(no subject)
Haven't done a real update in a little while, and I'm trying to kill some time, so here goes.
Firstly...
IT'S SO FUCKING COLD.
Seriously. I'm freezing. It's was like 13 degrees this morning. And I'm really feeling for Brianna and Carolyn right now. 'Cause...that would be horrible. Anyway...I want spring. And then summer. Which is sad, since it's only January. But a guy can dream, I guess.
OK, now that that's over with.
I've been in an odd mood lately. If you need any proof, read my last entry. I think that pretty much sums it up. I don't want to say I've been depressed, but perhaps that's what it is. Certainly bitter and angry. And I'm not even sure why, exactly. I've been better the last couple days, but still. There were times that I just wanted to burn the whole world. I also got kinda self-destructive for a while. I started smoking...again (no worries, though, I've since quit...again). I really don't know. Like I said, it'd be better if I knew what had caused all of that, but I don't really know. A combination of things, I guess. Like I said, I'm doing better, which is definately good.
Sigh. Anyway, here's a recap of what's been going on with my life, and also what I think may have contributed to my bad mood:
I'm back in school. Yay. And I can't say I like it. Of course, I haven't liked school since elementary school, but still. My classes aren't bad, but they're not amazing. And, as always, I'm struck by how much professors just suck. I just dropped a Core class (IH - essentially a examination of Western thought) because my professor was an idiot and had no idea what he was talking about...and then I found out that he's the director of the IH program! So, for those of you on Facebook, that's why my status says "disappointed in Temple." I just feel that a man who found it interesting that there was a connection between Locke and the Declaration of Independence, and who made enough historical errors to make any self-respecting history major cringe (or vomit...it was bad, really, really bad) should NOT be the director of the program! So it just makes me question whether or not Temple is really worth anything. Mind you, I have no intention to transfer, though I would really like to, but...it was just depressing. And about that...like I said, I have no intention to transfer, but I would love to. I don't really like this school, but I do feel at home here. I would feel like an alien anywhere else. I could get around this campus with my eyes closed. This is where I belong college-wise. But that's the thing. I feel like I belong here, not that I want to be here. But there's nowhere else to really go. I came up with a list of places I could apply, and none seem that appealing. They all did at the time, but not anymore. Here's the partial list TCNJ, Penn, Penn State, BU, NYU, and, of course, Ursinus. But I don't actually want to go to any of these schools, not really, and I doubt most of them would even let me in (my GPA has officially fallen beneath a 3.0). So...Temple it is. But it's still frustrating.
And I'm now at Temple everyday. I go from 10:10-4 on TTh, then 8:40-9:30 MF, and 8:40-10:30 W. The purpose of this was to actually try to do well this semester. I'm only working on weekends now, which means that I have afternoons on MWF to actually do the reading for my classes. It's been a mixed bag, thusfar, but I've been generally caught up for everything. Of course, that doesn't mean it's going to last...I'll be sure to let you know as the semester goes on. However, I don't really like being here that much. I think it's annoying, and frustrating. It costs more firstly (since I have to take the train everyday now as opposed to just two days), and I have less money because I'm only working about 15 hrs a week, as opposed to 30. Not a great combination. All I can say is that I'm happy that my grandmother gives me $1000 a semester for books/train, or I really don't think I'd be able to afford college at all. Because I refuse to get a loan to cover books and pay that much interest...on books! Sigh.
The other thing that's been bothering is work, actually. I don't really like my job anymore. I think Podium (my job...essentially, front-end supervisor) is a job that you can only do for a few months. It's basically glorified babysitting, and the people I'm babysitting are either a) idiots/assholes/bitches/etc or b) my friends, and therefore it's very hard to yell at them if they're not doing their job. I just don't like being there. But I need a job, I need the money. So if I'm going to quit (something that I really want to do), I need to find a new job first. I'm thinking about just trying to switch into a different department at Genuardi's...grocery maybe. I don't know. We'll see. I guess I just have to talk to my manager.
Kelsey has pretty much become my guide to sanity lately. She really is my best friend, and I really don't think I ask for better. There's not really a whole more to say than that. I don't know what I'd do without her. :] And she's going to be working at Genuardi's again, so hopefully that'll help make that place better.
I don't think I mention it too often anymore, so I figure I'll give a quick update about the whole relationship thing. I like a couple people, but to be entirely honest, I don't even know if I want a relationship anymore. I'm just not sure it's worth it at this point in my life. And I'm certainly not interested in "falling in love" or any of that. I'm really becoming convinced that love isn't worth all the bullshit and worrying. But maybe that's just because of my mood. I mean, there are one or two people that I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with, but I don't see them happening, so I don't thnk it's really worth worrying about. We'll see, I guess.
OK, well, this has been really long, and I can't help but wonder if anyone's actually going to read it? Well, even if no one does, it was therapeutic, and that's really why I wrote it. Anyway, I'm off, I'll talk to you all soon.
