If I Knew Then... Ch. 14
Title: If I Knew Then...
Author: Shade
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG to NC17
Disclaimer: All assorted characters belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss which is fine, because I suspect Buffy's high maintenance anyway.
Summary: AU-The African demon in Grave grants Spike's wish in a way he never planned. Flung back in time, he has to relive the previous three years with all the knowledge of what's to come.
A/N: Another super double team beta by blinding_sight and 50ftqueenie. Certain bits of dialog are taken from the following BtVS episodes:
4:20: The Yoko Factor
Chapter 14: The Yoko Factor
“The Slayer’s dangerous is all I’m saying,” Spike says seriously.
Adam focuses on the computers in front of him and ignores Spike. He’s done nothing but tap away at the things since Spike showed up at his cave of bloody wonders. Spike just thought dealing with the kids a second time around was tedious. It has nothing on putting up with Frankenloser twice. Besides, he’s been so over cave chic since he split up with Harmony that first time.
“She does make things interesting,” Adam says in his mechanical way.
Spike turns his back and rolls his eyes. He has to keep things they way they were. That was Giles’ suggestion, but it looks like he doesn’t have to do much work. Adam’s mind is set. Just like a computer, he can’t think outside the box.
“She’s taken out everything that’s reared its ugly head in this town. What makes you different? What makes you think she won’t stop your plan?” Spike asks.
“Because I’m counting on it.”
Spike mumbles, “Always good to have a plan.”
“You said you had killed two Slayers, and yet you fear this one.”
“Buffy’s not like the others. She’s more than just a sacred duty and a pair of tits. She’s not a puppet of the Watchers either. Summers is a whole new breed. And as you well know,” Spike says looking the monster up and down, “new can be dangerous.”
“You respect her. It almost sounds as if you care for her.”
Spike blinks owlishly as if he’d just been slapped. His hands tighten into fists. Carefully, he relaxes them. Spike’s first impulse is to go for the throat, but that would be a bad idea. Adam’s just shooting his stolen mouth off, he couldn’t know the truth. Instead, he growls, “I care enough that I want this chip out so that I can rip her to pieces. By the way, how’s that coming? You have access to their whole system. You must have the plans for my chip. You know how to disable it if not remove it completely.”
“In time.”
Spike grits his teeth, but takes a deep breath and lets it go. “What about a sign of good faith? I’d be able to do more if it was off.”
“You’d work for me without it? I may have only been born a few months ago, but I’m not a fool.”
“You’re so unconcerned about the Slayer. Maybe you’re unconcerned about my chip.”
Adam stares at him, but does not answer. Spike’s gotten off the subject, though, and tries another tack.
“I think maybe the Slayer and her little friends are going to eat you alive, mate. If you don’t start-“
“Friends?” Adam asks, and Spike has to keep the smile from forming on his face.
“Slayer’s friends help her. They’re a hard variable to account for. They’re smart and unpredictable. They’re probably why I haven’t taken her out yet. Slayers aren’t supposed to have friends.”
“Take them away from her.”
Spike leans back on the ratty couch and pretends to consider it. “There’s an idea. Getting rid of her friends and she’ll be fighting alone, plus a pouty Buffy kind of does it for me. Almost as much as a screaming in mindless pain Buffy does. Right, leave the Scoobies to me.”
“You can’t hurt them,” Adam says.
“Whose fault is that, then?” Spike spits back, but continues. “I won’t have to hurt them. I’ll even make them do all the work for me.”
Spike leaves the cave and heads to report to Giles. Adam is starting to get on his nerves. The thing is smart, but empty. He has no flair and talks too much about his master plan. At least Angelus had the good grace to rip people’s heads off while expositizing about how wonderful he was. Spike’s ashamed that he ever worked with Adam, the two-bit hack. It’s almost as embarrassing as his ‘relationship’ with Harmony. That was a bad idea times twelve no matter how good the sex was.
At the condo, he drops in unannounced, and of course Giles hasn’t bothered to lock his door. Spike smirks at the dulcet sounds of Freebird drifting across the threshold. He quietly slips inside and pulls out his lighter. When Giles gets to the chorus, he flicks the lighter and holds it up. Giles gasps at the intrusion and grips the guitar.
