It's been a while...
Hi LJ
Yeah, I know I don't really write in you anymore. Realistically all I ever used you for was a forum to vent my frustrations with the world... since there aren't too many people in real life that I feel comfortable talking to the way I do to you.
No point locking this entry really.
So, what's been happening. About 2 months ago I started dating a wonderful man... and today we broke up.
He was seemingly everything I was looking for - very affectionate, creative, kinky, kind, generous and overall a good person. The more I got to know him, the more I knew all of these factors to be very true... he made me feel so good about everything in life, and really encouraged my creativity. We spent substantial amounts of time together - I have spent very little time at home lately.
Anyway it has all come to an end because of sexual compatibility - or a lack thereof. He didn't seem to mind as paramount to him, he says, was companionship and affection - both of which we offered in abundance... however without the sexual connection, I was feeling a bit left out in the cold. So we talked about it and basically he just doesn't find me sexually attractive - well maybe that's the wrong way of saying it, but we don't click sexually at all... and he seems disinterested in putting in any effort to see if we can fix that.
After this conversation I said well, fair enough, I can't change how you feel... I packed up my stuff and went for a drive. Wasn't sure of where to go or what to do... so I called Stean and we drove around for a while and talked. Now I'm at home and not really sure what to do... I took some codeine & promethazine in the hope that it would knock me out - but no.
I updated my facebook to remove my 'relationship' status (yes, I was one of 'those' people who updated it to say "is in a relationship" when we made it all formal ...) and a few minutes later got a text from the man in question. He said something along the lines of "don't feel sad or lonely, in a few weeks we'll look back and laugh..." - I replied saying no, I really don't think so, we won't be friends because I want more than that... blah blah.
So he called me. After a bit of to-and-fro, we both ended up crying and I had to end the call. He says that the companionship and affection were paramount to him, hence he didn't notice that the sexual connection had completely disappeared. Nothing he can do about it, and I can completely understand... but understanding is not synonymous with accepting.
Perhaps it would be easier if he had've been really cunty about it all, instead of crying on the phone and telling me what a beautiful person I am and that I'm so kind, generous, affectionate, etc etc... but maybe it's also good, because at least he's honest and I should appreciate that. I can trust that he has never lied to me, since he was open about his lack of sexual interest... I had to start the conversation, but he didn't deny anything... which I respect, as it isn't an easy position to be in.
Anyway that's my little rant... what am I going to do now? I dunno. I feel pretty awful. There is nothing I'd like more right now than to cuddle with him and feel close to him again... I can't let that go right now, but it will get easier with time. Maybe even one day we can be friends... but not right now. Not when I want to be with him this much.
Work has been pretty fucked lately, however it seems to be getting better... I should have been able to sense that the balance was starting to shift... hmm. Why can't you have both being good at the same time, I wonder?
Blah blah blah... signing off now. Laters.
Yeah, I know I don't really write in you anymore. Realistically all I ever used you for was a forum to vent my frustrations with the world... since there aren't too many people in real life that I feel comfortable talking to the way I do to you.
No point locking this entry really.
So, what's been happening. About 2 months ago I started dating a wonderful man... and today we broke up.
He was seemingly everything I was looking for - very affectionate, creative, kinky, kind, generous and overall a good person. The more I got to know him, the more I knew all of these factors to be very true... he made me feel so good about everything in life, and really encouraged my creativity. We spent substantial amounts of time together - I have spent very little time at home lately.
Anyway it has all come to an end because of sexual compatibility - or a lack thereof. He didn't seem to mind as paramount to him, he says, was companionship and affection - both of which we offered in abundance... however without the sexual connection, I was feeling a bit left out in the cold. So we talked about it and basically he just doesn't find me sexually attractive - well maybe that's the wrong way of saying it, but we don't click sexually at all... and he seems disinterested in putting in any effort to see if we can fix that.
After this conversation I said well, fair enough, I can't change how you feel... I packed up my stuff and went for a drive. Wasn't sure of where to go or what to do... so I called Stean and we drove around for a while and talked. Now I'm at home and not really sure what to do... I took some codeine & promethazine in the hope that it would knock me out - but no.
I updated my facebook to remove my 'relationship' status (yes, I was one of 'those' people who updated it to say "is in a relationship" when we made it all formal ...) and a few minutes later got a text from the man in question. He said something along the lines of "don't feel sad or lonely, in a few weeks we'll look back and laugh..." - I replied saying no, I really don't think so, we won't be friends because I want more than that... blah blah.
So he called me. After a bit of to-and-fro, we both ended up crying and I had to end the call. He says that the companionship and affection were paramount to him, hence he didn't notice that the sexual connection had completely disappeared. Nothing he can do about it, and I can completely understand... but understanding is not synonymous with accepting.
Perhaps it would be easier if he had've been really cunty about it all, instead of crying on the phone and telling me what a beautiful person I am and that I'm so kind, generous, affectionate, etc etc... but maybe it's also good, because at least he's honest and I should appreciate that. I can trust that he has never lied to me, since he was open about his lack of sexual interest... I had to start the conversation, but he didn't deny anything... which I respect, as it isn't an easy position to be in.
Anyway that's my little rant... what am I going to do now? I dunno. I feel pretty awful. There is nothing I'd like more right now than to cuddle with him and feel close to him again... I can't let that go right now, but it will get easier with time. Maybe even one day we can be friends... but not right now. Not when I want to be with him this much.
Work has been pretty fucked lately, however it seems to be getting better... I should have been able to sense that the balance was starting to shift... hmm. Why can't you have both being good at the same time, I wonder?
Blah blah blah... signing off now. Laters.