Little numb. little dumb
It's been a while,
So, i've feeling a little numb lately. Real numb actually. The only real up-side is that the hate has cooled down a lot. I'm seriously considering taking up smoking for while.
**side note- i achieved a life-goal the other day, i smoked a cigarette whilst jogging, not a real jog, just half a block or so to catch up with some people. I laughed**
I digress. I'm numb, and the hate hasn't fully subsided, but i'm becoming more aware of some things. I'm living around new friends, and people, who all seem to think well of me, but definately do not look at me the way people i knew from even a few years ago look at me. I used to be real loving and caring, now, i have difficulty telling my closest friends that i love them, and i can barely give them attention, cause i sincerely don't care about whatever it is they tell me most of the time. And at the same time I can't tell them this cause i feel bad telling the people that i do actually care about that I don't care right now. This is another reason why I don't move back. Truth be told, i need someone to talk to. Face to face, for a day or two. I think i'll do that soon, hopefully.
I really want a relationship right now, but, i really don't think i could. Should? i dunno. My time and abilities are lacking. NO money to speak of. Health is improving with this new treatment I'm taking
**SIDENOTE- THANK GOD FOR NONI JUICE***
So, lil upside.
One of my big concerns lately is this numbness though. As a side effect, everything everyone tells me goes in one ear and out the other. I can't remeber things told me five seconds ago, not the simplsst thinsg, and truth be told, its cause i just can't bring myself to care anymore. It's become god-awful and shameful. ** sigh **
Je m'erde
I know, and i wish i was in another place in my life, but i honestly think I am in a much better place right now than i have been, i just have to appreciate that, and roll with it. I do wish i could bring myself to care about something rather than just be complacent as I am.
I want to love sincerely and unconditionaly, as i used to. I guess that's my new goal.
Pray for me, i do still love you, i'm just a little numb right now.
So, i've feeling a little numb lately. Real numb actually. The only real up-side is that the hate has cooled down a lot. I'm seriously considering taking up smoking for while.
**side note- i achieved a life-goal the other day, i smoked a cigarette whilst jogging, not a real jog, just half a block or so to catch up with some people. I laughed**
I digress. I'm numb, and the hate hasn't fully subsided, but i'm becoming more aware of some things. I'm living around new friends, and people, who all seem to think well of me, but definately do not look at me the way people i knew from even a few years ago look at me. I used to be real loving and caring, now, i have difficulty telling my closest friends that i love them, and i can barely give them attention, cause i sincerely don't care about whatever it is they tell me most of the time. And at the same time I can't tell them this cause i feel bad telling the people that i do actually care about that I don't care right now. This is another reason why I don't move back. Truth be told, i need someone to talk to. Face to face, for a day or two. I think i'll do that soon, hopefully.
I really want a relationship right now, but, i really don't think i could. Should? i dunno. My time and abilities are lacking. NO money to speak of. Health is improving with this new treatment I'm taking
**SIDENOTE- THANK GOD FOR NONI JUICE***
So, lil upside.
One of my big concerns lately is this numbness though. As a side effect, everything everyone tells me goes in one ear and out the other. I can't remeber things told me five seconds ago, not the simplsst thinsg, and truth be told, its cause i just can't bring myself to care anymore. It's become god-awful and shameful. ** sigh **
Je m'erde
I know, and i wish i was in another place in my life, but i honestly think I am in a much better place right now than i have been, i just have to appreciate that, and roll with it. I do wish i could bring myself to care about something rather than just be complacent as I am.
I want to love sincerely and unconditionaly, as i used to. I guess that's my new goal.
Pray for me, i do still love you, i'm just a little numb right now.