“For God’s sake!”
“Don’t stop on my account. Rather listen to you sing then Adam drone on,” Spike says heading for the cabinet in the corner where Giles keeps his good alcohol. He throws the disks that Adam gave him onto the desk as he passes. At least he doesn’t need to pretend to steal them from the Initiative. There’s good bourbon inside the cabinet, so he snags it and two glasses. He pours for Giles first and hands it over.
Giles takes the glass with a nod and asks, “What have you found out?”
“Got the blighter thinking I’m going to break up the band.”
“What?”
“Buffy and the others. Last time, I had them at each other’s throats. You included. Just make sure the others don’t spend too much time together in the next few days. I’ll tell Adam that I’ve split them up.”
“Right. Have you had any more thoughts on the spell we were doing to fight Adam? If the time is getting as close as you say it is, then we should be getting ready. There may be ingredients that I need to get.”
“I told you before. I don’t know much about it. Just you, Willow, and Xander were doing some sort of ceremony thing and Buffy went off and killed Adam. It could have been any number of spells. I came in after it was all over with, sorry.”
Giles takes another sip of his bourbon and frowns. “You’re putting us at somewhat of a disadvantage here, Spike.”
“Oi, you all did just fine without me last time. You’ll do just fine this time too. I can’t be a crutch. That’s the last thing Buffy needs. Adam may be big bad at the moment, but he’s nothing compared to what’s coming. Trust me when I tell you he’s small motors.”
“You’re not afraid of Adam, but you are afraid of something. That worries me. What is coming, Spike?”
Spike thinks about Glory. Thinks about Joyce. Thinks about the Bit waiting to be born into the world. Thinks about Buffy dying. It won’t happen this time. Chip or no chip, he’s going to have a quiet word with Ben before anyone gets hurt. Nobody is going to touch the Summers girls. Nobody.
“Spike?” Giles says again.
Spike blinks and looks back at the concern on the Watcher’s face. It’s strange to see that expression pointed his way. It’s usually reserved for Buffy or one of the others.
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of things.”
“Somehow that doesn’t reassure me.”
“It should, Giles. It should. Now quit holding that thing and play something,” Spike says motioning his glass toward the guitar before finishing his shot off and pouring another.
The next morning, Spike wakes to the sound of the door opening. He sits up to see Xander standing awkwardly in the door. It reminds him of the last time when he’d convinced the boy that his friends hated him. Spike bows his head.
“Hey,” Xander says softly.
“Hey,” Spike replies.
“Giles told me what’s going on. I brought you some stuff for your…” Xander trails off as he looks around.
“Crypt. It’s a dusty, horrible crypt. I lived here a few years. I mean-the last time. I had it fixed up nice with a big underground section, but now I just don’t see the point. I’m dead, maybe I deserve a graveyard.”
“At least it’s thematic.”
“True.”
Xander wipes his hands off on his backside and starts examining the tomb across from the one Spike sleeps on. The silence is loud in the confined space. Spike hates silence.
“I’m sorry.”
Xander keeps his back to Spike and says, “I talked to Giles about it. It wasn’t your fault. It was the ghosts. We didn’t have any control over-“
“No, I mean for what I said.”
“What did you say? Did you tell the others?” Xander says quickly, turning around.
“No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about last time. Adam wanted to get rid of you Scoobies. I had you all fighting each other. I really enjoyed messing with your head the most. Giles and Willow were just work. I think-I think I feel bad about it and I wanted to apologize.” Spike pauses. “And I have no idea why.”
“You’re giving me a serious wiggins, Spike.”
Spike jumps off the tomb and starts pacing. He needs to move around. He needs to escape, but it’s a typical sunny Southern California day, and he has nowhere to go. After a moment, he shouts, “You’re getting a wiggins? First of all, I feel bad. I never feel bad for other people. Secondly, I’m apologizing for being a bastard. I’m a bleedin’ vampire! And finally…”
“Finally?”
