Gaara's Courtship (fic)
Fandom: Naruto
Title: Gaara's Courtship
Author: datenshiblue
Genre: gen, shounen ai
Spoilers: Yes
Warnings: crack pairing? ;)
Notes: Just call me crazy. :) As usual, I beta'd myself, so I will no doubt be fixing small mistakes for 2 days. It should be reasonably clean though.
Gaara's Courtship
I.
It came to him in the 'graveyard hour' between midnight and dawn, when most living things are at their lowest ebb. Any number of thoughts had come to him at that hour before, since he was always awake through it, and the rest of the world was sleeping, except for the sick, the dying, and hunted things. Perhaps it had something to do with the notion, quickly squelched by those of a saner disposition among the Sand, that Gaara of the Desert should find a mate and produce offspring. Whether that had ever been part of the last Kazekage's plan could not be verified with any certainty. It was, however, generally now accepted to be a Bad Idea.
Gaara also thought it was a Bad Idea. At least, the part about producing offspring. However at some point the idea of acquiring a mate seemed to stick in some dark corner where it mutated and grew until it achieved full flower.
~ * ~
He arrived in Konoha in the middle of the third night. Aware that the object of his journey was likely sleeping, he simply wandered through the village, using the Third Eye to peek into people's houses until he found the residence of his quarry.
It was nothing to enter through a window, from the roof. Less than nothing to slip silently into the room.
He watched the person sleep until dawn.
Then he placed a small object on the table beside the bed and left as soundlessly as he had come.
~ * ~
When Lee woke, he found something on his nightstand that he didn't remember being there when he went to sleep. It was a flower, an unfamiliar one. It certainly didn't grow in the woods around Konoha. He took it to the flower shop and Ino identified it for him.
"Where on earth did you get that?" she said with some surprise, admiring the rich, dark velvety petals that were so deep red they looked black until you held them up in the sunlight to reveal the crimson undertones.
"What is it?"
"It's a Desert Blood Orchid. It couldn't have been grown around here, it requires a more arid habitat and sandy soil. And it's very rare - they're almost never exported from the Country of Wind where they can sometimes be found." Ino examined the flower curiously, in a semi-professional capacity.
Her eyes darted to Lee. "Did you import this for Sakura-cha? Lee, I think there are import regulations.."
"No, no!" He was quick to protest his innocence. "I didn't. I just..." /...found it on my nightstand... yeah, right.../ "I found it. Maybe someone lost it. Thanks, Ino-san." He all but backed out of the shop, the flower somehow nestled in his hand. "Um," he stopped. "Does it need water?"
"Yes, of course. But not too much. It could probably live on a damp paper towel for a day or two. Not much longer without the root, I'm afraid."
"Hai. Thank you."
He placed the dark red flower on a dampened paper towel and left it on his nightstand, running quickly to meet Gai-sensei to train, since he was already late, and that was unheard of.
~ * ~
The next night, Gaara used the Third Eye to look into Lee's room. He saw that the orchid was still there and that Lee had given it a drink. The gift had been accepted.
He presented himself at the front door and knocked.
Lee came to the door from his quiet evening of doing calisthenics in front of the television.
His round eyes managed to widen even more than usual when they beheld who was standing at his door, waiting with every appearance of patience, arms folded across his chest. The red-haired ninja was a bit taller than the last time Lee had seen him but he hadn't caught up to Lee himself.
"Gaara!!?"
There was no need to respond to the calling of his name. Gaara simply waited.
"Whu.. what are you doing here?"
"Since you accepted my gift, I'm here for the second night of courtship."
~ * ~
Lee came to approximately on the same spot where he had fainted, half in and half out of his door, Gaara standing over him, arms folded, simply watching. Lee's internal clock told him he'd probably been out for about ten minutes.
Three Anbu members stood in a semi-circle around his door on the outside, about six feet back, looking frustrated, if you could guess behind the masks.
"Are you all right?" one of them called to Lee when he sat up and then slowly stood.
"Yes, I'm fine..."
"Did the... did he attack you?"
Lee blinked, a little aghast. "No! No he didn't do anything to me!"
There was a silence as the Anbu conferred with hand gestures or something.
"He wouldn't let us get close to you," one of the Anbu, a different one, said after a few minutes.
Since none of them looked damaged (only a little mussed), Lee thought he could probably imagine how that had been done. The thing that left him speechless was why.
He looked at Gaara and thought over the last thing the Sand shinobi had said to him before he passed out. He thought very, very hard. /Gai-sensei, what bad timing for you to be called away just this afternoon on a mission! I must handle this on my own without your sage counsel!/
Straightening, he held up his hand. He addressed the Anbu. "I'm sorry for the disturbance. I fainted. Gaara of the Desert just happened to be here, er, visiting."
It was easy to imagine expressions of disbelief under the masks but then that's what the masks were for - to make sure the Anbu always looked cool and collected.
There was probably a brief silent hand-signal conference or something. Then the one who was the leader of the squad said, "Very well. However foreign shinobi should report their presence..."
"I'm here," Gaara said, his expression flat. It was usually flat unless he was really pissed off.
"Got it," one of the other Anbu said quickly and the squad disappeared, probably to report to the Fifth.
Once the Anbu squad left, the neighbors dispersed.
Lee gestured tentatively to Gaara. "Come in, please?"
Gaara moved for the first time since he'd knocked on the door, and entered Lee's home.
~ * ~
After closing the door, Lee turned around, watching Gaara find a place to stand. The huge gourd on his back looked heavy but then Gaara always carried it as if it weighed nothing, belying his delicate-appearing physique. Or belying that there was something weird about the gourd that made it easy for Gaara to carry. Maybe both.
"Would you like to sit down?" Lee fell back on manners while he tried to figure out what he was going to do with his guest.
Gaara considered. Sitting, with the gourd, was possible but occasionally problematic. He lifted it off the wide leather strap and leaned it against the wall, then sat on the floor.
Lee realized he had half expected Gaara to refuse and remain standing. Manners to the rescue again. "Can I get you something to drink?"
Gaara considered. The offer of water was an important gesture in Sand country. He inclined his head.
Lee blinked, the gesture appealing to him as oddly refined. He nodded once, and went quickly to the small kitchenette, coming back with a tray. He had water, tea, and sports drink in his refrigerator. He'd opted for water.
This was fortunate. Gaara reviled sports drink as impure, but Lee would not find this out until later.
Setting the tray down, Lee crossed his legs and sat across from Gaara. He picked up the remote and turned off the television program on the history of taijutsu.
Gaara waited until Lee lifted one of the cups of water to his lips, and then did the same. It was good water.
"Good water," Gaara said and put down the cup.
"Uh, thanks," Lee said. He watched Gaara. Then he took a breath and released it to calm his nerves. "Gaara-san, Why did you say 'the second night of courtship'?"
Gaara looked at Lee steadily. "The first night I left you the Blood Flower. You accepted it and preserved it by giving it moisture. That means you are open to courtship."
Lee blinked. But actually it was rather logical. Of course, he hadn't been aware that putting the mysterious flower on a damp paper towel constituted accepting an offer of courtship from a Sand ninja... And then there was the implication that Gaara knew what he'd been doing inside his own house...
He cleared his throat. "Gaara-san... we're both men."
Gaara regarded Lee just as steadily. Behind his smooth features, however, he was experiencing an unusual amount of doubt - any amount being generally unusual. He'd suspected this might be a sticking point.
"Yes," he said. "However since I don't wish to have children it's not a problem. If you wish to have children..." Gaara realized he hadn't thought this part out with any amount of detail. "We could adopt. There are always orphans in ninja villages."
Lee really made an effort not to goggle this time. And once again, he was surprised to find part of his mind admiring the logic of it.
"Yes there are," he acknowledged regretfully. He had reason to know the truth of that. He shook his head. "However that is not the... the only problem. I..." For some reason this part was harder to say. "I don't like boys...men... not that there's anything wrong with that," he added quickly. "But I like girls. There's one girl in particular..."
"Who?"
Warning bells rang somewhere in the back of Lee's mind. If he confessed that he was in love with Sakura-san, would Gaara wander off and do away with her as a rival???
However if he didn't tell, and Gaara decided to find out... how hard would it be to discover this fact in Konoha? For a ninja, not hard at all.
"Sakura-san. I've promised to protect her until I die."
Gaara's smooth features pulled slowly into a frown. His arms, which had been relaxed rather loosely in his lap, folded over his chest.
Lee feared for a moment there would be some kind of explosion. However the red-haired boy simply sat there quietly, frowning, for a little while.
Then he got to his feet. He picked up the gourd and slung it back on the strap. He began walking to the door.
"Gaara-san, wait..."
Gaara stopped and waited, without turning around.
"You aren't going to... to do anything to Sakura-san?"
Gaara did turn and look at Lee over his shoulder at that.
"You said you would protect her until you die. I'm not interested in killing you so I will leave her alone."
Lee felt a flood of relief. But there was something else he was feeling and he wasn't quite sure what it was. A tightness in his chest, as he watched Gaara resume his walk to the door.
"Gaara-san..."
The Sand ninja stopped, his hand on the door, again without turning around.
Lee licked his lips. "Why... me?"
