Resurection
I plan on updating this more often, and by more often, i mean anytime i update the myspace (which is sparse enough. So how bout some updates from there?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Midnight Rambling; Nature of being
The nature of life. How is it that a chemical reaction has become self-aware, self-sustaining? What was the turning point? How did it go from a swirling mass of hydrogen, helium, carbon and the such to the first cellular organism that grew and sought betterment through consumption and natural selection? Natural selection; how did it mutate to have longer appendages, smarter tactics to get food? This is a fundamental question.
Another question I ask is, "Why did we become complacent with idols?" From tribal man to modern mogul, we give the things we see greater meaning, greater purpose than what is truly inherent. Why is this? Why do we seek spiritual advice from a pedophile? Why do we let man who make shady deals far away make financial decisions here? Why do we give the actor a political voice greater than that of someone who has been in it for some time? Why does A like B but C hate B?
It is a matter of Truth and how much of it we are willing to accept and how much we are willing to deny. Look at Tom Cruise. Idol of housewives everywhere, at one point. Bring the cult that is Scientology into the picture, the fans are divided into two, the haters, and the ignorers. The haters' dream of Tom has been shattered, and they feel betrayed. The ignorers wish not to be shattered so. Gradually, the haters group will grow, but only one shattered dream at a time. Such will happen to most idols. Not all, but most.
Now, could these not-to-be-shattered images of idols a good thing? I can't say no to that, but I won't say yes. It has been said in recent years that Truman knew about Pearl Harbor and had ample time to tell the base to prepare. Now, if the warning went out, and they were prepared, and held their own, we wouldn't have had as much fervor going into the war as we did. Hell, we may not have been as active, perhaps even leaving Europe to itself and only dealing with the far east.
Did Pearl Harbor get us going headstrong into the war? You betcha. If Truman did let it happen, was he right in doing so?
This is the conundrum I see with humanity today. We are driven by lies and half truths. Our ambitions are fabrications of those who seek some kind of order in the world. Truman wanted order in the Europe from Hitler. Hitler wanted a fair life for the people of his land and vanquish those who would destroy it, as he saw.
Is there truly such things as chaos and order, or are they the two sides of the same coin? My order is your chaos, my chaos is your order. In this case, no, it is not order that man seeks. To bring order is to bring complacency and comfort. What is it that brings these? Food, water, comfortable environment, companionship, procreation, self realization/creation. Our natural instincts. The same instincts found in every lifeform on the planet. When I have enough, Order. When you threaten my supply, Chaos. It is not these ideas we truely seek, it is the items encircled by these ideas.
So I ask again, how and why did the turning point from chemical reaction to a growing and self-sustaining organism with these needs, these desires, come to happen?
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Truth, Lies, and the Batman
Excerpt from a convo recently, may include conceptual spoilers:
Dasuberchin: But watching the movie and reading the comic, i've figured that there are two types of people in this world
Dasuberchin: When faced with the terrible shit that goes on in the world, you have two options
Dasuberchin: you can put it all past you and keep your ideal in your heart, be it god, jesus, batman or harvey
*person*: right
Dasuberchin: then you have the people who see through god and the such, who know about the things TwoFace did, and try as they might, cannot put their faith into a lie
Dasuberchin: i find myself in the latter category
*person*: I think I like to think I'm in the latter, but in reality I end up being the first
Dasuberchin: i wish so much i could place myself in the first, but every time i have, it has ended with disappointment
Dasuberchin: truth never brings happiness, yet i'm compelled to search for it
*person*: isn't everyone?
Dasuberchin: some people put on blinders. they can choose what they want and don't want to see. Its why people get so fired up when you challenge their beliefs, be it religious, political or social. If they acknowledge every fact given to them, they'll see that their shining beacon of hope isn't the grand shit they once thought it
Dasuberchin: people will fight tooth and nail to be, to put it bluntly, dumb
*person*: i agree wholly
Dasuberchin: i can't buy into it
Dasuberchin: i'd like to, but i know i would just be lying to myself
Dasuberchin: objectivity, while having its merits, sucks ass
Dasuberchin: sigh, and all this means jack shit when the bills need paid...
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Monday, July 07, 2008
Facebook Quotes
Here be some quotes from my Facebook Profile, Enjoy.
....
"Oh, by the way, while you weren't here last week, your character gained +3 Knowledge Anal masturbation," - Roomate Dave, after I returned to DnD.
"I'll take ranks in Craft Sex. I want to craft hand-cranked dildos," - Roomate Dave, whilst playing DnD
"FFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAANNNNKUS!"- Lil Jimmy Norton
"I don't care if you throw your XM down the toilet, buy a Sirius and fuck your mother! "- Lil Jimmy Norton
"Any day in which you get a teacher to acknowledge the ******* is a good day." - Me (HOORAH SELF-CENSORSHIP)
Opie: "What is the name of the faggiest drink you ever had?"
Lil Jimmy Norton: "Cum."
