... and ... so far so good! =)
But I'm not joking when I say that I don't know who I am. I call myself Davi, because it sounds French and no one else around here gets called it; so I get to be unique and different. But I hate people. I hate interacting with people. People are some of the scummiest creatures I've ever met. In my opinion, Humans were given gifts so that they could become the Guardians of this World and protect all of life ... but instead ... Flippin' humans decide to go and destroy as much as possible. So to all those Eco-Sensitives and Animals' Rights Activists ... Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for showing me that not ALL of humanity is scummy and deserves to be destroyed.
If there is a mass genocide, unless that culture is wiped out or severely damaged, I don't give a shit. This world needs a population check of Humans. All of the countries should have a birth limit of like, two or 3, because we are going to DESTROY our world because of our greedy impulses for population and resource control. People matter little to me, however, their cultures and religions and languages all fascinate me. War is absolutely idiotic. I understand fighting and it's a natural human impulse (another weakness), but to bring thousands of people to die just seems absolutely stupid. Going back to that whole "we should be the protectors of life" and whatnot.
However, I'm fully for abortion. If you are not financially, mentally, or emotionally stable enough to have a child, DO NOT HAVE A CHILD. Do NOT put a child through that torture just because you can't bear to kill it. Yes, I will agree that abortion is murder; however, like I said earlier, I do not give a shit about an individual's life. Let me clarify. If someone said to me "I will kill the person who will become your greatest love and, together, you two will rekindle the pagan religions and drive Christianity to the brink of extinction ... OR I will kill the entire world" I would choose to sacrifice the chance of my greatest happiness to save the world. I would probably suicide afterwards, but so long as the world is safe, that's all that matters.
I've gone through multiple periods of time in my life where I questioned whether I wanted to continue living or to not continue living. I see nothing wrong with the choice of suicide. It scares the hell out of me if someone chooses it, because they could have done so much more with their life. However, it is not my place to tell someone that they MUST continue living if they choose to not. Besides any personal or professional rule otherwise, I will not stop people from committing suicide. Instead, I let them have as much fun as possible and enjoy the remainder of their life (as long or short as it may be) until they act on their choices. I've found that this can bring people to change their mind one way or the other; as what has happened with me. There's always more to life, more pain, more suffering, more love, more hope, more happiness; but it's always down to one's choice whether one wants to continue living or to not continue living. We have no right to tell them yes or no either way about it.
We actually have no right to tell anyone anything, but we do anyways. We guide in ways that we hope and believe will guide people to a safer, happier future ... but most of the time, that interference just causes issues.
Le sigh ... so this has only turned into me rambling about topical issues that are important to me but don't really explain me at all ... I don't really know how to explain me, seeing as I do not exactly know who I am. I know that I am Pagan and a man almost exclusively interested sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally to other men. I know that I adore religion and languages. I love sports and intelligence. I love almost every aspect of life ... but somehow, I don't feel like that is a proper description of me.
This semester's goal was to get past my identity issues and find out who I really am. Am I the brave, friendly RA mask that I put on? Am I the quiet, cold recluse? Am I a mix? Can we even say that? Or do we always just wear masks that really aren't true representations of ourselves?
So many questions ... no answers ... and far too much rambling. I apologize for those who've read this far, and I thank those persons with all of my heart as well. I've probably opened up a can of worms by bringing up so many taboo topics and raising so many questions ... but that's one part of my nature that I know to be true.
One thing I would like to promise to you all: Even though I am fickle and an asshole; I am a true friend to those who need it. Do not abuse me, and I will protect and guide you through any issue you may have. Feel free to turn to me, but keep things reciprocal and light. Don't abuse me and I shan't abuse you.