Gaara turned around and regarded Lee through unfathomable, darkly lined eyes that always seemed a bit unearthly. Not unattractive, however, Lee thought absently.
"You were the first person who hurt me, here." Gaara pointed to his face. He turned back around and then gestured again along with the last few words. Even though he was turned away, Lee could tell from his posture that he was pointing to his chest. "Instead of here."
Lee's eyes widened and he felt a sudden constriction, almost exactly in the spot Gaara had been pointing to, only in his own chest.
The door was open and the boy from the desert was going through it.
"Gaara-san!"
For a moment, the Sand ninja continued walking, then he stopped and turned around, coming back several steps to where Lee stood outside his door.
"Are you going back to your village?" Gaara looked at Lee as Lee wondered why words continued to come out of his mouth. "You could stay for a few days at least, it must be a long journey."
Gaara studied Lee, behind his once-more smooth mask of features. He ran through his mind everything that Lee had said, and then everything he knew about the Leaf ninja, and everything he knew about the female.
There were two possibilities. One if she ultimately rejected Lee's courtship. The other if she accepted.
Gaara thought it over and decided even if she accepted, there might be options.
"I'll leave in a few days."
Lee smiled suddenly in relief. "Ah! Good! While you're here, we could... talk."
"Yes." Gaara reached into his sash and removed an object. It was a glass filled with sand. The sand was of different colors, layered in bands to form a picture. It was quite delicate and quite, quite beautiful. Lee had never seen anything like it. "Here." Gaara held it out for Lee to take.
Lee accepted the glass, looking at it in wonder. "That's... beautiful..."
"It's a sand picture. It's yours."
"Oh no..."
Gaara looked at Lee. "It's yours."
Lee found himself blushing, with no idea why.
"All... all right. Thank you, Gaara-san."
Gaara's lips curved. It was the barest hint of something like a smile.
Lee had accepted the second gift. Maybe things would work out after all.
II.
Lee couldn't sleep.
Normally it wasn't a problem. He was so used to training to absolute exhaustion and dropping into bed every night like a stone that it had become a habit. He closed his eyes and opened them when it was time to get up and nothing in between made any impression. He hadn't had insomnia since the nights between Tsunade-sama's diagnosis and the surgery.
Tonight, however, he couldn't sleep.
He finally sat up, and turned on the small light beside the bed. He picked up the glass containing the sand picture and studied it. The more he looked at it the more he had the impression that the image had changed from when he first saw it. How odd.
Finally he got up and got dressed, and went into the kitchenette for a glass of water.
He stopped and looked at the glass for a long moment. Good water.
Yes, it was good water. The village was in a valley fed by natural springs. There was a reason the land around Konoha was so beautiful. He stared into the glass and tried to imagine what it might be like to live where the wind almost never stopped blowing, where water was always covered to keep it from evaporating too quickly and where beautiful orchids grew in sandy niches between the rocks and bloomed in their splendor only to die with no one seeing them except the occasional shinobi passing on a mission.
He thought about what they had learned about the Sand genin that had participated in the tournament - and in the attack on Konoha. Everyones' observations had been recorded for the fact files of the village. He'd reviewed them, after coming back from the unsuccessful mission to retrieve Sasuke. The most interesting information had been recorded by Shikamaru and Naruto.
Lee tried to imagine what it would be like to live in a place where your father sacrificed your mother to place a demon inside your body, and then tried to kill you after deciding it had all been a mistake.
He put the water glass down and went outside.
Konoha was quiet and still, most of the lights out, most of the inhabitants sleeping, those that were on watch silent and invisible.
It didn't take that long to find the out of place silhouette, perched on top of one of the taller buildings, staring at the sky or the moon or just listening to the night wind, Lee couldn't tell.
He decided it was better not to sneak up on this particular person and approached openly, jumping up onto the roof and walking along the ridge till he was a few feet away.
He stopped politely. "Gaara-san."
Dark lined eyes looked at him.
"So it's true, you don't sleep...?"
"Yes."
Lee wondered what it was like. He thought it might be a bit like being in hell. Probably, people didn't sleep, in hell.
"May I sit?"
He was answered with a shrug.
Gaara was trying not to show any excitement. Something stirred curiously in the back of his mind, drawn to the suppressed anticipation. He shoved it back down as hard as he could.
Lee sat down, oblivious to the unseen activity going on inside the red haired boy.
He looked out over the village, the view arousing a warm feeling of affection and a fiery desire to protect.
They sat together in silence for a while.
Finally, Lee could not suppress the question that rested on his tongue, in spite of the fact that it was too abrupt, and too personal.
"Gaara-san... when did you realize you liked... boys?"
"I don't like boys."
Lee blinked. "But.." He realized Gaara had never explained after his own statement, he'd simply gotten up to leave. "If you like girls then why..."
"I don't like girls."
Lee had to ponder this for a while. He wasn't a dull person but he wasn't a genius either. Not this kind at any rate.
"I don't understand," he admitted at last. "Courtship... usually means finding a mate...But if you don't like boys and you don't like girls, what... do you want a mate... for?"
Gaara turned and looked at Lee, looked directly at him, for a long moment.
"I want to know what love is."
III.
That had constituted the end of the conversation that night because Lee was unable to think of a single thing to say after that and Gaara wasn't exactly talkative.
Eventually as dawn began to brighten the sky, Gaara stood up and said, "You need sleep." Then he'd disappeared, jumping off the rooftop quickly and heading off before Lee could get his still stunned brain to react.
That was dangerous - a shinobi had to be able to react instantaneously to any situation.
Lee went home and fell into bed, not before noticing that the sand picture seemed to have changed again. It was a bare flickering of thought and then sleep took him. Since Gai-sensei was gone, he had no one to answer to on that particular day except himself and training without sleep was damaging to the body.
~ * ~
Gaara thought, on the whole, it had gone well, for a first date.
~ * ~
Lee slept until his body was refreshed and then got up late in the morning. He bathed, ate sensibly and went out to train. He had planned to train alone in the morning and then meet Ten-Ten in the afternoon for some sparring, so he went directly to the area where his team usually trained, to warm up before she got there.
Ten-Ten was early and she had an odd look on her face.
"Lee!" she said with some relief, running up when she spotted him practicing kicks.
"Good afternoon, Ten-Ten," he said politely as he finished the series of 1,000 left side kicks to match the 1,000 right side kicks he had already completed.
Ten-Ten watched him, looking a little puzzled. She did her own stretches and warm ups quickly as she waited for him to finish.
Noticing her expression, Lee asked her if something was wrong.
"I heard a strange rumor, that's all," she said. "It's going around Konoha that Gaara of the Desert attacked you on your front step." She opted for the mildest of the rumors first.
Lee stood up straight. "That is absolutely not true!" he said adamantly. Almost passionately. "He did not attack anyone. I... I fainted. He wouldn't allow Anbu members to come close to me so they thought he had done something. However I believe he was protecting me."
Ten-Ten goggled. "You...what? You mean he's *here*?! In Konoha?!"
Lee frowned. "Yes he's here. It's not such a big deal. The Sand Three stayed here after coming back with us that time. Sand is our ally now."
Ten-Ten stared at Lee. "I know that! But he crushed your arm and leg!"
"He also saved me on that mission. There's no reason for all this over-reaction," Lee seemed genuinely put out on behalf of the visitor.
His partner shook her head in disbelief. "I know he saved you," She knew it as factual information that had been reported, all though she still found it hard to actually believe. "However that... person is dangerous. What is he doing here?"
Lee's eyebrows came together as he frowned. "Yes, he's dangerous. We are all dangerous. That's the point of being a ninja. That's no reason to treat him as if he were a..."
"...a monster?" Ten-Ten finished softly when Lee suddenly faltered. "But he is a monster. That's exactly what he is." She watched Lee, some of the other, weirder rumors she'd heard that morning starting to seem fractionally more plausible.
Lee frowned ferociously. He wanted to contradict her and say it wasn't true.
"It's... not his fault," he finally said, his voice dropping to a bare half-register.
~ * ~
Gaara waited a good distance outside the walls of Konoha for the small contingent of Sand ninja. He noted that Temari hadn't come and more than likely she was the one who had sent Kankuro. It was an interesting challenge for her, probably. Her brother had little chance of convincing Gaara to return if he didn't wish to.
He dropped down out of the trees and had a short conversation with the puppet master. It consisted of Kankuro requesting, then growling, then giving up. All Gaara said was, "Go home."
~ * ~
"Lee is acting kind of weird," Ten-Ten said to Neji.
Neji raised an eyebrow as if to say, and what else is new?
"You should talk to him, he respects you."
"Whatever it is, Gai-sensei will handle it."
"I think Gai-sensei is on a mission."
"If he's still 'acting weird' tomorrow, I'll talk to him."
~ * ~
Gaara appeared on the open-air floor of the building where Lee had gone to think, at about sunset. He waited until Lee glanced up. He looked for some indication that his presence was unwelcome. It was something he wasn't really used to doing, so he might have missed it but he thought he didn't detect any.
Lee, in fact, looked almost pleased to see him. At least Gaara thought so. He might have misinterpreted the expression, he couldn't recall ever having had it directed at him before.
Lee stood up, took a step forward and then stopped, and appeared to smile, tentatively.
