When the woman proposes marriage...

[kukla_red]

I took a look though the entries here and I didn't see anything on this, so I hope it is OK.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 and a half years, we live together (along with my 2 teenagers) and we are very happy.  After my divorce, I never thought I would love again, never thought I could be head over heels about someone.  As they

Comments

[hardtogetover]

If he's the kind of person to have issues with his woman out earning him, he may also be the kind of person to resent his woman proposing marriage to him.

[kukla_red]

Yes, that is something I've considered, hence my hesitation. It isn't so much that he thinks it is wrong that I outearn him by so much - it is more that he feels lousy about me footing the bill for everything. He feels very strongly about contributing his fair share, etc. I feel that he does more than enough to make up for the whole money issue: he takes care of me, our house and helps my kids in so many ways. As I said above, I'm not concerned about the inequity and we have talked about it. He knows that I don't care but this is something that is deeply bred into most guys, I think. They are supposed to be the provider.

I'll just sit on this. I do feel better talking it out here.

[elisethestrange]

If you earn 3X what he does, his fair share is 25%. It's really about that simple. But I understand it's probably not that simple to him - especially in your generation. I feel like guys in my generation (I'm 26) are more likely to be ok with a woman earning more than them, but you guys grew up in a different culture. It's tough to overcome all that socialization. But even in my generation - I dated a guy a few years ago that was simply never going to make as much money as I was. I'd say things like when I got my job I'd get us all these nice things, and he said it made him feel inadequate when I made comments like that. And we weren't even there yet - I was just in school! And I'm still in school, but that's neither here nor there.

I see you've discussed things - I agree you should wait and give him time. Also, you said the financial inequity will be resolved - I don't see the harm in waiting until then. Sounds like he's the real deal - you can wait a bit for that, right? ;)

[kukla_red]

Numerically, I know what his share should be. That's not the issue. He just doesn't have it right now and I understand why. It doesn't bug me.

And yes, he is the real deal so waiting is OK. A little frustrating, but OK.

[hardtogetover]

Some people are very...sensitive about what they perceive to be their gender roles and responsibilities. I tread lightly around matters that may be offensive, even if they don't make sense to me.

On that note, it takes two to become engaged. If he doesn't want to ask yet, what makes you think he would say yes if you asked him? I would talk to him about it, if you are really in such a hurry to tie the knot.