[Untitled]
My attempt at a dark psychopath Shizuru and at dialogue-only. This is not a fic so much about Natsuki and Shizuru as it is about Shizuru, and it's not a fic so much about love as about it's power and corruption.
Untitled
By Tiger Dauthi
*sound of bars screeching against the ground*
*pleasant voice* "Oh hello."
*curt and courteous* "Fujino Shizuru, I assume?"
"Yes, yes, that's me. Fujino Shizuru. What may I help you with?"
"Hello. My name's Seppengu Kaichi."
"Nice to meet you, Seppengu-san."
"It's nice to meet you too, Fujino-san. I'm here to ask you a few questions for a humanitarian sidebar in my article about you - I hope you don't mind?"
"No, I don't mind at all. Ask away - I'll try to explain as much as I can."
*sounds of chairs being scraped against the floor*
"Ok then. How about we start with some basic facts?"
"That sounds good to me."
"Ok. Fujino Shizuru, you would be twenty-four by now, I presume?"
*slightly surprised* "I suppose. I apologize Seppengu-san, but I don't keep track of time too much in here. I hope you understand."
"Hm. Well that's slightly surprising of you, but I understand. Ok then, you were eighteen at the time of the crime, am I correct?"
"Yes sir."
"Indicted for first-degree murder?"
*slight pause* "Yes."
"I'm sorry I have to remind you of these terrible things, Fujino-san."
"It's quite alright."
"If you say so. Ok, let's start getting into the real questions here. What was your relationship with Kuga Natsuki?"
*pause* "...I was her friend."
*sound of scribbling across a notepad*
"Hm, she said you loved her."
*amused voice* "Did she say that? Well, it's true. We loved each other. They were just different loves, that's all."
"Can you elaborate on that?"
"I'm sorry, I thought you already knew. Ai is very different from suki."
"I knew that. I guess I should rephrase this - can you elaborate more on your relationship and feelings about Kuga-san?"
*silence*
"Well?"
"Natsuki was- Natsuki is the world to me. It would be rather silly to consider it love at first sight, but I think I did begin to love her from the first time I set my eyes on her. I - why do you need this?"
"I believe you had no motive for killing Yuuichi-san."
"What do you mean? Of course I did, and I was found guilty too. Do you want me to repeat what I said again?"
"No, I have it in my notes somewhere." *rustling of papers* "Ah, here it is. 'I killed him because otherwise he would kill Natsuki.'"
"That's perfectly true."
"Perhaps, but it doesn't make sense."
"...I don't see why not."
"Why would you kill him? He was in a happy relationship with Kuga-san, and you - I know what you're like, Fujino-san, I already knew you loved her from other sources - you aren't the type of person to be jealous -"
*calmly* "You're getting rather excited, sir. Sit down and drink some tea, it will soothe your mind."
*silence*
"This tea is very nice, isn't it, sir? I hardly expected prisons to serve such good tea."
"Yes, it is."
"And-"
"Stop it, Fujino-san."
"Yes?"
"Look, you would never go out and kill anyone just like that, even if you were outraged at Yuuichi-san, you would've kept your cool, and reported any abuse to the police or something. And your reason is so entirely selfless, anyone can see you're a good person - you shouldn't be in here."
"What's right and what's good are two very different things, sir. The fact remains that I killed Yuuichi-san. It was good, perhaps, but it was certainly not right. And I'm paying for it."
"Would you just listen here, Fujino-san?! I'm trying to appeal to the courts for you here! Stop drinking your damn tea and listen to me!"
"I enjoy my tea-drinking time, sir. It's one of the few things I look forward to everyday, and so I hope you do not deprive me of this pleasure either. Rest assured, I am listening to you."
"...fine. How about you give me your account of the events?"
"I assume that you already have the one I gave in front of the jury?"
"That stuff is bullshit. I want to know what you really think."
"What I said there was exactly what I was thinking. He was hurting her, he was killing her little by little, and it had to stop. And so I stopped it in the most permanent way possible."
"But, but. Why didn't you report it to the police then?"
*very softly* "...I cannot trust them, after the First District..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I cannot sit still, sir, and watch other people do things not nearly as well as I could've done them. I cannot think things finished when other people report to me. I must be there myself, see it for myself, make sure myself. The only person you can rely on is yourself."