"We might be fucked up in the head, but at least my SQL inserts work," Dave
Tyler-"I'm going to go to the bathroom for 15 mins."
Dave-"What is he going to do in there for 15 mins."
Me-"Wash his hands."
Dave-"Yeah, just how Randi fantasizes"
Randi- *moo*
Me-"Yeah, lets go watch him wash his hands"
Kevin-"Ha ha, Circle wash"
"I've broken all of my fingers at some point, but now I can do this!"- ManBearPig Brad from work, as he makes unholy craking sounds from his fingers.
Skwisgar- "Pffh, this is dildoes. Doesn't he knows theres no such things as religion?"
Nathan- "You mean y-you don't believe in god. There is such thing as religion."
Skwisgar- "Well then proves it! Show me a miracles; that religion exists!"
Nathan- "Well, uh, theres a bible, right there."
Skwisgar- "Weelllllll, maybe I re-evaluates my life then..."
Satanic Priest- "Pray now the prayer of revenge. For whom do you seek revenge?"
Toki- "I seek revenge on Rachel Ray and the Food Network, can't you make here eyes fall out or something?"
Satanic Priest - "..."
Toki-"Tits fall off?"
Satanic Priest- "...Satan, grant this man the gift of revenge against his foes at the Food Network "
Toki- "Seriously?"
Satanic Priest- "Yes"
Toki- "S-seriously?"
Satanic Priest- "Yes"
Toki- "Really?"
Satanic Priest- "Yes"
Toki- "Thats cool!"
Dave-"Dude, that's like, borderline porn."
Sheetz Counter Lady- "What, were you guys in the magazine aisle?"
Me-"No, the candy aisle."
(The sad thing is, it's true)
East Side Dave - "People are just so complacent nowadays. Think about it, everyone watches the Superbowl when they're told to."
Fez - "But that's the only time it's on..."
Anthony-"An 8 Gig SD card for $120? Isn't that a bit pricey?"
John-"I'll kick you in the nuts!"
"When the apocalypse comes, you'll be thankful for all these bridges," - Celishiah
Celishiah - "I want all you guys in this room to practice safe sex, except you Brent."
Me - "Right, I'll be sexy and promiscu- WAIT, WHAT?!?!"
Anthony- "I'm not gay. I'm not into guys OR girls. Uh...whats that called?"
Tyler-"......Gay?"
Bradly- "Do you know why I always pick Paper in Rock Paper Scissors?"
Me- "Cause you're a bitch?"
Anthony- "You know, this might make me sound like a dumbass, but-"
Me- "You didn't need to preface that."
Dave- "OMG, That's a Peepee!"
....
MOAR QUOTES!
"PHYSICS, EEP EPP!"- Alex, The Irish Gordan Freeman, rolling four 0's on 4 d10's, thus, making his character walk through a wall of force using String Theory or some shit. (1:10,000 chance)
Me- "OMG I win!"
Dave- "Why?"
Me- "I just made a circle!"
Lotte: This is how I figure it... so long as I strive to live like Jesus (and Jesus himself said little about sexuality and orietnation and all that jazz) I'm on the right path.
Lotte: So, since Jesus did not say "stone the butt pirate"
Me: XD, That is SO going on my facebook
Lotte: Feel free :)
Lotte: Unless God comes to me tonight in a dream and says 'stone the butt pirate'
Lotte: I do like a good lesbian, though
Me: Who doesnt?
CKir not SQer (1:25:53 AM): Are major and minor holidays going to be added each year? Or will one count for every year?
Dasuberchin (1:27:15 AM): They'll be added every year. ADPUser will add an activity for Christmas 08, move forward in their calendar (either in the same sitting or sometime down the road) and add Christmas 09
CKir not SQer (1:27:27 AM): Alright then.
Dasuberchin (1:28:09 AM): Again, for those pesky Holidays that arent number bound (turkey day, easter)
CKir not SQer (1:28:30 AM): Okay, that makes sense.
Dasuberchin (1:28:56 AM): And i think Easter has something to do with the phases of the moon
Dasuberchin (1:29:00 AM): So yeah, fuck that shit
(I love how technical, professional work conversations turn out like this)
Board Room Jimmy "If you don't understand what outstanding shares are, then I suggest you fuck a baby"
Lil Jimmy - "He's already eating Almond Joys, why does my cock have to be involved?"
Dr. Venture - "You mean I almost fucked a Were-odile?"
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Monday, May 26, 2008
And the rebound
Current mood: drained
So yeah, shit weekend got better. Take Dave and Tyler up to the family picnic. Tyler came cause it would prove to be a less arduous trip for his special lady friend, and Dave came cause we needed to use hsi car (see previosu post). Festivities are had, Tyler is picked up, and Dave and I are on our merry way.
As we leave, he expresses interest in picking up cleaning supplies. While we vowed not to clean the place up and let the landlord take care of it (rightfully so), we still need to fucking shower. So we decide to stop at Punxsutawny Wal-Mart. We pick up some mops and Glade Pug ins n shit. Because we are nerds, we hop on over to the electronics section. And there it is...
