Adversity is nothing, bbs, when you've got stylists
Disclaimer: I love 2PM. I really do. And I'm sure Taec would approve. Sort of, since he likes dressing up as a human traffic light in real life anyway. Word. And obviously their stylists choose all the stuff they wear, so really, all this is targeted at them because I obvs don't know their stylist's name. If I did, I'll be staging a sit-in protest to get them better clothes. Srsly.
I had a whole bunch of caps ready to post up and comment on, one by one (from two performances of 10 Points out of 10) but in the end I realised that really, this cap spoke for itself. Is this what we mean by a picture speaks a thousand words - no, groans? I think so. My heart actually bled as I stared at that picture. Is it any wonder why I was so wowed by the second mini-album's concept? ANYTHING, I repeat, ANYTHING tops the kind of...thing Jay had to wear.
NON-FANS IGNORE PRZ: (By the way if you come back, hon, we will so totally make sure you never have to wear anything this bad ever again. Real talk. Enough incentive now? Please come back. We'll stop flying sky banners across your hometown, interviewing your friendly neighbour Mike and uh, spamming your boss's twitter. Or killing the earth by killing trees to make post-its. We'll just buy your albums instead and uh try to snog you if we see you in real life. So...come back? Pretty please?)
So after that totally necessary and pertinent digression, we come to:
Yes dears. I'm sure you have no idea where to begin. There's just...so much fertile detail in that, waiting with bated breath for you guys to dig in with me. Or not, I suppose, depending on what monster you're escaping from by reading my humble livejournal.
JUNSU. Oh Junsu. I've a million questions to ask you, and I probably should have last year when you guys came to Singapore but I was too cowardly to go stalk you all and try to speak English to Taec and Khun and Jay without dying on the spot, but right now all I can think to ask is, WHY OH WHY ARE YOU WEARING WHAT APPEARS TO BE A RIPPED DENIM SHIRT AND ONE LEGGING? Did this atrocity somehow spark the piece of total hot that you were in Album 2? Is that why you suddenly became smoking and totally sexy, you sneaky bastard? Is that WHY you never, ever, never, ever, never, ever wear berms in Album 2? You know what? I can totally understand if you need to air your shoulders, they're kinda important (and kinda hot too, I totally have an icon of them and uh, your face's in it too since they're kinda inseparable), but you could've totally aired your shoulders by uh, just stripping everything off or wearing a nice sensible tanktop like Chansung is doing. Denim is hot and keeps the sweat in, ya know.
Or were you just storing up all that heat for Album 2? If so, I totally approve. But...I love you, hon, I really do. I spazz over you and your eyes and your teeth and whatever a crazy fangirl does, but...that legging you so coyly reveal under your dubious newspaper print slacks? The ones that are kind of growing black and purple and green pie shapes? No. Just no. Nothing excuses that, no matter how adorable or amazing you are, or how sensible you are to try to hide that HIDEOUS, HIDEOUS vest with a nice clean white vest, or distract with your nifty fingerless leather gloves. No. Like, NO. Sorry dear, I really only am in love with your Album 2 self - or Album 1 self out of those clothes would do, really.
WOOYOUNG. I love how you're totally shutting your eyes to the reality that you are ON NATIONAL TELEVISION in a army-green jacket with lots of multi-coloured dog-tags, a random red sleeve peeking out from under that, and a bunch of mates wearing duds more ridiculous than yours. At least you had the presence of mind to hide, and uh, to protect your eyes. I always knew you were the most sensible one. Okay maybe not, Junho had the presence of mind to wear a reasonably decent outfit AND hide behind Khun as well, so you've kind of lost a bit of ground there. But I REALLY don't think it's a good idea to put your trademark squishy cheeks that close to those tags. They could CUT YOU. Like CUT YOU DEEP. And there're SO MANY of them. Did you accidentally tell the coordinator-noona that you really wanted to be a Boy Scout (or whatever the Korean equivalent is) when you were young? Are you itching to join the army? IS THAT WHY THERE IS SO MUCH OVERCOMPENSATION OF ARMY OR UNIFORM PARAPHERNALIA GOING ON HERE? Darling, we love you as you are. Just...stop endangering your lovely face with dogtags, or armies, or bang bang boom boom pow.