*sharply* "What about Kuga-san?"
*silence*
"I love her."
"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Let's move on - how did you feel after you killed him?"
"I felt good."
*surprised* "What?"
"I said I felt good."
"Wait-"
"I will not lie to you, Seppengu-san. I delighted in killing him. I enjoyed watching him beg for his worthless life, and I enjoyed crushing him to the ground."
"B-but... This, this, this isn't YOU! This isn't what you're like!"
"Do you know what I'm like, sir?"
*sound of keys jangling against bars* "Seppengu-san, visiting time's up."
"Just a few more minutes!"
"No, it's okay, sir, we're done. Thank you for your time, Seppengu-san. I do hope you will think hard about my question."
"Sorry, but you gotta come out, sir. You can visit her tomorrow, if you'd like."
"...Okay. Would you grace me with your presence some other time, Fujino-san?"
*amused* "You act like I have a choice, sir."
"You should."
"Perhaps."
*bars screeching against the floor, echoing as they slam against other bars*
"FUJINO!!"
"Tokiha-san?"
*sound of body slamming into the wall*
"Why did you kill him? Why?"
*sound of head cracking against the floor*
"...Why?"
*crying*
"...I'm sorry, Tokiha-san."
*silence, occasionally broken by sobs*
"...Just, why? He wasn't doing anything bad to her..."
"He was killing her."
"But that's - oh kami, I'm so sorry, here, I'll help you into bed."
"The floor feels very nice, actually, the cold is numbing but comforting. In fact, I prefer sleeping on the floor to a bed."
"What?"
"It doesn't sound very Fujino Shizuru to you, does it? Well, ask Natsuki, she knows dozens of little quirks about me that no one else does."
"But you're going to get ill if you lie on the floor like that."
"Oh, that's nice. I wonder what I'll get, pneumonia, or some sort of flu?"
"Is this you, Fujino-san?"
"I assure you, this is very much me. I am a very morbid person."
*stunned silence, then chuckling*
"If I may ask what you're laughing at, Tokiha-san?"
"I'm sorry, it's just that your face looked so completely serious when you said you were a morbid person, it was rather funny."
*drily* "I'm glad I could cheer you up."
*awkward silence*
"But really, you might get very sick, and since we don't know how sanitized these places are, you might end up dying."
"Oh, no, if I were to die of a disease I would choose to die of AIDS. At least then I'll know how many people I've had sexual intercourse with."
*stunned silence*
"Relax, Tokiha-san. I'm not going to get a disease, and if I do get one and die it won't matter."
"You're very different from what I thought you'd be like."
"I should hope that everyone is. If someone fit your impressions exactly, where's the surprise in that? Being with that person, where would the life be? That person would be a predictable stereotype that no one likes."
"...Is that why you like - love Natsuki?"
*pause* "Yes, I suppose that's part of it. I don't tend to dwell on love and its reasons, Tokiha-san."
"I know, you'd prefer to dream up horrible deaths instead."
"Ah, now you're getting it!"
*soft laughter*
"I wish I could be more like you, Fujino-san."
*pause* "No you don't."
"Yes, I do. You loved Natsuki more than anyone ever could, and you were strong enough to be able to sit by and watch them, and you could remain in control at all times. I was never like that. I always got so jealous, watching Tate and Natsuki together, and -"
*rasping* "Stop."
"I don't think you're quite seeing me yet. You still have some lofty ideal of me, being selfless. I might've said I did it because Yuuichi-san was killing Natsuki, but I did it entirely for a selfish reason too. In fact, I killed him precisely because I didn't want to see him defiling Natsuki anymore. The fact that he was destroying her just gave me a convenient excuse."
"...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry again."
"No, I should, I should, I should be the one that's sorry, I guess. I was blind to his faults, and I was so angry at Natsuki, and so I just never noticed anything wrong about their relationship. Everything that seemed to go bad was Natsuki's fault to me. I failed to see beyond that, and so you have to bear the burden."
"There might've been nothing wrong with their relationship."
"But you wouldn't have killed Ta - Ta- you wouldn't have killed him without a just cause, and unless it was a truly dire and unsolvable situation."
"How do you know that?"