42 inches,
720p
Plasma
Vizio
$750
I had expressed interest in picking up an HD for myself, and figured that with the money i already have banked, my tax refund, and the up comming stimulus check, I'd have enough to drop for a pretty nice TV.
Yeah, I know I had that covered, but I was unaware as to how much money was in each of my accoutns. Dave had plenty in his checking, so he picked it up, on the condition I pay his half of the rent, there-by, going half-ers on it.
Yeah, Uber fucking SQUEE, you're not gonna find a better deal.
So, with Tyler stopping by, Poopy toilets, tire, compy, and TV, its been one fucking Weekend.
I can't wait for the work week to begin...
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
Let me tell you about my Weekend.
Current mood: Livid
Boy, is it a humdinger.
Friday, I get home from work. Upon entering my room, i hear a gurggling sound coming from my toilet. Upon investigation, air bubbles were coming forth. I thought "Oh, thats weird," and let it go for a few hours. At about 7:00, I call the landlordtell him whats happening, said he'll look into it on Saturday, Tuesday at the latest. Saturday comes and goes with gurgles galore.
In the midst of that, I needed to get my oil changed, as I was about 2k miles over due. That goes without a hitch, but when i return home, I noticed this white, circular thing on the front driver's tire. I try to peel it off, and come to the realization that its not sticking TO the tire, its sticking FROM the tire. It looks like some sharp nail type thing you'd find on the back of furniture. Welp, figure I'm gonna have to replace the tire, or at least pick up a repair kit.
That Saturday evening, I decided to get onto the PalTalk and check out some of the rooms, as they were most interesting the night prior. A few hours later, my computer is hit with this debilitating spyware. Shit fucks with my background, gives fake, windows-esque errors, and keeps directing me to this anti-spyware program called SpyMaxx. Upon research, it turns out that Spymaxx is this extortion thing going on where they infect your machine, they sell you anti-spyware software, and it does jack shit. If you try to complain about their service, they don't care, as they now have your credit card info.
I am so going to send these fucks a letter bomb.
So I'm trying to deal with this until like, 3 am, then call it quites. Sunday morning, roommate wakes me up and says the toilets got worse and he called the maintenance guys again. So, they sent roto-rooter over, then send another guy over, a tink here, a tink there, and the whole apartment smells like shit. They sent a guy to deal with the carpet, but are leaving us for the rest of the clean up. In the midst of that, I try to apply a patch to the tire. Yeah, it would stop hissing once i took the thing out. So, i need a new tire. And I was lucky enough to find my copy of Ubuntu, so I'm writting this via a different OS. How exciting. After this, I'm going to look and see if i can access my Bookmarks, then I'm wipping my system.
So, how was your weekend?
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Sunday, May 11, 2008
Who says you need to be high to come up with some crazy shit?
The two hour car rides from DuBois to Pittsburgh do provide you with a lot of time; time to jam, time to reflect, time to theorize.
Tonight's car ride was option number three. As of late, I've been putting much thought into human nature and why it is we act the way we do. Are we truely free, can one determine how they will approach this thing called life and how do they come to that conclusion, the concept of "The MAn" and all that fun stuff.
Although it would probably deserve its own post (if not, a series), I believe that most of humanity's problems stem from those of instinctual basis, that is, those things we just know and act upon to keep us alive. Greed, the wanting of anything you can get because you never know when you'll run out. Dominance, the ability to enact your greed. Sloth, to reserve your strength when you need to act upon the previosu two listed. This may not be a comprhensive list; I'm sure some psychologist or sociologist has a more concise list, but lets go with it for now.
As humanity and technology progresses, the need for these instincts retard. We have farms and factories, ready to churn out food or anything we need. And really, thats the key thing here. When greed is diminished, everyone is content, and there is no need for any one person to dominate.
Slowly, but surely, i think we are getting to that point. It's not nececarily a bad thing, but I see it.
Now here's the trippy shit. One form of dominance that is prevelent in society, that is, societies all over the world, is that of Male Dominance. The man is the head of the household, the provider, his word is final. A cousin of mine brought up the theory that it is this male dominance that affect's his views of a certain activity. If such need for this dominance erodes, they may find they are more passive, or quite possibly even willing, to participate in this activity.
This activity... is buttsecks.
Yes ladies and gentlement, homosexuality. In a roundabout way, I am saying that homosexuality is a result of the advancement of humanity. Crazy as fuck idea, you say?
Think back to ancient Rome. Rome was the pinnacle of technology and philosophy back in the day. No one really had to worry about anything, cept being thrown in the lion's den. And you know what? THE PLACE WAS CRAWLING WITH FAGS! After Rome fell, people didn't have all of those comforts of life anymore. Their instincts kicked back in from the days of cavemen and nomads and wanted anything they could get their hands on, be it food, land, gold, women or salvation (or any combo or variation of those). Because people are preoccupied with these instincts, being confronted with an utter disregard for their means of survival seems absolutly ludicris. Thus, homophobia. Its not so much a fear of being gay yourself, its the contradiction of your instincts.