“I wouldn’t have done this for one of the others.”
“But you did do it for me.”
Spike crosses his arms and looks away. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he spits. “It’s, what do you call it, Stockholm syndrome.”
“Right. Doesn’t mean anything,” Xander quickly agrees. He waits a moment and just as the silence starts getting uncomfortable again, he says, “So the whole, Lowell thing…we’re good.”
“Yeah, sure. These things happen.”
“Every day. Well, I mean-“
Spike smirks. Xander sees it and rolls his eyes.
“Shut up,” Xander says.
“I wasn’t saying anything.”
“You don’t have to Mr. Eyebrow, and quit doing that head tilty thing at me.”
Spike straightens up.
“I swear, I need more guy friends,” Xander whines and heads toward the door.
“What about the stuff you brought me?”
Spike watches Xander freeze. He starts to tilt his head to the side, but stops before the boy can see it.
“I forgot it at my place,” Xander says honestly.
Spike chuckles. “I’ll come get it later.”
“Right. Well I’ll let you get back to sleeping or whatever.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
The moment Xander’s out the door. Spike shakes his head at himself.
“Bye? God, I’m such a wanker.”
He flops back onto the hard tomb and tries not to obsess over every detail of the conversation, because that would mean something, something very frightening indeed.
That night, he heads back over to Giles’ to see if Willow is there, so he can explain the disks. The Watcher is still pouring over his magical texts trying to figure out the spell that Spike had witnessed the end of, with the few clues that Spike could give him. Willow is trying to work on the disks, and Spike explains that they’re set up to decrypt themselves.
“Well, now I have nothing to do. Poo,” Willow says with her best pout face on. Tara pats her on the back in support.
“You can always help me,” Giles says, holding up a book absently while reading another.
Willow takes the book from Giles’ hand and says, “Research it is.”
“Count me out, I’m just here for some blood,” Spike says and winks at Tara.
The witch blushes beautifully and stammers, “I wha…was wondering. You’re a vampire, but you’re helping th…them.”
“That is a long and interesting story, and if you would care to join me in the kitchen, I’d be happy to tell you the whole thing,” he replies holding out the crook of his arm gallantly.
“Hey, don’t try putting moves on my girl, mister. I’ve got my eye on you,” Willow says quickly.
She doesn’t notice Giles looking up from his book and gaping at her from across the table. That apparently will catch his attention away from research, the dirty old cuss. Spike tries not to snicker at the man’s expression, and lets him have at least some dignity in front of the kids. He distracts Willow by saying, “Don’t think I’m her type, Red.”
“You’re a vampire. You’re sneaky.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
Spike leads Tara into the kitchen and heats up some blood. He starts at the beginning, with him and Dru getting into town. He gives a blow-by-blow account of Parent Teacher Night, and goes on from there. It takes some time before he gets to the demon and the wish, leaving out important bits like Buffy’s death, his relationship with her, and the horrible end. He also leaves out Dawn and Glory. It’s safer for the girl if they all are taken by the spell that made her live. He wonders if his mind will be wiped as it had before, or if he will remember. Tara never flinches away from the gruesome stuff, which makes Spike proud. The other two slowly drift over as the night progresses, Willow first and then Giles. It’s after midnight when he finishes.
“It’s late. I’d better walk you ladies back to the dorms. It’s past time for little witches to be in bed,” Spike says wiggling his eyebrows and leering a bit.
Willow smacks his shoulder, but goes to gather her things. Giles yawns and walks back over to his books. Spike herds the girls out the door and yells back, “Don’t stay up too late, Watcher.” He’s surprised to get a two-fingered salute over the back of the couch and laughs merrily. Willow blinks in surprise as he shuts the door.
“I think you’re a bad influence on him,” Willow says.
“God, I hope so.”
After Willow and Tara are safely back in their dorms, Spike heads for Adam’s cave. He steels himself before going inside.
“I, my friend, am a genius. Your problem is solved,” he says smugly and walks about the room with arms spread as if preening for an audience.
“You took care of the Slayer’s friends?” Adam asks.
