Dealing with conflicted feelings
Hi, all. It's been a while since I've leaned on folks here. But I'm having a bit of trouble with a friend's choices, and I could use some input.
(First off, this does touch on BDSM. I'm not an expert at those relationships, so if anything I describe is normal, I apologize.)
My best friend and I have known each other for almost 12 years now. Late last year, she started in a BDSM relationship with a woman I'll call P. P, however, tends to show behavior that I find borderline toxic. As background, I used to be friendly with P when I was part of a renfaire group she was head of; in fact, I introduced my friend to the group. However, when money and real life stresses was getting overwhelming and I wanted to take some time off to regroup, P not only kicked me out (without a word spoken to me), but also spread half-truths and rumors about me behind my back. (My friend knows all too well about it, as P would routinely complain to her about me, talk about what a horrible person she thought I was, and so on.)
Because of what I've observed (and been the subject of), my gut keeps telling me that this is a really bad relationship for my friend to be in. (I don't want to label it 'abusive', since I don't have all the details.) P is a person who often starts drama with people she knows, then cuts them off and forbids my friend from speaking with them as well. (She did it to me, so my friend essentially keeps in touch with me behind her back.) It feels to me like needlessly controlling behavior, which sends up HUGE red flags.
I've communicated my concerns to my friend, so she more than knows my stance on everything. I know I cannot convince my friend to leave unless she really wants to leave (which she doesn't appear to), so I guess I need input on how to deal with what I'm feeling. All of this has made it hard to talk to my friend, or want to visit or do things with her because occasionally she speaks of her Mistress and I don't want to listen to it. I don't want to cut her out entirely, but I'm not sure how to handle how I'm feeling. I just feel all over the place about it, and it kinda hurts.
Any input is appreciated. Thanks.
(First off, this does touch on BDSM. I'm not an expert at those relationships, so if anything I describe is normal, I apologize.)
My best friend and I have known each other for almost 12 years now. Late last year, she started in a BDSM relationship with a woman I'll call P. P, however, tends to show behavior that I find borderline toxic. As background, I used to be friendly with P when I was part of a renfaire group she was head of; in fact, I introduced my friend to the group. However, when money and real life stresses was getting overwhelming and I wanted to take some time off to regroup, P not only kicked me out (without a word spoken to me), but also spread half-truths and rumors about me behind my back. (My friend knows all too well about it, as P would routinely complain to her about me, talk about what a horrible person she thought I was, and so on.)
Because of what I've observed (and been the subject of), my gut keeps telling me that this is a really bad relationship for my friend to be in. (I don't want to label it 'abusive', since I don't have all the details.) P is a person who often starts drama with people she knows, then cuts them off and forbids my friend from speaking with them as well. (She did it to me, so my friend essentially keeps in touch with me behind her back.) It feels to me like needlessly controlling behavior, which sends up HUGE red flags.
I've communicated my concerns to my friend, so she more than knows my stance on everything. I know I cannot convince my friend to leave unless she really wants to leave (which she doesn't appear to), so I guess I need input on how to deal with what I'm feeling. All of this has made it hard to talk to my friend, or want to visit or do things with her because occasionally she speaks of her Mistress and I don't want to listen to it. I don't want to cut her out entirely, but I'm not sure how to handle how I'm feeling. I just feel all over the place about it, and it kinda hurts.
Any input is appreciated. Thanks.