*silence*
"Tell me something, Tokiha-san. If Natsuki had been backstabbing Yuuichi-san, or if she'd been killing him, would you have killed her?"
*silence*
"If the police, if no one would be willing to believe your story or help you, or even if they had, would you have gone and killed her and made sure she was dead, for hurting Yuuichi-san?"
*sounds of whimpering and crying*
"S-stop."
"Would you?" *louder* "Would you?"
"S-s-stop!"
*sounds of footsteps running out of the room*
"You hurt Mai."
*silence*
"Why?"
*quietly* "I didn't mean to."
"Mai doesn't do anything anymore. Mai doesn't play with Mikoto anymore. Mai just sits there and cries all day..."
"I'm so sorry, Mikoto... But I cannot repent for my crime."
"Why did Shizuru do this? Why did Shizuru put herself into such a bad place?"
"You still speak funnily, Mikoto."
"You're wrong. I've changed too. Stop changing the subject, Shizuru."
"How many years has it been?"
*pause* "Not enough to erase the hurt, enough for it to not matter anymore, much more than you deserve."
"...You've really grown up, haven't you?"
"Shizuru, just, why?"
*pause* "Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't thinking?"
"...Maybe not then, but now? Yes."
*perplexed* "I always wondered why everyone thought I was infallible."
"Shizuru, tell me you aren't being serious."
"I am perfectly serious this time."
"Shizuru always got perfect grades, was president of the student council. Shizuru has good looks, perfect manners. Shizuru knows a lot, can negotiate things. Mikoto liked Shizuru."
*amused* "You're talking in Mikoto-speak again."
"Sorry."
"Don't be, what do you have to be sorry for?"
"But Shizuru, really. What were you thinking?"
"I don't know." *soft bitter laughter* "I've had so much time to think in here, yet I've never thought once about my crime."
"I have no idea what I was thinking. I just - needed to do something. I could not stand by and know that Yuuichi was hurting Natsuki like that. The one caring part of my body would not allow that."
"Did you think of the consequences at all?"
"No, not at all, Mikoto. You know that I've never thought of the consequences at all, about what might happen after? Everything has just always worked out for me somehow, and if it didn't, I could always talk my way out or something."
"But now that you do know them, do you wish you could've gone back and changed it?"
*silence*
"No, no I don't. I know you do, and Tokiha does, and everyone else does, even Natsuki, but no - I would not have changed a single thing." *harsh whisper* "Not seeing him dead was simply not enough for me, Mikoto. Until he was dead, I couldn't be sure of Natsuki's safety. And so I would've killed him all over again if I had the choice." *ragged breathing* "And the rest of what I did wasn't for Natsuki, it was for me. I had to be there, I had to beat him to the ground and torture him, until he was begging forgiveness and driven to insanity. I couldn't stop, even though there was not a single happy thought in me as I did it. I loved causing him pain. It's like a drug, Mikoto."
"You say you'll protect Natsuki from everything. What about yourself?"
"..."
*sadly* "You need someone to protect you too, Shizuru. So you don't hurt Natsuki, and so you don't hurt yourself."
"I've already hurt Natsuki, Mikoto. And I'm paying for it."
*slightly angry* "That's not what I meant."
"You have a right to live too, Shizuru." *pause* "We saw you as a goddess, yet you're only human. This is not your fault, it's everyones'."
*silence*
*sad, despondent* "When did you become the wise one, Mikoto?"
"When everyone else I knew stopped being wise."
*silence*
"I guess I'll leave now. Just remember, Shizuru, that you don't deserve this."
"Mikoto feels the desire too."
*footsteps echoing in the corridor, haunted eyes staring through the bars*
*jarring sound as door slams against bars*
"You're a loser, Fujino."
"Why hello, Yuki-san."
"Yeesh, and I thought I was low." *pause* "Or used to be, anyway."
"How is the Catholic life suiting you, Yuki-san?"
"Oh fine, fine. It's loads of fun, but I don't understand why the kids always run away. I thought that after that smelly old nun from before, what was her name, Sanada Yukariko? At any rate, I thought kids would be glad for a change of pace after her boring sermons, but nope, they still run away in fright."
"Hm, I wonder why."
"You're a sarcastic bitch, aren't you, even if you don't look it. Hmph. Look at you, sitting there, moping the entire time. If you're always like this you'll never be able to move on."