Firstly...
IT'S SO FUCKING COLD.
Seriously. I'm freezing. It's was like 13 degrees this morning. And I'm really feeling for Brianna and Carolyn right now. 'Cause...that would be horrible. Anyway...I want spring. And then summer. Which is sad, since it's only January. But a guy can dream, I guess.
OK, now that that's over with.
I've been in an odd mood lately. If you need any proof, read my last entry. I think that pretty much sums it up. I don't want to say I've been depressed, but perhaps that's what it is. Certainly bitter and angry. And I'm not even sure why, exactly. I've been better the last couple days, but still. There were times that I just wanted to burn the whole world. I also got kinda self-destructive for a while. I started smoking...again (no worries, though, I've since quit...again). I really don't know. Like I said, it'd be better if I knew what had caused all of that, but I don't really know. A combination of things, I guess. Like I said, I'm doing better, which is definately good.
Sigh. Anyway, here's a recap of what's been going on with my life, and also what I think may have contributed to my bad mood:
I'm back in school. Yay. And I can't say I like it. Of course, I haven't liked school since elementary school, but still. My classes aren't bad, but they're not amazing. And, as always, I'm struck by how much professors just suck. I just dropped a Core class (IH - essentially a examination of Western thought) because my professor was an idiot and had no idea what he was talking about...and then I found out that he's the director of the IH program! So, for those of you on Facebook, that's why my status says "disappointed in Temple." I just feel that a man who found it interesting that there was a connection between Locke and the Declaration of Independence, and who made enough historical errors to make any self-respecting history major cringe (or vomit...it was bad, really, really bad) should NOT be the director of the program! So it just makes me question whether or not Temple is really worth anything. Mind you, I have no intention to transfer, though I would really like to, but...it was just depressing. And about that...like I said, I have no intention to transfer, but I would love to. I don't really like this school, but I do feel at home here. I would feel like an alien anywhere else. I could get around this campus with my eyes closed. This is where I belong college-wise. But that's the thing. I feel like I belong here, not that I want to be here. But there's nowhere else to really go. I came up with a list of places I could apply, and none seem that appealing. They all did at the time, but not anymore. Here's the partial list TCNJ, Penn, Penn State, BU, NYU, and, of course, Ursinus. But I don't actually want to go to any of these schools, not really, and I doubt most of them would even let me in (my GPA has officially fallen beneath a 3.0). So...Temple it is. But it's still frustrating.
And I'm now at Temple everyday. I go from 10:10-4 on TTh, then 8:40-9:30 MF, and 8:40-10:30 W. The purpose of this was to actually try to do well this semester. I'm only working on weekends now, which means that I have afternoons on MWF to actually do the reading for my classes. It's been a mixed bag, thusfar, but I've been generally caught up for everything. Of course, that doesn't mean it's going to last...I'll be sure to let you know as the semester goes on. However, I don't really like being here that much. I think it's annoying, and frustrating. It costs more firstly (since I have to take the train everyday now as opposed to just two days), and I have less money because I'm only working about 15 hrs a week, as opposed to 30. Not a great combination. All I can say is that I'm happy that my grandmother gives me $1000 a semester for books/train, or I really don't think I'd be able to afford college at all. Because I refuse to get a loan to cover books and pay that much interest...on books! Sigh.
The other thing that's been bothering is work, actually. I don't really like my job anymore. I think Podium (my job...essentially, front-end supervisor) is a job that you can only do for a few months. It's basically glorified babysitting, and the people I'm babysitting are either a) idiots/assholes/bitches/etc or b) my friends, and therefore it's very hard to yell at them if they're not doing their job. I just don't like being there. But I need a job, I need the money. So if I'm going to quit (something that I really want to do), I need to find a new job first. I'm thinking about just trying to switch into a different department at Genuardi's...grocery maybe. I don't know. We'll see. I guess I just have to talk to my manager.
Kelsey has pretty much become my guide to sanity lately. She really is my best friend, and I really don't think I ask for better. There's not really a whole more to say than that. I don't know what I'd do without her. :] And she's going to be working at Genuardi's again, so hopefully that'll help make that place better.
I don't think I mention it too often anymore, so I figure I'll give a quick update about the whole relationship thing. I like a couple people, but to be entirely honest, I don't even know if I want a relationship anymore. I'm just not sure it's worth it at this point in my life. And I'm certainly not interested in "falling in love" or any of that. I'm really becoming convinced that love isn't worth all the bullshit and worrying. But maybe that's just because of my mood. I mean, there are one or two people that I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with, but I don't see them happening, so I don't thnk it's really worth worrying about. We'll see, I guess.
OK, well, this has been really long, and I can't help but wonder if anyone's actually going to read it? Well, even if no one does, it was therapeutic, and that's really why I wrote it. Anyway, I'm off, I'll talk to you all soon.