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it is so easy to bulldoze someone else, to use selfishness or aggression to get yourself on top. we like to use the umbrella of assertiveness for every selfish action, with altruism safely bound by the institution of charity.
but there is no integrity in that. why should anyone aspire to be selfish? are the ends worth the means? is it necessary to strive for power? it seems to me that, often, the most powerful people are those that are receptive, generous, and humble. the ones that have discovered that power is cruel and oppressive as a goal.
i have a friend who is young and obsessed with power, down to the details. she doesn't have the strength to allow herself to be displaced. for example, she always wants to sit in the front seat of the car and will demand it. i evaluate my own response to this. feeling a surge of indignation, i momentarily want to call out "shotgun" before she has a chance to assume her privilege. but i know it doesn't matter. what do i accomplish by claiming the fucking front seat? does it make me more powerful? what if, instead, i give her the front seat because she cares about it so much? if it makes her feel better, does it need to be of any consequence to me?
she is this way because she perceives and abhors the way people, especially women, often "let people walk all over them." she responds to this by choosing to do the stomping. i want to be the one to choose not to walk on someone else. if they lie down before me, i'd like to accept the gesture as the most humbling kind of gift. i'd also like to trust someone enough to let them cover me.
recently she told me that audrey should be more assertive with her landlord. usually i don't engage her on these things, but this time i told her she needed to learn that she doesn't get to play outside of existing structures of power, and that the way audrey weighs potential actions against their consequences indicates maturity.
i remember playing these power games in a different way when i was younger. i would have called shotgun. but striving for power felt like weakness. usually those who announce their dominance are obsessed with keeping their own insecurities at bay.
update a few hours later:
i just remembered when i learned what "shotgun" meant. it was in high school. there were maybe four of us girls heading for the car and someone called out, "shotgun!" i was confused and had to ask what that meant. everyone was surprised, which often happened to me, since i lived under a rock for so long. admittedly, one of my reasons for gleefully using the term later was because i had acquired yet another social skill.
No New Tale to Tell - Love and Rockets
You cannot go against nature
Because when you do
Go against nature
It's part of nature too
Our little lives get complicated
It's a simple thing
Simple as a flower
And that's a complicated thing
No new tale to tell...
My world is your world
People like to hear their names
I'm no exception
Please call my name
Call my name
No new tale to tell...
When you're down
It's a long way up
When you're up
It's a long way down
It's all the same thing
No new tale to tell...
but there is no integrity in that. why should anyone aspire to be selfish? are the ends worth the means? is it necessary to strive for power? it seems to me that, often, the most powerful people are those that are receptive, generous, and humble. the ones that have discovered that power is cruel and oppressive as a goal.
i have a friend who is young and obsessed with power, down to the details. she doesn't have the strength to allow herself to be displaced. for example, she always wants to sit in the front seat of the car and will demand it. i evaluate my own response to this. feeling a surge of indignation, i momentarily want to call out "shotgun" before she has a chance to assume her privilege. but i know it doesn't matter. what do i accomplish by claiming the fucking front seat? does it make me more powerful? what if, instead, i give her the front seat because she cares about it so much? if it makes her feel better, does it need to be of any consequence to me?
she is this way because she perceives and abhors the way people, especially women, often "let people walk all over them." she responds to this by choosing to do the stomping. i want to be the one to choose not to walk on someone else. if they lie down before me, i'd like to accept the gesture as the most humbling kind of gift. i'd also like to trust someone enough to let them cover me.
recently she told me that audrey should be more assertive with her landlord. usually i don't engage her on these things, but this time i told her she needed to learn that she doesn't get to play outside of existing structures of power, and that the way audrey weighs potential actions against their consequences indicates maturity.
i remember playing these power games in a different way when i was younger. i would have called shotgun. but striving for power felt like weakness. usually those who announce their dominance are obsessed with keeping their own insecurities at bay.
update a few hours later:
i just remembered when i learned what "shotgun" meant. it was in high school. there were maybe four of us girls heading for the car and someone called out, "shotgun!" i was confused and had to ask what that meant. everyone was surprised, which often happened to me, since i lived under a rock for so long. admittedly, one of my reasons for gleefully using the term later was because i had acquired yet another social skill.
No New Tale to Tell - Love and Rockets
You cannot go against nature
Because when you do
Go against nature
It's part of nature too
Our little lives get complicated
It's a simple thing
Simple as a flower
And that's a complicated thing
No new tale to tell...
My world is your world
People like to hear their names
I'm no exception
Please call my name
Call my name
No new tale to tell...
When you're down
It's a long way up
When you're up
It's a long way down
It's all the same thing
No new tale to tell...