*silence*
"Perhaps I cannot move on."
"What are you talking about? Everyone can move on. Look at me; I'm the best fucking example you'll ever get. But you, see, that's why you're such a loser. You just go 'Ohhhh, woe is me, woe is me, this was my fault, but woe is me...'"
"That is certainly an original way of looking at it."
"Your face is blank, Fujino, but your eyes can't hide what you feel."
"And pray tell, Yuki-san - how do you know me so well?"
"You're stripped bare when you're around Kuga, you know that, Fujino? Everyone can see what you feel, except for Kuga, that dense idiot."
"Get out."
"...What?"
"You have no right to insult Natsuki like that."
"Are you still clinging to your ideal of protecting Natsuki? No wonder you're a wreck - has Natsuki ever been in to see you?"
"I said get out."
"Hey, I'm trying to be serious and emphatic here for once!"
*dangerously calm* "Yuki-san, I'm sure you have enough experience to know what happens when you don't acquiese to my request."
"...No." *pause* "You know something, Fujino? I've always hated you, through and through."
"That thought is kindly reciprocated, Yuki-san."
"Oooo, the great Fujino-sama admitting to hating someone? My, how prison life has beaten you down." *dark chuckle*
"If you don't state your point in five minutes I will make you leave, forcefully or otherwise." *sweet smile*
"Bitch." *pause* "Ok well, the point I was trying to make, I guess, is that you can't dwell on the past."
"Is that so?"
"Shut up, Fujino, and let me finish. If you're always in the past, you will never be able to move on to the present, nevermind the future. The past will eat you, and soon you won't even be Fujino Shizuru anymore, you'll just be the memory of a killer. Argh." *sounds of head banging against the bars* "I was never good at this sort of explanation thing. Kikukawa could've done this perfectly."
"You did perfectly fine, Yuki-san. Those were sage words of advice."
"I said it like shit and you know it, Fujino. At any rate, what kind of bullshit is 'words of advice?' You never listen to any sort of advice, so you might as well just be listening to some obscure Swedish pop song.
"Has it ever occured to you, Yuki-san, that there is no possible way for me to not live in the past?"
"Bullshit, bullshit again."
"Perhaps this time you should listen to me."
"I've lived in this cell for the past few years, and I've barely ever seen anyone. The rest of the world is closed to me; I am like a blind person, unable to see anything except for my memories. To me, you're still fifteen, and all of you are still in school, in a familiar place that I know, and the Fuuka Academy still retains its prestige, and everyone is still happy, no one is hurt or scarred."
*stunned silence*
"...There is no blood, no pain, no agony from my actions because I have never experiened the long period of anguish that everyone says they've gone through. Are you listening now?"
"...You really are insane, aren't you? You mean, to tell me... You've been sitting in this dark cell for years and still you think that everything is fine and nothing is wrong?"
"Everything is wrong. Everything has always been wrong. But I believe we were on a different topic?"
"Yeah, but -"
"Cooped up in here, all I can see is the past. These walls are a constant reminder of everything I've done and everything that happened before."
"You still have a future."
"Do I?"
"Of course you do. No matter how black your past is, your future is always clean."
*shaking of head* "You are blind, Yuki-san."
"No more blind than you are, Fujino."
"Tell me, how do you like your future?"
"What kind of a question is that?"
"A question I believe you have yet to answer."
*angry voice* "Shut up."
"Resorting to angry antisocialness again eh? Tsktsk, you've never really changed."
"I have changed. I had a chance for a different future, and I actually did something with it. How do you like YOUR future?"
"I don't have a future."
*exasperated* "You stubborn bi-"
"My future does not contain Natsuki, and therefore it does not exist." *swish of robes against the floor as a body rises* "I would rather have a terrible past with Natsuki than a perfect future without her." *ghastly smile*
"But what if you rectified the situation and actually did something so you could have a future with her?"
"Come now, do you really believe that that is possible?"
"Yuki-san, visiting time's up."
"Geez, it hasn't even been that long." *grumbling* "Stop looking at me like that, mister, did you know that staring at ladies isn't very nice?"
*dark laughter* "Yuki Nao."
*door screeches across the floor, lock clicks into place*
"You're still the same, Yuki Nao. Did you really believe you could change? What future is there without a past?"