He gestured to the open area and the curved seats around the edge of the building. "I come here to think sometimes."
Gaara nodded, once, perhaps a little stiffly. It made sense. He liked high places to think.
"Have you eaten?" he asked Lee.
The taijutsu specialist looked slightly surprised. "No, come to think of it, I haven't. Uh, are you... hungry?"
"Yes." Gaara wondered if Lee thought he ate sand. It wasn't so far-fetched, some of the Sand villagers thought so. Others thought he drank the blood of infants. There had been a few efforts made to dispel such rumors but folklore is impossible to eradicate.
Lee wondered if he should offer to fix dinner but most of what he had at home were macrobiotic health foods recommended by Gai-sensei. According to most of his friends, they tasted like grass and animal feed.
Gaara however didn't wait to be invited to dinner.
"There is a ramen place," he said, the words sounding odd in his ears. "I was going to go there. Do you want to go there?"
"Sure!" Lee said, wondering why he suddenly had the urge to smile. He rarely suppressed such urges and didn't do so now.
Gaara seemed to freeze for a moment, looking at him. Then he turned and jumped over the railing to the street, waiting for Lee to join him before turning in the direction of Ichiraku Ramen.
~ * ~
It was a quiet meal, but not entirely silent. Lee felt awkward at first, but when he watched Gaara order a meal and consume it like anyone else, he felt almost angry with himself. This man had saved him. It was just that he had no idea what to talk about or whether Gaara had any other interests besides ninjustu and killing.
So he started with a few harmless remarks about general topics. Gaara continued eating, glancing at him now and again as if to indicate attention, when he thought of it. He didn't appear to become annoyed at that Lee was talking, so Lee continued, between his own bites. One of the random things he mentioned was a rumor that Naruto was coming back to Konoha after a prolonged absence. He noticed that the mention of Naruto's name caused Gaara to still to immobility for a moment before he resumed eating. Lee remembered what Gaara had told him when he arrived to take up the battle with Kimimaro - that he owed Naruto.
When they were done, Gaara paid for both meals with foreign coins, before Lee could pull out his own slender wallet. When he started to protest, the redheaded shinobi looked at him and the words died on his lips.
Gaara walked him home.
This time when he invited Gaara to come in, the other boy shook his head.
"No." Then almost as an after thought, very softly, "Thank you."
Gaara wandered off and Lee stood watching him until he shook himself out of it and went inside.
~ * ~
Gaara thought it had gone all right for a second date.
He was a bit uncomfortable with the fact that he really didn't know what he was doing. However he felt they were making progress. Lee didn't appear to find his presence intimidating. It was a strange experience to be treated like anyone. Or close to that. He was reasonably certain he wouldn't have liked it from most people. In this instance, however, it felt...
The truth was he didn't know what the feeling was. It left an odd sensation in his chest but it wasn't the pain he was used to feeling, that he had felt, greater or lesser, for his entire life until. Until after that battle with Naruto. The pain hadn't gone away entirely. But it had... flickered. Winked out, for brief, quick moments as he contemplated the blond boy's words. And when he'd battled with Kimimaro, it had flickered out for many minutes at a time. The longest was when he was sitting under the tree, after the battle, with Lee.
It had come back of course. But for some reason knowing it could abate had all but changed everything.
So the third night of courtship was accorded the designation successful.
He simply wasn't sure he would have enough time.
~ * ~
Lee had gone to bed and slept soundly until he was suddenly awakened. It felt as if Gai-sensei were shaking him by the shoulder and calling his name. /Lee!/
Sitting bolt upright in the bed, he blinked, gasping, scrambling for what had woken him up.
/"I want to know what love is."/
/And he came to me.../
III.
The Blood Orchid was starting to wither. Lee refreshed the paper towel with more water and then placed the flower in his refrigerator.
He went about his morning tasks in a bit of a fog. Once dressed, he went quickly to see if Gai-sensei had returned from his mission but the man's apartment was locked and after asking around, he was told Gai was not expected back until tomorrow at the earliest.
Coming up with no other recourse, he spent the morning trying to train. His concentration was off. He saved himself from a couple of potential serious accidents before giving up and throwing himself down to sit on the grass.
Neji had been watching him for half an hour. When Lee sat down, Neji walked up and stood beside him.
"What's wrong with you?
Lee looked up, half-relieved it was Neji and half annoyed. They'd never been warm friends but respect had drawn them closer since certain events had transpired. It also helped that Neji had become in many ways quite a different person, without showing many outward signs of it.
Lee opened his mouth to explain, and couldn't find the right words.
Neji watched him struggle for a few moments. He saw turmoil and conflict in the taijutsu specialist. And something else harder to analyze.
"Something to do with Gaara of the Desert."
Lee looked up, startled, but then Ten-Ten had probably told him or... it didn't matter. There were few secrets in a town of shinobi.
"Yes," he said finally.
"Is it true he came to Konoha specifically to see you?" Neji asked.
Lee unaccountably blushed.
Neji's eyes went wide. He focused his Byakugan on Lee.
"What the hell..."
"It's not what it sounds like," Lee said desperately, making it sound even more like that.
Neji cleared his throat. "Lee, I think you are in over your head."
"If only Gai-sensei were back..." Lee muttered, jumping to his feet. He attempted to give Neji a severe look and only managed to look slightly desperate. "Don't say anything."
"You didn't have to say that," Neji replied mildly. "I wouldn't."
Lee blinked and then smiled. He hadn't actually realized it, but he nodded.
"Thanks."
~ * ~
Able to think of no where else to go, he ended up walking to the Hokage's offices in hopes of seeing Sakura-san. If he saw her... he thought it might make everything clear again. Like the first time he'd seen her. He'd known it was love at that moment.
She hadn't been very encouraging but eventually she'd learned to trust him. And to like him, he thought. And if she ever gave up on her fixation with Sasuke-kun...
Lee stopped in his tracks and stared at his feet for a moment, as people walked around him on the street.
She never would. Because *she* was in love.
Lee shook his head, trying to shake the doubts away and resumed walking. He hoped she would be there and that Tsunade-sama wasn't keeping her too busy just now.
It appeared that luck favored a lover today, because she emerged from a shop just in front of him, carrying an order of coffee and sweetrolls for the Hokage. His expression brightened and he called to her, happy when she smiled and greeted him by name. Since she was obviously running an errand, he caught up to walk beside her up to the Hokage's offices.
"How are you doing?" she asked, in a friendly way. She, evidently, hadn't heard anything out of the ordinary, a fact that gave Lee a feeling to relief.
"Ah... fine, thank you," he said. "Sakura-san... do you think you could..." /...ever choose me over Sasuke-kun?/ No, he couldn't do it. He simply couldn't ask.
"Could...?" she prompted gently.
"Ah, could you let me carry that for you?"
"You don't have to, Lee," she said, and she smiled at him, but he thought he detected a deeply buried hint of sadness in the back of her eyes. It was almost as if he'd actually asked the question and she had answered.
He was silent as they started up the steps. Then, "Uh, Sakura-san...?"
"Yes?"
"What... would you do... if someone said... if they had never experienced the emotion of love... and they came to you... to help them learn what it was?"
Sakura stopped in her tracks and stared at Lee, surprised.
He couldn't have been talking about himself. It was such a very, very odd question.
And he seemed serious about it. Lee could be so very, very serious.
"I..." For a moment she thought about the question and faltered. /If only Sasuke-kun would ask me that.../ "I don't know what I would do," she said finally. "I... wouldn't take it lightly..."
She turned quickly towards the door of the Hokage's office, and he stepped up and opened the door for her, since her hands were full.
He intended to let the door close and go back to the practice area but he was surprised and transfixed to see something beyond the door that he did not expect.
Gaara, standing in front of the Fifth Hokage. His arms were crossed and he was wearing no expression. Tsunade-sama was sitting on the front edge of her desk, a scroll in one hand, looking at him.
~ * ~
"It's not my business to tell you what to do, and I won't eject an ally from Konoha. But this summons is a very serious matter. It's not that I don't understand your reluctance," Tsunade studied the boy in front of her. He was, according to the information on file, the same age as Naruto. He looked younger. At the same time, he *felt* older. A boy of 14 should not feel like this. But then, this boy had been born a monster, and never allowed to be just a child.
Gaara regarded the woman over folded arms. "It's a waste of time to go back, just to tell them no."
Tsunade watched him closely. There was a great deal a stake here. Sand had gone from being a surprise enemy to becoming one of Konoha's strongest allies. Their internal politics, however, were bordering on turmoil. She didn't really know why they hadn't chosen from among their strongest and wisest, or why they were even considering this course of action. But whatever the reasons were, it was likely they were good ones.
"Maybe you should go back and tell them yes," she said.
"Why?'
The woman smiled. "If it's the right answer, you will understand that for yourself. It might not immediately seem like a good idea. But if it is the correct thing to do, you will know that."
Watching from the doorway, Lee had no idea what they were discussing. But he looked at Gaara and suddenly, without seeing any shift in the other boy's posture or expression, he knew that whatever it was, Gaara wasn't indifferent to the question. He did not want to do it, whatever it was.
Suddenly Tsunade-sama looked over at the door.
"Come in or go out, don't stand there gaping like a fish."
