(o10) (audio) ♐ time will tell; will i change again tomorrow?

[slayerdom]

[ Jacen's message had come through loud and clear. Sure, he'd said it wasn't that he didn't have faith in Buffy's abilities, but being left behind was new territory for her and she was sure she didn't like it

Comments

[Scoobies Minus Willow FOREVER]

[yodaknowswhat]

I didn't tell her about you and Satsu!

{ditto that}

[slayerdom]

... Good to know, Andrew. [ Said in the judgey tone of 'well, I didn't think you did, but now ...' ]

[yodaknowswhat]

....Satsu who... Is a guy. A very manly... Asian... Guy.

Who wears teddy bears on his armor.

[slayerdom]

You can stop. In fact, please stop. You're embarrassing us both. [ She laughs. ] I'm not worried about who knows about Satsu. Considering Satsu hasn't even entered my address book yet, it's not exactly my most closely-guarded secret. It's --

... Does she really wear armor with teddy bears?

[yodaknowswhat]

Yeah, it's very Japanese stereotype of her, but... I think she makes it work.

[slayerdom]

That's actually kind of -- [ cute. ] Uh. Right. Focusing on the --. Uh. ... Oh! Willow and the -- Right. It was just something I said, I was trying to get her to, uh, well I was seeing if she was already -- [ awkward. ] You know. Gayish.

[yodaknowswhat]

I mean aside from us all knowing that Willow makes with The L Word marathons later in life, does that really change anything about her? She's still our Willow. And everyone here knows I used to be evil and that's... Stopped mattering a whole lot more than it used to.

[slayerdom]

No! No, it doesn't. It's -- That's what I'm worried about. If she finds out, she might ... she'll think we're expecting her to be a certain way. And maybe she's not ready to be that way yet. I don't want her to feel any pressure.

[yodaknowswhat]

That's... Really sweet, Buffy.

But, uh... She's probably gonna find out. I mean, not all of us are very good at keeping secrets.

[slayerdom]

[ This compliment doesn't go missed, and she appreciates it, Andrew, but she's going to be humble by not acknowledging it. ] Eventually, yeah. But, I'd like to postpone that for as long as possible while we figure out the best way to help her realize we don't expect her to act any different for knowing.

[yodaknowswhat]

Except for the part where you're doing everything but holding up big boards that have clever slogans like, "It's okay if you're gay" on them.

[slayerdom]

... You think those would help?

[yodaknowswhat]

You actually knew not-gay Willow, so this... Really should be easier for you.

[slayerdom]

Lying to her is what isn't easy for me, Andrew. She's still my friend, no matter how she feels about boys or girls or -- or cows, for all I care. She could go marry one, and she'd still be my friend. But, I don't like having to lie to her, even if I know it's to keep things ... easy. For her, not us.

[yodaknowswhat]

But it's like you said- she's still Willow. It doesn't really matter... Who she's sleeping with, even if it is with a cow, which... I really wouldn't recommend, although pigs are worse and... Aren't as easy to stab as people would let you believe. [Sob. Poor Babe.] Uh... So why act weird about it at all?

I mean, if you were keeping something like her going evil from her... Then maybe that would be different.

.....Not that she's ever done that.

[slayerdom]

[ He just gets a horrible grossed out look at his livestock commentary. Because she just ... assumes Andrew has experience in the sex with cows and pigs area now. Oh my god why. But, as it comes back around to the point, the look fades. ]

It's okay, Andrew. Anya gave me the cliffnotes. [ She gives a reassuring look. ] The acting weird isn't -- it's not based on her being different or not being the Willow we care about. It's because we're hiding something from her. That's hard, regardless of whether or not we feel like it matters, because it's still there.

It's never easy, keeping things from people you love. But, sometimes you have to do it. Even if it means ... consciously avoiding the awkward.