*shrug* "Everything is possible... Shizuru-san."
*footsteps fade away*
Untitled
By Tiger Dauthi
*sound of bars screeching against the ground*
*pleasant voice* "Oh hello."
*curt and courteous* "Fujino Shizuru, I assume?"
"Yes, yes, that's me. Fujino Shizuru. What may I help you with?"
"Hello. My name's Seppengu Kaichi."
"Nice to meet you, Seppengu-san."
"It's nice to meet you too, Fujino-san. I'm here to ask you a few questions for a humanitarian sidebar in my article about you - I hope you don't mind?"
"No, I don't mind at all. Ask away - I'll try to explain as much as I can."
*sounds of chairs being scraped against the floor*
"Ok then. How about we start with some basic facts?"
"That sounds good to me."
"Ok. Fujino Shizuru, you would be twenty-four by now, I presume?"
*slightly surprised* "I suppose. I apologize Seppengu-san, but I don't keep track of time too much in here. I hope you understand."
"Hm. Well that's slightly surprising of you, but I understand. Ok then, you were eighteen at the time of the crime, am I correct?"
"Yes sir."
"Indicted for first-degree murder?"
*slight pause* "Yes."
"I'm sorry I have to remind you of these terrible things, Fujino-san."
"It's quite alright."
"If you say so. Ok, let's start getting into the real questions here. What was your relationship with Kuga Natsuki?"
*pause* "...I was her friend."
*sound of scribbling across a notepad*
"Hm, she said you loved her."
*amused voice* "Did she say that? Well, it's true. We loved each other. They were just different loves, that's all."
"Can you elaborate on that?"
"I'm sorry, I thought you already knew. Ai is very different from suki."
"I knew that. I guess I should rephrase this - can you elaborate more on your relationship and feelings about Kuga-san?"
*silence*
"Well?"
"Natsuki was- Natsuki is the world to me. It would be rather silly to consider it love at first sight, but I think I did begin to love her from the first time I set my eyes on her. I - why do you need this?"
"I believe you had no motive for killing Yuuichi-san."
"What do you mean? Of course I did, and I was found guilty too. Do you want me to repeat what I said again?"
"No, I have it in my notes somewhere." *rustling of papers* "Ah, here it is. 'I killed him because otherwise he would kill Natsuki.'"
"That's perfectly true."
"Perhaps, but it doesn't make sense."
"...I don't see why not."
"Why would you kill him? He was in a happy relationship with Kuga-san, and you - I know what you're like, Fujino-san, I already knew you loved her from other sources - you aren't the type of person to be jealous -"
*calmly* "You're getting rather excited, sir. Sit down and drink some tea, it will soothe your mind."
*silence*
"This tea is very nice, isn't it, sir? I hardly expected prisons to serve such good tea."
"Yes, it is."
"And-"
"Stop it, Fujino-san."
"Yes?"
"Look, you would never go out and kill anyone just like that, even if you were outraged at Yuuichi-san, you would've kept your cool, and reported any abuse to the police or something. And your reason is so entirely selfless, anyone can see you're a good person - you shouldn't be in here."
"What's right and what's good are two very different things, sir. The fact remains that I killed Yuuichi-san. It was good, perhaps, but it was certainly not right. And I'm paying for it."
"Would you just listen here, Fujino-san?! I'm trying to appeal to the courts for you here! Stop drinking your damn tea and listen to me!"
"I enjoy my tea-drinking time, sir. It's one of the few things I look forward to everyday, and so I hope you do not deprive me of this pleasure either. Rest assured, I am listening to you."
"...fine. How about you give me your account of the events?"
"I assume that you already have the one I gave in front of the jury?"
"That stuff is bullshit. I want to know what you really think."
"What I said there was exactly what I was thinking. He was hurting her, he was killing her little by little, and it had to stop. And so I stopped it in the most permanent way possible."
"But, but. Why didn't you report it to the police then?"
*very softly* "...I cannot trust them, after the First District..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I cannot sit still, sir, and watch other people do things not nearly as well as I could've done them. I cannot think things finished when other people report to me. I must be there myself, see it for myself, make sure myself. The only person you can rely on is yourself."
*sharply* "What about Kuga-san?"
*silence*
"I love her."
