It's been so long
... it's been too long since i even properly remember using this site
i remember needing this to save myself from everything
my hardest days
my happiest moments
everything i needed to say formed words across the thick glass screen of the monitor pouring my juvenile heart out day by day
so here's an update
that friend of mine? the best friend? apparently i'd been right at first. i convinced myself over time that we'd be friends for life. but my first instincts have always been the right ones. even after she betrayed me i forgave her, and she stuck her freshly sharpenned blade through my spine and we're done. i still talk to her, smile if i see her, even pretend we'll plan to hang out. but the truth is, just like everyone else i've let her go. And for the first time in my life i'm starting to feel fine with everything i do. no regrets
recently i went to vegas and met the most amazing boy of my life again. again as in i knew him since 5th grade. the diference is now, we're older, he's cuter, and we have more life in common. everything was just perfect and we were so excited for summer once we found out we liked eachother. we swore we'd spend every moment we could flying to and from to see eachother.
and in the meantime was this other boy. for whatever reason he finds me beautiful and a while back we started talking. i'd suspected he liked me but i didnt want to act on it especially after vegas. and so i'd convinced myself i wouldnt let myself like him, simple as that.
i dont know what changed that, but suddenly there was both of them. one lived closer one further. but i swore i'd wait for the summer of my dreams so i wouldnt let go until one day i was telling the one here all about my day in vegas. about this amazing boy i'd met. and in return he tells me he practically couldnt think straight anymore and he had to get it off his chest about how much he liked me, and how he finds all my flaws to be somehting endearing. but that he just needed it off his chest. that my choice was understandable either way and he'd stay my friend no matter what
i thought i'd chosen vegas. but a few days after in a spur of things i kissed him. 2 days later after a random joke over the phone he walked 11 miles in this arizona heat to myself just because. and so by this point i'd told vegas we wouldnt work out. told him maybe some day in the future, but that for now we had to be just friends
and i felt like such a bitch at first but the truth is i think i'm finally certain that i'm good with my choice. I'm worried he'll fall too hard for me; my boyfriend i mean. i dont want to hurt him, but knowing me, in the long run i will. this saturday'll be my second week with him and next week i'll be in vegas (i talked to him about this first) and chris and i will still hang out but just as friends
part of me still thinks maybe it'll feel the sting of my choice but the other part's just soaring every time i'm with my guy.
i dunno if that makes me good or bad for this
but there's the main highlights in my life lately. nothing glamorous. just words on a page as blunt as they come. (^_^) and i dont even know if anyone'll stop to read this anyways<3
i remember needing this to save myself from everything
my hardest days
my happiest moments
everything i needed to say formed words across the thick glass screen of the monitor pouring my juvenile heart out day by day
so here's an update
that friend of mine? the best friend? apparently i'd been right at first. i convinced myself over time that we'd be friends for life. but my first instincts have always been the right ones. even after she betrayed me i forgave her, and she stuck her freshly sharpenned blade through my spine and we're done. i still talk to her, smile if i see her, even pretend we'll plan to hang out. but the truth is, just like everyone else i've let her go. And for the first time in my life i'm starting to feel fine with everything i do. no regrets
recently i went to vegas and met the most amazing boy of my life again. again as in i knew him since 5th grade. the diference is now, we're older, he's cuter, and we have more life in common. everything was just perfect and we were so excited for summer once we found out we liked eachother. we swore we'd spend every moment we could flying to and from to see eachother.
and in the meantime was this other boy. for whatever reason he finds me beautiful and a while back we started talking. i'd suspected he liked me but i didnt want to act on it especially after vegas. and so i'd convinced myself i wouldnt let myself like him, simple as that.
i dont know what changed that, but suddenly there was both of them. one lived closer one further. but i swore i'd wait for the summer of my dreams so i wouldnt let go until one day i was telling the one here all about my day in vegas. about this amazing boy i'd met. and in return he tells me he practically couldnt think straight anymore and he had to get it off his chest about how much he liked me, and how he finds all my flaws to be somehting endearing. but that he just needed it off his chest. that my choice was understandable either way and he'd stay my friend no matter what
i thought i'd chosen vegas. but a few days after in a spur of things i kissed him. 2 days later after a random joke over the phone he walked 11 miles in this arizona heat to myself just because. and so by this point i'd told vegas we wouldnt work out. told him maybe some day in the future, but that for now we had to be just friends
and i felt like such a bitch at first but the truth is i think i'm finally certain that i'm good with my choice. I'm worried he'll fall too hard for me; my boyfriend i mean. i dont want to hurt him, but knowing me, in the long run i will. this saturday'll be my second week with him and next week i'll be in vegas (i talked to him about this first) and chris and i will still hang out but just as friends
part of me still thinks maybe it'll feel the sting of my choice but the other part's just soaring every time i'm with my guy.
i dunno if that makes me good or bad for this
but there's the main highlights in my life lately. nothing glamorous. just words on a page as blunt as they come. (^_^) and i dont even know if anyone'll stop to read this anyways<3