TAECYEON. Hi dear. I'm sure you cringed at this outfit too. Didn't you? I know you like wearing orange pants with a bright yellow t-shirt and a red, yellow and green cap, and sometimes dubiously FBT-like baby blue berms, but I'm sure you have Standards. Right? Like, NO SERIOUSLY I REFUSE TO WEAR SOME STRANGE TRIBAL PRINT PANTS WITH A WHITE MUSCLE TANK AND WHAT REMAINS OF A HOODIE. LIKE SRSLY NO. Especially when those weird pants are cut specially to have a red lining at the inner thigh area. I mean of course you know you're hot and girls dig you and all, but I mean a guy's gotta be subtle sometimes so girls don't think you're a horny jerk who just wants to point them to the appropriate AHEM area. Although I have seen people requesting YOUR crotch shots online, so maybe this is the way to go.
You know, I'm beginning to wonder if you passed on your superpowers in keeping things on properly to G.O of MBLAQ (you know him, he's the one who likes to do weird breakdancing poses while keeping his sunglasses on). Because that hood looks like it's just folded around your neck like a charming pet snake. I mean, you surely didn't superglue it to your head, did you? But you still did flips! And pervy butt-slapping! And mock-fighting! I say you srsly pwn G.O in that department, because he didn't flip himself upside down and still manage to keep those sunglasses on. Or did you kind of dissect the hoodie such that its vengeful ghost decided to hang on your neck and never let go? IS THAT WHY? TELL ME DEAR, I WILL EXORCISE IT FOR YOU.
JUNHO Hey you, hiding behind Khun. I'm not being evil and not saying anything because I don't like you and all, but I actually kind of dig what you're wearing, especially the jacket excepting the fur, so bear with me on this alright? Plus, Chansung doesn't even get to appear in the picture, so count yourself lucky that uh, half your body and your arms kind of do. And that I am one of your devoted fans who would look behind just about anything (okay maybe not a bathroom door, I HAVE NON-PERVY STANDARDS) to find you. Then again there was that clip from Wild Bunny when you and Jay were in the bathroom...OKAY NEVERMIND. I BREAK MY RULES ALL THE TIME. WHATEVA. I GET TO OGLE YOU WHENEVER I WANT TO. EVEN THROUGH BUTT GIFS. Stop flexing your butt if you don't want people to see it!
NICKHUN Are you winking? Are you winking? Oh. It's the screencap. Sorry. BUT IS THAT A WHITE CUTOUT I SEE PEEKING OUT FROM UNDER YOUR SHIRT? Oh wait no, it's a hat. No, it's a pouch! No, it's a piece of scrap cloth! No, it's a codpiece! Oh wait, that's ABOVE YOUR PANTS. Kay, sorry. There's a dangly feather! You know Khun, I know you're Thai-American and all (does your mom ever get pissed off that her ethnicity's never actually appended to American when people refer to you?), but you REALLY didn't have to acquire the tools of the voodoo trade. I mean it's kinda awesome that Thai shamans can do all these nifty curses and whatever, but srsly that face of yours and those eyes, are good enough for pretty much everything. There was really no need to get A POUCH AND A FEATHER AND A WHITE CUTOUT to like put curses on people (HOLYSHIT NOT ANYONE FROM SHINEE, PLEASE) but I believe in you, really.
I'm sure that's just like A POUCH AND A FLOATING FEATHER AND A WHITE CUTOUT, and not really a pouch of herbs and a mysteriously cursed floating feather and a white HUMAN cutout for you to stomp on with Junho's glitter shoes. Totally innocent, yo. But you know what? I'll understand, if you're trying to target whoever thought NAVY BERMS and GREY BLACK-PRINT TIGHTS and MULTI-COLOURED FLOWERY JACKET and BROWN SHIRT THAT LOOKS LIKE ITS COLLAR GOT RIPPED OPEN 5 MINS BEFORE THIS would work. I feel for you, I do. If I could just remove one item of clothing from you (oh wait no, ulterior motive GAHHHHH. Got caught. oops!), I would. Okay maybe not. You might kill me for molestation, and I'll lose my potential practising cert for a criminal prosecution. But hey, you could assist me in being the first FEMALE to ever get charged for molestation? D'ya want to? YOU KNOW YOU HATE THOSE CLOTHES. YOU KNOW YOU HATE THOSE CLOTHES. Ah crap, where's my Chinese talisman when I need it? LEMME TELL YA, MY CHINESE TALISMAN PWNS YOUR POUCH AND FEATHER AND LADEEDA ANY DAY. You can actually burn mine and drink it. Way more useful and biodegradable.
