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[davideus86]

When I first decided to start writing on LiveJournal, I said that I would use it for my personal thoughts, thoughts deeper than those that I put on my Xanga. Since then I've had a few posts like that, but most have been about my personal relationships, as well as my thoughts. While I am not ashamed of what I have written, I wanted to return to

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[duckslikerain]

There were a lot of people walking around school today (including my government teacher) with ashes on their foreheads. I, on the other hand, was wearing my Jewish star. So I can kind of relate to the whole I'm-not-in-on-this mentality. I was always confused about the significance of Ash Wednesday. A girl in my gym class tried to explain it to me, but she admitted that she didn't really even understand it fully, so it was kind of lost on me. So thanks for the explanation, because now I get it. As much as a Jew understands Catholicism, anyway, which generally isn't much.

I remember, vaguely, when you were Catholic. I didn't really know you then. But I do remember, as we got to be better friends, seeing your spiritual transformation. I remember thinking, good for him. Not just because you were becoming more liberal politically because of it (which quite agrees with me, hehehe) but because you were starting to look past convention and form your own views on God and life. Because there is something to be said for organized religion-- it gives a sense of community, a sense of commonality and solidarity and purpose even. But there is, in my opinion, more to be said for taking what organized religion tries to convey and making it your own by accepting, rejecting, molding, pondering, all that good stuff.

I'm pretty lucky, now that I think of it, because I was brought up in a religious sect that basically works for me. But it was only because I did a lot of poking around within Reform Judaism that I became more or less comfortable with it. I know I could never be conservative, let alone orthodox, because I just don't feel comfortable, and I often get angry at them (oh the sexism), just as you feel about Catholicism and Christianity in general. But what I mean to say is, you've got to find what you're comfortable with, whether that is what you're born into or what you discover on your own. It's up to you. And I respect greatly people like yourself who don't just say prayers because they are told to but rather seek meaning within those prayers as well as outside of them.

I never asked you really what happened with your mom, and I'm sorry I haven't. I know basically what you wrote-- that she nearly died, you were right there, she was in the hospital for a long time, that it effected you very much. I never meant to come off as if I weren't interested or I didn't care or something. I know this is so cliche, but if you ever need to talk, you can count on me. I don't want to say that I know where you're coming from in terms of that, but I had a somewhat similar experience when Seth died. I was also confronted with the brevity of life and I pondered the afterlife for some time. But I kept my faith in God, and I believe I strenghtened it, in the wake of his death. It was comforting for me to have the notion that some intangible force was watching over me and my friends in our grief, and that Seth was delivered to God and peace. But I believe in my own version of God, one that certainly does not follow Christianity by any means and not even really most of Judaism. But I believed in it, so it helped me, and that's what matters.

Anyway Dave, there is much more to say but this was all a really long-winded way of letting you know that this was beautiful and inspiring and also that I think you are a total Jew. Hehehe. Talk to you soon, I hope!