Spike turns away and gives a soft smile. “Always,” he says, “always.”
Author: Shade
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG to NC17
Disclaimer: All assorted characters belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss which is fine, because I suspect Buffy's high maintenance anyway.
Summary: AU-The African demon in Grave grants Spike's wish in a way he never planned. Flung back in time, he has to relive the previous three years with all the knowledge of what's to come.
A/N: Another super double team beta by blinding_sight and 50ftqueenie. Certain bits of dialog are taken from the following BtVS episodes:
4:20: The Yoko Factor
Chapter 14: The Yoko Factor
“The Slayer’s dangerous is all I’m saying,” Spike says seriously.
Adam focuses on the computers in front of him and ignores Spike. He’s done nothing but tap away at the things since Spike showed up at his cave of bloody wonders. Spike just thought dealing with the kids a second time around was tedious. It has nothing on putting up with Frankenloser twice. Besides, he’s been so over cave chic since he split up with Harmony that first time.
“She does make things interesting,” Adam says in his mechanical way.
Spike turns his back and rolls his eyes. He has to keep things they way they were. That was Giles’ suggestion, but it looks like he doesn’t have to do much work. Adam’s mind is set. Just like a computer, he can’t think outside the box.
“She’s taken out everything that’s reared its ugly head in this town. What makes you different? What makes you think she won’t stop your plan?” Spike asks.
“Because I’m counting on it.”
Spike mumbles, “Always good to have a plan.”
“You said you had killed two Slayers, and yet you fear this one.”
“Buffy’s not like the others. She’s more than just a sacred duty and a pair of tits. She’s not a puppet of the Watchers either. Summers is a whole new breed. And as you well know,” Spike says looking the monster up and down, “new can be dangerous.”
“You respect her. It almost sounds as if you care for her.”
Spike blinks owlishly as if he’d just been slapped. His hands tighten into fists. Carefully, he relaxes them. Spike’s first impulse is to go for the throat, but that would be a bad idea. Adam’s just shooting his stolen mouth off, he couldn’t know the truth. Instead, he growls, “I care enough that I want this chip out so that I can rip her to pieces. By the way, how’s that coming? You have access to their whole system. You must have the plans for my chip. You know how to disable it if not remove it completely.”
“In time.”
Spike grits his teeth, but takes a deep breath and lets it go. “What about a sign of good faith? I’d be able to do more if it was off.”
“You’d work for me without it? I may have only been born a few months ago, but I’m not a fool.”
“You’re so unconcerned about the Slayer. Maybe you’re unconcerned about my chip.”
Adam stares at him, but does not answer. Spike’s gotten off the subject, though, and tries another tack.
“I think maybe the Slayer and her little friends are going to eat you alive, mate. If you don’t start-“
“Friends?” Adam asks, and Spike has to keep the smile from forming on his face.
“Slayer’s friends help her. They’re a hard variable to account for. They’re smart and unpredictable. They’re probably why I haven’t taken her out yet. Slayers aren’t supposed to have friends.”
“Take them away from her.”
Spike leans back on the ratty couch and pretends to consider it. “There’s an idea. Getting rid of her friends and she’ll be fighting alone, plus a pouty Buffy kind of does it for me. Almost as much as a screaming in mindless pain Buffy does. Right, leave the Scoobies to me.”
“You can’t hurt them,” Adam says.
“Whose fault is that, then?” Spike spits back, but continues. “I won’t have to hurt them. I’ll even make them do all the work for me.”
Spike leaves the cave and heads to report to Giles. Adam is starting to get on his nerves. The thing is smart, but empty. He has no flair and talks too much about his master plan. At least Angelus had the good grace to rip people’s heads off while expositizing about how wonderful he was. Spike’s ashamed that he ever worked with Adam, the two-bit hack. It’s almost as embarrassing as his ‘relationship’ with Harmony. That was a bad idea times twelve no matter how good the sex was.
At the condo, he drops in unannounced, and of course Giles hasn’t bothered to lock his door. Spike smirks at the dulcet sounds of Freebird drifting across the threshold. He quietly slips inside and pulls out his lighter. When Giles gets to the chorus, he flicks the lighter and holds it up. Giles gasps at the intrusion and grips the guitar.