How would you explain the aversion to women? Simple, the gay person has rejected the traditional role of the male. He doesn't want to be the dominating provider(to certain extents). He wants to play the part of the woman. Being with a woman would put him right where he started. And i supose that in a world where that lifestyle hasn't been fully accepted, homies gotta stick together. The bisexual is just more apathetic.
Something to ponder. It puts an explanation to the origin of gayness. May not be the right answer, but it seems to be the most reasoned out one I've heard.
Comments, ideas, accusations of ass-hattery?
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Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Story Telling Has Evolved
You go to a theater to see a new movie. A serious movie. One of anger, revenge, and trying to find your place in life. You see the protagonist go through the motions and come upon dire, ethical, moral decissions. "What is it that I want? Will doing this get me closer to that?" Then the protagonist makes his decision and the movie continues. At the end, he may reflect on his decisions.
When the movie is all said and done, you leave the theater going over the movie agin in your head. You ponder is he did the right thing. You ponder as to what you would have done. Sometimes, those questions affect who you are. They make you question what you hold true in life.
Grand Theft Auto 4 takes story telling to a whole new level. As most in-touch audiences know, videogames are a new story telling medium. As the years have passed, games have gone from linear puzzles to multi-million dollar projects that sometimes out-costs normal movies. That money doesn't go all into graphics and programming. Nono, they've got writters, story boards, professional voice acting, the works.
But thats common of all/most new games. What makes GTA4 different? Most games have a linear plot. "Go here, kill him, kill them, kill this guy but not be able to do any more missions for that guy, kill the antagonist." GTA4 provides you with choices, and not bullshit choices. I cite Bioshock (and rip off Zero Punctuation). In Bioshock, you have the option of being either Mother Terasa or a baby eater; either save the Little Sister's from an eternity of lookin creepy, or crack their skulls open and eat their brains.
The choices in GTA4 are much harder than that.
****SPOILERS!!!!!!!***************
In the game, you are presented with two characters, Playboy X and Dwayne. Playboy X is a mover and a shaker in Liberty City who makes does quite well for himself. He learned everything he knows from Dwayne, his mentor who just got out of prison, but has found he lost everything and has been left in the dust. Shit happens, and they start to conflict with eachother. Individually, they come to me stating that they think the other is plotting against them, and wants the other taken out. Now, Playboy has been there for you, but you relate more with Dwayne. Different windows open and close based on your decission.
Not only that, but you have to make at least two more simliar choices in the game.
I have never stood idle for so long in a game. Come time to cap Playboy X or Dwayne, I drove and drove until I got to the crossroad that lead to their respective cribs. And I sat there, pondering. "What should I do? There's no guiding hand. This is a choice I have to make."
Ever wonder what you would have done in that movie? Wonder no more. You decide what goes down. There's no "You should be doing this" voice hanging over your head like in Bioshock.
Kinda funny actually, that I cite Bioshock, a game that critisizes the linearness of gaming and life's choices. But still, my analogy holds.
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Thursday, April 24, 2008
The last piece of the puzzle
Funny how when you think you see the big picture, you put in the last piece and it changes everything.
No, not even that. Perceived, I came so far with my analysis, and it was generally acurate. The only thing that changed was the reason behind it.
Looking back, it all makes sense.
A silly thing, pride. Always wanting to do the best. To garner respect.
Should there be any difference in treatment?
Perhaps the answer is no. What good would come of doing so?
There is no animosity.
There is no pity.
There is understanding.
I suck.
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Friday, April 11, 2008
My Celebrity Look-alikes
MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
Texas Hold ’em
Let me tell you a story.
In a land far away, a young boy grew. The hand he was dealt was not the finest, but the cards fell into place quite well after time. The boy was sitting pretty, very satisfied. The dealer dealt the turn card, and holy fuck was it a good card. Too good. The boy was overwhelmed at how good the card was, he thought there was no way he could loose. He went all in.
Then came the river, and all was lost.
For months, the boy was in anguish. He replayed the hand over and over again in his head. He blamed the other players, he blammed the dealer. He knew part of himself was to blame for not handling the hand propper, but no matter how he spinned it in his head, he couldn't get that hand out of his mind. Any time he thought of or was reminded of it, it brought back the sorrow and anger of that day.
He thought it best to perhaps strategizing for future hands. With time to contemplate, he thought of potential scenarios. He happened upon one; he didn't know it at the time, but this scenario was all to familiar. "What if a poor gulible sap were to go all in on the turn and- Holy Fuck."