JAY. We all miss you. Please come back, even if we've potentially royally pissed you off by flying sky banners and killing trees and all. If I may say so, though, please never ever go near these clothes with a ten-foot pole ever again. I know they made you wear a lace one-armed glove in the other performance that I was too lazy to upload pictures of, and they've put a stocking over your head and shaved the name of the group into your hair and dabbed white glitter on it before (that must hurt like crap to remove -- it hurts like crap when I pluck out random crap from my hair as it is). I know that traumatic experiences like ONE ARMED LACE GLOVE can totally warp your sense of perception and all, but did you really decide that this outfit was okay? I mean sure, the tribal accents on your left arm are awesome and all (how long did you take to do that! they're kind of cool actually), but those space cut-out pants that look like a lantern? No. Like, NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. As if it's not bad enough that these were cut-out pants, they aren't even properly cut like in the other performance where it looked like nicely sliced orange peels. No, these are just sloppy. I mean, couldn't you tell the stylist noona that SYMMETRY IS A BETTER IDEA when you're trying to emulate lanterns? Even if this is kind of like newsprint inner core with bombastic bursting open golden-taupe satin outer layer, and really kind of strange for lanterns? I know I'm kind of old-fashioned and all, but aren't lanterns supposed to be like colourful and flimsy and TOTALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WORN AS PANTS?
But that's okay, you know, it really is. What I really have a problem with, is that vest of yours. I know everyone loves your arms (I do too, I wish I had nice muscled arms like yours, okay maybe not, I'll have to lift 129381240095892173 weights to get it and I'm just too lazy), but...there're gaps at your chest. And silver buttons. And sparkly leathery crocodile skin material makes up the rest. And somehow it becomes an entirely different beast altogether on the back (not shown because it gave me a heart attack. Imagine what it'd do to the fragile beings who read my livejournal on the offchance that I write about something totally sane and benign. Not.)
You know, hon, when you've kind of sliced up a crocodile in order to get his skin for your Arabian Nights Persian-inspired vest, and its cross-species brown best friend too, you're kind of insulting his memory by placing HUGE SILVER BUTTONS on it? I mean srsly, crocodiles, they are totally cool beings who hate artificial man-made THINGYS of all sorts. Buttons? Silver, metal buttons? THEY TAINT THE HONOUR OF WEARING THAT CROCODIILE SKIN. Which I bet you didn't even hunt yourself, HAHAHA. And you know, crocodiles are totally casual, chill dudes? They would be so horribly offended that you decided to make yourself a COLLAR out of them. I mean it's absolutely tribal protocol to make clothing and accessories out of captives and what not, and I totally get that you're trying to channel that vibe, but really. Crocodile skin collars? Like, NO. They might actually start to haunt you like that disembowelled hoodie around Taec's neck haunts him. You REALLY don't want crocodiles to haunt you. They're big, and long, and bite and they're scary.
And...WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU USING A ZIP THAT DOESN'T CLOSE PROPERLY? What is with the factory that caught you the crocodile and sewed it into a vest for you? Did they get too tired or had too many holes in their chest from the crocodile's strugging, that they couldn't give you a proper zip that closes across your chest PROPERLY, for example? Is this a prelude to your shirt-lifting, really? Çoz you really should just wear cotton. It's like totally cheaper and easier to wear and more BREATHABLE, you know. Or just not wear anything, we totally dig that.
SRSLY GUYS, I DIG YOU DESPITE YOUR QUESTIONABLE CLOTHING CHOICES AND ALL THAT, BUT PLEASE...STOP.
