o44 |
I feel guilty these days. And I'm not quite sure why, exactly.
It's not like anything's happened in particular -- but maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm feeling like this? I just get the feeling that I'm -- not quite appreciating anything that happens to/for me. A lot of people around me seem to be either going through hard times, or working extraordinarily hard, or just -- go through life with some determination or difficulty or something and yet they stay strong -- and then there's me thoughtlessly rolling on through the days. I feel like I'm missing the point.
Kind of like I'm a rich spoiled brat and I don't appreciate anything that I have -- or I'm just too ADD and don't appreciate the people around me -- or I don't think much about anything and don't appreciate the lucky circumstances that I'm in -- or that I don't do anything substantial, and that this is going to come around and bite me in the end.
I think I'm slowly turning into a withdrawn, bitchy sort of person, and this worries me -- unless I've always had those tendencies? I know I'm turning a little more aggressive, a little more loner, and I don't like that, but I also feel bad about trying to go back -- maybe I'm imposing?
On the one hand, I kind of hope this is just a temporary thing, but on the other -- what if these thoughts are justified, and I should be feeling like this and should therefore fix my ways? I really don't know.
I'm not particularly emo, or asking for comfort or anything, just kind of -- vaguely morose and trying to think this through. (Also maybe explain why I might have been a jerk to anyone these days. Sorry.) I think I can untangle this soon enough, hopefully during the weekend. Maybe.
idk.
now brb deadline crunch-ish at work kjgnkejweafe
It's not like anything's happened in particular -- but maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm feeling like this? I just get the feeling that I'm -- not quite appreciating anything that happens to/for me. A lot of people around me seem to be either going through hard times, or working extraordinarily hard, or just -- go through life with some determination or difficulty or something and yet they stay strong -- and then there's me thoughtlessly rolling on through the days. I feel like I'm missing the point.
Kind of like I'm a rich spoiled brat and I don't appreciate anything that I have -- or I'm just too ADD and don't appreciate the people around me -- or I don't think much about anything and don't appreciate the lucky circumstances that I'm in -- or that I don't do anything substantial, and that this is going to come around and bite me in the end.
I think I'm slowly turning into a withdrawn, bitchy sort of person, and this worries me -- unless I've always had those tendencies? I know I'm turning a little more aggressive, a little more loner, and I don't like that, but I also feel bad about trying to go back -- maybe I'm imposing?
On the one hand, I kind of hope this is just a temporary thing, but on the other -- what if these thoughts are justified, and I should be feeling like this and should therefore fix my ways? I really don't know.
I'm not particularly emo, or asking for comfort or anything, just kind of -- vaguely morose and trying to think this through. (Also maybe explain why I might have been a jerk to anyone these days. Sorry.) I think I can untangle this soon enough, hopefully during the weekend. Maybe.
idk.
now brb deadline crunch-ish at work kjgnkejweafe