your guide to becoming a frat guy
Dude, first off, you have to join a Fraternity.
Next, follow these easy steps and you'll be the coolest.
1. Firstly, and most importantly, your fraternity comes before your schoolwork, your family, your girlfriend and your health.
2. Never date a girl, just hook up with lots of them. There's no reason to commit when freshmen girls throw themselves at you; they are classic frat guy hook ups. If you must date, she better be in a god damn sorority. And she better be hot.
3. Live in filth. Dirtiness is next to Godliness.
4. Beer will become your aphrodisiac, your study aid, your inhibition modulator and your anger management counselor.
5. You must have a strong hatred for any dude not in a Frat. They wish they were you. They're just jealous of your superiority.
6. Don't bother yourself with pricy imports; piss beer will do the trick. $10 bucks for a 30 pack? Now that's sweet.
7. Fighting with other Greek members and independents is encouraged. Your frat must have that one token badass dude who will throw down whenever, wherever. If you aren't the fighting type, talk as much shit as humanly possible. References to the other dude's girlfriend are so clutch.
8. Add these Frat guy phrases into your vocabulary: Dude, College, Party! & Man. Dude, let's party! This is so sweet man. COLLEGE RULES!
9. Purchase the following key articles of Frat guy clothing: Pre-faded or "blasted" jeans, a baseball cap (preferably fake-worn), old school sneakers or Rainbow sandals, several collared shirts, and anything that has Abercrombie, J.Crew, or Polo written on it.
10. The party doesn't stop until every keg is finished. You can party harder and longer than anyone else. You are an animal.
11. Listen to such music as: DMB, Jimmy Buffet, MTV Raps, Classic Rock & 80s Music
12. Make sure your fraternity is involved in countless hours of philanthropy. Hahahaha. Sorry, no really man, charity is cool. Yeh.
13. Try to not go to class. If you must go, sleep in class. Understand, in no circumstance should you offer any intelligent insight towards the class discussion. The real world? Don't sweat it, you will get hooked up with a dope job from an alumni dude.
14. If for some reason you don't have a date to a Fraternity formal or date party, try the ever popular "cattle call." Basically, the first girl that walks by, you have to invite, even if she's busted. Fat girls need lovin' too... except they have to pay for it.
15. Get yourself a fratastic nickname. In most cases, your last name will fit the bill, however if you have a cool frat story that you can derive a name from, use that.
16. No matter the number of sororities on campus, your fraternity is only cool enough to mix with a select few.
17. Drinking games will become your purpose in life. You must train countless hours to live up to your competing potential. No matter what anyone says, you are the best beer pong player the game has ever seen.
18. There's nothing wrong with picking up a few STDs... Take one for the team, let your Brothers know what skanks they should steer clear of. Venereal Diseases aren't as bad you would think.
19. Here's a great frat guy pickup line, "Umm, you want to go take shots in my room?" Dude, you're so gonna score.
20. Video games rock. It doesn't matter if you spend hours a day playing, as long as you are the ultimate frat guy gamer.
21. Slight downside, you might have to pay some hefty social dues. Don't worry, your liver will thank you in 20 years.
22. Regardless if you have a learning disability or not, take tons of "meds" like Ritalin and Adderall to do work. Blow 'em if ya got 'em.
23. No matter how cool you personally were before joining a frat, you are now ten times cooler by becoming a frat guy.
If you're not a Frat Guy, you're just... what's the word...
Dude, you are so worthless.
Next, follow these easy steps and you'll be the coolest.
1. Firstly, and most importantly, your fraternity comes before your schoolwork, your family, your girlfriend and your health.
2. Never date a girl, just hook up with lots of them. There's no reason to commit when freshmen girls throw themselves at you; they are classic frat guy hook ups. If you must date, she better be in a god damn sorority. And she better be hot.
3. Live in filth. Dirtiness is next to Godliness.
4. Beer will become your aphrodisiac, your study aid, your inhibition modulator and your anger management counselor.
5. You must have a strong hatred for any dude not in a Frat. They wish they were you. They're just jealous of your superiority.
6. Don't bother yourself with pricy imports; piss beer will do the trick. $10 bucks for a 30 pack? Now that's sweet.
7. Fighting with other Greek members and independents is encouraged. Your frat must have that one token badass dude who will throw down whenever, wherever. If you aren't the fighting type, talk as much shit as humanly possible. References to the other dude's girlfriend are so clutch.
8. Add these Frat guy phrases into your vocabulary: Dude, College, Party! & Man. Dude, let's party! This is so sweet man. COLLEGE RULES!
9. Purchase the following key articles of Frat guy clothing: Pre-faded or "blasted" jeans, a baseball cap (preferably fake-worn), old school sneakers or Rainbow sandals, several collared shirts, and anything that has Abercrombie, J.Crew, or Polo written on it.
10. The party doesn't stop until every keg is finished. You can party harder and longer than anyone else. You are an animal.
11. Listen to such music as: DMB, Jimmy Buffet, MTV Raps, Classic Rock & 80s Music
12. Make sure your fraternity is involved in countless hours of philanthropy. Hahahaha. Sorry, no really man, charity is cool. Yeh.
13. Try to not go to class. If you must go, sleep in class. Understand, in no circumstance should you offer any intelligent insight towards the class discussion. The real world? Don't sweat it, you will get hooked up with a dope job from an alumni dude.
14. If for some reason you don't have a date to a Fraternity formal or date party, try the ever popular "cattle call." Basically, the first girl that walks by, you have to invite, even if she's busted. Fat girls need lovin' too... except they have to pay for it.
15. Get yourself a fratastic nickname. In most cases, your last name will fit the bill, however if you have a cool frat story that you can derive a name from, use that.
16. No matter the number of sororities on campus, your fraternity is only cool enough to mix with a select few.
17. Drinking games will become your purpose in life. You must train countless hours to live up to your competing potential. No matter what anyone says, you are the best beer pong player the game has ever seen.
18. There's nothing wrong with picking up a few STDs... Take one for the team, let your Brothers know what skanks they should steer clear of. Venereal Diseases aren't as bad you would think.
19. Here's a great frat guy pickup line, "Umm, you want to go take shots in my room?" Dude, you're so gonna score.
20. Video games rock. It doesn't matter if you spend hours a day playing, as long as you are the ultimate frat guy gamer.
21. Slight downside, you might have to pay some hefty social dues. Don't worry, your liver will thank you in 20 years.
22. Regardless if you have a learning disability or not, take tons of "meds" like Ritalin and Adderall to do work. Blow 'em if ya got 'em.
23. No matter how cool you personally were before joining a frat, you are now ten times cooler by becoming a frat guy.
If you're not a Frat Guy, you're just... what's the word...
Dude, you are so worthless.