Supernatural fic: Read This 1/1 [PG-13] Dean - 6.10 coda
Title: Read This
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dean
Spoilers: up to & incl. 6.10, and the preview for 6.11
Notes: Coda to 6.10
This takes place in the space between what we know and what we don't. It is not intended to be accurate, just to be one possible take.
If you didn't watch the preview for 6.11 because you don't want to be spoiled, don't read this till after you see 6.11.
First person.
12/10/10 05:53:13 AM
Read This
Sammy
I can't believe I'm doing this again
The last time a tried to write a letter to anybody, I was about to say ye
Letters totally suck but in case I don't
Sammy, whatever happens, none of this is your fault.
Probably, you won't ever see this. I'm sticking it in Dad's journal, just in case. I don't have to say in case of what, if you're reading it, you already know. But that's totally not going to happen. Only, if it does, there's some things I didn't get a chance to tell you, so stop with the bitchface and just listen to your big brother for once.
If you don't have your soul back it means what I'm going to try to do didn't work, which is why I'm not here to tell you any of this in person. Maybe you came back for the journal because it's got useful stuff in it you haven't memorized like a robo-geek yet. Anyway, that's not important. What is important is that you don't give up. I didn't say the right stuff to keep you from leaving again but there's got to be some reason you stuck around as long as you did. I don't know what it was. You said one time that it was better with me around, but you said you don't feel stuff, so I can't figure it out. Not having a soul... for a long time I thought that meant you weren't really my brother, but the thing is, you're part of him. A lot of him actually. Sometimes I forget you aren't completely the old Sammy, lately. I don't know if that means you got better at faking it or what. Why did I tell you to do that? Your big brother is a friggin idio
This is why I don't write friggin letters, because I suck at that too, here I am babbling like a chick. Nevermind, the important thing is, don't give up on your soul. I know what Cas said, and what the demons said, but Sammy, they're demons, and Cas... Cas is great but he's still an angel, okay? There's things he just doesn't get and I guess this is one of them.
You need to be whole. You need your soul back. It might hurt, hell it might suck, but it's who you are and who you are is... it's someone worth being, no matter whether it hurts, no matter if it's a fight and a struggle, if it's hard.
What I forgot to tell you is that suffering, yeah, it may be the only game in town, but it's not all there is.
Maybe you're a better hunter without it, but, Sammy, you're not a better man. You couldn't be. See, what I forgot to tell you was that the old you? My brother Sammy... you used to be the best man who ever lived. The best.
Sammy I practically raised you, hell, I did raise you, with Dad, and I may not have done any better job at it than he did, but that never mattered. You were better than both of us. I don't mean smarter, or stronger. I mean better. Inside. You always were.
I know a lot of stuff happened, I know you had the demon blood to deal with and I know you did some stuff. But that doesn't matter. When push came to shove, you did something nobody else could have done.
You know what I'm talking about.
That wasn't just redemption, Sammy. I know you thought you had to make things right, but that's not what it was. It was just you, being you.
Don't lose that. Don't let them get away with taking away who you are. Don't give up because angels and demons say you're better off. One last time, listen to your big brother.
I've been a screw up all my life, Sam. But the one thing I never, ever regretted was you. I'm not saying you gotta do this for my sake. I'm saying do it for yours. If there is anything left in that gigantor body and geek mind of yours that trusts me, get your soul back. If you make up your mind to do it, you'll find a way. That's something you and the old you still got in common.
And if you're reading this and you're back, all of you, here's the other thing you need to know. None of this is your fault.
That, and I'm proud of you. I always have been. You know I love you.
I don't know what Michael and Lucifer did to you for a year, but you're stronger than Cas knows. You can deal with it. You can make it. I believe in you, Sammy.
I should have said that at first and not written all this other crap. I should have done a lot of things. None of that matters. I'm not giving up on you. Not ever.
Dean
PS Don't go out and get some twinky bitch car, I'm leaving you the Impala, and you damn well better take good care of her, you hear me?