Hastily, Lee apologized and backed away, closing the door. He saw Gaara's eyes swing towards him just before it closed.
~ * ~
As the sun began to fall towards late afternoon, Lee stood outside his front door, pacing back and forth.
When Gaara appeared, Lee felt a sudden relief so intense it made his eyes water.
The red-haired ninja walked up to Lee, who stopped pacing and waited for him.
"If you haven't eaten, I can fix dinner," Lee blurted out. He'd been to the store to get something besides Gai's health food.
Gaara regarded him for a moment and nodded. He followed Lee inside.
After putting the gourd down, he went into the kitchen to watch Lee prepare dinner. It was a simple meal, which actually suited his tastes perfectly. Lee was rather quiet as he cooked, and seemed to have something on his mind.
Setting the plates down, Lee sat, and they ate in silence. The only compliment on the meal he received was that Gaara ate everything. Plate - clean.
He drank all the water in his glass.
After the meal, he got up and disappeared, and Lee heard his bathroom cubical door close. A few moments later, Gaara was back.
/Does a monster go to the bathroom?/ Lee thought, somewhat musingly.
They stood looking at each other for a few minutes of awkward silence. Then Gaara said, "I like it on the roof."
"Let's go up," Lee replied.
~ * ~
It was the fourth night of courtship, and only the third date. The promising aspect was Lee offering to cook a meal. Also that he could prepare edible food.
The social aspect of things seemed to have regressed slightly, however, as far as Gaara was able to judge. At least he thought so when they first went up to the roof.
Sitting outside felt better. It wasn't that Lee had an unpleasant apartment, but four walls often felt too close and the wind outside tasted sweet enough to almost have been dessert. Gaara puzzled over how he might word that thought to share it with Lee but finally gave up.
However Lee also seemed to relax a little once they were sitting up there. He chose to sit closer beside Gaara that the Sand ninja could ever remember anyone sitting before. They both faced forward, looking out over the village and the country beyond.
Suddenly they both turned and opened their mouths to speak.
"I will..."
"What were..."
They both stopped. Lee apologized and urged Gaara to go ahead.
Gaara wanted Lee to speak first. He was certain whatever the other boy was about to say was something he wanted to hear.
"You." He said. "Go ahead."
Lee studied Gaara's impassive features earnestly and nodded.
"I was going to ask what you were doing in Tsunade-sama's office, but it's none of my business, at all. I just... wanted to know."
Gaara thought about someone wanting to know what he was doing, when it didn't involve killing.
"Sand sent a message to the Hokage. They want me to go back."
Of course, Gaara had a duty to his village. Lee felt an odd sense of disappointment. He thought it over.
"You... don't want to go back?"
"No."
Lee had the strangest feeling that Gaara wanted him to ask questions.
"Why don't you?"
"I'm not finished."
"Not finished.... With what?" Lee had an idea but he couldn't even begin to put it into words.
Gaara thought for a moment.
"Courtship," he said. He thought for another moment. "The custom is nine days. It can be shortened under some circumstances to five."
Lee found himself slowly nodding. "And this is only the fourth."
Gaara's eyes widened, perceptibly.
"Yes."
Lee was silent for a while. Gaara was silent, waiting.
"What happens at the end of courtship, Gaara-san?"
The answer didn't come right away. It took several minutes.
"I don't know," said Gaara of the Sand.
IV.
After a while, Gaara left and Lee went inside. He went to bed and lay staring at the ceiling for a long time.
Gaara had said one thing, just before he took off.
"I will leave for home tomorrow night."
~ * ~
Lee got up at his usual time. He showered and brushed his teeth without really being conscious of what he was doing. He opened the refrigerator to get some sports drink and saw that the orchid was completely withered. He took it out and placed it carefully on the table next to his bed. There wasn't any life left in it but he didn't throw it away.
He picked up the glass containing the sand picture. It looked completely different than when Gaara had given it to him. At that time, it had been wavy lines and layers of different colored sand, light on the bottom with gradually darkening colors ending with wide bands of deep rust red and then black. The black layer was the thickest but the uppermost edge of it seemed to have a few delicate traces of lighter colored sand, like the thinnest lace, spidering through the edge of the black.
Now the design was completely different. The sand had rearranged into something that looked a little like a growing tree, rooted in rich earth, flowering branches, and a small star at the heart of the tree. He realized he hadn't remembered to ask Gaara why the picture had changed or how.
He went to Gai's apartment. There was a note on the door saying that Gai was back but would be out all day. There was another note to his team telling them to meet tomorrow at the usual time and place.
Lee went to train. His concentration was back, it seemed. But he felt oddly dull, even though his moves seemed to be flawless. He did extra repetitions of everything. It didn't make him feel infused with confidence as it usually did.
He walked around Konoha with no destination. He wandered in and out of shops, looking restlessly for something, but with no idea what.
He went home and ate macrobiotic health food for dinner.
After sunset, he went up on the roof. He spent some time watching the red and purple sky fade to deep blue, and then black. Then he began searching, starting with the rooftops of Konoha.
He finally found what he was looking for, standing on the top of the wall near the village gate.
~ * ~
"You didn't come."
Gaara studied Lee's face in the moonlight. Was he...? Upset? Angry? It didn't seem to be quite that strong but it had a similar flavor.
"No." It felt as if he should give an explanation. Gaara tried to remember the last time he'd felt like giving one of those. "I was thinking."
"Oh." Lee walked up and leaned on the wall, standing closer to Gaara than more than a tiny handful of people ever had. "You said you were leaving tonight."
"Yes."
Lee was silent for a little while. "Tell me why the sand picture changed?"
Gaara turned and looked fully at Lee. "What does it look like now?"
"It looks like a tree. With a star inside. It looked a bit like a deep, deep dark ocean before."
Gaara thought this was odd. "I don't know what an ocean looks like." None of his missions had ever taken him as far as the coast. "The sand has Chakra in it. It responds to the Chakra of the person who holds it. It takes time but it forms a picture of your soul."
He wished Lee had brought it. He wanted to see what the Leaf ninja's soul looked like.
"It does?" Lee's eyes widened. "That's amazing!" He thought for a moment. "Then when you gave it to me it looked like..."
Gaara found himself turning away abruptly. He didn't really know why.
"Is there any way to keep the picture from changing?" Lee asked.
"Yes. It can be fixed. If you... Sometimes a person will give a sand picture on the second day of courtship. On the last day, the other person gives it back. If the courtship is successful, the image is fixed so the first giver will be able to have a picture of their mate's soul. If it is unsuccessful it isn't fixed."
Lee watched Gaara, who, for some reason, was looking away from him, out across the expanse of forest outside Konoha.
"Gaara-san..."
Gaara turned to face Lee, finding the other boy looking at him with a very intense focus in the round, black eyes. Lee's respiration appeared to be a little deeper than normal, as if he were preparing to perform a task that took a special effort.
Gaara supposed he was prepared for just about anything. However when Lee's hand rose, slow enough not to be a threat, and moved towards his face, he was startled. He started to move back and then stopped himself. But he wondered suddenly if he should have taken the cork out of the gourd.
Lee's fingertips brushed his cheek. Then they brushed it again and Lee frowned. He felt something smooth under his fingertips, and it almost felt a little like porcelain. The armor of sand??
Gaara stared at Lee, frozen into immobility.
"Please," Lee said. "Turn it off?"
Gaara stared. His lips barely moved. His voice was almost inaudible.
"I don't know how."
Lee stared at Gaara and felt something twinge inside his chest. He swallowed.
His hand started to lower.
Suddenly fine grains began to sift down, like fine sugar. Lee lifted his hand again and this time felt warm, soft skin under his fingertips. It lasted for a few seconds and then Gaara took a step back. His hand was pressed against his chest but he didn't look like he was in pain. He looked... a bit bewildered.
Lee took a step back as well. Then he said, "Don't go anywhere!" He disappeared, moving at very close to his top speed, which made him barely a blur as he darted off the wall and back into the village.
He was back in less than a minute. He had the sand picture in his hand.
"I can't use a technique to fix it in place," he said. "You will have to do it for me," Lee said.
Gaara stared and didn't move. Lee waited. He could wait patiently. He wondered if Gaara realized that fear was sometimes mixed in with love.
After a minute, Gaara placed his hands together. Lee couldn't mould Chakra but he could feel the tiny rill of it that seemed to surround the picture for a moment.
Lee looked at the picture, and then held it out at arm's length for Gaara to take.
Gaara's hand moved very slowly as it rose to take the glass. Very slowly his fingers wrapped around it. Very briefly, his fingers brushed across Lee's as he took it. He made it last as long as he could stand it.
Gaara put the sand picture back in his sash.
~ * ~
He didn't leave until near dawn. "You need sleep," Gaara said.
Lee shrugged it off. "Gai-sensei will probably spend the morning talking about his mission and giving us anecdotal lessons from his experiences." He tentatively reached over and took Gaara's hand. It was unmoving in his. It was very soft. His own hands were hard and callused from his training. He placed the lightest pressure against Gaara's fingers before letting his hand go.
"If there are any missions to Hidden Sand Village, I'll request assignment to them," Lee said.
Gaara nodded, once. "I'll come back." The thing he was going to do might make it harder.
Lee smiled. "Good."
There wasn't much else to say.