"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Let's move on - how did you feel after you killed him?"
"I felt good."
*surprised* "What?"
"I said I felt good."
"Wait-"
"I will not lie to you, Seppengu-san. I delighted in killing him. I enjoyed watching him beg for his worthless life, and I enjoyed crushing him to the ground."
"B-but... This, this, this isn't YOU! This isn't what you're like!"
"Do you know what I'm like, sir?"
*sound of keys jangling against bars* "Seppengu-san, visiting time's up."
"Just a few more minutes!"
"No, it's okay, sir, we're done. Thank you for your time, Seppengu-san. I do hope you will think hard about my question."
"Sorry, but you gotta come out, sir. You can visit her tomorrow, if you'd like."
"...Okay. Would you grace me with your presence some other time, Fujino-san?"
*amused* "You act like I have a choice, sir."
"You should."
"Perhaps."
*bars screeching against the floor, echoing as they slam against other bars*
"FUJINO!!"
"Tokiha-san?"
*sound of body slamming into the wall*
"Why did you kill him? Why?"
*sound of head cracking against the floor*
"...Why?"
*crying*
"...I'm sorry, Tokiha-san."
*silence, occasionally broken by sobs*
"...Just, why? He wasn't doing anything bad to her..."
"He was killing her."
"But that's - oh kami, I'm so sorry, here, I'll help you into bed."
"The floor feels very nice, actually, the cold is numbing but comforting. In fact, I prefer sleeping on the floor to a bed."
"What?"
"It doesn't sound very Fujino Shizuru to you, does it? Well, ask Natsuki, she knows dozens of little quirks about me that no one else does."
"But you're going to get ill if you lie on the floor like that."
"Oh, that's nice. I wonder what I'll get, pneumonia, or some sort of flu?"
"Is this you, Fujino-san?"
"I assure you, this is very much me. I am a very morbid person."
*stunned silence, then chuckling*
"If I may ask what you're laughing at, Tokiha-san?"
"I'm sorry, it's just that your face looked so completely serious when you said you were a morbid person, it was rather funny."
*drily* "I'm glad I could cheer you up."
*awkward silence*
"But really, you might get very sick, and since we don't know how sanitized these places are, you might end up dying."
"Oh, no, if I were to die of a disease I would choose to die of AIDS. At least then I'll know how many people I've had sexual intercourse with."
*stunned silence*
"Relax, Tokiha-san. I'm not going to get a disease, and if I do get one and die it won't matter."
"You're very different from what I thought you'd be like."
"I should hope that everyone is. If someone fit your impressions exactly, where's the surprise in that? Being with that person, where would the life be? That person would be a predictable stereotype that no one likes."
"...Is that why you like - love Natsuki?"
*pause* "Yes, I suppose that's part of it. I don't tend to dwell on love and its reasons, Tokiha-san."
"I know, you'd prefer to dream up horrible deaths instead."
"Ah, now you're getting it!"
*soft laughter*
"I wish I could be more like you, Fujino-san."
*pause* "No you don't."
"Yes, I do. You loved Natsuki more than anyone ever could, and you were strong enough to be able to sit by and watch them, and you could remain in control at all times. I was never like that. I always got so jealous, watching Tate and Natsuki together, and -"
*rasping* "Stop."
"I don't think you're quite seeing me yet. You still have some lofty ideal of me, being selfless. I might've said I did it because Yuuichi-san was killing Natsuki, but I did it entirely for a selfish reason too. In fact, I killed him precisely because I didn't want to see him defiling Natsuki anymore. The fact that he was destroying her just gave me a convenient excuse."
"...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry again."
"No, I should, I should, I should be the one that's sorry, I guess. I was blind to his faults, and I was so angry at Natsuki, and so I just never noticed anything wrong about their relationship. Everything that seemed to go bad was Natsuki's fault to me. I failed to see beyond that, and so you have to bear the burden."
"There might've been nothing wrong with their relationship."
"But you wouldn't have killed Ta - Ta- you wouldn't have killed him without a just cause, and unless it was a truly dire and unsolvable situation."
"How do you know that?"
*silence*
"Tell me something, Tokiha-san. If Natsuki had been backstabbing Yuuichi-san, or if she'd been killing him, would you have killed her?"
