*deep breath*
Hi Everyone...
This is my first post here, although I have been watching the community for about 2 weeks now. My name is Nikki, I'm 20 years old, and live in Saco, ME- (for those of you who don't know, yes, ME is in the U.S.)
This is my situation...
Background Information
I have this friend, Keith, (25) whom I've been attracted to and romantically interested in since I've known him (about 5 years now.) When I first met him, he was off/on with his gf of 3 years, so i brushed my feelings aside and appreciated him as a friend.
Skip to December, 2006: He and his girlfriend are finally broken up for the last time. Keith & I had always flirted in a subtle way, and now he was going to New Mexico for a few months. I was at his going away party and ended up taking care of him after he got sick: i.e. getting him water, rubbing his back, etc. Once he felt better, I sat on his lap because there was nowhere else to sit. Talk to him outside a bit about his ex, then hug him goodbye and don't see him for quite some time, although we occasionally messaged each other back and forth on MySpace.
I got the balls one night to send him a message (damn MySpace) asking him if he maybe wanted to go out sometime when he got back. I never got a response, so I just assumed he wasn't interested and moved on with me life.
Current Situation:
Skip to June, 2007: Keith returns from New Mexico. I was nervous about running into him because of the message. I was worried it was going to be awkward. I start hanging out with his friend Matty on a daily basis, and so, I hang out with Keith on a daily basis as well. One night, thanks to liquid courage (alcohol) I asked him why he never wrote back, to at least say "Hey, thanks, but no thanks". He claimed he never got the message, and I changed the subject.
A week or so later, I texted him (in the same room, and again, drunk) telling him how I had liked him since before he and his ex broke up the first time. He said he was flattered, but had a lot of emotional turmoil to work through and couldn't be in a relationship at that point in time, which I understood, and personally didn't want a serious relationship myself at that time either. I suggested seeing eachother, and he agreed. I spent the night with him that night and all we did was cuddle.
The next night, I let him know that I meant everything I had said, drunk or not, and needed to know if he regretted it so that I could move on. He said that he thought we should just be friends, because my friendship meant more to him than any physical relationship ever would. (exact words.)
I went to New York for the weekend, and when I came back, hung out with him and drank (in celebration of my birthday, which we had missed because of my trip) and ended up staying with him again. As we were cuddling, he said how apparent it was that we couldn't be "just friends". I agreed, and then he told me that there was "someone else". I asked who, and he told me her name, and that she lived in Alaska, and he had met her while on his trip in Colorado. I stupidly assumed it was next to nothing, because, well, she lived in Alaska. I then told him that as long as she knew about me as well, I was fine with it. Seeing each other is not exclusive. I also told him that I wanted to take it slow, and he told me that he didn't want to hurt me, and agreed with taking it slow.
A few weeks later, I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted to kiss him (we were taking it reeaaallly slow.) I sent him a text message, letting him know that I wanted to kiss him, and that if he (still) felt the same way, he was free to make the first move because I am wayyy too shy. I also mentioned how i was REALLY starting to like him (not a minute went by when I wasn't thinking of him) and said that if he didn't feel the same, we would just pretend that i never sent the message.
He never kissed me, but that same night, he put his head on my lap and gave me a back massage without me asking, and other small things to get close to me. We fell asleep on the couch watching a movie together. I tried to keep my guard up, but at the same time, thought "He knows how much I like him, he wouldn't be doing this to me if he didn't feel the same way."
I still haven't talked to him about it, but I have, however, pulled back physically. When I stayed with him the other night I slept against the wall, allowing him to come to me (which he didn't.) I don't text him, unless its to hang out as a group. I've basically accepted that we're only friends, but ...
The Question
Do I talk to him about our relationship to avoid future awkwardness, if, say, I meet someone else? He's just as shy as me, so he might just be reacting to my distance. I have no idea. Although I still do like him, I enjoy his friendship as well, and wouldn't want to do anything to ruin that. Or should I continue to distance myself and let him come to me?
Thanks for taking the time to read, I know it got a little long. :)
Any insight would be great. Thanks in advance, I am so happy this community exists.