Those months of self-torment and angst, it was not the hand or the dealer. Bad hands and bad dealers happen all of the time. No, it was him going all in too early. He was too eager to win. Inexperience may have played a part, but the set up and know down is what damaged the boy. It was then that the boy learned his lesson and began to finally, truely heal. Up until then, he had been broken, unable to put forth the confidence he once had. It was only until his revelation that he could be once again who he was. He held no grudge for the hand or the dealer afterwards. When confronted with those two, he felt humility and a twinge of shame. He knew to not make that mistake again.
A new hand was dealt. The boy wondered if he should match the blind or fold.
( ) [] 8<
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Monday, February 04, 2008
Illidan Stormrage
To initiate converse...
To think, moments before, I was about to extend a word of friendship.
Only to see... Do you not comprehend? Can't you fathom what confusion, frustration results? You don't, you can't, obviously. You wouldn't be in the pickle you're in if you could.
You refuse it, but they're right. They're ALL right. You are a blind fool with no sense of sociability, and that's comming from me.
Normally, I can keep an objective mind on such matters. Fuck that, not now, not with this blood resistant dagger. That resistance goes a lot further than you think now.
I hold no aliegence to you now, for you hold none for me.
Hey Hey, Goodbye.
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I iz Lezz SickZ!
YAI!!!!!!!!!!1!!11!!!!!!!!ONE!!1
*cough*
Emphasis on the "Lezz"
...Sick...Lez...theres a lesbian joke somewhere in there....
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Looking back...
is wortless.
Sans 1 post which i'm fairly fond of, all mention is removed. Any mention twists the dagger. No more. Even old emails, gone. Any fond memory that remains is suffocated by a thick lead shell.
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue.
Joyous things shall come.
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Monday, December 17, 2007
More Night time ramblings (Now 50% Less Coherent)
What is the drive? How is it that one's life achievements can be looked at by the achiever as what their path was, the right path, and have it scorned and abhored by another. Not only disagreed with, but thought to have gone in the absolute wrong and most useles direction. Why is that? The easy answer is that there is no set path, you build your own path.
But what if you have no foundation? Every path seems too specialized, too restrictive to the other posibilities. Could it be that in tryig to experience what life has to offer, I am only limiting myslef?
Consumerism, not only that, but self gratification. "I want it and i want it now." I cannot do everything at once. Steps must be taken. Not a flailing in all directions.
Am I scared of a path, of commitment? Once I choose one, there is no going back. Experience, or a blank slate. Branching out, going so far out. You can go back so far, but you remain on the same bough. I am on a bough already. I fear limiting myself, but in my fear, I am limited anyway. Fuck.
I must find something. Devotion to code, devotion to art, devotion to someone...
To create...
I will, I must, delve into what is computationally possible, and give it a flashy splash of color.
It's a start.
Either way, I am the greatest son ever. Huzzah Wii for the fam!
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Sunday, September 23, 2007
Moving/ Bidding my time till bed
Random bedtime mind-ramblings.
Finding appartments suck. Most definatly when your timeframe is quite limited.
The room is barren, devoid of all things, save the comp and tv/dresser.
Save the shadow, moving, caught in the corner of my eye.
Society never ceases to make me ponder, ponder the hows and whys.
I have yet to take it by the balls. What shall be the catalyst, i wonder? Will it come, will i ever get the chance? How crushed must a soul be, how much shit can be piled untill the breaking point is reached? Is it necesary? At that point, how bitter would one be? Would the goals from the begining hold through the strife? What does it take, what prohibits me? Where does the inhibition from the socialites outside my window come from? Is it a defense? Is it a farce? Is it a self masturbation of the ego, one that can only be filled with another? Why is this portrayed as the norm? Are people that out of touch? Am I that in-touch? Is there a balence? Why is the One not good enough?
Are we that uncontrolled?
Fucking cunt Matrix...
Well, now that i've delved into my insecurities and projections of problems, i need to get my bedsheets from the dryer, quench my thirst, and maybe check my mailbox and see what sold at the auctiohouse.
Night time ramblings suck
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Tuesday, May 08, 2007
t3h WoWs0rz
Yea verily, for I am addicted to World of Warcraft. If some strange person finds they would like to find me, I'll be questing it up in Orgrimmar on the Thrall server. I've got a 19 Warrior (Phraungkos), 12 Mage (Amedeus), and 7 Priest (Tareysa). I've also a 30 pally on Durotan (Balbermund). If you would like to try the wonders of WoW, i have some free 10 day trials, so feel free to hit me up.
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Monday, February 26, 2007
Midnight ramblings.
Ah, to have my beloved computer back up and running. My window to the world, locked shut by a bad heatsink. To my dismay, my PDA has also gone dead. It seems the battery is dead, and it takes quite an effort to change it, soldering n such. I think I'll just live without and get a Blackberry or something later.
I've been growing restless for a whiel now, and not from my lack of a computer. Even tonight, with my compy back, with an unlimited access to everything. I did so little. I need to take up something, but i havent the foggiest what. An MMO, a program, a book even? Something. I've had ideas for a DnD game. Perhaps soon I shall look into such a venture. But what language? VB? Would Vb have drag and drop capabilities? I'm sure it can go online...
i now i just thought of something i could be doing, and its not that.
