...

[datonis]

I will never leave the underside of my rock ever again. I've learned the hard way tonight, that I can no longer trust anyone... someone I thought I could trust, and have known for sometime, tried to do something tonight, which made me have to hand them their ass. I never want to have to do that again. Having to do that made some very life effecting changes to me. I've noticed that my entire body is an off white color, normally I have a redish hue to my colouring but that is gone. next and completely unrelated, I've realized that I have no fucking idea what love is. Even the unconditional love given by a parent to child, I have no idea. I know other feelings, like the feeling i get when being with someone that I've recently met (not the same bastard mentioned above) that is one of the sweetest persons I have ever met. When I am with them I feel in a secure "aura" [for lack of a better word]I feel as like I think a home should feel, there are only a few other people I have ever met that I've had this feeling with. I was comfortable the first time a met this person, didn't use any of the big hot shot crap lies I normally pull with people. my fear of people was non existing around this person. and yet... I don't have the right to even know them. They are too perfect for me to even associate with. I can't be anything for them, I cant even love them... I wish wtih all my being I could, but my own questioning of what love is blocks me from doing so. Some days I wish I had a tad more worldly knowledge, then maybe I'd know something useful. I hard as I try, I can't ever help anyone, I can't even help myself anymore...

well its late, I'm going to bed, I still need to work tomorrow... as much good as that will do in the world.

Datonis... oh whats the point.*closes log*