“For God’s sake!”
“Don’t stop on my account. Rather listen to you sing then Adam drone on,” Spike says heading for the cabinet in the corner where Giles keeps his good alcohol. He throws the disks that Adam gave him onto the desk as he passes. At least he doesn’t need to pretend to steal them from the Initiative. There’s good bourbon inside the cabinet, so he snags it and two glasses. He pours for Giles first and hands it over.
Giles takes the glass with a nod and asks, “What have you found out?”
“Got the blighter thinking I’m going to break up the band.”
“What?”
“Buffy and the others. Last time, I had them at each other’s throats. You included. Just make sure the others don’t spend too much time together in the next few days. I’ll tell Adam that I’ve split them up.”
“Right. Have you had any more thoughts on the spell we were doing to fight Adam? If the time is getting as close as you say it is, then we should be getting ready. There may be ingredients that I need to get.”
“I told you before. I don’t know much about it. Just you, Willow, and Xander were doing some sort of ceremony thing and Buffy went off and killed Adam. It could have been any number of spells. I came in after it was all over with, sorry.”
Giles takes another sip of his bourbon and frowns. “You’re putting us at somewhat of a disadvantage here, Spike.”
“Oi, you all did just fine without me last time. You’ll do just fine this time too. I can’t be a crutch. That’s the last thing Buffy needs. Adam may be big bad at the moment, but he’s nothing compared to what’s coming. Trust me when I tell you he’s small motors.”
“You’re not afraid of Adam, but you are afraid of something. That worries me. What is coming, Spike?”
Spike thinks about Glory. Thinks about Joyce. Thinks about the Bit waiting to be born into the world. Thinks about Buffy dying. It won’t happen this time. Chip or no chip, he’s going to have a quiet word with Ben before anyone gets hurt. Nobody is going to touch the Summers girls. Nobody.
“Spike?” Giles says again.
Spike blinks and looks back at the concern on the Watcher’s face. It’s strange to see that expression pointed his way. It’s usually reserved for Buffy or one of the others.
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of things.”
“Somehow that doesn’t reassure me.”
“It should, Giles. It should. Now quit holding that thing and play something,” Spike says motioning his glass toward the guitar before finishing his shot off and pouring another.
The next morning, Spike wakes to the sound of the door opening. He sits up to see Xander standing awkwardly in the door. It reminds him of the last time when he’d convinced the boy that his friends hated him. Spike bows his head.
“Hey,” Xander says softly.
“Hey,” Spike replies.
“Giles told me what’s going on. I brought you some stuff for your…” Xander trails off as he looks around.
“Crypt. It’s a dusty, horrible crypt. I lived here a few years. I mean-the last time. I had it fixed up nice with a big underground section, but now I just don’t see the point. I’m dead, maybe I deserve a graveyard.”
“At least it’s thematic.”
“True.”
Xander wipes his hands off on his backside and starts examining the tomb across from the one Spike sleeps on. The silence is loud in the confined space. Spike hates silence.
“I’m sorry.”
Xander keeps his back to Spike and says, “I talked to Giles about it. It wasn’t your fault. It was the ghosts. We didn’t have any control over-“
“No, I mean for what I said.”
“What did you say? Did you tell the others?” Xander says quickly, turning around.
“No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about last time. Adam wanted to get rid of you Scoobies. I had you all fighting each other. I really enjoyed messing with your head the most. Giles and Willow were just work. I think-I think I feel bad about it and I wanted to apologize.” Spike pauses. “And I have no idea why.”
“You’re giving me a serious wiggins, Spike.”
Spike jumps off the tomb and starts pacing. He needs to move around. He needs to escape, but it’s a typical sunny Southern California day, and he has nowhere to go. After a moment, he shouts, “You’re getting a wiggins? First of all, I feel bad. I never feel bad for other people. Secondly, I’m apologizing for being a bastard. I’m a bleedin’ vampire! And finally…”
“Finally?”
“I wouldn’t have done this for one of the others.”
