Getting back together
I've posted a few times about breaking up with my boyfriend of 10 months. This happened about three weeks ago.
We talked the whole first post-breakup week about getting back together, but from the start it was obvious that I was more into it then he was. After a space of a few days for us to think, he e-mailed me and said that he didn't think he could do it. The problems were fixable, yes, but he was going through a rough time right now and couldn't commit to fixing them.
This past Sunday (a little over two weeks after we broke up; we didn't speak at all the second week), I e-mailed him about sending him a book of his that I still had. He IMed me and we ended up talking for two hours about what had went wrong in our relationship, how much we missed each other, and how we both felt that this wasn't over.
We talked all day on Monday and I finally suggested meeting somewhere that night to chat. We went and got coffee, which was awkward, but then went to our favorite bookstore and ended up sitting there talking for two hours. It was probably the best conversation we've had in months; we never used to talk that freely or openly when we were together. It was almost like we were a couple again in some ways -- I took his hand after awhile, and he took mine. We left by hugging each other for a few minutes and I said I'd talk to him soon. When I got home that night, he IMed me and said how badly he had wanted to kiss me, but thought that it was too soon. We talked the rest of the night; again, it was not awkward at all. We talked about taking it slow and seeing where things went, but the only thing that was really off limits was a) having sex and b) defining ourselves as boyfriend/girlfriend right away.
Yesterday I messaged him just to chat and things got kind of testy quickly, which I was not expecting. I mentioned kissing like he had the day before, and he immediately changed the subject. When I brought up sex in a joking way -- which he also had the day before -- he said it wouldn't be a good idea, since we weren't even officially back together yet and I was already seeking attention from him. I explained that it had been hard to tell if he really wanted this or not -- he's moving in three days, so he explained to me that he's very busy, which is why he hasn't been IMing me -- so that was why I was initiating conversation most of the time.
I'm confused. We're definitely playing this game by his rules: he can bring up sex, but I can't; he can say something very romantic, but I can't. I'm afraid to say certain things because I don't want our reconciliation to go off track, but on the other hand, I feel like this is absolutely going nowhere. My hope is that once he moves and has de-stressed about he'll be more focused on our situation, but I have nothing to back that up.
We talked the whole first post-breakup week about getting back together, but from the start it was obvious that I was more into it then he was. After a space of a few days for us to think, he e-mailed me and said that he didn't think he could do it. The problems were fixable, yes, but he was going through a rough time right now and couldn't commit to fixing them.
This past Sunday (a little over two weeks after we broke up; we didn't speak at all the second week), I e-mailed him about sending him a book of his that I still had. He IMed me and we ended up talking for two hours about what had went wrong in our relationship, how much we missed each other, and how we both felt that this wasn't over.
We talked all day on Monday and I finally suggested meeting somewhere that night to chat. We went and got coffee, which was awkward, but then went to our favorite bookstore and ended up sitting there talking for two hours. It was probably the best conversation we've had in months; we never used to talk that freely or openly when we were together. It was almost like we were a couple again in some ways -- I took his hand after awhile, and he took mine. We left by hugging each other for a few minutes and I said I'd talk to him soon. When I got home that night, he IMed me and said how badly he had wanted to kiss me, but thought that it was too soon. We talked the rest of the night; again, it was not awkward at all. We talked about taking it slow and seeing where things went, but the only thing that was really off limits was a) having sex and b) defining ourselves as boyfriend/girlfriend right away.
Yesterday I messaged him just to chat and things got kind of testy quickly, which I was not expecting. I mentioned kissing like he had the day before, and he immediately changed the subject. When I brought up sex in a joking way -- which he also had the day before -- he said it wouldn't be a good idea, since we weren't even officially back together yet and I was already seeking attention from him. I explained that it had been hard to tell if he really wanted this or not -- he's moving in three days, so he explained to me that he's very busy, which is why he hasn't been IMing me -- so that was why I was initiating conversation most of the time.
I'm confused. We're definitely playing this game by his rules: he can bring up sex, but I can't; he can say something very romantic, but I can't. I'm afraid to say certain things because I don't want our reconciliation to go off track, but on the other hand, I feel like this is absolutely going nowhere. My hope is that once he moves and has de-stressed about he'll be more focused on our situation, but I have nothing to back that up.