Closure

[datan0de]

I suck at giving up - on people, on relationships, on dreams. That's not a "boast in disguise". I've suffered mightily for it, and lately the people I love have also. But when, finally, the last bit of hope is taken away, I can still be an optimist about life in general and about the future in particular

Comments

[datan0de]

Thank you! :-) Over the last year, and the last three months in particular, I lost connection with that part of myself.

Sadder but wiser now (I hope), I'm an optimist again, though not in the same way I was before. I'd been letting life happen to me, deriving optimism from trust in the intentions, integrity, and kindness of those around me. That failed spectacularly, multiple times, and with ever-increasing consequences.

I'm trying not to let myself become jaded by the experience, but at the same time I'm shifting to a realization that partners (and people as a whole) are generally good, well-intentioned, and ethical, rather than depending upon a belief that they will always be so. I'm also getting back to a place where I'm the driver of my life instead of a passenger.

It still hurts - a lot, every day - and every indication is that it always will. But I'm adapting to my new understanding of reality, and discovering that I still have reasons to get up in the morning. Some of those reasons are truly amazing. :-)

(Sorry, didn't mean to get all introspective on you. I probably should've made this its own post, rather than a reply to you.)

[zandperl]

*nods* I too prefer to assume good intentions. I'd rather be the sort of person who makes that assumption than the opposite, and as an added bonus I find that making that assumption often influences people sitting on the fence to *actually* act in well-intentioned ways. Of everything I learned in being a union leader, that's both the most underhanded manipulative thing, and also the most useful and generous thing at the same time.