TM 189: Read My Mind
I've given a lot of thought to what you sad. To decisions I need to make. A really good friend helped me see they are not my decisions - they're our decisions. You're right - I am used to order, discipline. And this does....promise to be very complicated. But perhaps the larger question is...what if we don't pursue this? What might we be missing? Wanda....
Captain....Iron Man's address is about to begin.
--?! Wanda--Aren't you going to respond?
Respond to what, Captain? I am not entirely sure I know what you are talking about--only that it sounds reasonably inappropriate.
You bet it is. So now we pretend last night never happened--we just--
Last night?! Captain--are you quite all right?
--yes. Yes, I'm fine, Wanda. Please forgive me.
There is nothing to forgive.
-Captain America and the Falcon, Issue 6 (Avengers Disassembled)
[Very Locked from Steve Rogers]
When I first joined the Avengers I was very young. Pietro and I had been, reluctantly, in the Brotherhood, but the Avengers were the first group to truly accept me. I felt I belonged with them and a lot of that had to do with Steve Rogers. Captain America.
What young girl wouldn't fall in love with him? I had a crush on him from the very beginning, but I was shy and he was larger than life. It was easier for me to talk with Clint, or even Tony. Steve is intimidating. He's very serious, stoic, reserved. But not dispassionate. Anyway, we both fell in love with other people, and were better for it. Everyone deserves to find love. But it didn't last. Being an Avenger wreaks havoc on relationships.
I set out to hurt him. I set out to hurt them all. And I succeeded. But I played my part too well and I broke my own heart as surely as I broke his. That night we spent together...I still remember. He believes it was a lie, a trick. I let him. It would be too cruel to tell the truth. That I spoke from my heart, that I fell for the lie, that the words I said later were the real untruth.
I am still struggling with these memories, reconciling who I thought I was with who I ended up becoming. I don't know that I will ever understand. But I will remember. I will not make the same mistakes again. How we choose to live when life has become unbearable - that is the true test of a person's character. To die would be too easy. To say I did not love him would be too painless. The complications, the chaos, the disorder of life and love - the realization of hurt. If we don't pursue them, what might we be missing?
I was meant to lie that day. Nonetheless, I wish I had not. I wish I had the courage to say what I was thinking. That night happened. I remember. I will always remember. I would like to someday be the girl I was then, and then again, before: the girl who loved Captain America.
Captain....Iron Man's address is about to begin.
--?! Wanda--Aren't you going to respond?
Respond to what, Captain? I am not entirely sure I know what you are talking about--only that it sounds reasonably inappropriate.
You bet it is. So now we pretend last night never happened--we just--
Last night?! Captain--are you quite all right?
--yes. Yes, I'm fine, Wanda. Please forgive me.
There is nothing to forgive.
-Captain America and the Falcon, Issue 6 (Avengers Disassembled)
[Very Locked from Steve Rogers]
When I first joined the Avengers I was very young. Pietro and I had been, reluctantly, in the Brotherhood, but the Avengers were the first group to truly accept me. I felt I belonged with them and a lot of that had to do with Steve Rogers. Captain America.
What young girl wouldn't fall in love with him? I had a crush on him from the very beginning, but I was shy and he was larger than life. It was easier for me to talk with Clint, or even Tony. Steve is intimidating. He's very serious, stoic, reserved. But not dispassionate. Anyway, we both fell in love with other people, and were better for it. Everyone deserves to find love. But it didn't last. Being an Avenger wreaks havoc on relationships.
I set out to hurt him. I set out to hurt them all. And I succeeded. But I played my part too well and I broke my own heart as surely as I broke his. That night we spent together...I still remember. He believes it was a lie, a trick. I let him. It would be too cruel to tell the truth. That I spoke from my heart, that I fell for the lie, that the words I said later were the real untruth.
I am still struggling with these memories, reconciling who I thought I was with who I ended up becoming. I don't know that I will ever understand. But I will remember. I will not make the same mistakes again. How we choose to live when life has become unbearable - that is the true test of a person's character. To die would be too easy. To say I did not love him would be too painless. The complications, the chaos, the disorder of life and love - the realization of hurt. If we don't pursue them, what might we be missing?
I was meant to lie that day. Nonetheless, I wish I had not. I wish I had the courage to say what I was thinking. That night happened. I remember. I will always remember. I would like to someday be the girl I was then, and then again, before: the girl who loved Captain America.