Mental Health
For most of this week, there has been a problem in my life. I know, I know...everyone has problems. But, I must say, this is pretty damn serious to say the very least. I don't really know how this came about; I just know that it seemed to come out of the darkness without warning. I know life is nowhere near a perfect trip, yet this is something more. This is something that worries me very much for several reasons. This is the story.
My Dad called me at 6:44 a.m. telling me that he needed help. Telling me he needed to get out. I got out of bed and went to see what he needed: We live on the same property in separate houses. He was out in the backyard walking around screaming and waving his arms around wildly. I didn't understand what was happening but I tried to help by talking to him. My intention was to calm him down, however, I only managed to make things worse...or at least that is how I perceived the situation at the time. After some time, I managed to get him to go to bed and try to rest. We spent the next day together but I could tell he as still having problems. The day wore on and became night and everything appeared to be alright. However, at the exact same time he called me again with the exact same problem. I can only assume he was having some sort of anxiety attack...which I do not wish on anyone. It was rather frightening because he seemed to literally be losing his mind. I know that he does not sleep as much or as well as he should, I know that he has a strange fear of being alone, and he does not trust any sort of doctor. This time, I could not get him to calm down at all. So, for hours, I tried to talk him into trying to sleep or going to the hospital or a doctor. Nothing worked. I let him lay down in the bed with me but all he did was talk to himself and fidget with the covers. Again, I must stress how odd and rather frightening it was to see this happen. I couldn't reason with him, I couldn't get any sort of sense out of what he was saying, and I could not get him to talk to any family members. Well over an hour went by and he decided he would "leave me alone" as he put it and left. Again, I did my best to calm him down but it didn't work. I was exhausted by this point and I managed to fall asleep.
An hour later, he called me and told me that he was going to go stay with his sister, my aunt, for a few days to see if it might help clear his head. After another hour of sleep I got up and went to visit him. Of course he was still a wreck but somehow a little calmer. I spent some time there with him trying to talk to him about anything at all. I don't know if I helped things any because he only talked about how terrible he felt and how miserable he was in that state. I don't exactly know but maybe I should have called an ambulance yet something tells me that might have made things even worse. I certainly know he would never forgive me if I did...even if it was to help him. I must be honest, I'm not sure if that makes me a bad son or not.I have not decided one way or another, but that is not even really important.
Apparently, he had another terrible night last night. And a bad morning on top of that. A positive note is that this afternoon he was feeling good and acting like his old self...I can not express just how much of a relief that really was to see him like that. Moreover, he agreed to try and find a doctor and receive whatever treatment might be available.
While I was eating dinner he called me and told me that he was going to try and get some sleep. He also told me that he felt very on edge and might need my help if he was in a bad way when he woke up. And now all I can do is sit and think about what may happen if he never gets better. What if he hurts himself? What if he hurts someone else? There are so many questions that I simply do not have the answers for. I am reasonable enough to know that my worry will not help anything and I am trying to remain as positive as possible. That is the state of mind I would like to kept.
All I know for sure is that I want him to improve and be able to function like an average person. I want all of this to work out. Just have to take it one day at a time.
My Dad called me at 6:44 a.m. telling me that he needed help. Telling me he needed to get out. I got out of bed and went to see what he needed: We live on the same property in separate houses. He was out in the backyard walking around screaming and waving his arms around wildly. I didn't understand what was happening but I tried to help by talking to him. My intention was to calm him down, however, I only managed to make things worse...or at least that is how I perceived the situation at the time. After some time, I managed to get him to go to bed and try to rest. We spent the next day together but I could tell he as still having problems. The day wore on and became night and everything appeared to be alright. However, at the exact same time he called me again with the exact same problem. I can only assume he was having some sort of anxiety attack...which I do not wish on anyone. It was rather frightening because he seemed to literally be losing his mind. I know that he does not sleep as much or as well as he should, I know that he has a strange fear of being alone, and he does not trust any sort of doctor. This time, I could not get him to calm down at all. So, for hours, I tried to talk him into trying to sleep or going to the hospital or a doctor. Nothing worked. I let him lay down in the bed with me but all he did was talk to himself and fidget with the covers. Again, I must stress how odd and rather frightening it was to see this happen. I couldn't reason with him, I couldn't get any sort of sense out of what he was saying, and I could not get him to talk to any family members. Well over an hour went by and he decided he would "leave me alone" as he put it and left. Again, I did my best to calm him down but it didn't work. I was exhausted by this point and I managed to fall asleep.
An hour later, he called me and told me that he was going to go stay with his sister, my aunt, for a few days to see if it might help clear his head. After another hour of sleep I got up and went to visit him. Of course he was still a wreck but somehow a little calmer. I spent some time there with him trying to talk to him about anything at all. I don't know if I helped things any because he only talked about how terrible he felt and how miserable he was in that state. I don't exactly know but maybe I should have called an ambulance yet something tells me that might have made things even worse. I certainly know he would never forgive me if I did...even if it was to help him. I must be honest, I'm not sure if that makes me a bad son or not.I have not decided one way or another, but that is not even really important.
Apparently, he had another terrible night last night. And a bad morning on top of that. A positive note is that this afternoon he was feeling good and acting like his old self...I can not express just how much of a relief that really was to see him like that. Moreover, he agreed to try and find a doctor and receive whatever treatment might be available.
While I was eating dinner he called me and told me that he was going to try and get some sleep. He also told me that he felt very on edge and might need my help if he was in a bad way when he woke up. And now all I can do is sit and think about what may happen if he never gets better. What if he hurts himself? What if he hurts someone else? There are so many questions that I simply do not have the answers for. I am reasonable enough to know that my worry will not help anything and I am trying to remain as positive as possible. That is the state of mind I would like to kept.
All I know for sure is that I want him to improve and be able to function like an average person. I want all of this to work out. Just have to take it one day at a time.