[No mention to Chansung because he wasn't that fug, and I was lazy to upload a pic of him anyway...I still love you bb! Seriously!]
I had a whole bunch of caps ready to post up and comment on, one by one (from two performances of 10 Points out of 10) but in the end I realised that really, this cap spoke for itself. Is this what we mean by a picture speaks a thousand words - no, groans? I think so. My heart actually bled as I stared at that picture. Is it any wonder why I was so wowed by the second mini-album's concept? ANYTHING, I repeat, ANYTHING tops the kind of...thing Jay had to wear.
NON-FANS IGNORE PRZ: (By the way if you come back, hon, we will so totally make sure you never have to wear anything this bad ever again. Real talk. Enough incentive now? Please come back. We'll stop flying sky banners across your hometown, interviewing your friendly neighbour Mike and uh, spamming your boss's twitter. Or killing the earth by killing trees to make post-its. We'll just buy your albums instead and uh try to snog you if we see you in real life. So...come back? Pretty please?)
So after that totally necessary and pertinent digression, we come to:
Yes dears. I'm sure you have no idea where to begin. There's just...so much fertile detail in that, waiting with bated breath for you guys to dig in with me. Or not, I suppose, depending on what monster you're escaping from by reading my humble livejournal.
JUNSU. Oh Junsu. I've a million questions to ask you, and I probably should have last year when you guys came to Singapore but I was too cowardly to go stalk you all and try to speak English to Taec and Khun and Jay without dying on the spot, but right now all I can think to ask is, WHY OH WHY ARE YOU WEARING WHAT APPEARS TO BE A RIPPED DENIM SHIRT AND ONE LEGGING? Did this atrocity somehow spark the piece of total hot that you were in Album 2? Is that why you suddenly became smoking and totally sexy, you sneaky bastard? Is that WHY you never, ever, never, ever, never, ever wear berms in Album 2? You know what? I can totally understand if you need to air your shoulders, they're kinda important (and kinda hot too, I totally have an icon of them and uh, your face's in it too since they're kinda inseparable), but you could've totally aired your shoulders by uh, just stripping everything off or wearing a nice sensible tanktop like Chansung is doing. Denim is hot and keeps the sweat in, ya know.
Or were you just storing up all that heat for Album 2? If so, I totally approve. But...I love you, hon, I really do. I spazz over you and your eyes and your teeth and whatever a crazy fangirl does, but...that legging you so coyly reveal under your dubious newspaper print slacks? The ones that are kind of growing black and purple and green pie shapes? No. Just no. Nothing excuses that, no matter how adorable or amazing you are, or how sensible you are to try to hide that HIDEOUS, HIDEOUS vest with a nice clean white vest, or distract with your nifty fingerless leather gloves. No. Like, NO. Sorry dear, I really only am in love with your Album 2 self - or Album 1 self out of those clothes would do, really.
WOOYOUNG. I love how you're totally shutting your eyes to the reality that you are ON NATIONAL TELEVISION in a army-green jacket with lots of multi-coloured dog-tags, a random red sleeve peeking out from under that, and a bunch of mates wearing duds more ridiculous than yours. At least you had the presence of mind to hide, and uh, to protect your eyes. I always knew you were the most sensible one. Okay maybe not, Junho had the presence of mind to wear a reasonably decent outfit AND hide behind Khun as well, so you've kind of lost a bit of ground there. But I REALLY don't think it's a good idea to put your trademark squishy cheeks that close to those tags. They could CUT YOU. Like CUT YOU DEEP. And there're SO MANY of them. Did you accidentally tell the coordinator-noona that you really wanted to be a Boy Scout (or whatever the Korean equivalent is) when you were young? Are you itching to join the army? IS THAT WHY THERE IS SO MUCH OVERCOMPENSATION OF ARMY OR UNIFORM PARAPHERNALIA GOING ON HERE? Darling, we love you as you are. Just...stop endangering your lovely face with dogtags, or armies, or bang bang boom boom pow.