END TRANSMISSION
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Saturday, February 03, 2007
Quandary
This quandary being, I'm compelled to write and express, yet nothing comes to mind. No words, no logical thought process, just angst.
Anger, with myself, but unsure of the direct source. The target of anger is there, but from where it stems, I know not. A fleeting reference will turn my stomache. The fact I blinded myself, perhaps? I saw it and out-right refused to believe it. Not even "lalala, I'm not listening," but more orwellian doublethink. I lied to myself. And for what? Having that socially acclaimed trophy under my belt? But then, did I do it for society, or was there some other reason?
*contemplates*
Could the security blanket have come into play? No, to hell with society's trophy, it was about he yearning, that need, that comfort.
But, much like a child's security blanket, it is not limited to one and only one object. Something else will suffice, if not more so. It has been made clear to me, now more than ever, the only way to persevere is to find a warmer, fluffier blanket.
An innocence was lost, a mental innocence. An outlook on life, skewed. I don't know how, but it has. I don't know how to repair it. Hell, this innocence is probably what started this, and most likely, its loss ended it. I can't recall when I lost it, but at that point, I was blind to it leaving. Now, its abscence is all too evident.
Its a mental game of ping pong. "You don't give a fuck," says logic. "Oh, but you do," says emotion. "Shut the fuck up, emotion, you don't know what you're talking about." "Why are you getting so angry, logic?" "FUCK OFF"
I can't *not* give a fuck if I *do* give a fuck.
If I truely didn't give a fuck, would I be writting this?
Moving on is the best way to not give a fuck, this I have known for quite some time, but until then... fuck.
Perhaps this may reinvigorate a spot of innocence.
If you know, you know, if not, don't fucking ask.
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Friday, December 08, 2006
Off site linking test
Yeah, i'm a bandwidth hogging douche, eat me.
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Friday, November 03, 2006
EWTN, TV of the Devil
So I'm flipping through the channels of the idiot box and stumble upon EWTN, the catholic channel, and its some weird commercial/ PSA. 2 guys eating at a restaurant. The One guy orders a Fish sammich and the other a burger. The guy who ordered the fish says "Gee, are you sure you want to eat meat on a Friday?"
"Well sure, i thought we didn't have to worry about that right now."
"Well, you know, (insert inane reasoning as to why you shouldn't eat meat on Friday). But if you do eat meat on a Friday, you can counter-act it with a charitable deed latter on."
"Oh, well in that case, I'll have the fish."
I could only think about what that guy was thinking about, "Hmm, if I eat meat today, then I'll have to do something good later... Psssh, fuck that, I'll just eat the fish and not have to worry about doing something good."
Yeah, I'm sure Jesus would be proud.
Ohhhhhh, I am THIS close to an silly religion practices rant... But nothing has pushed me over that edge, so I will save that fo ranother time.
And now, to get me out of my moody mood, a Dead Baby Joke:
Whats better than a dead baby swinging around on a clothes line at 300 MPH?
Stopping it with a shovel.
GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL! (I'll be the one getting a pine tree shoved up his ass, sideways)
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Sunday, July 27, 2008
Midnight Rambling; Nature of being
The nature of life. How is it that a chemical reaction has become self-aware, self-sustaining? What was the turning point? How did it go from a swirling mass of hydrogen, helium, carbon and the such to the first cellular organism that grew and sought betterment through consumption and natural selection? Natural selection; how did it mutate to have longer appendages, smarter tactics to get food? This is a fundamental question.
Another question I ask is, "Why did we become complacent with idols?" From tribal man to modern mogul, we give the things we see greater meaning, greater purpose than what is truly inherent. Why is this? Why do we seek spiritual advice from a pedophile? Why do we let man who make shady deals far away make financial decisions here? Why do we give the actor a political voice greater than that of someone who has been in it for some time? Why does A like B but C hate B?
It is a matter of Truth and how much of it we are willing to accept and how much we are willing to deny. Look at Tom Cruise. Idol of housewives everywhere, at one point. Bring the cult that is Scientology into the picture, the fans are divided into two, the haters, and the ignorers. The haters' dream of Tom has been shattered, and they feel betrayed. The ignorers wish not to be shattered so. Gradually, the haters group will grow, but only one shattered dream at a time. Such will happen to most idols. Not all, but most.
Now, could these not-to-be-shattered images of idols a good thing? I can't say no to that, but I won't say yes. It has been said in recent years that Truman knew about Pearl Harbor and had ample time to tell the base to prepare. Now, if the warning went out, and they were prepared, and held their own, we wouldn't have had as much fervor going into the war as we did. Hell, we may not have been as active, perhaps even leaving Europe to itself and only dealing with the far east.
Did Pearl Harbor get us going headstrong into the war? You betcha. If Truman did let it happen, was he right in doing so?
