Crossroads
Things were running through my mind on the bus ride home...
I honestly have no idea how to deal with this. What is the right thing to do? I need wisdom man, I really need some divine intervention here. Oh God...
_______________________________________________
Went to Alex's house on Wednesday and someone brought up something which was supposedly quite cliche but it's something I haven't heard - Being a Christian isn't a commitment, it is a choice.
That struck me. That's the answer that YJ and a few others whom I've talked to probably need to hear. It's not just a daily decision to follow Christ, but every moment. Choosing to love Him, choosing to walk in His ways even when others take the other path...
Choosing Him above all...
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Played truth or dare just now and Mavis got a question that went something like who do you admire the most. I was really surprised because
1. I was right in front of her. Hey dude, you want me to say I love you, I admire you or anything along these lines in front of you when I really do (love you/admire you), it's really... HARD OKAY. The only thing I could associate with in this afternoon's movie was when the guy's heart started beating real fast when he was about to tell the girl I love you. By the way, the movie was stupid. Anyway, yea, I haven't ever told anyone right in their face those things before... I wonder who will be the first though. hahaha but yes, I was shocked when she said "Wan Xuan!" The rest of Cloupe was a witness to that, I was like "WHAT?! Are you serious?". I really thought she was going to make use of the opportunity to suan me or make fun of me okay, but no ehhh.
2. She just scolds me all the time because I annoy her a lot, so who would have ever thought that she would admire me right. haha I don't know eh, she has a very good temper I realise. lol keeps getting bullied by me. But at the same time, I'm thankful that we do actually have serious moments together when we would just sit down and talk about serious stuff. Most of the time, it's just me unloading my burdens though... haha sorry... I really thought I'm some joke to her you know. It's not just about annoying her, but the things which I came clean about myself and how my mood could sink all the way down and I eventually break down and everything... haha seriously... Admire me? You're kidding me. Hard to find people who appreciates you even after finding out the kind of person you are, really thankful to God for that. So hard to find a friend nowadays and "best of all", everyone's leaving. I'm being a little selfish yes, but I really hope she stays. I realised how stupid I was to give an answer that was politically, model-answer-ly right a year plus ago, so yea... learnt from it. Too naive too.
Being really focused on what I want was the reason she gave. She's not the first person who told me that (PK was) even though she's the first who meant that as a compliment. I was thinking about this on the bus as well... being focused. Am I? Well, all I can say is, I gotta agree with what PK said to me 2 years ago. Too focused. So much so that I actually neglect a lot of things. In terms of my attitude towards people, I know too well that at any one point of time, there can only be one person in here while the rest are just... somewhere there no matter how great I make them out to be. This annoys me. They can call it faithfulness or whatever, but this seriously annoys me. And I can't change it, or at least I have no idea how to yet. And what PK said was in regards to my take on criticisms. I take them so seriously that I tend to brush aside compliments.
And haha, I actually wanted to say to Mavis, I think we need to spend more time together for you to know me better. I'm not exactly as firm as you probably think, or at least I don't think that's how I'm like.
Lol I should thank God right, like since last year, I'm getting people telling me how they actually admire me for different things. I'm like... okay... Thanks for the nice words. haha sorry, I don't know why but I'm just very skeptical towards nice words even though they are indeed nice. Maybe that's what PK meant by that, hmm...
Alright, I'm really tired now. Was supposed to be doing work but ended up chatting with Sophie online and I decided to blog.
Sigh.
I honestly have no idea how to deal with this. What is the right thing to do? I need wisdom man, I really need some divine intervention here. Oh God...
_______________________________________________
Went to Alex's house on Wednesday and someone brought up something which was supposedly quite cliche but it's something I haven't heard - Being a Christian isn't a commitment, it is a choice.
That struck me. That's the answer that YJ and a few others whom I've talked to probably need to hear. It's not just a daily decision to follow Christ, but every moment. Choosing to love Him, choosing to walk in His ways even when others take the other path...
Choosing Him above all...
________________________________________________
Played truth or dare just now and Mavis got a question that went something like who do you admire the most. I was really surprised because
1. I was right in front of her. Hey dude, you want me to say I love you, I admire you or anything along these lines in front of you when I really do (love you/admire you), it's really... HARD OKAY. The only thing I could associate with in this afternoon's movie was when the guy's heart started beating real fast when he was about to tell the girl I love you. By the way, the movie was stupid. Anyway, yea, I haven't ever told anyone right in their face those things before... I wonder who will be the first though. hahaha but yes, I was shocked when she said "Wan Xuan!" The rest of Cloupe was a witness to that, I was like "WHAT?! Are you serious?". I really thought she was going to make use of the opportunity to suan me or make fun of me okay, but no ehhh.
2. She just scolds me all the time because I annoy her a lot, so who would have ever thought that she would admire me right. haha I don't know eh, she has a very good temper I realise. lol keeps getting bullied by me. But at the same time, I'm thankful that we do actually have serious moments together when we would just sit down and talk about serious stuff. Most of the time, it's just me unloading my burdens though... haha sorry... I really thought I'm some joke to her you know. It's not just about annoying her, but the things which I came clean about myself and how my mood could sink all the way down and I eventually break down and everything... haha seriously... Admire me? You're kidding me. Hard to find people who appreciates you even after finding out the kind of person you are, really thankful to God for that. So hard to find a friend nowadays and "best of all", everyone's leaving. I'm being a little selfish yes, but I really hope she stays. I realised how stupid I was to give an answer that was politically, model-answer-ly right a year plus ago, so yea... learnt from it. Too naive too.
Being really focused on what I want was the reason she gave. She's not the first person who told me that (PK was) even though she's the first who meant that as a compliment. I was thinking about this on the bus as well... being focused. Am I? Well, all I can say is, I gotta agree with what PK said to me 2 years ago. Too focused. So much so that I actually neglect a lot of things. In terms of my attitude towards people, I know too well that at any one point of time, there can only be one person in here while the rest are just... somewhere there no matter how great I make them out to be. This annoys me. They can call it faithfulness or whatever, but this seriously annoys me. And I can't change it, or at least I have no idea how to yet. And what PK said was in regards to my take on criticisms. I take them so seriously that I tend to brush aside compliments.
And haha, I actually wanted to say to Mavis, I think we need to spend more time together for you to know me better. I'm not exactly as firm as you probably think, or at least I don't think that's how I'm like.
Lol I should thank God right, like since last year, I'm getting people telling me how they actually admire me for different things. I'm like... okay... Thanks for the nice words. haha sorry, I don't know why but I'm just very skeptical towards nice words even though they are indeed nice. Maybe that's what PK meant by that, hmm...
Alright, I'm really tired now. Was supposed to be doing work but ended up chatting with Sophie online and I decided to blog.
Sigh.