Long distance relationships were always difficult.
Owari
Title: Gaara's Courtship
Author: datenshiblue
Genre: gen, shounen ai
Spoilers: Yes
Warnings: crack pairing? ;)
Notes: Just call me crazy. :) As usual, I beta'd myself, so I will no doubt be fixing small mistakes for 2 days. It should be reasonably clean though.
Gaara's Courtship
I.
It came to him in the 'graveyard hour' between midnight and dawn, when most living things are at their lowest ebb. Any number of thoughts had come to him at that hour before, since he was always awake through it, and the rest of the world was sleeping, except for the sick, the dying, and hunted things. Perhaps it had something to do with the notion, quickly squelched by those of a saner disposition among the Sand, that Gaara of the Desert should find a mate and produce offspring. Whether that had ever been part of the last Kazekage's plan could not be verified with any certainty. It was, however, generally now accepted to be a Bad Idea.
Gaara also thought it was a Bad Idea. At least, the part about producing offspring. However at some point the idea of acquiring a mate seemed to stick in some dark corner where it mutated and grew until it achieved full flower.
~ * ~
He arrived in Konoha in the middle of the third night. Aware that the object of his journey was likely sleeping, he simply wandered through the village, using the Third Eye to peek into people's houses until he found the residence of his quarry.
It was nothing to enter through a window, from the roof. Less than nothing to slip silently into the room.
He watched the person sleep until dawn.
Then he placed a small object on the table beside the bed and left as soundlessly as he had come.
~ * ~
When Lee woke, he found something on his nightstand that he didn't remember being there when he went to sleep. It was a flower, an unfamiliar one. It certainly didn't grow in the woods around Konoha. He took it to the flower shop and Ino identified it for him.
"Where on earth did you get that?" she said with some surprise, admiring the rich, dark velvety petals that were so deep red they looked black until you held them up in the sunlight to reveal the crimson undertones.
"What is it?"
"It's a Desert Blood Orchid. It couldn't have been grown around here, it requires a more arid habitat and sandy soil. And it's very rare - they're almost never exported from the Country of Wind where they can sometimes be found." Ino examined the flower curiously, in a semi-professional capacity.
Her eyes darted to Lee. "Did you import this for Sakura-cha? Lee, I think there are import regulations.."
"No, no!" He was quick to protest his innocence. "I didn't. I just..." /...found it on my nightstand... yeah, right.../ "I found it. Maybe someone lost it. Thanks, Ino-san." He all but backed out of the shop, the flower somehow nestled in his hand. "Um," he stopped. "Does it need water?"
"Yes, of course. But not too much. It could probably live on a damp paper towel for a day or two. Not much longer without the root, I'm afraid."
"Hai. Thank you."
He placed the dark red flower on a dampened paper towel and left it on his nightstand, running quickly to meet Gai-sensei to train, since he was already late, and that was unheard of.
~ * ~
The next night, Gaara used the Third Eye to look into Lee's room. He saw that the orchid was still there and that Lee had given it a drink. The gift had been accepted.
He presented himself at the front door and knocked.
Lee came to the door from his quiet evening of doing calisthenics in front of the television.
His round eyes managed to widen even more than usual when they beheld who was standing at his door, waiting with every appearance of patience, arms folded across his chest. The red-haired ninja was a bit taller than the last time Lee had seen him but he hadn't caught up to Lee himself.
"Gaara!!?"
There was no need to respond to the calling of his name. Gaara simply waited.
"Whu.. what are you doing here?"
"Since you accepted my gift, I'm here for the second night of courtship."
~ * ~
Lee came to approximately on the same spot where he had fainted, half in and half out of his door, Gaara standing over him, arms folded, simply watching. Lee's internal clock told him he'd probably been out for about ten minutes.
Three Anbu members stood in a semi-circle around his door on the outside, about six feet back, looking frustrated, if you could guess behind the masks.
"Are you all right?" one of them called to Lee when he sat up and then slowly stood.
"Yes, I'm fine..."
"Did the... did he attack you?"
Lee blinked, a little aghast. "No! No he didn't do anything to me!"
There was a silence as the Anbu conferred with hand gestures or something.
"He wouldn't let us get close to you," one of the Anbu, a different one, said after a few minutes.
Since none of them looked damaged (only a little mussed), Lee thought he could probably imagine how that had been done. The thing that left him speechless was why.
He looked at Gaara and thought over the last thing the Sand shinobi had said to him before he passed out. He thought very, very hard. /Gai-sensei, what bad timing for you to be called away just this afternoon on a mission! I must handle this on my own without your sage counsel!/
Straightening, he held up his hand. He addressed the Anbu. "I'm sorry for the disturbance. I fainted. Gaara of the Desert just happened to be here, er, visiting."
It was easy to imagine expressions of disbelief under the masks but then that's what the masks were for - to make sure the Anbu always looked cool and collected.
There was probably a brief silent hand-signal conference or something. Then the one who was the leader of the squad said, "Very well. However foreign shinobi should report their presence..."
"I'm here," Gaara said, his expression flat. It was usually flat unless he was really pissed off.
"Got it," one of the other Anbu said quickly and the squad disappeared, probably to report to the Fifth.
Once the Anbu squad left, the neighbors dispersed.
Lee gestured tentatively to Gaara. "Come in, please?"
Gaara moved for the first time since he'd knocked on the door, and entered Lee's home.
~ * ~
After closing the door, Lee turned around, watching Gaara find a place to stand. The huge gourd on his back looked heavy but then Gaara always carried it as if it weighed nothing, belying his delicate-appearing physique. Or belying that there was something weird about the gourd that made it easy for Gaara to carry. Maybe both.
"Would you like to sit down?" Lee fell back on manners while he tried to figure out what he was going to do with his guest.
Gaara considered. Sitting, with the gourd, was possible but occasionally problematic. He lifted it off the wide leather strap and leaned it against the wall, then sat on the floor.
Lee realized he had half expected Gaara to refuse and remain standing. Manners to the rescue again. "Can I get you something to drink?"
Gaara considered. The offer of water was an important gesture in Sand country. He inclined his head.
Lee blinked, the gesture appealing to him as oddly refined. He nodded once, and went quickly to the small kitchenette, coming back with a tray. He had water, tea, and sports drink in his refrigerator. He'd opted for water.
This was fortunate. Gaara reviled sports drink as impure, but Lee would not find this out until later.
Setting the tray down, Lee crossed his legs and sat across from Gaara. He picked up the remote and turned off the television program on the history of taijutsu.
Gaara waited until Lee lifted one of the cups of water to his lips, and then did the same. It was good water.
"Good water," Gaara said and put down the cup.
"Uh, thanks," Lee said. He watched Gaara. Then he took a breath and released it to calm his nerves. "Gaara-san, Why did you say 'the second night of courtship'?"
Gaara looked at Lee steadily. "The first night I left you the Blood Flower. You accepted it and preserved it by giving it moisture. That means you are open to courtship."
Lee blinked. But actually it was rather logical. Of course, he hadn't been aware that putting the mysterious flower on a damp paper towel constituted accepting an offer of courtship from a Sand ninja... And then there was the implication that Gaara knew what he'd been doing inside his own house...
He cleared his throat. "Gaara-san... we're both men."
Gaara regarded Lee just as steadily. Behind his smooth features, however, he was experiencing an unusual amount of doubt - any amount being generally unusual. He'd suspected this might be a sticking point.
"Yes," he said. "However since I don't wish to have children it's not a problem. If you wish to have children..." Gaara realized he hadn't thought this part out with any amount of detail. "We could adopt. There are always orphans in ninja villages."
Lee really made an effort not to goggle this time. And once again, he was surprised to find part of his mind admiring the logic of it.
"Yes there are," he acknowledged regretfully. He had reason to know the truth of that. He shook his head. "However that is not the... the only problem. I..." For some reason this part was harder to say. "I don't like boys...men... not that there's anything wrong with that," he added quickly. "But I like girls. There's one girl in particular..."
"Who?"
Warning bells rang somewhere in the back of Lee's mind. If he confessed that he was in love with Sakura-san, would Gaara wander off and do away with her as a rival???
However if he didn't tell, and Gaara decided to find out... how hard would it be to discover this fact in Konoha? For a ninja, not hard at all.
"Sakura-san. I've promised to protect her until I die."
Gaara's smooth features pulled slowly into a frown. His arms, which had been relaxed rather loosely in his lap, folded over his chest.
Lee feared for a moment there would be some kind of explosion. However the red-haired boy simply sat there quietly, frowning, for a little while.
Then he got to his feet. He picked up the gourd and slung it back on the strap. He began walking to the door.
"Gaara-san, wait..."
Gaara stopped and waited, without turning around.
"You aren't going to... to do anything to Sakura-san?"
Gaara did turn and look at Lee over his shoulder at that.
"You said you would protect her until you die. I'm not interested in killing you so I will leave her alone."
Lee felt a flood of relief. But there was something else he was feeling and he wasn't quite sure what it was. A tightness in his chest, as he watched Gaara resume his walk to the door.
"Gaara-san..."
The Sand ninja stopped, his hand on the door, again without turning around.
Lee licked his lips. "Why... me?"
Gaara turned around and regarded Lee through unfathomable, darkly lined eyes that always seemed a bit unearthly. Not unattractive, however, Lee thought absently.
