posting here cuz nobody reads it
Despite myself i keep constantly looking at my exes myspace... i keep reading her blog... why? Cuz i'm an idiot... cuz somewhere inside i never let go... thats why there are pictures of three women in my wallet that bother me... two who broke my heart and one who one of my first adult crushes... I read her damn blog and its an incoherent ramble... she's talking about already meeting somebody new and that only slightly bothers me... however she then goes on and talks about him being a drunk and needing help...? What the hell? Part of why we are apart is because she was so self centred and so selfish that she treated me bad enough to really anger many of my friends... she pushed me away hard... she fuckled things up alot.... and yet in this blog shes talking about how she'd help him if he only asked and all this other stuff when from prior experiences she doesn't ever help anyone but her... and no that is not just my bitterness talking. I mean i asked her one thing... look out for herself and not to end up with another shit head that treats her bad... what does she do? Fuck it... why does a part of me still care... because in the inside i really am a caring and nice individual and i can't help myself. I can't even get really angry and just say "fuck you" i have trouble staying pissed off and all this does is really just make me feel even more lonely.
anyway it all really sucks... i just needed to vent and even now i'm thinking about her in this... i could vent this all in my myspace but she reads it from time to time and i just want to move on with this shit. Anyway... only one person might read this and if you do i'm sorry... i'm really just venting a little and i really just want to get my life moving on again...
ok now i can go to my myspace and look at my friends and smile my fake smile.
g'night