(no subject)
Well, in case anyone reads this and cares, and for my own mind, since my paper journal is currently a stellar dust magnet, this is currently my state of affairs.
I'm going back to college in October, starting again, doing pure history this time around. I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully it'll turn out less of a disaster than last year. I'll definitely be working this year anyway, and I do love history, so it should be good. Looking forward to getting back to college anyway, hasn't been much of a summer. Friends have been away and I've been working my ass off to get money to move out and just to keep my mind busy. Electric Picnic has been my only real break of the summer.
On the moving out note, I did eventually find a place. It's a bit of a dive, but it's cheap enough and I'm not too fussy, as long as I can live there in reasonable comfort and I don't have to deal with any thieving. It's off the south circular, in a marginal area, but it shouldn't be too bad. I don't scream "victim" to look at, and Bill shouldn't attract too much unwanted attention either. It's close enough for a quick cycle to college, which is nice, and means I no longer have to worry about getting last bus or finding somewhere else to crash should I wish to stay out at night.
I haven't been doing much in the way of writing or composing these days, just haven't felt the mental energy for it in a while, which is a bit sad, but I've got plenty to occupy me. I definitely intend to do well in my studies this year. I want to finish the year with a high 2.1 at least, so will be putting in the hours. On the recreation side of things, I'm still shooting a good bit. Currently getting a little bit of downtime, not training too seriously, but when I'm back in college I'll be training a few times a week. My average is currently about 93/100, but I want to get it up to about 95 in the next few months of heavy training, which I should be able to do.
Shooting has been great for me. I grew up rurally, which meant that I was always accustomed to shooting and guns. When I was a child, I read up on shooting and hunting, as I was always interested in it. Then, when I went to school in Dublin and went through adolescence, I lost a lot of the affinity I had as a child with the countryside, though I still fished for many years, I never took up hunting. I don't think I ever lost the appreciation for where meat comes from I see so many people to be lacking in, but I think I lost the appreciation for wild meat for a time.
However, when I went to college, I joined the rifle club, and regained my appreciation for firearms, and the skill required to use them properly and safely. While I learned to shoot properly (afternoons spent with a shotgun and my uncles as a child weren't really instructional so much as making things go bang), I began to recall why guns are a necessity, historically and contemporarily. I began to appreciate the ethics of harvesting your own wild food. I think people fail to appreciate what they have and where it comes from, and I think it does a person a lot of good to kill and prepare a meal. If I believe in the soul, I think it's something that does it a lot of good. There's nothing at all wrong with killing an animal for food, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your skill in doing so, appreciating that this is the way the world works. As such, hunting and shooting is something that's very important to me these days, the natural world being the only church worth kneeling in.
I feel much better these days than I have in a long, long time. I'm somewhat healthier, but still way off where I should be; I've got an appreciation for a lot of things (money, food, the world) that I never had before; I'm looking forward to getting back to college, doing a course I probably will enjoy; I'm considerably more mentally stable than I have been, and I feel considerably more intelligent than ever before. Still somewhat delicate and confused, but I feel better with myself these days, with an incredible amount of perspective. I have visions and plans now, which is something that's been very vague and hasn't really mattered in a long time. As far as I'm currently concerned, I'll apply for an Army cadetship after college, and hopefully get it. If not, I'll try again, but I'll probably enlist meanwhile anyway. It's a good life. It's healthy, and I'll be paid to train and go abroad, to help people. I like that those people will probably never know me and will almost certainly never thank me, but that doesn't matter. The point is that I'll get to be part of something that means people get food, and water, aren't driven out of their homes, attacked or starved, and I can do it in a meaningful way. I support charity organisations, but ultimately, charity organisations have to back down in the face of a threat, while the Irish peacekeeping soldier has teeth, and that's the major difference.
So that's where I am at the moment. I'm reasonably okay with the world, I've got a huge amount of perspective, I'm doing things I'm fairly happy about for the most part, I've got a decent job that pays me well, rather than doing something I can't stand for money I can't get by on, and I've got pretty solid ambitions, both for college and afterwards, so there's not a whole lot wrong with me these days.
