OOOH AWESOME
It's that Law & Order with that girl who is in that show or else that movie that I like also and no I can't remember her name but she's AWESOME and she's acting that she's retarded and she's SO GOOD AT IT and like if she weren't a girl and an actress and whatever I'd be all OVER that except that probably really not because I've often thought that people who are all in love with people they've never met are all kind of creepy and I totally mean that in the love sense! Not that you're creepy, actually, but more like, well. I dunno. It's like you have this thing that I don't particularly want LIKE A TUMOR!!! only maybe a little bit more healthy only maybe not because this is what caused John Hinckley to go all John Hinckley and it didn't kill him, but it's not, like, normal. Anyway. I think I just called most of my friends failed assassins. I am the best friend any of you ever could have.
Lalalalala so it's a good thing that I'm totally a lazy ass because okay, I'm backtracking a long way here and you're going to have to follow along. HOLD ON TIGHT. See, okay so I have (had?) a professor who cancelled class three weeks back because he was going to China for a conference on some China Japan Korea blah blah which I'm sure is fascinating if you're into that kind of thing and while he's there his mom falls ill, which sucks, right? I assume. Anyway, it's pretty bad, apparently, because she apparently can't speak or walk or do anything that would have one out of a hospital, which is why she's actually in the hospital in the first place and China apparently has this thing with hospitals where they don't actually, uh, feed you or anything. So you have to have someone there to come and feed you and take care of you and isn't socialized medicine awesome? and (AND!) because of the one-child rule in China, surprise! He's the only family member who can do it so he's still in China taking care of his mom like he should and good for him. Lalala so right. So we instead of him get a whole rotating cast of characters who are subbing for Mr. Professor Man while he's in China which will be how long? No one has any idea and every week we're supposed to be writing a dinky little response paper to whatever readings we've done and like a few weeks ago we were supposed to read some boring blah blah and so I read it and totally pulled the response paper out of my ass in like ten seconds. Voila! Like that. It was like a page and a third long. Like, NOTHING. And this in the same class where people are turning in like four page thingers with footnotes and I was kind of feeling all inadequate but OKAY I’m a lazy-ass so I don’t really care. So then the next week we get them back and the professor is all “Well these aren’t at all what I was expecting so I’ve put a lot of comments and we’ll have to see what you all do next time and I’ve given you all a score from one to ten not like in a grade way, but like a gymnastics score way which we all know is meaningless,” and I’m like, OH GREAT since I know I TOTALLY half-assed my response I’m totally expecting to get like a 2 and a comment along the lines of “How did you get into grad school exactly?” and as I’m looking around (because I’m a snoop) at all of the people with their four page papers with the 200 footnotes and Mr. Sub Man has like written paragraphs of completely indecipherable gibberish which I assume is something along the lines of WTF? and so I take mine back with some trepidation, but when I look at the back page, he’s only written two things: “Good. 9.” IN YOUR FACE OVERACHIEVERS!
Anyway that was last week and this week I had to like lead the discussion about Japanese involvement in Manchuria which I know next to SQUAT about but everyone seemed to be going along with it and unlike last week where the guy who was the discussion leader had all kinds of questions like “What is the price of eggs?” (ANSWER: Shut up, I don’t remember) and “If it’s 2:00 in the heart of the Gobi Desert, what time is it in Beijing?” (ANSWER: 2:00. China has this bizarre relationship with time zones where they don’t believe in them. OKAY KOOKY COMMIES) which are all very interesting in their own lame way but they’re not like, grad school questions. So anyway we totally didn’t discuss those questions at all and so this week I was all expecting to have a conversation that kind of sort of relates to something but didn’t actually have anything to do with what I asked about but then lo and behold we were talking ALL about my questions, and at the end the professor was all “Thanks! This was fun!” to the class which I am totally taking credit for since we were all asking and answering my questions for the whole class period. So YAY! I am lazy and fun! This is apparently the secret to grad school. NOW YOU KNOW.
Dum de dum. I hope none of you are wearing those “Live Strong” bracelets. I mean, yay beating cancer and all, but they’re not cool. Seriously. And I like yellow.