06:40:01 AM
♠ season 6 codas
~
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dean
Spoilers: up to & incl. 6.10, and the preview for 6.11
Notes: Coda to 6.10
This takes place in the space between what we know and what we don't. It is not intended to be accurate, just to be one possible take.
If you didn't watch the preview for 6.11 because you don't want to be spoiled, don't read this till after you see 6.11.
First person.
12/10/10 05:53:13 AM
Read This
Sammy
I can't believe I'm doing this again
The last time a tried to write a letter to anybody, I was about to say ye
Letters totally suck but in case I don't
Sammy, whatever happens, none of this is your fault.
Probably, you won't ever see this. I'm sticking it in Dad's journal, just in case. I don't have to say in case of what, if you're reading it, you already know. But that's totally not going to happen. Only, if it does, there's some things I didn't get a chance to tell you, so stop with the bitchface and just listen to your big brother for once.
If you don't have your soul back it means what I'm going to try to do didn't work, which is why I'm not here to tell you any of this in person. Maybe you came back for the journal because it's got useful stuff in it you haven't memorized like a robo-geek yet. Anyway, that's not important. What is important is that you don't give up. I didn't say the right stuff to keep you from leaving again but there's got to be some reason you stuck around as long as you did. I don't know what it was. You said one time that it was better with me around, but you said you don't feel stuff, so I can't figure it out. Not having a soul... for a long time I thought that meant you weren't really my brother, but the thing is, you're part of him. A lot of him actually. Sometimes I forget you aren't completely the old Sammy, lately. I don't know if that means you got better at faking it or what. Why did I tell you to do that? Your big brother is a friggin idio
This is why I don't write friggin letters, because I suck at that too, here I am babbling like a chick. Nevermind, the important thing is, don't give up on your soul. I know what Cas said, and what the demons said, but Sammy, they're demons, and Cas... Cas is great but he's still an angel, okay? There's things he just doesn't get and I guess this is one of them.
You need to be whole. You need your soul back. It might hurt, hell it might suck, but it's who you are and who you are is... it's someone worth being, no matter whether it hurts, no matter if it's a fight and a struggle, if it's hard.
What I forgot to tell you is that suffering, yeah, it may be the only game in town, but it's not all there is.
Maybe you're a better hunter without it, but, Sammy, you're not a better man. You couldn't be. See, what I forgot to tell you was that the old you? My brother Sammy... you used to be the best man who ever lived. The best.
Sammy I practically raised you, hell, I did raise you, with Dad, and I may not have done any better job at it than he did, but that never mattered. You were better than both of us. I don't mean smarter, or stronger. I mean better. Inside. You always were.
I know a lot of stuff happened, I know you had the demon blood to deal with and I know you did some stuff. But that doesn't matter. When push came to shove, you did something nobody else could have done.
You know what I'm talking about.
That wasn't just redemption, Sammy. I know you thought you had to make things right, but that's not what it was. It was just you, being you.
Don't lose that. Don't let them get away with taking away who you are. Don't give up because angels and demons say you're better off. One last time, listen to your big brother.
I've been a screw up all my life, Sam. But the one thing I never, ever regretted was you. I'm not saying you gotta do this for my sake. I'm saying do it for yours. If there is anything left in that gigantor body and geek mind of yours that trusts me, get your soul back. If you make up your mind to do it, you'll find a way. That's something you and the old you still got in common.
And if you're reading this and you're back, all of you, here's the other thing you need to know. None of this is your fault.
That, and I'm proud of you. I always have been. You know I love you.
I don't know what Michael and Lucifer did to you for a year, but you're stronger than Cas knows. You can deal with it. You can make it. I believe in you, Sammy.
I should have said that at first and not written all this other crap. I should have done a lot of things. None of that matters. I'm not giving up on you. Not ever.
Dean
PS Don't go out and get some twinky bitch car, I'm leaving you the Impala, and you damn well better take good care of her, you hear me?
06:40:01 AM
♠ season 6 codas
~