I'm going back to college in October, starting again, doing pure history this time around. I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully it'll turn out less of a disaster than last year. I'll definitely be working this year anyway, and I do love history, so it should be good. Looking forward to getting back to college anyway, hasn't been much of a summer. Friends have been away and I've been working my ass off to get money to move out and just to keep my mind busy. Electric Picnic has been my only real break of the summer.
On the moving out note, I did eventually find a place. It's a bit of a dive, but it's cheap enough and I'm not too fussy, as long as I can live there in reasonable comfort and I don't have to deal with any thieving. It's off the south circular, in a marginal area, but it shouldn't be too bad. I don't scream "victim" to look at, and Bill shouldn't attract too much unwanted attention either. It's close enough for a quick cycle to college, which is nice, and means I no longer have to worry about getting last bus or finding somewhere else to crash should I wish to stay out at night.
I haven't been doing much in the way of writing or composing these days, just haven't felt the mental energy for it in a while, which is a bit sad, but I've got plenty to occupy me. I definitely intend to do well in my studies this year. I want to finish the year with a high 2.1 at least, so will be putting in the hours. On the recreation side of things, I'm still shooting a good bit. Currently getting a little bit of downtime, not training too seriously, but when I'm back in college I'll be training a few times a week. My average is currently about 93/100, but I want to get it up to about 95 in the next few months of heavy training, which I should be able to do.
Shooting has been great for me. I grew up rurally, which meant that I was always accustomed to shooting and guns. When I was a child, I read up on shooting and hunting, as I was always interested in it. Then, when I went to school in Dublin and went through adolescence, I lost a lot of the affinity I had as a child with the countryside, though I still fished for many years, I never took up hunting. I don't think I ever lost the appreciation for where meat comes from I see so many people to be lacking in, but I think I lost the appreciation for wild meat for a time.
However, when I went to college, I joined the rifle club, and regained my appreciation for firearms, and the skill required to use them properly and safely. While I learned to shoot properly (afternoons spent with a shotgun and my uncles as a child weren't really instructional so much as making things go bang), I began to recall why guns are a necessity, historically and contemporarily. I began to appreciate the ethics of harvesting your own wild food. I think people fail to appreciate what they have and where it comes from, and I think it does a person a lot of good to kill and prepare a meal. If I believe in the soul, I think it's something that does it a lot of good. There's nothing at all wrong with killing an animal for food, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your skill in doing so, appreciating that this is the way the world works. As such, hunting and shooting is something that's very important to me these days, the natural world being the only church worth kneeling in.
I feel much better these days than I have in a long, long time. I'm somewhat healthier, but still way off where I should be; I've got an appreciation for a lot of things (money, food, the world) that I never had before; I'm looking forward to getting back to college, doing a course I probably will enjoy; I'm considerably more mentally stable than I have been, and I feel considerably more intelligent than ever before. Still somewhat delicate and confused, but I feel better with myself these days, with an incredible amount of perspective. I have visions and plans now, which is something that's been very vague and hasn't really mattered in a long time. As far as I'm currently concerned, I'll apply for an Army cadetship after college, and hopefully get it. If not, I'll try again, but I'll probably enlist meanwhile anyway. It's a good life. It's healthy, and I'll be paid to train and go abroad, to help people. I like that those people will probably never know me and will almost certainly never thank me, but that doesn't matter. The point is that I'll get to be part of something that means people get food, and water, aren't driven out of their homes, attacked or starved, and I can do it in a meaningful way. I support charity organisations, but ultimately, charity organisations have to back down in the face of a threat, while the Irish peacekeeping soldier has teeth, and that's the major difference.
So that's where I am at the moment. I'm reasonably okay with the world, I've got a huge amount of perspective, I'm doing things I'm fairly happy about for the most part, I've got a decent job that pays me well, rather than doing something I can't stand for money I can't get by on, and I've got pretty solid ambitions, both for college and afterwards, so there's not a whole lot wrong with me these days.