TAECYEON. Hi dear. I'm sure you cringed at this outfit too. Didn't you? I know you like wearing orange pants with a bright yellow t-shirt and a red, yellow and green cap, and sometimes dubiously FBT-like baby blue berms, but I'm sure you have Standards. Right? Like, NO SERIOUSLY I REFUSE TO WEAR SOME STRANGE TRIBAL PRINT PANTS WITH A WHITE MUSCLE TANK AND WHAT REMAINS OF A HOODIE. LIKE SRSLY NO. Especially when those weird pants are cut specially to have a red lining at the inner thigh area. I mean of course you know you're hot and girls dig you and all, but I mean a guy's gotta be subtle sometimes so girls don't think you're a horny jerk who just wants to point them to the appropriate AHEM area. Although I have seen people requesting YOUR crotch shots online, so maybe this is the way to go.
You know, I'm beginning to wonder if you passed on your superpowers in keeping things on properly to G.O of MBLAQ (you know him, he's the one who likes to do weird breakdancing poses while keeping his sunglasses on). Because that hood looks like it's just folded around your neck like a charming pet snake. I mean, you surely didn't superglue it to your head, did you? But you still did flips! And pervy butt-slapping! And mock-fighting! I say you srsly pwn G.O in that department, because he didn't flip himself upside down and still manage to keep those sunglasses on. Or did you kind of dissect the hoodie such that its vengeful ghost decided to hang on your neck and never let go? IS THAT WHY? TELL ME DEAR, I WILL EXORCISE IT FOR YOU.
JUNHO Hey you, hiding behind Khun. I'm not being evil and not saying anything because I don't like you and all, but I actually kind of dig what you're wearing, especially the jacket excepting the fur, so bear with me on this alright? Plus, Chansung doesn't even get to appear in the picture, so count yourself lucky that uh, half your body and your arms kind of do. And that I am one of your devoted fans who would look behind just about anything (okay maybe not a bathroom door, I HAVE NON-PERVY STANDARDS) to find you. Then again there was that clip from Wild Bunny when you and Jay were in the bathroom...OKAY NEVERMIND. I BREAK MY RULES ALL THE TIME. WHATEVA. I GET TO OGLE YOU WHENEVER I WANT TO. EVEN THROUGH BUTT GIFS. Stop flexing your butt if you don't want people to see it!
NICKHUN Are you winking? Are you winking? Oh. It's the screencap. Sorry. BUT IS THAT A WHITE CUTOUT I SEE PEEKING OUT FROM UNDER YOUR SHIRT? Oh wait no, it's a hat. No, it's a pouch! No, it's a piece of scrap cloth! No, it's a codpiece! Oh wait, that's ABOVE YOUR PANTS. Kay, sorry. There's a dangly feather! You know Khun, I know you're Thai-American and all (does your mom ever get pissed off that her ethnicity's never actually appended to American when people refer to you?), but you REALLY didn't have to acquire the tools of the voodoo trade. I mean it's kinda awesome that Thai shamans can do all these nifty curses and whatever, but srsly that face of yours and those eyes, are good enough for pretty much everything. There was really no need to get A POUCH AND A FEATHER AND A WHITE CUTOUT to like put curses on people (HOLYSHIT NOT ANYONE FROM SHINEE, PLEASE) but I believe in you, really.
I'm sure that's just like A POUCH AND A FLOATING FEATHER AND A WHITE CUTOUT, and not really a pouch of herbs and a mysteriously cursed floating feather and a white HUMAN cutout for you to stomp on with Junho's glitter shoes. Totally innocent, yo. But you know what? I'll understand, if you're trying to target whoever thought NAVY BERMS and GREY BLACK-PRINT TIGHTS and MULTI-COLOURED FLOWERY JACKET and BROWN SHIRT THAT LOOKS LIKE ITS COLLAR GOT RIPPED OPEN 5 MINS BEFORE THIS would work. I feel for you, I do. If I could just remove one item of clothing from you (oh wait no, ulterior motive GAHHHHH. Got caught. oops!), I would. Okay maybe not. You might kill me for molestation, and I'll lose my potential practising cert for a criminal prosecution. But hey, you could assist me in being the first FEMALE to ever get charged for molestation? D'ya want to? YOU KNOW YOU HATE THOSE CLOTHES. YOU KNOW YOU HATE THOSE CLOTHES. Ah crap, where's my Chinese talisman when I need it? LEMME TELL YA, MY CHINESE TALISMAN PWNS YOUR POUCH AND FEATHER AND LADEEDA ANY DAY. You can actually burn mine and drink it. Way more useful and biodegradable.
