(no subject)

[daveyhavokswife]

i dont even know what to say right now. and im not sure i want to. but all i know is i dont tinhk ive ever felt so crushed by anytinhg. and to know that i screwed part of it up hurts even more. i dont want fucking pity, i jsut cant even describe how i feel right now. and its like one of those feelings where if you did describe it no one would ever know exactly what it feels like. and you know you can cry about shit, and just hate yourself. but no matter how long you do it, it never helps. and you jsut want so bad for it to go away or for some freak thing to happen and make it all better, but it wont come. and thats the worst part, and you jsut want them to know that if you could do it all over again you wouldnt of done that last thing to fuck it up but you cant go back, and you cant change it, its jsut there and no matter where you go someinthg you see is somehow going to remind you of them, especially when its one of those places you jsut happen to be all the time. but in order for you to feel better you need ot go there and see the poeple that are there that make you happy, but then while thats happening you always have that in the bakc of your mind or you see them and jsut want to scream. and jsut beg them. but you cant.

sx erach el: like seirously i wish i could tlel him those exact words "dont be so fucking scared, evry relationship in the world goes through that, none of them are going to be perfect"
sx erach el: i cant explain how much i want him, i let myself like him too much
sx erach el: and now it screwed me over