(no subject)
The semester here in London is approaching its final weeks, and I have distincly mixed feeling about it all. One the one hand, I'm ready to come home. I miss my family, my US friends, my cats. But they'll be there. This semester here can never be recreated-- the people, the places, the awesomeness that is my room and my roommate... This is ephemeral, fleeting, and I can feel the ground shifting beneath my feet.
Like always, I'm eager for Christmas to come-- although it will be very different this year. But I don't want to leave these people, or this place. I wish I could come back and bring them all with me. There are a group of about 20 people who have helped make London what it is for me, and of those only perhaps three actually LIVE here. The rest I'll say goodbye to in just a few weeks, and my heart breaks a little bit because I know that unlike the goodbyes I uttered before leaving the states, most of these will be forever. Facebook only does so much.
I came across a quote the other night-- it's up on my door right now.
"...Whether from great personal success, or simply and all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has seen." I feel this way about this semester, about these people. We've become a support system for each other, a family of sorts. But when the wind changes in a few weeks, it will blow us all back in different directions.
It's hard too, knowing that in about 2 months, I'll be back in a place I don't want to be-- namely the Rockford theatre department. Being here in London has taught me once again that friendship and cameraderie are so easily achieved everywhere in life except in that negative cesspit where you have to claw and stab and tussel. I see the world in colors, and London is bright and golden, like the warm light of an incandescent bulb, where the people I am to return to professionally stand in a cold blue-gray room, stained by the scars of their own in-fighting. Here, I've had peace, and contentment alongside excitement and wonder and it's been so..invigorating.
I've decided that I need to cut back on how much I do at RC, so that I can stick with the things I enjoy most. Or make room for new things. The only way to do that in my life seems to be to draw back a bit from the theatre. For the first time in many years, I think I'll go a full year with stage-managing, without running a show. It's a wrenching decision, but It feels like the right one. I have friend that I neglect, causes and committees I'm too busy to attend to, a love who always has to wait for me to be free of obligations and does so without complaint. But I'm sick of it. I want to busy, yes-- but not so busy that I can't write again, or pick up a book without feeling guilty. I want to be able to treasure the time I have left before I hit the real world. But I have to make a change-- because right now, the porspect of that time is daunting and frustrating and all I want is to move on. That isn't what I want for myself. I guess...I finally have a New Year's resolution!
This turned into something far more issue-ridden than I intended. Let me end on the lighter not of saying... The other reason I don't want the semester to be over is that I don't want to write all of thse end-of-term papers!!!!!!!!!
Like always, I'm eager for Christmas to come-- although it will be very different this year. But I don't want to leave these people, or this place. I wish I could come back and bring them all with me. There are a group of about 20 people who have helped make London what it is for me, and of those only perhaps three actually LIVE here. The rest I'll say goodbye to in just a few weeks, and my heart breaks a little bit because I know that unlike the goodbyes I uttered before leaving the states, most of these will be forever. Facebook only does so much.
I came across a quote the other night-- it's up on my door right now.
"...Whether from great personal success, or simply and all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has seen." I feel this way about this semester, about these people. We've become a support system for each other, a family of sorts. But when the wind changes in a few weeks, it will blow us all back in different directions.
It's hard too, knowing that in about 2 months, I'll be back in a place I don't want to be-- namely the Rockford theatre department. Being here in London has taught me once again that friendship and cameraderie are so easily achieved everywhere in life except in that negative cesspit where you have to claw and stab and tussel. I see the world in colors, and London is bright and golden, like the warm light of an incandescent bulb, where the people I am to return to professionally stand in a cold blue-gray room, stained by the scars of their own in-fighting. Here, I've had peace, and contentment alongside excitement and wonder and it's been so..invigorating.
I've decided that I need to cut back on how much I do at RC, so that I can stick with the things I enjoy most. Or make room for new things. The only way to do that in my life seems to be to draw back a bit from the theatre. For the first time in many years, I think I'll go a full year with stage-managing, without running a show. It's a wrenching decision, but It feels like the right one. I have friend that I neglect, causes and committees I'm too busy to attend to, a love who always has to wait for me to be free of obligations and does so without complaint. But I'm sick of it. I want to busy, yes-- but not so busy that I can't write again, or pick up a book without feeling guilty. I want to be able to treasure the time I have left before I hit the real world. But I have to make a change-- because right now, the porspect of that time is daunting and frustrating and all I want is to move on. That isn't what I want for myself. I guess...I finally have a New Year's resolution!
This turned into something far more issue-ridden than I intended. Let me end on the lighter not of saying... The other reason I don't want the semester to be over is that I don't want to write all of thse end-of-term papers!!!!!!!!!