This is the conundrum I see with humanity today. We are driven by lies and half truths. Our ambitions are fabrications of those who seek some kind of order in the world. Truman wanted order in the Europe from Hitler. Hitler wanted a fair life for the people of his land and vanquish those who would destroy it, as he saw.
Is there truly such things as chaos and order, or are they the two sides of the same coin? My order is your chaos, my chaos is your order. In this case, no, it is not order that man seeks. To bring order is to bring complacency and comfort. What is it that brings these? Food, water, comfortable environment, companionship, procreation, self realization/creation. Our natural instincts. The same instincts found in every lifeform on the planet. When I have enough, Order. When you threaten my supply, Chaos. It is not these ideas we truely seek, it is the items encircled by these ideas.
So I ask again, how and why did the turning point from chemical reaction to a growing and self-sustaining organism with these needs, these desires, come to happen?
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Truth, Lies, and the Batman
Excerpt from a convo recently, may include conceptual spoilers:
Dasuberchin: But watching the movie and reading the comic, i've figured that there are two types of people in this world
Dasuberchin: When faced with the terrible shit that goes on in the world, you have two options
Dasuberchin: you can put it all past you and keep your ideal in your heart, be it god, jesus, batman or harvey
*person*: right
Dasuberchin: then you have the people who see through god and the such, who know about the things TwoFace did, and try as they might, cannot put their faith into a lie
Dasuberchin: i find myself in the latter category
*person*: I think I like to think I'm in the latter, but in reality I end up being the first
Dasuberchin: i wish so much i could place myself in the first, but every time i have, it has ended with disappointment
Dasuberchin: truth never brings happiness, yet i'm compelled to search for it
*person*: isn't everyone?
Dasuberchin: some people put on blinders. they can choose what they want and don't want to see. Its why people get so fired up when you challenge their beliefs, be it religious, political or social. If they acknowledge every fact given to them, they'll see that their shining beacon of hope isn't the grand shit they once thought it
Dasuberchin: people will fight tooth and nail to be, to put it bluntly, dumb
*person*: i agree wholly
Dasuberchin: i can't buy into it
Dasuberchin: i'd like to, but i know i would just be lying to myself
Dasuberchin: objectivity, while having its merits, sucks ass
Dasuberchin: sigh, and all this means jack shit when the bills need paid...
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Monday, July 07, 2008
Facebook Quotes
Here be some quotes from my Facebook Profile, Enjoy.
....
"Oh, by the way, while you weren't here last week, your character gained +3 Knowledge Anal masturbation," - Roomate Dave, after I returned to DnD.
"I'll take ranks in Craft Sex. I want to craft hand-cranked dildos," - Roomate Dave, whilst playing DnD
"FFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAANNNNKUS!"- Lil Jimmy Norton
"I don't care if you throw your XM down the toilet, buy a Sirius and fuck your mother! "- Lil Jimmy Norton
"Any day in which you get a teacher to acknowledge the ******* is a good day." - Me (HOORAH SELF-CENSORSHIP)
Opie: "What is the name of the faggiest drink you ever had?"
Lil Jimmy Norton: "Cum."
"We might be fucked up in the head, but at least my SQL inserts work," Dave
Tyler-"I'm going to go to the bathroom for 15 mins."
Dave-"What is he going to do in there for 15 mins."
Me-"Wash his hands."
Dave-"Yeah, just how Randi fantasizes"
Randi- *moo*
Me-"Yeah, lets go watch him wash his hands"
Kevin-"Ha ha, Circle wash"
"I've broken all of my fingers at some point, but now I can do this!"- ManBearPig Brad from work, as he makes unholy craking sounds from his fingers.
Skwisgar- "Pffh, this is dildoes. Doesn't he knows theres no such things as religion?"
Nathan- "You mean y-you don't believe in god. There is such thing as religion."
Skwisgar- "Well then proves it! Show me a miracles; that religion exists!"
Nathan- "Well, uh, theres a bible, right there."
Skwisgar- "Weelllllll, maybe I re-evaluates my life then..."
Satanic Priest- "Pray now the prayer of revenge. For whom do you seek revenge?"
Toki- "I seek revenge on Rachel Ray and the Food Network, can't you make here eyes fall out or something?"
Satanic Priest - "..."
Toki-"Tits fall off?"
Satanic Priest- "...Satan, grant this man the gift of revenge against his foes at the Food Network "
Toki- "Seriously?"
Satanic Priest- "Yes"
Toki- "S-seriously?"
Satanic Priest- "Yes"
Toki- "Really?"
Satanic Priest- "Yes"
Toki- "Thats cool!"
Dave-"Dude, that's like, borderline porn."
Sheetz Counter Lady- "What, were you guys in the magazine aisle?"
Me-"No, the candy aisle."
(The sad thing is, it's true)
East Side Dave - "People are just so complacent nowadays. Think about it, everyone watches the Superbowl when they're told to."
Fez - "But that's the only time it's on..."
