Venting
Well, another day in my life...
what's up with me? nothing much. I am just once again on the heartbreak road. I don't know what exactly happened with Jose. all of a sudden, he just "lost the spark". i don't know anything anymore. three weeks down the drain and back to being depressed and moody and shit. jesus...well, si asi dios lo quiso, pues que asi sea. although i do think jose is just confused about his feelings. i by what he told me last night, it seems he's not fully over his other two relationships. he also has his mom in Cuba and that's another factor. jesus, i got so many things going through my head all at once. to be honest, i myself don't know what to do. this is the second failed attempt. i truly did feel we could last a long time. well, sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them. All i feel like doing right now is getting the fuck out of my classes and just walk around. i might ask...nathan to walk with me to bayside...shit...to just...hold on...get some fresh air....Christ i feel like shit...but can i do? i took jose's proposal to be friends for the simple fact that he hasn't disrespected me in any way. the only thing that happened was that he just lost it, shit happens as i say. i have made the decision to wait a period of six weeks to a year. it's been two hard blows in a very little amount...of time. i am not going to give myself hope and i will most probably call him on friday or saturday. i just need some time on own. i know for a fact that my mom ain't gonna help me at all. i can't talk to her about this. since i came out, i feel she just pushed me away. christ...i hate this...i don't care how long i write, just feel the need to do this. i probably won't go to GSA today. i'm not in the mood. jesus....for some reason i feel i'm losing him, which i'm not. i have him as a friend. like the old cliche says: better to have him as a friend than not have him at all. i need time. only time can heal my wounds.
what's up with me? nothing much. I am just once again on the heartbreak road. I don't know what exactly happened with Jose. all of a sudden, he just "lost the spark". i don't know anything anymore. three weeks down the drain and back to being depressed and moody and shit. jesus...well, si asi dios lo quiso, pues que asi sea. although i do think jose is just confused about his feelings. i by what he told me last night, it seems he's not fully over his other two relationships. he also has his mom in Cuba and that's another factor. jesus, i got so many things going through my head all at once. to be honest, i myself don't know what to do. this is the second failed attempt. i truly did feel we could last a long time. well, sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them. All i feel like doing right now is getting the fuck out of my classes and just walk around. i might ask...nathan to walk with me to bayside...shit...to just...hold on...get some fresh air....Christ i feel like shit...but can i do? i took jose's proposal to be friends for the simple fact that he hasn't disrespected me in any way. the only thing that happened was that he just lost it, shit happens as i say. i have made the decision to wait a period of six weeks to a year. it's been two hard blows in a very little amount...of time. i am not going to give myself hope and i will most probably call him on friday or saturday. i just need some time on own. i know for a fact that my mom ain't gonna help me at all. i can't talk to her about this. since i came out, i feel she just pushed me away. christ...i hate this...i don't care how long i write, just feel the need to do this. i probably won't go to GSA today. i'm not in the mood. jesus....for some reason i feel i'm losing him, which i'm not. i have him as a friend. like the old cliche says: better to have him as a friend than not have him at all. i need time. only time can heal my wounds.