(no subject)
i 'm deperessed - very depressed. of course, no one cares. no one will read this anyway. I guess that's why i'm posting here.
I'm so bored and I'm so mad at so many people.
I'm mad at everyone who pretends to be my friend but when i get online to talk they never chat unless i initiate conversation and never are free to hang w/ me (but of course, they somehow are able to make room to be with other people). I'm mad at Beth b/c she wouldn't let me practice before i performed. She complained that everyone else needed time to practice b/c they didn't get to before hand - yet she had the time to tune the organ somehow. And when it came time to me actually playing i was so nervous i screwed up terribly. But according to her, i didn't need to practice b/c i had it in muscle memory. This is the same woman who made plans to give me lessons and didn't call to tell me she couldn't do it at that time afterall. instead, she was going to call me AFTER she was done doing what she had planned in place of the lesson (which was hours later).
I'm confused about God, too. If God is suppose to be our Father then why is there such suffering? If I were a father and I saw my kid starving or ill, I'd do everything I could to help. Then why is it different with God? There's this whole thing called free will but these people in Sudan don't have choices - they're dying by the thousands not b/c they want to but b/c of evil being inflicted on them. And all these people are supposedly not going to go to Heaven b/c they don't know about God. Most of them can't read let alone understand the Bible or Christianity.
I really don't understand life right now. I can only hope for something better. I must say I am looking forward to school to start again and to move back onto campus - at least then I'll have something to occupy my mind and my time.
I'm so bored and I'm so mad at so many people.
I'm mad at everyone who pretends to be my friend but when i get online to talk they never chat unless i initiate conversation and never are free to hang w/ me (but of course, they somehow are able to make room to be with other people). I'm mad at Beth b/c she wouldn't let me practice before i performed. She complained that everyone else needed time to practice b/c they didn't get to before hand - yet she had the time to tune the organ somehow. And when it came time to me actually playing i was so nervous i screwed up terribly. But according to her, i didn't need to practice b/c i had it in muscle memory. This is the same woman who made plans to give me lessons and didn't call to tell me she couldn't do it at that time afterall. instead, she was going to call me AFTER she was done doing what she had planned in place of the lesson (which was hours later).
I'm confused about God, too. If God is suppose to be our Father then why is there such suffering? If I were a father and I saw my kid starving or ill, I'd do everything I could to help. Then why is it different with God? There's this whole thing called free will but these people in Sudan don't have choices - they're dying by the thousands not b/c they want to but b/c of evil being inflicted on them. And all these people are supposedly not going to go to Heaven b/c they don't know about God. Most of them can't read let alone understand the Bible or Christianity.
I really don't understand life right now. I can only hope for something better. I must say I am looking forward to school to start again and to move back onto campus - at least then I'll have something to occupy my mind and my time.