(no subject)
nobody complained bout christian bale becoming lettuce leaf thin in the machinist. he made for an awesome performance but he had to lose all that weight for the character in his movie. actors often have to lose or gain weight for movies. thats how i'm thinking of it--i'm just trying on a new role for awhile. maybe i'll get a hot body out of it & like myself some more
i hate myself. i really do. i used to like myself. well, first, i didnt care much for myself...i didnt have bad self esteem...maybe i just didnt have any. or i didnt care, i dunno. but i got some. i became i person i liked, & other ppl liked me too. i was great at listening & talking, not always at fitting in, but my friends helped me learn how to & i became pretty decent at doing that too. when i dated eli i liked myself [sometimes too much]. but now...i dont know if ive just become damaged or if its karma or what happened...but i dont like myself anymore. i'm too emotional, not logical or rational enough, i'm crazy, i have disordered thinking, i'm hung up on men that i can never have & dont want me & i know i should move on but i dont even want to. i dont want to
i am so grateful for my dog. she acts goofy & retarded & silly & makes me feel better bout life. i'm also grateful for rae-chil & michal, my support network, & jyl for calling me today...& everyone else who has something insightful to say. & even for jonathan...cuz he still helps. ...& that part of myself thats trying to grow up & functional. rock on sista--dont let anyone tell you who to be
i hate myself. i really do. i used to like myself. well, first, i didnt care much for myself...i didnt have bad self esteem...maybe i just didnt have any. or i didnt care, i dunno. but i got some. i became i person i liked, & other ppl liked me too. i was great at listening & talking, not always at fitting in, but my friends helped me learn how to & i became pretty decent at doing that too. when i dated eli i liked myself [sometimes too much]. but now...i dont know if ive just become damaged or if its karma or what happened...but i dont like myself anymore. i'm too emotional, not logical or rational enough, i'm crazy, i have disordered thinking, i'm hung up on men that i can never have & dont want me & i know i should move on but i dont even want to. i dont want to
i am so grateful for my dog. she acts goofy & retarded & silly & makes me feel better bout life. i'm also grateful for rae-chil & michal, my support network, & jyl for calling me today...& everyone else who has something insightful to say. & even for jonathan...cuz he still helps. ...& that part of myself thats trying to grow up & functional. rock on sista--dont let anyone tell you who to be