*silence*
"If the police, if no one would be willing to believe your story or help you, or even if they had, would you have gone and killed her and made sure she was dead, for hurting Yuuichi-san?"
*sounds of whimpering and crying*
"S-stop."
"Would you?" *louder* "Would you?"
"S-s-stop!"
*sounds of footsteps running out of the room*
"You hurt Mai."
*silence*
"Why?"
*quietly* "I didn't mean to."
"Mai doesn't do anything anymore. Mai doesn't play with Mikoto anymore. Mai just sits there and cries all day..."
"I'm so sorry, Mikoto... But I cannot repent for my crime."
"Why did Shizuru do this? Why did Shizuru put herself into such a bad place?"
"You still speak funnily, Mikoto."
"You're wrong. I've changed too. Stop changing the subject, Shizuru."
"How many years has it been?"
*pause* "Not enough to erase the hurt, enough for it to not matter anymore, much more than you deserve."
"...You've really grown up, haven't you?"
"Shizuru, just, why?"
*pause* "Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't thinking?"
"...Maybe not then, but now? Yes."
*perplexed* "I always wondered why everyone thought I was infallible."
"Shizuru, tell me you aren't being serious."
"I am perfectly serious this time."
"Shizuru always got perfect grades, was president of the student council. Shizuru has good looks, perfect manners. Shizuru knows a lot, can negotiate things. Mikoto liked Shizuru."
*amused* "You're talking in Mikoto-speak again."
"Sorry."
"Don't be, what do you have to be sorry for?"
"But Shizuru, really. What were you thinking?"
"I don't know." *soft bitter laughter* "I've had so much time to think in here, yet I've never thought once about my crime."
"I have no idea what I was thinking. I just - needed to do something. I could not stand by and know that Yuuichi was hurting Natsuki like that. The one caring part of my body would not allow that."
"Did you think of the consequences at all?"
"No, not at all, Mikoto. You know that I've never thought of the consequences at all, about what might happen after? Everything has just always worked out for me somehow, and if it didn't, I could always talk my way out or something."
"But now that you do know them, do you wish you could've gone back and changed it?"
*silence*
"No, no I don't. I know you do, and Tokiha does, and everyone else does, even Natsuki, but no - I would not have changed a single thing." *harsh whisper* "Not seeing him dead was simply not enough for me, Mikoto. Until he was dead, I couldn't be sure of Natsuki's safety. And so I would've killed him all over again if I had the choice." *ragged breathing* "And the rest of what I did wasn't for Natsuki, it was for me. I had to be there, I had to beat him to the ground and torture him, until he was begging forgiveness and driven to insanity. I couldn't stop, even though there was not a single happy thought in me as I did it. I loved causing him pain. It's like a drug, Mikoto."
"You say you'll protect Natsuki from everything. What about yourself?"
"..."
*sadly* "You need someone to protect you too, Shizuru. So you don't hurt Natsuki, and so you don't hurt yourself."
"I've already hurt Natsuki, Mikoto. And I'm paying for it."
*slightly angry* "That's not what I meant."
"You have a right to live too, Shizuru." *pause* "We saw you as a goddess, yet you're only human. This is not your fault, it's everyones'."
*silence*
*sad, despondent* "When did you become the wise one, Mikoto?"
"When everyone else I knew stopped being wise."
*silence*
"I guess I'll leave now. Just remember, Shizuru, that you don't deserve this."
"Mikoto feels the desire too."
*footsteps echoing in the corridor, haunted eyes staring through the bars*
*jarring sound as door slams against bars*
"You're a loser, Fujino."
"Why hello, Yuki-san."
"Yeesh, and I thought I was low." *pause* "Or used to be, anyway."
"How is the Catholic life suiting you, Yuki-san?"
"Oh fine, fine. It's loads of fun, but I don't understand why the kids always run away. I thought that after that smelly old nun from before, what was her name, Sanada Yukariko? At any rate, I thought kids would be glad for a change of pace after her boring sermons, but nope, they still run away in fright."
"Hm, I wonder why."
"You're a sarcastic bitch, aren't you, even if you don't look it. Hmph. Look at you, sitting there, moping the entire time. If you're always like this you'll never be able to move on."
*silence*
"Perhaps I cannot move on."
