(no subject)
I am someone who needs to be loved--whose heart flutters with happiness at the thought of having someone in love with me. (I just watched Jane Eyre--Jenny--it is amazing)
I used to watch all the different versions of Jane Eyre with my sister Kathryn when we were little. As I think of her, I can say that her personae is like all of the characters from the novel combined into one person, and mine is like that of Jane's...My inner most feelings that is, and if you watch/read the movie/novel you would be pleasantly surprised as to what that encompasses.
As for my genetic family, unfortunately, I have been cursed and blessed with them. My therapist discussed with me that I have seven year time period in which I can take my father to court for his life threatening abuse to me when I was living with him. I don't really like talking about it because I feel like I might freak someone out, and I am cautious of that. However, this journal entry is a must. . . As I thought about it, it would not matter if I "won" the case or not, he lives in such a small town that the charges alone would basically black list him from teaching since he teaches minors, and an institution surely would not want to have such an individual on board. I know my parents don't have money, so really all that is in it for me would be to have my torture validated, and I sincerely mean that.
However, I doubt that I will do that. I desire most to speak with my father man to man to see what the fuck he was thinking. I was so amazed that nobody (adults) picked up on my problems as a child, but I am blessed--again--to have so many wonderful people in my life in my current world far far away.
Just thinking tonight I wrote in my sketchbook "I will travel far away from you to teach myself greater things that you could have ever provided."
I wish my situation would have been better, but then again it was perfect enough to get me all the way across country. But--the negative effects would be the reason why I have a therapist, and I will not burden the reader of all of those details.
Things are looking up for me nowadays, and if I start making huge paychecks, I will think about the court thing. =) He pissed off the wrong child--the one that chose to live without the veil of denial that suits all the others so nicely.
I used to watch all the different versions of Jane Eyre with my sister Kathryn when we were little. As I think of her, I can say that her personae is like all of the characters from the novel combined into one person, and mine is like that of Jane's...My inner most feelings that is, and if you watch/read the movie/novel you would be pleasantly surprised as to what that encompasses.
As for my genetic family, unfortunately, I have been cursed and blessed with them. My therapist discussed with me that I have seven year time period in which I can take my father to court for his life threatening abuse to me when I was living with him. I don't really like talking about it because I feel like I might freak someone out, and I am cautious of that. However, this journal entry is a must. . . As I thought about it, it would not matter if I "won" the case or not, he lives in such a small town that the charges alone would basically black list him from teaching since he teaches minors, and an institution surely would not want to have such an individual on board. I know my parents don't have money, so really all that is in it for me would be to have my torture validated, and I sincerely mean that.
However, I doubt that I will do that. I desire most to speak with my father man to man to see what the fuck he was thinking. I was so amazed that nobody (adults) picked up on my problems as a child, but I am blessed--again--to have so many wonderful people in my life in my current world far far away.
Just thinking tonight I wrote in my sketchbook "I will travel far away from you to teach myself greater things that you could have ever provided."
I wish my situation would have been better, but then again it was perfect enough to get me all the way across country. But--the negative effects would be the reason why I have a therapist, and I will not burden the reader of all of those details.
Things are looking up for me nowadays, and if I start making huge paychecks, I will think about the court thing. =) He pissed off the wrong child--the one that chose to live without the veil of denial that suits all the others so nicely.