"You were the first person who hurt me, here." Gaara pointed to his face. He turned back around and then gestured again along with the last few words. Even though he was turned away, Lee could tell from his posture that he was pointing to his chest. "Instead of here."
Lee's eyes widened and he felt a sudden constriction, almost exactly in the spot Gaara had been pointing to, only in his own chest.
The door was open and the boy from the desert was going through it.
"Gaara-san!"
For a moment, the Sand ninja continued walking, then he stopped and turned around, coming back several steps to where Lee stood outside his door.
"Are you going back to your village?" Gaara looked at Lee as Lee wondered why words continued to come out of his mouth. "You could stay for a few days at least, it must be a long journey."
Gaara studied Lee, behind his once-more smooth mask of features. He ran through his mind everything that Lee had said, and then everything he knew about the Leaf ninja, and everything he knew about the female.
There were two possibilities. One if she ultimately rejected Lee's courtship. The other if she accepted.
Gaara thought it over and decided even if she accepted, there might be options.
"I'll leave in a few days."
Lee smiled suddenly in relief. "Ah! Good! While you're here, we could... talk."
"Yes." Gaara reached into his sash and removed an object. It was a glass filled with sand. The sand was of different colors, layered in bands to form a picture. It was quite delicate and quite, quite beautiful. Lee had never seen anything like it. "Here." Gaara held it out for Lee to take.
Lee accepted the glass, looking at it in wonder. "That's... beautiful..."
"It's a sand picture. It's yours."
"Oh no..."
Gaara looked at Lee. "It's yours."
Lee found himself blushing, with no idea why.
"All... all right. Thank you, Gaara-san."
Gaara's lips curved. It was the barest hint of something like a smile.
Lee had accepted the second gift. Maybe things would work out after all.
II.
Lee couldn't sleep.
Normally it wasn't a problem. He was so used to training to absolute exhaustion and dropping into bed every night like a stone that it had become a habit. He closed his eyes and opened them when it was time to get up and nothing in between made any impression. He hadn't had insomnia since the nights between Tsunade-sama's diagnosis and the surgery.
Tonight, however, he couldn't sleep.
He finally sat up, and turned on the small light beside the bed. He picked up the glass containing the sand picture and studied it. The more he looked at it the more he had the impression that the image had changed from when he first saw it. How odd.
Finally he got up and got dressed, and went into the kitchenette for a glass of water.
He stopped and looked at the glass for a long moment. Good water.
Yes, it was good water. The village was in a valley fed by natural springs. There was a reason the land around Konoha was so beautiful. He stared into the glass and tried to imagine what it might be like to live where the wind almost never stopped blowing, where water was always covered to keep it from evaporating too quickly and where beautiful orchids grew in sandy niches between the rocks and bloomed in their splendor only to die with no one seeing them except the occasional shinobi passing on a mission.
He thought about what they had learned about the Sand genin that had participated in the tournament - and in the attack on Konoha. Everyones' observations had been recorded for the fact files of the village. He'd reviewed them, after coming back from the unsuccessful mission to retrieve Sasuke. The most interesting information had been recorded by Shikamaru and Naruto.
Lee tried to imagine what it would be like to live in a place where your father sacrificed your mother to place a demon inside your body, and then tried to kill you after deciding it had all been a mistake.
He put the water glass down and went outside.
Konoha was quiet and still, most of the lights out, most of the inhabitants sleeping, those that were on watch silent and invisible.
It didn't take that long to find the out of place silhouette, perched on top of one of the taller buildings, staring at the sky or the moon or just listening to the night wind, Lee couldn't tell.
He decided it was better not to sneak up on this particular person and approached openly, jumping up onto the roof and walking along the ridge till he was a few feet away.
He stopped politely. "Gaara-san."
Dark lined eyes looked at him.
"So it's true, you don't sleep...?"
"Yes."
Lee wondered what it was like. He thought it might be a bit like being in hell. Probably, people didn't sleep, in hell.
"May I sit?"
He was answered with a shrug.
Gaara was trying not to show any excitement. Something stirred curiously in the back of his mind, drawn to the suppressed anticipation. He shoved it back down as hard as he could.
Lee sat down, oblivious to the unseen activity going on inside the red haired boy.
He looked out over the village, the view arousing a warm feeling of affection and a fiery desire to protect.
They sat together in silence for a while.
Finally, Lee could not suppress the question that rested on his tongue, in spite of the fact that it was too abrupt, and too personal.
"Gaara-san... when did you realize you liked... boys?"
"I don't like boys."
Lee blinked. "But.." He realized Gaara had never explained after his own statement, he'd simply gotten up to leave. "If you like girls then why..."
"I don't like girls."
Lee had to ponder this for a while. He wasn't a dull person but he wasn't a genius either. Not this kind at any rate.
"I don't understand," he admitted at last. "Courtship... usually means finding a mate...But if you don't like boys and you don't like girls, what... do you want a mate... for?"
Gaara turned and looked at Lee, looked directly at him, for a long moment.
"I want to know what love is."
III.
That had constituted the end of the conversation that night because Lee was unable to think of a single thing to say after that and Gaara wasn't exactly talkative.
Eventually as dawn began to brighten the sky, Gaara stood up and said, "You need sleep." Then he'd disappeared, jumping off the rooftop quickly and heading off before Lee could get his still stunned brain to react.
That was dangerous - a shinobi had to be able to react instantaneously to any situation.
Lee went home and fell into bed, not before noticing that the sand picture seemed to have changed again. It was a bare flickering of thought and then sleep took him. Since Gai-sensei was gone, he had no one to answer to on that particular day except himself and training without sleep was damaging to the body.
~ * ~
Gaara thought, on the whole, it had gone well, for a first date.
~ * ~
Lee slept until his body was refreshed and then got up late in the morning. He bathed, ate sensibly and went out to train. He had planned to train alone in the morning and then meet Ten-Ten in the afternoon for some sparring, so he went directly to the area where his team usually trained, to warm up before she got there.
Ten-Ten was early and she had an odd look on her face.
"Lee!" she said with some relief, running up when she spotted him practicing kicks.
"Good afternoon, Ten-Ten," he said politely as he finished the series of 1,000 left side kicks to match the 1,000 right side kicks he had already completed.
Ten-Ten watched him, looking a little puzzled. She did her own stretches and warm ups quickly as she waited for him to finish.
Noticing her expression, Lee asked her if something was wrong.
"I heard a strange rumor, that's all," she said. "It's going around Konoha that Gaara of the Desert attacked you on your front step." She opted for the mildest of the rumors first.
Lee stood up straight. "That is absolutely not true!" he said adamantly. Almost passionately. "He did not attack anyone. I... I fainted. He wouldn't allow Anbu members to come close to me so they thought he had done something. However I believe he was protecting me."
Ten-Ten goggled. "You...what? You mean he's *here*?! In Konoha?!"
Lee frowned. "Yes he's here. It's not such a big deal. The Sand Three stayed here after coming back with us that time. Sand is our ally now."
Ten-Ten stared at Lee. "I know that! But he crushed your arm and leg!"
"He also saved me on that mission. There's no reason for all this over-reaction," Lee seemed genuinely put out on behalf of the visitor.
His partner shook her head in disbelief. "I know he saved you," She knew it as factual information that had been reported, all though she still found it hard to actually believe. "However that... person is dangerous. What is he doing here?"
Lee's eyebrows came together as he frowned. "Yes, he's dangerous. We are all dangerous. That's the point of being a ninja. That's no reason to treat him as if he were a..."
"...a monster?" Ten-Ten finished softly when Lee suddenly faltered. "But he is a monster. That's exactly what he is." She watched Lee, some of the other, weirder rumors she'd heard that morning starting to seem fractionally more plausible.
Lee frowned ferociously. He wanted to contradict her and say it wasn't true.
"It's... not his fault," he finally said, his voice dropping to a bare half-register.
~ * ~
Gaara waited a good distance outside the walls of Konoha for the small contingent of Sand ninja. He noted that Temari hadn't come and more than likely she was the one who had sent Kankuro. It was an interesting challenge for her, probably. Her brother had little chance of convincing Gaara to return if he didn't wish to.
He dropped down out of the trees and had a short conversation with the puppet master. It consisted of Kankuro requesting, then growling, then giving up. All Gaara said was, "Go home."
~ * ~
"Lee is acting kind of weird," Ten-Ten said to Neji.
Neji raised an eyebrow as if to say, and what else is new?
"You should talk to him, he respects you."
"Whatever it is, Gai-sensei will handle it."
"I think Gai-sensei is on a mission."
"If he's still 'acting weird' tomorrow, I'll talk to him."
~ * ~
Gaara appeared on the open-air floor of the building where Lee had gone to think, at about sunset. He waited until Lee glanced up. He looked for some indication that his presence was unwelcome. It was something he wasn't really used to doing, so he might have missed it but he thought he didn't detect any.
Lee, in fact, looked almost pleased to see him. At least Gaara thought so. He might have misinterpreted the expression, he couldn't recall ever having had it directed at him before.
Lee stood up, took a step forward and then stopped, and appeared to smile, tentatively.
He gestured to the open area and the curved seats around the edge of the building. "I come here to think sometimes."
