I dropped a grape!
HELLO?
I’m watching "The Long Goodbye" for the fourth time right now. It would seem I have become obsessed with its main character these past couple of days. The character is detective Phillip(pe) Marlow - a man from simpler, older times - who finds himself involved in a series of serious situations beyond his comprehension in 1970s Hollywood. I haven’t figured out how this character has any relevance to the life I lead on tour, but he keeps popping up in the back of my mind just the same. Maybe it’s the inner monologue he mumbles out loud, under his breath. Maybe it’s because he’s tragically trapped in the wrong place and the wrong time. Oh shit. No wait. I don’t want you to think I’m unhappy. I’m happy… I have however, spent four days of my life trapped in Lawrence, Kansas. Halloween saw me coughing up mucous by the bucketful, slobbering on myself in a cheap hotel lying on a bed eating a thousand candy Bottle Caps while watching BOTH showings of "The Mummy" on TBS. See, they run movies twice in a row for some reason on that station. So, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! My favorite day of the year and all I’m capable of doing is watching the rest of my band affix bloody bolts and nails onto their foreheads and forcing myself to smile, waving and wishing them off to an outrageous night on the town with the local Lawrence trick-or-treaters. Well, I’ve been through worse, I guess. Since that precious day and the equally, if not more precious three days following (confined to the same bed, drool and all), we’ve played two shows and conquered the state of Missouri, and are on our way to Chicago. We’ve been offered free haircuts. I might get my hair cut. I might not. Anouska likes my hair long. Mark Schoenecker thinks I look better with my hair short. Our audience thinks it’s a performance of the Life of Christ when I take the stage these days. Fuck that. I’m getting all my hair cut off. Well, maybe just a little trim… …Or maybe I’ll get nothing at all. Wow!!! Isn’t the FUTURE awesome? Who knows how it’s all gonna turn out? My stupid bike broke. I didn’t know that was gonna happen… I popped the front tire - I don’t know how - and overnight all of the air leaked out. I opened the back of our trailer the next day to take it for a spin, and my heart broke in half. Luckily, I found a bike shop after walking for three miles in the hot sun. I got a new valve tube, and a tiny bike pump the size of a carrot. As soon as I walked back to the bus, I got the bike out, and got to work. After a few minutes of struggling to get the tire off and put air back inside the tube, I was caught by my bandmates hunched over, sweating and breathing heavily as my right hand pumped back and forth viciously upon the object between my legs. They were surprised I was so open. They got the wrong idea. I swear the only thing I was inflating was my front tire. I fixed my bike. I lost my pride. This is a metaphor for life: "You can keep your pride, but then you can’t ride your bike." However, you can always gamble. When I got my bike fixed I rode through a small town and found a Game Shop. You know, the kind that sold "Magic The Gathering" and used Sega Genesis games and so forth. I bought 4 colored dice for a quarter a piece. Somehow I was charged $1.35. I decided not to mention it, and left. How many times am I gonna let this happen? This is another case of Nerds straight up jacking people for their money. But I guess it’s cool. I’m gonna straight up take everybody’s money playing Fortune 5000. (It’s a gambling game with dice if you didn’t know) I guess that’s another metaphor for life: "You can take people’s money gambling, but Nerds are still gonna rip you off…"
One day I’m gonna rip YOU off, if I haven’t already.
Sucka.
Love Eternally,
Alex
I’m watching "The Long Goodbye" for the fourth time right now. It would seem I have become obsessed with its main character these past couple of days. The character is detective Phillip(pe) Marlow - a man from simpler, older times - who finds himself involved in a series of serious situations beyond his comprehension in 1970s Hollywood. I haven’t figured out how this character has any relevance to the life I lead on tour, but he keeps popping up in the back of my mind just the same. Maybe it’s the inner monologue he mumbles out loud, under his breath. Maybe it’s because he’s tragically trapped in the wrong place and the wrong time. Oh shit. No wait. I don’t want you to think I’m unhappy. I’m happy… I have however, spent four days of my life trapped in Lawrence, Kansas. Halloween saw me coughing up mucous by the bucketful, slobbering on myself in a cheap hotel lying on a bed eating a thousand candy Bottle Caps while watching BOTH showings of "The Mummy" on TBS. See, they run movies twice in a row for some reason on that station. So, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! My favorite day of the year and all I’m capable of doing is watching the rest of my band affix bloody bolts and nails onto their foreheads and forcing myself to smile, waving and wishing them off to an outrageous night on the town with the local Lawrence trick-or-treaters. Well, I’ve been through worse, I guess. Since that precious day and the equally, if not more precious three days following (confined to the same bed, drool and all), we’ve played two shows and conquered the state of Missouri, and are on our way to Chicago. We’ve been offered free haircuts. I might get my hair cut. I might not. Anouska likes my hair long. Mark Schoenecker thinks I look better with my hair short. Our audience thinks it’s a performance of the Life of Christ when I take the stage these days. Fuck that. I’m getting all my hair cut off. Well, maybe just a little trim… …Or maybe I’ll get nothing at all. Wow!!! Isn’t the FUTURE awesome? Who knows how it’s all gonna turn out? My stupid bike broke. I didn’t know that was gonna happen… I popped the front tire - I don’t know how - and overnight all of the air leaked out. I opened the back of our trailer the next day to take it for a spin, and my heart broke in half. Luckily, I found a bike shop after walking for three miles in the hot sun. I got a new valve tube, and a tiny bike pump the size of a carrot. As soon as I walked back to the bus, I got the bike out, and got to work. After a few minutes of struggling to get the tire off and put air back inside the tube, I was caught by my bandmates hunched over, sweating and breathing heavily as my right hand pumped back and forth viciously upon the object between my legs. They were surprised I was so open. They got the wrong idea. I swear the only thing I was inflating was my front tire. I fixed my bike. I lost my pride. This is a metaphor for life: "You can keep your pride, but then you can’t ride your bike." However, you can always gamble. When I got my bike fixed I rode through a small town and found a Game Shop. You know, the kind that sold "Magic The Gathering" and used Sega Genesis games and so forth. I bought 4 colored dice for a quarter a piece. Somehow I was charged $1.35. I decided not to mention it, and left. How many times am I gonna let this happen? This is another case of Nerds straight up jacking people for their money. But I guess it’s cool. I’m gonna straight up take everybody’s money playing Fortune 5000. (It’s a gambling game with dice if you didn’t know) I guess that’s another metaphor for life: "You can take people’s money gambling, but Nerds are still gonna rip you off…"
One day I’m gonna rip YOU off, if I haven’t already.
Sucka.
Love Eternally,
Alex