I got a package! And an email! Both from my sister. The email said, you’re going to get a package! From me. And lo and behold! And in the package was a book! It’s a Travelogue about some guy going to some place and doing something totally dippy and blah blah. You know how those things go. Anyway I’ve always thought they were generally pretty stupid because I’m reading them thinking, dude, I could totally have written this AND I’m funnier and probably more attractive. LAME. And so my sister sent me one? YES! Yes she did, because she’s like, dude, you could do better. WRITE A BOOK GODDAMNIT!!!! Except without the blasphemy. And I’ve read like the first five pages of it and it’s like reading something by me on methadone (is that an upper or a downer? I don’t actually know, I just like the word methadone so let’s all just pretend it’s a downer). I mean, okay, it’s not FUNNY!!! And ZIPPY!!! But my interpretations of funny and zippy are kind of well, MANIC? MAYBE? So anyways maybe it’s like me but edited? EDITORS ARE FOR SUCKERS!!! Unless you’re like my sister, who is awesome, and also sent me a business card! YAY. Anyways. She wants me to write a book! I should. About like the time I spent in Prague or whatever. I could totally make it up. It would be AWESOME. Maybe I will do that in my spare time! Hot. Like I have spare time. HAHAHAHAHA.
killing everything in entire universe
So obviously I have no spare time so what am I doing? Updating LJ and watching this Manhunt program which is a COMPLETE tragedy from beginning to end (or I assume so, it’s not over yet) but it’s HOT. Holy MOTHER of GOD. I MEAN HI. Okay they’re totally the model pretty boy type but I LIKE that because I AM SHALLOW and I don’t care that they’re stupid because they’re PRETTY. HI. PRETTY. PRETTY.
PRETTY.
I am completely distracted. By them.
OKAY HI AND SPECIAL WELCOME TO ucakid who was added to my Horatio by andieflynn (this is the first time I have typed her name correctly in several months-it’s a Pancake thing) so she has no idea what she’s in for. I’m betting she got about as far as like the third sentence before having her head blow off and going to andieflynn (SEE I totally typed it wrong that time and had to edit it. I rock) to ask WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY HAVE YOU DONE? and checking herself into a mental hospital.
SORRY HI THE PRETTY BOYS ARE BACK.
droooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllll
OH MY GOD New Jersey shut the HELL up. Do not ever talk. EVAR. Because HMOG you are dumber than a box of rocks and as the people on this show go you’re not particularly pretty. HI GET ME. I surprise myself with how shallow I am.
Lalala. Um. The curling season has started. The F1 season has ended. School is still sucking my soul, and work is trying to kill me this week. Awesome. I think that’s about it, right? Right? I know there’s like a billion things more that I want to talk about and which I KNOW-
HOLY SHIT THEY’RE SAYING GRACE WTF?>!?!!>!??! I am completely baffled by these people. THEY ARE FROM MARS. PRETTY MARS.
-YOU ALL REALLY want to read but I can’t remember them so lalalala. Whatever.
OMG they’re getting up in drag. I HAVE GOT TO TURN THIS OFF FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANIT-
Shit.
LALALALALALALLALALALALLA
droooooooooolllllllllllllllllllllll
Lalalalala so it's a good thing that I'm totally a lazy ass because okay, I'm backtracking a long way here and you're going to have to follow along. HOLD ON TIGHT. See, okay so I have (had?) a professor who cancelled class three weeks back because he was going to China for a conference on some China Japan Korea blah blah which I'm sure is fascinating if you're into that kind of thing and while he's there his mom falls ill, which sucks, right? I assume. Anyway, it's pretty bad, apparently, because she apparently can't speak or walk or do anything that would have one out of a hospital, which is why she's actually in the hospital in the first place and China apparently has this thing with hospitals where they don't actually, uh, feed you or anything. So you have to have someone there to come and feed you and take care of you and isn't socialized medicine awesome? and (AND!) because of the one-child rule in China, surprise! He's the only family member who can do it so he's still in China taking care of his mom like he should and good for him. Lalala so right. So we instead of him get a whole rotating cast of characters who are subbing for Mr. Professor Man while he's in China which will be how long? No one has any idea and every week we're supposed to be writing a dinky little response paper to whatever readings we've done and like a few weeks ago we were supposed to read some boring blah blah and so I read it and totally pulled the response paper out of my ass in like ten seconds. Voila! Like that. It was like a page and a third long. Like, NOTHING. And this in the same class where people are turning in like four page thingers with footnotes and I was kind of feeling all inadequate but OKAY I’m a lazy-ass so I don’t really care. So then the next week we get them back and the professor is all “Well these aren’t at all what I was expecting so I’ve put a lot of comments and we’ll have to see what you all do next time and I’ve given you all a score from one to ten not like in a grade way, but like a gymnastics score way which we all know is meaningless,” and I’m like, OH GREAT since I know I TOTALLY half-assed my response I’m totally expecting to get like a 2 and a comment along the lines of “How did you get into grad school exactly?” and as I’m looking around (because I’m a snoop) at all of the people with their four page papers with the 200 footnotes and Mr. Sub Man has like written paragraphs of completely indecipherable gibberish which I assume is something along the lines of WTF? and so I take mine back with some trepidation, but when I look at the back page, he’s only written two things: “Good. 9.” IN YOUR FACE OVERACHIEVERS!