“But you did do it for me.”
Spike crosses his arms and looks away. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he spits. “It’s, what do you call it, Stockholm syndrome.”
“Right. Doesn’t mean anything,” Xander quickly agrees. He waits a moment and just as the silence starts getting uncomfortable again, he says, “So the whole, Lowell thing…we’re good.”
“Yeah, sure. These things happen.”
“Every day. Well, I mean-“
Spike smirks. Xander sees it and rolls his eyes.
“Shut up,” Xander says.
“I wasn’t saying anything.”
“You don’t have to Mr. Eyebrow, and quit doing that head tilty thing at me.”
Spike straightens up.
“I swear, I need more guy friends,” Xander whines and heads toward the door.
“What about the stuff you brought me?”
Spike watches Xander freeze. He starts to tilt his head to the side, but stops before the boy can see it.
“I forgot it at my place,” Xander says honestly.
Spike chuckles. “I’ll come get it later.”
“Right. Well I’ll let you get back to sleeping or whatever.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
The moment Xander’s out the door. Spike shakes his head at himself.
“Bye? God, I’m such a wanker.”
He flops back onto the hard tomb and tries not to obsess over every detail of the conversation, because that would mean something, something very frightening indeed.
That night, he heads back over to Giles’ to see if Willow is there, so he can explain the disks. The Watcher is still pouring over his magical texts trying to figure out the spell that Spike had witnessed the end of, with the few clues that Spike could give him. Willow is trying to work on the disks, and Spike explains that they’re set up to decrypt themselves.
“Well, now I have nothing to do. Poo,” Willow says with her best pout face on. Tara pats her on the back in support.
“You can always help me,” Giles says, holding up a book absently while reading another.
Willow takes the book from Giles’ hand and says, “Research it is.”
“Count me out, I’m just here for some blood,” Spike says and winks at Tara.
The witch blushes beautifully and stammers, “I wha…was wondering. You’re a vampire, but you’re helping th…them.”
“That is a long and interesting story, and if you would care to join me in the kitchen, I’d be happy to tell you the whole thing,” he replies holding out the crook of his arm gallantly.
“Hey, don’t try putting moves on my girl, mister. I’ve got my eye on you,” Willow says quickly.
She doesn’t notice Giles looking up from his book and gaping at her from across the table. That apparently will catch his attention away from research, the dirty old cuss. Spike tries not to snicker at the man’s expression, and lets him have at least some dignity in front of the kids. He distracts Willow by saying, “Don’t think I’m her type, Red.”
“You’re a vampire. You’re sneaky.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
Spike leads Tara into the kitchen and heats up some blood. He starts at the beginning, with him and Dru getting into town. He gives a blow-by-blow account of Parent Teacher Night, and goes on from there. It takes some time before he gets to the demon and the wish, leaving out important bits like Buffy’s death, his relationship with her, and the horrible end. He also leaves out Dawn and Glory. It’s safer for the girl if they all are taken by the spell that made her live. He wonders if his mind will be wiped as it had before, or if he will remember. Tara never flinches away from the gruesome stuff, which makes Spike proud. The other two slowly drift over as the night progresses, Willow first and then Giles. It’s after midnight when he finishes.
“It’s late. I’d better walk you ladies back to the dorms. It’s past time for little witches to be in bed,” Spike says wiggling his eyebrows and leering a bit.
Willow smacks his shoulder, but goes to gather her things. Giles yawns and walks back over to his books. Spike herds the girls out the door and yells back, “Don’t stay up too late, Watcher.” He’s surprised to get a two-fingered salute over the back of the couch and laughs merrily. Willow blinks in surprise as he shuts the door.
“I think you’re a bad influence on him,” Willow says.
“God, I hope so.”
After Willow and Tara are safely back in their dorms, Spike heads for Adam’s cave. He steels himself before going inside.
“I, my friend, am a genius. Your problem is solved,” he says smugly and walks about the room with arms spread as if preening for an audience.
“You took care of the Slayer’s friends?” Adam asks.
Spike turns away and gives a soft smile. “Always,” he says, “always.”