This is my first post here, although I have been watching the community for about 2 weeks now. My name is Nikki, I'm 20 years old, and live in Saco, ME- (for those of you who don't know, yes, ME is in the U.S.)
This is my situation...
Background Information
I have this friend, Keith, (25) whom I've been attracted to and romantically interested in since I've known him (about 5 years now.) When I first met him, he was off/on with his gf of 3 years, so i brushed my feelings aside and appreciated him as a friend.
Skip to December, 2006: He and his girlfriend are finally broken up for the last time. Keith & I had always flirted in a subtle way, and now he was going to New Mexico for a few months. I was at his going away party and ended up taking care of him after he got sick: i.e. getting him water, rubbing his back, etc. Once he felt better, I sat on his lap because there was nowhere else to sit. Talk to him outside a bit about his ex, then hug him goodbye and don't see him for quite some time, although we occasionally messaged each other back and forth on MySpace.
I got the balls one night to send him a message (damn MySpace) asking him if he maybe wanted to go out sometime when he got back. I never got a response, so I just assumed he wasn't interested and moved on with me life.
Current Situation:
Skip to June, 2007: Keith returns from New Mexico. I was nervous about running into him because of the message. I was worried it was going to be awkward. I start hanging out with his friend Matty on a daily basis, and so, I hang out with Keith on a daily basis as well. One night, thanks to liquid courage (alcohol) I asked him why he never wrote back, to at least say "Hey, thanks, but no thanks". He claimed he never got the message, and I changed the subject.
A week or so later, I texted him (in the same room, and again, drunk) telling him how I had liked him since before he and his ex broke up the first time. He said he was flattered, but had a lot of emotional turmoil to work through and couldn't be in a relationship at that point in time, which I understood, and personally didn't want a serious relationship myself at that time either. I suggested seeing eachother, and he agreed. I spent the night with him that night and all we did was cuddle.
The next night, I let him know that I meant everything I had said, drunk or not, and needed to know if he regretted it so that I could move on. He said that he thought we should just be friends, because my friendship meant more to him than any physical relationship ever would. (exact words.)
I went to New York for the weekend, and when I came back, hung out with him and drank (in celebration of my birthday, which we had missed because of my trip) and ended up staying with him again. As we were cuddling, he said how apparent it was that we couldn't be "just friends". I agreed, and then he told me that there was "someone else". I asked who, and he told me her name, and that she lived in Alaska, and he had met her while on his trip in Colorado. I stupidly assumed it was next to nothing, because, well, she lived in Alaska. I then told him that as long as she knew about me as well, I was fine with it. Seeing each other is not exclusive. I also told him that I wanted to take it slow, and he told me that he didn't want to hurt me, and agreed with taking it slow.
A few weeks later, I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted to kiss him (we were taking it reeaaallly slow.) I sent him a text message, letting him know that I wanted to kiss him, and that if he (still) felt the same way, he was free to make the first move because I am wayyy too shy. I also mentioned how i was REALLY starting to like him (not a minute went by when I wasn't thinking of him) and said that if he didn't feel the same, we would just pretend that i never sent the message.
He never kissed me, but that same night, he put his head on my lap and gave me a back massage without me asking, and other small things to get close to me. We fell asleep on the couch watching a movie together. I tried to keep my guard up, but at the same time, thought "He knows how much I like him, he wouldn't be doing this to me if he didn't feel the same way."
I still haven't talked to him about it, but I have, however, pulled back physically. When I stayed with him the other night I slept against the wall, allowing him to come to me (which he didn't.) I don't text him, unless its to hang out as a group. I've basically accepted that we're only friends, but ...
The Question
Do I talk to him about our relationship to avoid future awkwardness, if, say, I meet someone else? He's just as shy as me, so he might just be reacting to my distance. I have no idea. Although I still do like him, I enjoy his friendship as well, and wouldn't want to do anything to ruin that. Or should I continue to distance myself and let him come to me?
Thanks for taking the time to read, I know it got a little long. :)
Any insight would be great. Thanks in advance, I am so happy this community exists.