Too long so don't bother reading. Just Venting.
What I feel is all I know and no one can possibly know how I feel? These dark emotions hidden in the dark and the light emotions hidden in the light.. How am I to know where they are? There are no feelings I can ever have by searching in front of me. They aren't like the stars on a clear night where the array of constellations and moon gently fill the air with happiness and joyous motions, nor like the aurora with colors that seep through the boundaries of the unknown and when they are stopped do they really magnificantly fill the mind of curiosity and when not filled, it melts away and gets washed down the drain. Like the tornadoes of passion to the thunder of pain, to the lightning of fear and the rain, not the rain, but yes the rain, the night's sadness that overtakes the rain. the night sadness that rains upon the world but leaks through the ceiling and falls upon my face and possesses me into telling my everyword unto you and I can't help but feel comfort for the longing to tell of what may kill be but may yet save me from suicidal attempts or my passions and obsessions for pain or to see the blood drip down innocent's face and slowly drip down its body until they fall to the ground and guilt and when they do, will I be there to clean it up? Of course not, because I will be too busy revealing my self to you word for word, sentence for sentence, paragraph, for paragraph, conversations carried by the rambling and crashing of thunder as the hurricane approaches taking everything in its path and will hopefully bury all these emotions in the cemetery, but what use will that do when they'll uncover themselves and bring me to life when they violently escape from their graves and come back to haunt my soul for the satisfaction of seeing me fall? But I won't fall, not unto them or to anyone because I am better, or am I? I don't know but that's the last of my concerns because my life is in a cyclone, getting mixed and mixed and I can't help but watch hopelessly and confused while my head spins and I feel lightheaded. Do I stand strong or do I fall? Actually, I fall, but into a trance that I can't escape from but luckily, someone caught me as I was falling of the edge of living in this crazy world. And they say they know where I'm coming from when I don't know their name. Suddenly, I awake, with no one insight nor any horrific scenes, but the paintings on the walls and the easel set up, ready for me to paint my picture, but I have lost my mind a long time ago so I can't think but as I paint under random circumstances, that mysterious person comes to live on my easel. Staring at me while I stare at them, eye to eye, I notice the brown eyes glistening in the summer breeze blowing through my window and I hear them talk, ever so peacefully. Through my ears do they pass by my heart and entangle it with the sensation of this passionate elixir, and I still wonder who they are. They speak such perfect words that seems to flow just right and when they move, they move just right and when they touch, does their touch feel just right. Slowly, I back away, thinking this can't be, but they fall from the easel and onto the floor where I jump with shock and somehow I'm not afraid. I stare looking at their beauty, amazing ways, intellectual powers, the kindheart, and their astonishing abilities to come to me with an intriguing entrance. But yet, I stare with the curiosity of who they are and what they want with me. I ask while my voice begins to tremble, "Wh-wh-who are y-y-you?" They stared silently and without any expression on their face. I ask, still in shock, "Wh-wh-why are you here?"
Once again, I get a blank stare. I, still internally and externally puzzled, noticethe blood dripping down their face, but it wasn't red, but rather turned black. Crawling slowly into the corner, I slip on paint and they run for me. Scared to death, I curl up but they weren't harming me. They stared and as fast as lighting, grabbed my hand and with the concerned look pointed out the window. Still puzzled, I got up, slowly, and inched my way towards the window. I kept my eyes closed so I wouldn't see the horrific scenes that I thought I'd have seen. I glance out the window, and I see an overcast sky with the moon, attempting to pierce through the clouds and fill the room with its light. I, completely thrown off, watch as the stars make their way down the path of light and fill my room with a blinding light. And with this light, it surrounds the figure that once did I paint with the colors did it return to its place on my easel, but when it did, the light was it gone and my room filled with darkness as it was before, and I fell into my pillows and put myself to sleep, peacefully. As I awoke the next morning, the painting had found its place on my wall and I stare, a little lighteaded as they stare back. The sun hasn't woken up, so the light from a candle that I didn't even light keeps me stuck on the picture of this mystery. I fall back to sleep... The next morning I felt like I had been hit by a truck. All of a sudden, I see a shadow float across my floor. I look out my window to see the painting of that mysterious person is right outside my window and it is real! I walk outside, and ask calmly stare at her. She is an amazing, awesome, just astonishing person. Before I even get a chance she glances over and looks dumbfounded, yet reads my thoughts and speaks through my skin and into my head. Next thing I know I am walking through the woods, yet again in the dark, yet I see the sun. It's strange how the pieces of the puzzle come to me through the most random places and I find them through the voices of the ones I know or the stangers of my dreams. Only this stranger, however, is the key that unlocked my chamber of secrets and feelings and allowed me to freely express myself through these insane rides from hell? And yet, they haven't been disgusted nor scared for the demon that I have released? I don't know but as I find a field that was never in its location, that stranger settles in the center. The light carries down to them as the stars create another blinding light and it