Agender
A piece I read this morning brought up the whole sexual stereotyping thing in my mind again. Back when my older boy was in I think grade 4 or 5 they had a class on gender stereotypes. Teacher held forth about how bad it was. My kid grows increasingly puzzled. Asks teacher for clarification. "Well your mommy always has to cook supper..."
giggle. "My mom doesn't cook, dad does that." (true. We did start by alternating, but I like to cook and detest washing up. B would rather wash a mountain than have to boil an egg)
"Well, your dad always drives..."
"Not if mom is in the car. Never!" (true, B gets car-sick unless she drives. I've driven her somewhere I think thrice in her life. To have babies. And once when she was really sick.)
"Well your mom gardens..." helpless laughter.
"So who is the boss in your house?"
"I don't know, Ma'am." (true again with kids. Before they were born even, we decided on a common front, in front of them. We argued about things when they were weren't there to listen.)
We've never really fitted the gender standard mold, sharing things, doing what we liked or what needed to be done. Chip in if the other is working. I liked the Elizabethan concept that a gentleman was a man of many parts (my musical ability lets me down, alas. But I'll take on anything else). I cleaned house and changed kids when B was working and I was home writing. It needed doing and I could do it, and it was my 'share'. I iron better than B (thanks to the army). She sews better than I do. I found knitting mindlessly boring even if it is a traditionally male preserve (it was, yes) On the other hand I like making preserves (and not only traditional male ones like cider). Yes, I do the woodwork. But B has built walls and painted the house. The idea of there being a single 'boss'in our house is ludicrous. It depends on what's being decided on and when. We didn't 'decide' it would be like this. It's just the way we've sort of evolved. I suppose if one of us was strong and the other weak it might have been different - but then I'd never have married someone who wasn't brighter and as strong-willed as I was. I realise it's all a little atypical, but I do see a lot of similar patterns among my friends, to varying degrees. Are they henpecked, not real men? Metrosexual? Gay? Actually, I'd say it was the opposite. My friends tend to be people I climb with, dive with. They're the sort of people who don't need reassurance that they really are male (or female) as some kind of security blanket. Who don't give a toss if some other plonker thinks that doing the dishes is a bit feminine. They tend to be the far end of knowing they're male and as tough as old bootleather in the extremis positions they put themselves in. They don't need gender stereotypes to identify their sex. What's wrong with unzipping your fly and having a look if you're in doubt? Or if you care.
giggle. "My mom doesn't cook, dad does that." (true. We did start by alternating, but I like to cook and detest washing up. B would rather wash a mountain than have to boil an egg)
"Well, your dad always drives..."
"Not if mom is in the car. Never!" (true, B gets car-sick unless she drives. I've driven her somewhere I think thrice in her life. To have babies. And once when she was really sick.)
"Well your mom gardens..." helpless laughter.
"So who is the boss in your house?"
"I don't know, Ma'am." (true again with kids. Before they were born even, we decided on a common front, in front of them. We argued about things when they were weren't there to listen.)
We've never really fitted the gender standard mold, sharing things, doing what we liked or what needed to be done. Chip in if the other is working. I liked the Elizabethan concept that a gentleman was a man of many parts (my musical ability lets me down, alas. But I'll take on anything else). I cleaned house and changed kids when B was working and I was home writing. It needed doing and I could do it, and it was my 'share'. I iron better than B (thanks to the army). She sews better than I do. I found knitting mindlessly boring even if it is a traditionally male preserve (it was, yes) On the other hand I like making preserves (and not only traditional male ones like cider). Yes, I do the woodwork. But B has built walls and painted the house. The idea of there being a single 'boss'in our house is ludicrous. It depends on what's being decided on and when. We didn't 'decide' it would be like this. It's just the way we've sort of evolved. I suppose if one of us was strong and the other weak it might have been different - but then I'd never have married someone who wasn't brighter and as strong-willed as I was. I realise it's all a little atypical, but I do see a lot of similar patterns among my friends, to varying degrees. Are they henpecked, not real men? Metrosexual? Gay? Actually, I'd say it was the opposite. My friends tend to be people I climb with, dive with. They're the sort of people who don't need reassurance that they really are male (or female) as some kind of security blanket. Who don't give a toss if some other plonker thinks that doing the dishes is a bit feminine. They tend to be the far end of knowing they're male and as tough as old bootleather in the extremis positions they put themselves in. They don't need gender stereotypes to identify their sex. What's wrong with unzipping your fly and having a look if you're in doubt? Or if you care.