Gaara nodded, once, perhaps a little stiffly. It made sense. He liked high places to think.
"Have you eaten?" he asked Lee.
The taijutsu specialist looked slightly surprised. "No, come to think of it, I haven't. Uh, are you... hungry?"
"Yes." Gaara wondered if Lee thought he ate sand. It wasn't so far-fetched, some of the Sand villagers thought so. Others thought he drank the blood of infants. There had been a few efforts made to dispel such rumors but folklore is impossible to eradicate.
Lee wondered if he should offer to fix dinner but most of what he had at home were macrobiotic health foods recommended by Gai-sensei. According to most of his friends, they tasted like grass and animal feed.
Gaara however didn't wait to be invited to dinner.
"There is a ramen place," he said, the words sounding odd in his ears. "I was going to go there. Do you want to go there?"
"Sure!" Lee said, wondering why he suddenly had the urge to smile. He rarely suppressed such urges and didn't do so now.
Gaara seemed to freeze for a moment, looking at him. Then he turned and jumped over the railing to the street, waiting for Lee to join him before turning in the direction of Ichiraku Ramen.
~ * ~
It was a quiet meal, but not entirely silent. Lee felt awkward at first, but when he watched Gaara order a meal and consume it like anyone else, he felt almost angry with himself. This man had saved him. It was just that he had no idea what to talk about or whether Gaara had any other interests besides ninjustu and killing.
So he started with a few harmless remarks about general topics. Gaara continued eating, glancing at him now and again as if to indicate attention, when he thought of it. He didn't appear to become annoyed at that Lee was talking, so Lee continued, between his own bites. One of the random things he mentioned was a rumor that Naruto was coming back to Konoha after a prolonged absence. He noticed that the mention of Naruto's name caused Gaara to still to immobility for a moment before he resumed eating. Lee remembered what Gaara had told him when he arrived to take up the battle with Kimimaro - that he owed Naruto.
When they were done, Gaara paid for both meals with foreign coins, before Lee could pull out his own slender wallet. When he started to protest, the redheaded shinobi looked at him and the words died on his lips.
Gaara walked him home.
This time when he invited Gaara to come in, the other boy shook his head.
"No." Then almost as an after thought, very softly, "Thank you."
Gaara wandered off and Lee stood watching him until he shook himself out of it and went inside.
~ * ~
Gaara thought it had gone all right for a second date.
He was a bit uncomfortable with the fact that he really didn't know what he was doing. However he felt they were making progress. Lee didn't appear to find his presence intimidating. It was a strange experience to be treated like anyone. Or close to that. He was reasonably certain he wouldn't have liked it from most people. In this instance, however, it felt...
The truth was he didn't know what the feeling was. It left an odd sensation in his chest but it wasn't the pain he was used to feeling, that he had felt, greater or lesser, for his entire life until. Until after that battle with Naruto. The pain hadn't gone away entirely. But it had... flickered. Winked out, for brief, quick moments as he contemplated the blond boy's words. And when he'd battled with Kimimaro, it had flickered out for many minutes at a time. The longest was when he was sitting under the tree, after the battle, with Lee.
It had come back of course. But for some reason knowing it could abate had all but changed everything.
So the third night of courtship was accorded the designation successful.
He simply wasn't sure he would have enough time.
~ * ~
Lee had gone to bed and slept soundly until he was suddenly awakened. It felt as if Gai-sensei were shaking him by the shoulder and calling his name. /Lee!/
Sitting bolt upright in the bed, he blinked, gasping, scrambling for what had woken him up.
/"I want to know what love is."/
/And he came to me.../
III.
The Blood Orchid was starting to wither. Lee refreshed the paper towel with more water and then placed the flower in his refrigerator.
He went about his morning tasks in a bit of a fog. Once dressed, he went quickly to see if Gai-sensei had returned from his mission but the man's apartment was locked and after asking around, he was told Gai was not expected back until tomorrow at the earliest.
Coming up with no other recourse, he spent the morning trying to train. His concentration was off. He saved himself from a couple of potential serious accidents before giving up and throwing himself down to sit on the grass.
Neji had been watching him for half an hour. When Lee sat down, Neji walked up and stood beside him.
"What's wrong with you?
Lee looked up, half-relieved it was Neji and half annoyed. They'd never been warm friends but respect had drawn them closer since certain events had transpired. It also helped that Neji had become in many ways quite a different person, without showing many outward signs of it.
Lee opened his mouth to explain, and couldn't find the right words.
Neji watched him struggle for a few moments. He saw turmoil and conflict in the taijutsu specialist. And something else harder to analyze.
"Something to do with Gaara of the Desert."
Lee looked up, startled, but then Ten-Ten had probably told him or... it didn't matter. There were few secrets in a town of shinobi.
"Yes," he said finally.
"Is it true he came to Konoha specifically to see you?" Neji asked.
Lee unaccountably blushed.
Neji's eyes went wide. He focused his Byakugan on Lee.
"What the hell..."
"It's not what it sounds like," Lee said desperately, making it sound even more like that.
Neji cleared his throat. "Lee, I think you are in over your head."
"If only Gai-sensei were back..." Lee muttered, jumping to his feet. He attempted to give Neji a severe look and only managed to look slightly desperate. "Don't say anything."
"You didn't have to say that," Neji replied mildly. "I wouldn't."
Lee blinked and then smiled. He hadn't actually realized it, but he nodded.
"Thanks."
~ * ~
Able to think of no where else to go, he ended up walking to the Hokage's offices in hopes of seeing Sakura-san. If he saw her... he thought it might make everything clear again. Like the first time he'd seen her. He'd known it was love at that moment.
She hadn't been very encouraging but eventually she'd learned to trust him. And to like him, he thought. And if she ever gave up on her fixation with Sasuke-kun...
Lee stopped in his tracks and stared at his feet for a moment, as people walked around him on the street.
She never would. Because *she* was in love.
Lee shook his head, trying to shake the doubts away and resumed walking. He hoped she would be there and that Tsunade-sama wasn't keeping her too busy just now.
It appeared that luck favored a lover today, because she emerged from a shop just in front of him, carrying an order of coffee and sweetrolls for the Hokage. His expression brightened and he called to her, happy when she smiled and greeted him by name. Since she was obviously running an errand, he caught up to walk beside her up to the Hokage's offices.
"How are you doing?" she asked, in a friendly way. She, evidently, hadn't heard anything out of the ordinary, a fact that gave Lee a feeling to relief.
"Ah... fine, thank you," he said. "Sakura-san... do you think you could..." /...ever choose me over Sasuke-kun?/ No, he couldn't do it. He simply couldn't ask.
"Could...?" she prompted gently.
"Ah, could you let me carry that for you?"
"You don't have to, Lee," she said, and she smiled at him, but he thought he detected a deeply buried hint of sadness in the back of her eyes. It was almost as if he'd actually asked the question and she had answered.
He was silent as they started up the steps. Then, "Uh, Sakura-san...?"
"Yes?"
"What... would you do... if someone said... if they had never experienced the emotion of love... and they came to you... to help them learn what it was?"
Sakura stopped in her tracks and stared at Lee, surprised.
He couldn't have been talking about himself. It was such a very, very odd question.
And he seemed serious about it. Lee could be so very, very serious.
"I..." For a moment she thought about the question and faltered. /If only Sasuke-kun would ask me that.../ "I don't know what I would do," she said finally. "I... wouldn't take it lightly..."
She turned quickly towards the door of the Hokage's office, and he stepped up and opened the door for her, since her hands were full.
He intended to let the door close and go back to the practice area but he was surprised and transfixed to see something beyond the door that he did not expect.
Gaara, standing in front of the Fifth Hokage. His arms were crossed and he was wearing no expression. Tsunade-sama was sitting on the front edge of her desk, a scroll in one hand, looking at him.
~ * ~
"It's not my business to tell you what to do, and I won't eject an ally from Konoha. But this summons is a very serious matter. It's not that I don't understand your reluctance," Tsunade studied the boy in front of her. He was, according to the information on file, the same age as Naruto. He looked younger. At the same time, he *felt* older. A boy of 14 should not feel like this. But then, this boy had been born a monster, and never allowed to be just a child.
Gaara regarded the woman over folded arms. "It's a waste of time to go back, just to tell them no."
Tsunade watched him closely. There was a great deal a stake here. Sand had gone from being a surprise enemy to becoming one of Konoha's strongest allies. Their internal politics, however, were bordering on turmoil. She didn't really know why they hadn't chosen from among their strongest and wisest, or why they were even considering this course of action. But whatever the reasons were, it was likely they were good ones.
"Maybe you should go back and tell them yes," she said.
"Why?'
The woman smiled. "If it's the right answer, you will understand that for yourself. It might not immediately seem like a good idea. But if it is the correct thing to do, you will know that."
Watching from the doorway, Lee had no idea what they were discussing. But he looked at Gaara and suddenly, without seeing any shift in the other boy's posture or expression, he knew that whatever it was, Gaara wasn't indifferent to the question. He did not want to do it, whatever it was.
Suddenly Tsunade-sama looked over at the door.
"Come in or go out, don't stand there gaping like a fish."
Hastily, Lee apologized and backed away, closing the door. He saw Gaara's eyes swing towards him just before it closed.
