You Are A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen (We Break Like Nothing is Wrong)
I don't know where this came from. This is total crack, as in completely unexpected. It's vaguely Gossip Girls-esque, lol.
Title: You Are A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen (We Break Like Nothing is Wrong)
Fandom: Negima
Characters: Ayaka
Word Count: 748
Summary: Ayaka knows that it's the family ties that are the strongest.
Notes: EXTREMELY TWISTED. the headings aren't from anything particular, I just made them up.
You Are A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen (We Break Like Nothing is Wrong)
i. you are a train wreck waiting to happen (five)
Ayaka was born on a cold December day. There was snow falling outside, and her mother almost slipped getting out of the car, and perhaps Ayaka would have gone straight to heaven if her mother actually had fallen.
Ayaka does not regret being born. She regrets being born in December. Her parents, unlike most other parents of December children she knows, give her gifts on both her birthday and for Christmas, but it always feel doubly hollow. She pretends that the gifts she receives on one of those days are actually for her brother, but soon realizes that it's a pretty stupid idea, because he wouldn't have liked to play with dolls anyway.
ii. we break like nothing is wrong (ten)
She loves Negi for his innocence and hates Asuna for reminding her how serious everything is. She is the class chairman, the one who is trusted to keep everything in order, and it is ironic how little she understands.
Ayaka is not a stranger to irony. Her father keeps a mistress even though he seems very much in love with her mother, and there is irony. Her brother gave her life color, and then he died, and there is irony.
iii. riddled holes in your heart (fifteen)
Ayaka has spent her life working for approval and has gotten it from everyone but the two people who should logically matter to her the most. They do not have her approval either, she thinks a little rebelliously, just a lifetime of disappointed dreams.
She enters high school and learns the delicate art of dangling a cigarette. Negi has run off somewhere, and Asuna has joined him, and Ayaka may be dense but even she realized the enormity of what she was dealing with when Negi materialized a fire-breathing dragon in front of her out of thin air. He was never the innocent little boy she believed him to be, and it makes her sad.
She still thinks about her brother sometimes, but less and less as the days go by. She stops thinking about Negi and Asuna, too.
iv. we'll burn it bright (twenty)
She's kissing some drunk redhead in the corner of the club, and as she takes in the taste of a martini she thinks about how surprised her parents would be if they saw her now.
"Come home with me," the redhead whispers, and Ayaka does, and the next morning she throws the memory up into the toilet. She will never have another one.
v. we watch ourselves fall (twenty-five)
The wedding is an extravaganza, the best of the best, something that only Ayaka could plan. She hangs adoringly off the arm of the second-richest man in Japan - the richest being her, of course. Everyone she has ever known is invited, and some of them attend but several more of them don't. She spots Konoka in the crowd, and Setsuna trailing behind her, and her parents are in the front row, the slightest glimmer of acknowledgement in their eyes.
She closes her eyes as she kisses her new husband, and for a moment she pretends that he is someone else, anyone else, perhaps even that redhead from long ago.
Konoka informs her later with a wry little smile that Negi and Asuna attended too. Ayaka stares at Konoka wordlessly and thinks about raging against Negi and Asuna for daring to come without letting her know, but drops a practiced cold smile instead.
vi. you never left (thirty)
Ayaka's head cracks against the closet door as she engages in an angry fight with the best friend she never had. It feels like their old brawls, but nastier, more malicious, more real. She certainly doesn't remember the purple bruises blooming across Asuna's arms, or the faint lines of blood across Asuna's cheeks. She doesn't remember the kissing either, or the sex, or the second time her head is smashed against the door.
This is wrong, she thinks. This is wrong, but she does it anyway.
vii. this hell disguised in heaven (thirty-five)
Ayaka's husband probably suspects, but will never know. She appreciates him for what he is and looks to Asuna for what he is not. They have no children, and they probably never will.