surrounds then and shrouds her in a mist. I run up because it seems like she is having trouble. I look her in the eye, but I have been so nieve. This is my soul mate who has helped me live throughout these years, even if she didn't know or I haven't, but I have known so little that this stranger couldn't possibly be, or is it? Without any thing in sight, I jump onto the path and run home but no matter what I do, she'll be the one. This image of perfection, feelings from her so good, this is what I have waited for and I finally have her in sight and within reach. But when I put my hands out to grasp her in my arms, she runs further ahead until the sight is gone and when it is, I die a painful death. The blood trickles down my head as I stare off at the ceiling of the sky after being brutally stabbed and once the all the blood washes my life away, will I be in heaven and then I'll meet my love. Right before I close my eyes for one last time, my guardian returns and that familiar face won't do anything but stare, so with my heart full of pity and hatred, I close my eyes and live on in another place, but no one has ever understood me or my writing, my feelings and hidden emotions, nor has given me such anticipation nor happiness, like her, but we live as different people in many different ways, and the ways we live as different people are the ways we become better at being ourselves and I have perfected life in my eyes and through many views have people perfected themselves, but if I am perfected, then why can't I extend my arms to grab the wants I desire? Is it because I don't have what it takes? It's because I wasn't meant to have my desires, but live with my despises, and I won't be able to much longer, but whenever I need to set my despises free, "she" will be there waiting for me as I will her.. Thank you :-D
Once again, I get a blank stare. I, still internally and externally puzzled, noticethe blood dripping down their face, but it wasn't red, but rather turned black. Crawling slowly into the corner, I slip on paint and they run for me. Scared to death, I curl up but they weren't harming me. They stared and as fast as lighting, grabbed my hand and with the concerned look pointed out the window. Still puzzled, I got up, slowly, and inched my way towards the window. I kept my eyes closed so I wouldn't see the horrific scenes that I thought I'd have seen. I glance out the window, and I see an overcast sky with the moon, attempting to pierce through the clouds and fill the room with its light. I, completely thrown off, watch as the stars make their way down the path of light and fill my room with a blinding light. And with this light, it surrounds the figure that once did I paint with the colors did it return to its place on my easel, but when it did, the light was it gone and my room filled with darkness as it was before, and I fell into my pillows and put myself to sleep, peacefully. As I awoke the next morning, the painting had found its place on my wall and I stare, a little lighteaded as they stare back. The sun hasn't woken up, so the light from a candle that I didn't even light keeps me stuck on the picture of this mystery. I fall back to sleep... The next morning I felt like I had been hit by a truck. All of a sudden, I see a shadow float across my floor. I look out my window to see the painting of that mysterious person is right outside my window and it is real! I walk outside, and ask calmly stare at her. She is an amazing, awesome, just astonishing person. Before I even get a chance she glances over and looks dumbfounded, yet reads my thoughts and speaks through my skin and into my head. Next thing I know I am walking through the woods, yet again in the dark, yet I see the sun. It's strange how the pieces of the puzzle come to me through the most random places and I find them through the voices of the ones I know or the stangers of my dreams. Only this stranger, however, is the key that unlocked my chamber of secrets and feelings and allowed me to freely express myself through these insane rides from hell? And yet, they haven't been disgusted nor scared for the demon that I have released? I don't know but as I find a field that was never in its location, that stranger settles in the center. The light carries down to them as the stars create another blinding light and it surrounds then and shrouds her in a mist. I run up because it seems like she is having trouble. I look her in the eye, but I have been so nieve. This is my soul mate who has helped me live throughout these years, even if she didn't know or I haven't, but I have known so little that this stranger couldn't possibly be, or is it? Without any thing in sight, I jump onto the path and run home but no matter what I do, she'll be the one. This image of perfection, feelings from her so good, this is what I have waited for and I finally have her in sight and within reach. But when I put my hands out to grasp her in my arms, she runs further ahead until the sight is gone and when it is, I die a painful death. The blood trickles down my head as I stare off at the ceiling of the sky after being brutally stabbed and once the all the blood washes my life away, will I be in heaven and then I'll meet my love. Right before I close my eyes for one last time, my guardian returns and that familiar face won't do anything but stare, so with my heart full of pity and hatred, I close my eyes and live on in another place, but no one has ever understood me or my writing, my feelings and hidden emotions, nor has given me such anticipation nor happiness, like her, but we live as different people in many different ways, and the ways we live as different people are the ways we become better at being ourselves and I have perfected life in my eyes and through many views have people perfected themselves, but if I am perfected, then why can't I extend my arms to grab the wants I desire? Is it because I don't have what it takes? It's because I wasn't meant to have my desires, but live with my despises, and I won't be able to much longer, but whenever I need to set my despises free, "she" will be there waiting for me as I will her.. Thank you :-D