~ * ~
As the sun began to fall towards late afternoon, Lee stood outside his front door, pacing back and forth.
When Gaara appeared, Lee felt a sudden relief so intense it made his eyes water.
The red-haired ninja walked up to Lee, who stopped pacing and waited for him.
"If you haven't eaten, I can fix dinner," Lee blurted out. He'd been to the store to get something besides Gai's health food.
Gaara regarded him for a moment and nodded. He followed Lee inside.
After putting the gourd down, he went into the kitchen to watch Lee prepare dinner. It was a simple meal, which actually suited his tastes perfectly. Lee was rather quiet as he cooked, and seemed to have something on his mind.
Setting the plates down, Lee sat, and they ate in silence. The only compliment on the meal he received was that Gaara ate everything. Plate - clean.
He drank all the water in his glass.
After the meal, he got up and disappeared, and Lee heard his bathroom cubical door close. A few moments later, Gaara was back.
/Does a monster go to the bathroom?/ Lee thought, somewhat musingly.
They stood looking at each other for a few minutes of awkward silence. Then Gaara said, "I like it on the roof."
"Let's go up," Lee replied.
~ * ~
It was the fourth night of courtship, and only the third date. The promising aspect was Lee offering to cook a meal. Also that he could prepare edible food.
The social aspect of things seemed to have regressed slightly, however, as far as Gaara was able to judge. At least he thought so when they first went up to the roof.
Sitting outside felt better. It wasn't that Lee had an unpleasant apartment, but four walls often felt too close and the wind outside tasted sweet enough to almost have been dessert. Gaara puzzled over how he might word that thought to share it with Lee but finally gave up.
However Lee also seemed to relax a little once they were sitting up there. He chose to sit closer beside Gaara that the Sand ninja could ever remember anyone sitting before. They both faced forward, looking out over the village and the country beyond.
Suddenly they both turned and opened their mouths to speak.
"I will..."
"What were..."
They both stopped. Lee apologized and urged Gaara to go ahead.
Gaara wanted Lee to speak first. He was certain whatever the other boy was about to say was something he wanted to hear.
"You." He said. "Go ahead."
Lee studied Gaara's impassive features earnestly and nodded.
"I was going to ask what you were doing in Tsunade-sama's office, but it's none of my business, at all. I just... wanted to know."
Gaara thought about someone wanting to know what he was doing, when it didn't involve killing.
"Sand sent a message to the Hokage. They want me to go back."
Of course, Gaara had a duty to his village. Lee felt an odd sense of disappointment. He thought it over.
"You... don't want to go back?"
"No."
Lee had the strangest feeling that Gaara wanted him to ask questions.
"Why don't you?"
"I'm not finished."
"Not finished.... With what?" Lee had an idea but he couldn't even begin to put it into words.
Gaara thought for a moment.
"Courtship," he said. He thought for another moment. "The custom is nine days. It can be shortened under some circumstances to five."
Lee found himself slowly nodding. "And this is only the fourth."
Gaara's eyes widened, perceptibly.
"Yes."
Lee was silent for a while. Gaara was silent, waiting.
"What happens at the end of courtship, Gaara-san?"
The answer didn't come right away. It took several minutes.
"I don't know," said Gaara of the Sand.
IV.
After a while, Gaara left and Lee went inside. He went to bed and lay staring at the ceiling for a long time.
Gaara had said one thing, just before he took off.
"I will leave for home tomorrow night."
~ * ~
Lee got up at his usual time. He showered and brushed his teeth without really being conscious of what he was doing. He opened the refrigerator to get some sports drink and saw that the orchid was completely withered. He took it out and placed it carefully on the table next to his bed. There wasn't any life left in it but he didn't throw it away.
He picked up the glass containing the sand picture. It looked completely different than when Gaara had given it to him. At that time, it had been wavy lines and layers of different colored sand, light on the bottom with gradually darkening colors ending with wide bands of deep rust red and then black. The black layer was the thickest but the uppermost edge of it seemed to have a few delicate traces of lighter colored sand, like the thinnest lace, spidering through the edge of the black.
Now the design was completely different. The sand had rearranged into something that looked a little like a growing tree, rooted in rich earth, flowering branches, and a small star at the heart of the tree. He realized he hadn't remembered to ask Gaara why the picture had changed or how.
He went to Gai's apartment. There was a note on the door saying that Gai was back but would be out all day. There was another note to his team telling them to meet tomorrow at the usual time and place.
Lee went to train. His concentration was back, it seemed. But he felt oddly dull, even though his moves seemed to be flawless. He did extra repetitions of everything. It didn't make him feel infused with confidence as it usually did.
He walked around Konoha with no destination. He wandered in and out of shops, looking restlessly for something, but with no idea what.
He went home and ate macrobiotic health food for dinner.
After sunset, he went up on the roof. He spent some time watching the red and purple sky fade to deep blue, and then black. Then he began searching, starting with the rooftops of Konoha.
He finally found what he was looking for, standing on the top of the wall near the village gate.
~ * ~
"You didn't come."
Gaara studied Lee's face in the moonlight. Was he...? Upset? Angry? It didn't seem to be quite that strong but it had a similar flavor.
"No." It felt as if he should give an explanation. Gaara tried to remember the last time he'd felt like giving one of those. "I was thinking."
"Oh." Lee walked up and leaned on the wall, standing closer to Gaara than more than a tiny handful of people ever had. "You said you were leaving tonight."
"Yes."
Lee was silent for a little while. "Tell me why the sand picture changed?"
Gaara turned and looked fully at Lee. "What does it look like now?"
"It looks like a tree. With a star inside. It looked a bit like a deep, deep dark ocean before."
Gaara thought this was odd. "I don't know what an ocean looks like." None of his missions had ever taken him as far as the coast. "The sand has Chakra in it. It responds to the Chakra of the person who holds it. It takes time but it forms a picture of your soul."
He wished Lee had brought it. He wanted to see what the Leaf ninja's soul looked like.
"It does?" Lee's eyes widened. "That's amazing!" He thought for a moment. "Then when you gave it to me it looked like..."
Gaara found himself turning away abruptly. He didn't really know why.
"Is there any way to keep the picture from changing?" Lee asked.
"Yes. It can be fixed. If you... Sometimes a person will give a sand picture on the second day of courtship. On the last day, the other person gives it back. If the courtship is successful, the image is fixed so the first giver will be able to have a picture of their mate's soul. If it is unsuccessful it isn't fixed."
Lee watched Gaara, who, for some reason, was looking away from him, out across the expanse of forest outside Konoha.
"Gaara-san..."
Gaara turned to face Lee, finding the other boy looking at him with a very intense focus in the round, black eyes. Lee's respiration appeared to be a little deeper than normal, as if he were preparing to perform a task that took a special effort.
Gaara supposed he was prepared for just about anything. However when Lee's hand rose, slow enough not to be a threat, and moved towards his face, he was startled. He started to move back and then stopped himself. But he wondered suddenly if he should have taken the cork out of the gourd.
Lee's fingertips brushed his cheek. Then they brushed it again and Lee frowned. He felt something smooth under his fingertips, and it almost felt a little like porcelain. The armor of sand??
Gaara stared at Lee, frozen into immobility.
"Please," Lee said. "Turn it off?"
Gaara stared. His lips barely moved. His voice was almost inaudible.
"I don't know how."
Lee stared at Gaara and felt something twinge inside his chest. He swallowed.
His hand started to lower.
Suddenly fine grains began to sift down, like fine sugar. Lee lifted his hand again and this time felt warm, soft skin under his fingertips. It lasted for a few seconds and then Gaara took a step back. His hand was pressed against his chest but he didn't look like he was in pain. He looked... a bit bewildered.
Lee took a step back as well. Then he said, "Don't go anywhere!" He disappeared, moving at very close to his top speed, which made him barely a blur as he darted off the wall and back into the village.
He was back in less than a minute. He had the sand picture in his hand.
"I can't use a technique to fix it in place," he said. "You will have to do it for me," Lee said.
Gaara stared and didn't move. Lee waited. He could wait patiently. He wondered if Gaara realized that fear was sometimes mixed in with love.
After a minute, Gaara placed his hands together. Lee couldn't mould Chakra but he could feel the tiny rill of it that seemed to surround the picture for a moment.
Lee looked at the picture, and then held it out at arm's length for Gaara to take.
Gaara's hand moved very slowly as it rose to take the glass. Very slowly his fingers wrapped around it. Very briefly, his fingers brushed across Lee's as he took it. He made it last as long as he could stand it.
Gaara put the sand picture back in his sash.
~ * ~
He didn't leave until near dawn. "You need sleep," Gaara said.
Lee shrugged it off. "Gai-sensei will probably spend the morning talking about his mission and giving us anecdotal lessons from his experiences." He tentatively reached over and took Gaara's hand. It was unmoving in his. It was very soft. His own hands were hard and callused from his training. He placed the lightest pressure against Gaara's fingers before letting his hand go.
"If there are any missions to Hidden Sand Village, I'll request assignment to them," Lee said.
Gaara nodded, once. "I'll come back." The thing he was going to do might make it harder.
Lee smiled. "Good."
There wasn't much else to say.
Long distance relationships were always difficult.
Owari