Shy Guy problem

[celestial_axis]

Hi everyone! This is my first post, I hope it's okay.

My name is Sarah and I'm 25. I've been single for a few months now after breaking up with my boyfriend of six years (my decision). I've dated a few random guys here and there, mainly from the Internet cuz I don't do the bar scene and there's no where to really meet guys in my life. I have gone

Comments

[scien]

Do you know what his relationship history is like? He sounds a bit on the terrified side, perhaps he has little sexual experience (or little experience with dating or having new partners - one LTR for example).

Personally, I'd go for it and hold his hand. Not in a deathgrip or anything, but just rest your hand in his over the dinner table or while you're watching the film, and you'll probably be able to tell what's going on a bit more by how he reacts (holds your hand properly, draws away, moment of panic in his eyes...). When you want to move for whatever reason then just look him in the eyes, smile, and pick up your fork or brush hair from your face or whatever. These kinds of early negotiations are always superawkward, but they've not killed anyone yet :)

Going by the kind of guys I know, he's likely to just be horrifically scared of doing something that will look pushy. Plenty of guys do like to be pursued, although if that's the case I hereby give you warning of the inexperience and insecurity you are likely to encounter. Hopefully he's in luck and you'll find it endearing! And hopefully it's not that he's uninterested or whatever.

[celestial_axis]

Thank you, this is more along the lines I was thinking. I have no idea if he's had more than one past relationship, so there could be some major lack of experience there. I keep feeding off his shyness and it makes me afraid to make a move, but I would like to hold or touch his hand next time I see him and see how that goes. The hugs I've given him haven't been awkward, he hugs me back, and he had a big smile on his face after I kissed him on the cheek that once. I see those as good signs. Guess I just gotta suck it up and go for it! =) And yes, "superawkward" would be the word. I hate this new relationship stuff. I was in a 6-year relationship before this, and a 4-year one before that. This is pretty new to me too.

[scien]

I'd 'confess' that to him. Not that it's anything to be ashamed of , but if you admit to being a bit unsure of what to do with yourself due to lack of experience, he'll feel safer letting on about how he feels about the whole thing, whatever that may be. If it is inexperience, he is right now wondering how he can camouflage his embarrassing secret from you, and implicit permission to stop will be a relief. Plus, I think four dates is plenty to start getting a bit nosy ;)

I'm speculating on very little evidence here though.

[loreeley]

He seems happy when you do something, hugging back and smiling, so it sounds like he wouldn't mind you doing something! I'm not saying pounce on him, but something like taking his hand over dinner or cuddling up during a movie sounds like good ideas. Seems to me that he isn't against the idea, just scared to be the one to do it first.

Another option might be to take his hand when you take a walk outside (depending where you live it's even getting to that weather where you can use the excuse of holding hands to keep warm!!) - just take it and keep walking and talking, like the hand taking isn't really a big thing at all. Read the palm of his hand... go out dancing (or even at home) if you both enjoy that...do activities together that require human contact... I think some people are not very tactile in general, whereas some are. I'm the huggy kind of person (with everyone, not just romantically) and that's what I would do with someone who is shy, to get them to feel comfortable. Kissing someone can be stressful at the best of time, let alone when one is shy, but when you're already used to holding the person's hand or touching them in a not 'I want you' way it's a bit less scary.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[johncoxon]

I agree with that way more than the 'dump him NOW' advice.

[scien]

Thanks! :)