"What are you talking about? Everyone can move on. Look at me; I'm the best fucking example you'll ever get. But you, see, that's why you're such a loser. You just go 'Ohhhh, woe is me, woe is me, this was my fault, but woe is me...'"
"That is certainly an original way of looking at it."
"Your face is blank, Fujino, but your eyes can't hide what you feel."
"And pray tell, Yuki-san - how do you know me so well?"
"You're stripped bare when you're around Kuga, you know that, Fujino? Everyone can see what you feel, except for Kuga, that dense idiot."
"Get out."
"...What?"
"You have no right to insult Natsuki like that."
"Are you still clinging to your ideal of protecting Natsuki? No wonder you're a wreck - has Natsuki ever been in to see you?"
"I said get out."
"Hey, I'm trying to be serious and emphatic here for once!"
*dangerously calm* "Yuki-san, I'm sure you have enough experience to know what happens when you don't acquiese to my request."
"...No." *pause* "You know something, Fujino? I've always hated you, through and through."
"That thought is kindly reciprocated, Yuki-san."
"Oooo, the great Fujino-sama admitting to hating someone? My, how prison life has beaten you down." *dark chuckle*
"If you don't state your point in five minutes I will make you leave, forcefully or otherwise." *sweet smile*
"Bitch." *pause* "Ok well, the point I was trying to make, I guess, is that you can't dwell on the past."
"Is that so?"
"Shut up, Fujino, and let me finish. If you're always in the past, you will never be able to move on to the present, nevermind the future. The past will eat you, and soon you won't even be Fujino Shizuru anymore, you'll just be the memory of a killer. Argh." *sounds of head banging against the bars* "I was never good at this sort of explanation thing. Kikukawa could've done this perfectly."
"You did perfectly fine, Yuki-san. Those were sage words of advice."
"I said it like shit and you know it, Fujino. At any rate, what kind of bullshit is 'words of advice?' You never listen to any sort of advice, so you might as well just be listening to some obscure Swedish pop song.
"Has it ever occured to you, Yuki-san, that there is no possible way for me to not live in the past?"
"Bullshit, bullshit again."
"Perhaps this time you should listen to me."
"I've lived in this cell for the past few years, and I've barely ever seen anyone. The rest of the world is closed to me; I am like a blind person, unable to see anything except for my memories. To me, you're still fifteen, and all of you are still in school, in a familiar place that I know, and the Fuuka Academy still retains its prestige, and everyone is still happy, no one is hurt or scarred."
*stunned silence*
"...There is no blood, no pain, no agony from my actions because I have never experiened the long period of anguish that everyone says they've gone through. Are you listening now?"
"...You really are insane, aren't you? You mean, to tell me... You've been sitting in this dark cell for years and still you think that everything is fine and nothing is wrong?"
"Everything is wrong. Everything has always been wrong. But I believe we were on a different topic?"
"Yeah, but -"
"Cooped up in here, all I can see is the past. These walls are a constant reminder of everything I've done and everything that happened before."
"You still have a future."
"Do I?"
"Of course you do. No matter how black your past is, your future is always clean."
*shaking of head* "You are blind, Yuki-san."
"No more blind than you are, Fujino."
"Tell me, how do you like your future?"
"What kind of a question is that?"
"A question I believe you have yet to answer."
*angry voice* "Shut up."
"Resorting to angry antisocialness again eh? Tsktsk, you've never really changed."
"I have changed. I had a chance for a different future, and I actually did something with it. How do you like YOUR future?"
"I don't have a future."
*exasperated* "You stubborn bi-"
"My future does not contain Natsuki, and therefore it does not exist." *swish of robes against the floor as a body rises* "I would rather have a terrible past with Natsuki than a perfect future without her." *ghastly smile*
"But what if you rectified the situation and actually did something so you could have a future with her?"
"Come now, do you really believe that that is possible?"
"Yuki-san, visiting time's up."
"Geez, it hasn't even been that long." *grumbling* "Stop looking at me like that, mister, did you know that staring at ladies isn't very nice?"
*dark laughter* "Yuki Nao."
*door screeches across the floor, lock clicks into place*
"You're still the same, Yuki Nao. Did you really believe you could change? What future is there without a past?"
*shrug* "Everything is possible... Shizuru-san."
*footsteps fade away*