Ayaka has exceeded all her parents' expectations. She is her mother in her body and her father in her soul. Sometimes she wonders what part of her would have belonged to her brother.
Title: You Are A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen (We Break Like Nothing is Wrong)
Fandom: Negima
Characters: Ayaka
Word Count: 748
Summary: Ayaka knows that it's the family ties that are the strongest.
Notes: EXTREMELY TWISTED. the headings aren't from anything particular, I just made them up.
You Are A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen (We Break Like Nothing is Wrong)
i. you are a train wreck waiting to happen (five)
Ayaka was born on a cold December day. There was snow falling outside, and her mother almost slipped getting out of the car, and perhaps Ayaka would have gone straight to heaven if her mother actually had fallen.
Ayaka does not regret being born. She regrets being born in December. Her parents, unlike most other parents of December children she knows, give her gifts on both her birthday and for Christmas, but it always feel doubly hollow. She pretends that the gifts she receives on one of those days are actually for her brother, but soon realizes that it's a pretty stupid idea, because he wouldn't have liked to play with dolls anyway.
ii. we break like nothing is wrong (ten)
She loves Negi for his innocence and hates Asuna for reminding her how serious everything is. She is the class chairman, the one who is trusted to keep everything in order, and it is ironic how little she understands.
Ayaka is not a stranger to irony. Her father keeps a mistress even though he seems very much in love with her mother, and there is irony. Her brother gave her life color, and then he died, and there is irony.
iii. riddled holes in your heart (fifteen)
Ayaka has spent her life working for approval and has gotten it from everyone but the two people who should logically matter to her the most. They do not have her approval either, she thinks a little rebelliously, just a lifetime of disappointed dreams.
She enters high school and learns the delicate art of dangling a cigarette. Negi has run off somewhere, and Asuna has joined him, and Ayaka may be dense but even she realized the enormity of what she was dealing with when Negi materialized a fire-breathing dragon in front of her out of thin air. He was never the innocent little boy she believed him to be, and it makes her sad.
She still thinks about her brother sometimes, but less and less as the days go by. She stops thinking about Negi and Asuna, too.
iv. we'll burn it bright (twenty)
She's kissing some drunk redhead in the corner of the club, and as she takes in the taste of a martini she thinks about how surprised her parents would be if they saw her now.
"Come home with me," the redhead whispers, and Ayaka does, and the next morning she throws the memory up into the toilet. She will never have another one.
v. we watch ourselves fall (twenty-five)
The wedding is an extravaganza, the best of the best, something that only Ayaka could plan. She hangs adoringly off the arm of the second-richest man in Japan - the richest being her, of course. Everyone she has ever known is invited, and some of them attend but several more of them don't. She spots Konoka in the crowd, and Setsuna trailing behind her, and her parents are in the front row, the slightest glimmer of acknowledgement in their eyes.
She closes her eyes as she kisses her new husband, and for a moment she pretends that he is someone else, anyone else, perhaps even that redhead from long ago.
Konoka informs her later with a wry little smile that Negi and Asuna attended too. Ayaka stares at Konoka wordlessly and thinks about raging against Negi and Asuna for daring to come without letting her know, but drops a practiced cold smile instead.
vi. you never left (thirty)
Ayaka's head cracks against the closet door as she engages in an angry fight with the best friend she never had. It feels like their old brawls, but nastier, more malicious, more real. She certainly doesn't remember the purple bruises blooming across Asuna's arms, or the faint lines of blood across Asuna's cheeks. She doesn't remember the kissing either, or the sex, or the second time her head is smashed against the door.
This is wrong, she thinks. This is wrong, but she does it anyway.
vii. this hell disguised in heaven (thirty-five)
Ayaka's husband probably suspects, but will never know. She appreciates him for what he is and looks to Asuna for what he is not. They have no children, and they probably never will.
Ayaka has exceeded all her parents' expectations. She is her mother in her body and her father in her soul. Sometimes she wonders what part of her would have belonged to her brother.