I agree with givinguponyou and stalkingsilence that in a lot of ways, you put yourself into this position. There were a lot of warning signs.
However, that doesn't mean that things can't change for the better. I'm wondering why you are going into so much debt because of this situation. You can make it clear to your boyfriend and ex about what you are willing to contribute. For instance, you could just say that you're going to pay 1/3 of the total rent, and that's it. It's up to the boyfriend and ex to figure out the rest.
I also wonder why the ex is putting so much stress on you. Her ability to get a job and take care of her child is not your problem, that's between your boyfriend and her. You can offer to help as much as you feel comfortable, but don't go beyond that.
I think you need to be clear about your boundaries and stick to them.
But it's not your responsibility to figure out how she will get the money to move out. Really, that's for her to figure out and it's up to your boyfriend whether he wants to help her with that. From what you've written above, I get the feeling that she's not getting a job because there's no incentive for her to do so.
What you do have control over is where you are going to live and who you'll live with. If you don't want to live with her indefinitely, then you need to be clear with your boyfriend about this. If I were you, I'd also give him a firm deadline. If he can't fulfill this request, then I'd seriously consider breaking up.
Basically, you need to decide what's a deal breaker for you and be clear with your boyfriend about this.
Thank you very much for your insight. It has given me a lot to think on. I appreciate it and I think you're right but it'd be so hard to move out without him. I can't imagine it, to go from living with him to just ... not. It sounds awful and hard but then again so is this whole situation.
I'm wondering if I just stick things out and stop cushioning the blow how things would pan out. Too bad this isn't advice/clarivoyance group. I'll have to do some serious thinking.
Thanks again for actual advice instead of just being judgmental. :)
Your third sentence is probably how his ex feels/felt. Can you just imagine taking on a new roommate and BAM 2 weeks later your baby daddy is now living in that person's room and flaunting the relationship because he doesn't want to offend the new gf?
Lighten up on her, it's a shitty situation. You should move out tbh, if he wants to come he should come, but otherwise you all need to set up some clear boundaries.
However, that doesn't mean that things can't change for the better. I'm wondering why you are going into so much debt because of this situation. You can make it clear to your boyfriend and ex about what you are willing to contribute. For instance, you could just say that you're going to pay 1/3 of the total rent, and that's it. It's up to the boyfriend and ex to figure out the rest.
I also wonder why the ex is putting so much stress on you. Her ability to get a job and take care of her child is not your problem, that's between your boyfriend and her. You can offer to help as much as you feel comfortable, but don't go beyond that.
I think you need to be clear about your boundaries and stick to them.
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She will need money to move out. She won't get a job.
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What you do have control over is where you are going to live and who you'll live with. If you don't want to live with her indefinitely, then you need to be clear with your boyfriend about this. If I were you, I'd also give him a firm deadline. If he can't fulfill this request, then I'd seriously consider breaking up.
Basically, you need to decide what's a deal breaker for you and be clear with your boyfriend about this.
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I'm wondering if I just stick things out and stop cushioning the blow how things would pan out. Too bad this isn't advice/clarivoyance group. I'll have to do some serious thinking.
Thanks again for actual advice instead of just being judgmental. :)
Reply
Lighten up on her, it's a shitty situation. You should move out tbh, if he wants to come he should come, but otherwise you all need to set up some clear boundaries.
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