JAY. We all miss you. Please come back, even if we've potentially royally pissed you off by flying sky banners and killing trees and all. If I may say so, though, please never ever go near these clothes with a ten-foot pole ever again. I know they made you wear a lace one-armed glove in the other performance that I was too lazy to upload pictures of, and they've put a stocking over your head and shaved the name of the group into your hair and dabbed white glitter on it before (that must hurt like crap to remove -- it hurts like crap when I pluck out random crap from my hair as it is). I know that traumatic experiences like ONE ARMED LACE GLOVE can totally warp your sense of perception and all, but did you really decide that this outfit was okay? I mean sure, the tribal accents on your left arm are awesome and all (how long did you take to do that! they're kind of cool actually), but those space cut-out pants that look like a lantern? No. Like, NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. As if it's not bad enough that these were cut-out pants, they aren't even properly cut like in the other performance where it looked like nicely sliced orange peels. No, these are just sloppy. I mean, couldn't you tell the stylist noona that SYMMETRY IS A BETTER IDEA when you're trying to emulate lanterns? Even if this is kind of like newsprint inner core with bombastic bursting open golden-taupe satin outer layer, and really kind of strange for lanterns? I know I'm kind of old-fashioned and all, but aren't lanterns supposed to be like colourful and flimsy and TOTALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WORN AS PANTS?
But that's okay, you know, it really is. What I really have a problem with, is that vest of yours. I know everyone loves your arms (I do too, I wish I had nice muscled arms like yours, okay maybe not, I'll have to lift 129381240095892173 weights to get it and I'm just too lazy), but...there're gaps at your chest. And silver buttons. And sparkly leathery crocodile skin material makes up the rest. And somehow it becomes an entirely different beast altogether on the back (not shown because it gave me a heart attack. Imagine what it'd do to the fragile beings who read my livejournal on the offchance that I write about something totally sane and benign. Not.)
You know, hon, when you've kind of sliced up a crocodile in order to get his skin for your Arabian Nights Persian-inspired vest, and its cross-species brown best friend too, you're kind of insulting his memory by placing HUGE SILVER BUTTONS on it? I mean srsly, crocodiles, they are totally cool beings who hate artificial man-made THINGYS of all sorts. Buttons? Silver, metal buttons? THEY TAINT THE HONOUR OF WEARING THAT CROCODIILE SKIN. Which I bet you didn't even hunt yourself, HAHAHA. And you know, crocodiles are totally casual, chill dudes? They would be so horribly offended that you decided to make yourself a COLLAR out of them. I mean it's absolutely tribal protocol to make clothing and accessories out of captives and what not, and I totally get that you're trying to channel that vibe, but really. Crocodile skin collars? Like, NO. They might actually start to haunt you like that disembowelled hoodie around Taec's neck haunts him. You REALLY don't want crocodiles to haunt you. They're big, and long, and bite and they're scary.
And...WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU USING A ZIP THAT DOESN'T CLOSE PROPERLY? What is with the factory that caught you the crocodile and sewed it into a vest for you? Did they get too tired or had too many holes in their chest from the crocodile's strugging, that they couldn't give you a proper zip that closes across your chest PROPERLY, for example? Is this a prelude to your shirt-lifting, really? Çoz you really should just wear cotton. It's like totally cheaper and easier to wear and more BREATHABLE, you know. Or just not wear anything, we totally dig that.
SRSLY GUYS, I DIG YOU DESPITE YOUR QUESTIONABLE CLOTHING CHOICES AND ALL THAT, BUT PLEASE...STOP.
[No mention to Chansung because he wasn't that fug, and I was lazy to upload a pic of him anyway...I still love you bb! Seriously!]