Anyway that was last week and this week I had to like lead the discussion about Japanese involvement in Manchuria which I know next to SQUAT about but everyone seemed to be going along with it and unlike last week where the guy who was the discussion leader had all kinds of questions like “What is the price of eggs?” (ANSWER: Shut up, I don’t remember) and “If it’s 2:00 in the heart of the Gobi Desert, what time is it in Beijing?” (ANSWER: 2:00. China has this bizarre relationship with time zones where they don’t believe in them. OKAY KOOKY COMMIES) which are all very interesting in their own lame way but they’re not like, grad school questions. So anyway we totally didn’t discuss those questions at all and so this week I was all expecting to have a conversation that kind of sort of relates to something but didn’t actually have anything to do with what I asked about but then lo and behold we were talking ALL about my questions, and at the end the professor was all “Thanks! This was fun!” to the class which I am totally taking credit for since we were all asking and answering my questions for the whole class period. So YAY! I am lazy and fun! This is apparently the secret to grad school. NOW YOU KNOW.
Dum de dum. I hope none of you are wearing those “Live Strong” bracelets. I mean, yay beating cancer and all, but they’re not cool. Seriously. And I like yellow.
I got a package! And an email! Both from my sister. The email said, you’re going to get a package! From me. And lo and behold! And in the package was a book! It’s a Travelogue about some guy going to some place and doing something totally dippy and blah blah. You know how those things go. Anyway I’ve always thought they were generally pretty stupid because I’m reading them thinking, dude, I could totally have written this AND I’m funnier and probably more attractive. LAME. And so my sister sent me one? YES! Yes she did, because she’s like, dude, you could do better. WRITE A BOOK GODDAMNIT!!!! Except without the blasphemy. And I’ve read like the first five pages of it and it’s like reading something by me on methadone (is that an upper or a downer? I don’t actually know, I just like the word methadone so let’s all just pretend it’s a downer). I mean, okay, it’s not FUNNY!!! And ZIPPY!!! But my interpretations of funny and zippy are kind of well, MANIC? MAYBE? So anyways maybe it’s like me but edited? EDITORS ARE FOR SUCKERS!!! Unless you’re like my sister, who is awesome, and also sent me a business card! YAY. Anyways. She wants me to write a book! I should. About like the time I spent in Prague or whatever. I could totally make it up. It would be AWESOME. Maybe I will do that in my spare time! Hot. Like I have spare time. HAHAHAHAHA.
killing everything in entire universe
So obviously I have no spare time so what am I doing? Updating LJ and watching this Manhunt program which is a COMPLETE tragedy from beginning to end (or I assume so, it’s not over yet) but it’s HOT. Holy MOTHER of GOD. I MEAN HI. Okay they’re totally the model pretty boy type but I LIKE that because I AM SHALLOW and I don’t care that they’re stupid because they’re PRETTY. HI. PRETTY. PRETTY.
PRETTY.
I am completely distracted. By them.
OKAY HI AND SPECIAL WELCOME TO ucakid who was added to my Horatio by andieflynn (this is the first time I have typed her name correctly in several months-it’s a Pancake thing) so she has no idea what she’s in for. I’m betting she got about as far as like the third sentence before having her head blow off and going to andieflynn (SEE I totally typed it wrong that time and had to edit it. I rock) to ask WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY HAVE YOU DONE? and checking herself into a mental hospital.
SORRY HI THE PRETTY BOYS ARE BACK.
droooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllll
OH MY GOD New Jersey shut the HELL up. Do not ever talk. EVAR. Because HMOG you are dumber than a box of rocks and as the people on this show go you’re not particularly pretty. HI GET ME. I surprise myself with how shallow I am.
Lalala. Um. The curling season has started. The F1 season has ended. School is still sucking my soul, and work is trying to kill me this week. Awesome. I think that’s about it, right? Right? I know there’s like a billion things more that I want to talk about and which I KNOW-
HOLY SHIT THEY’RE SAYING GRACE WTF?>!?!!>!??! I am completely baffled by these people. THEY ARE FROM MARS. PRETTY MARS.
-YOU ALL REALLY want to read but I can’t remember them so lalalala. Whatever.
OMG they’re getting up in drag. I HAVE GOT TO TURN THIS OFF FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANIT-
Shit.
LALALALALALALLALALALALLA
droooooooooolllllllllllllllllllllll