Anthony-"An 8 Gig SD card for $120? Isn't that a bit pricey?"
John-"I'll kick you in the nuts!"
"When the apocalypse comes, you'll be thankful for all these bridges," - Celishiah
Celishiah - "I want all you guys in this room to practice safe sex, except you Brent."
Me - "Right, I'll be sexy and promiscu- WAIT, WHAT?!?!"
Anthony- "I'm not gay. I'm not into guys OR girls. Uh...whats that called?"
Tyler-"......Gay?"
Bradly- "Do you know why I always pick Paper in Rock Paper Scissors?"
Me- "Cause you're a bitch?"
Anthony- "You know, this might make me sound like a dumbass, but-"
Me- "You didn't need to preface that."
Dave- "OMG, That's a Peepee!"
....
MOAR QUOTES!
"PHYSICS, EEP EPP!"- Alex, The Irish Gordan Freeman, rolling four 0's on 4 d10's, thus, making his character walk through a wall of force using String Theory or some shit. (1:10,000 chance)
Me- "OMG I win!"
Dave- "Why?"
Me- "I just made a circle!"
Lotte: This is how I figure it... so long as I strive to live like Jesus (and Jesus himself said little about sexuality and orietnation and all that jazz) I'm on the right path.
Lotte: So, since Jesus did not say "stone the butt pirate"
Me: XD, That is SO going on my facebook
Lotte: Feel free :)
Lotte: Unless God comes to me tonight in a dream and says 'stone the butt pirate'
Lotte: I do like a good lesbian, though
Me: Who doesnt?
CKir not SQer (1:25:53 AM): Are major and minor holidays going to be added each year? Or will one count for every year?
Dasuberchin (1:27:15 AM): They'll be added every year. ADPUser will add an activity for Christmas 08, move forward in their calendar (either in the same sitting or sometime down the road) and add Christmas 09
CKir not SQer (1:27:27 AM): Alright then.
Dasuberchin (1:28:09 AM): Again, for those pesky Holidays that arent number bound (turkey day, easter)
CKir not SQer (1:28:30 AM): Okay, that makes sense.
Dasuberchin (1:28:56 AM): And i think Easter has something to do with the phases of the moon
Dasuberchin (1:29:00 AM): So yeah, fuck that shit
(I love how technical, professional work conversations turn out like this)
Board Room Jimmy "If you don't understand what outstanding shares are, then I suggest you fuck a baby"
Lil Jimmy - "He's already eating Almond Joys, why does my cock have to be involved?"
Dr. Venture - "You mean I almost fucked a Were-odile?"
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Monday, May 26, 2008
And the rebound
Current mood: drained
So yeah, shit weekend got better. Take Dave and Tyler up to the family picnic. Tyler came cause it would prove to be a less arduous trip for his special lady friend, and Dave came cause we needed to use hsi car (see previosu post). Festivities are had, Tyler is picked up, and Dave and I are on our merry way.
As we leave, he expresses interest in picking up cleaning supplies. While we vowed not to clean the place up and let the landlord take care of it (rightfully so), we still need to fucking shower. So we decide to stop at Punxsutawny Wal-Mart. We pick up some mops and Glade Pug ins n shit. Because we are nerds, we hop on over to the electronics section. And there it is...
42 inches,
720p
Plasma
Vizio
$750
I had expressed interest in picking up an HD for myself, and figured that with the money i already have banked, my tax refund, and the up comming stimulus check, I'd have enough to drop for a pretty nice TV.
Yeah, I know I had that covered, but I was unaware as to how much money was in each of my accoutns. Dave had plenty in his checking, so he picked it up, on the condition I pay his half of the rent, there-by, going half-ers on it.
Yeah, Uber fucking SQUEE, you're not gonna find a better deal.
So, with Tyler stopping by, Poopy toilets, tire, compy, and TV, its been one fucking Weekend.
I can't wait for the work week to begin...
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
Let me tell you about my Weekend.
Current mood: Livid
Boy, is it a humdinger.
Friday, I get home from work. Upon entering my room, i hear a gurggling sound coming from my toilet. Upon investigation, air bubbles were coming forth. I thought "Oh, thats weird," and let it go for a few hours. At about 7:00, I call the landlordtell him whats happening, said he'll look into it on Saturday, Tuesday at the latest. Saturday comes and goes with gurgles galore.
In the midst of that, I needed to get my oil changed, as I was about 2k miles over due. That goes without a hitch, but when i return home, I noticed this white, circular thing on the front driver's tire. I try to peel it off, and come to the realization that its not sticking TO the tire, its sticking FROM the tire. It looks like some sharp nail type thing you'd find on the back of furniture. Welp, figure I'm gonna have to replace the tire, or at least pick up a repair kit.
That Saturday evening, I decided to get onto the PalTalk and check out some of the rooms, as they were most interesting the night prior. A few hours later, my computer is hit with this debilitating spyware. Shit fucks with my background, gives fake, windows-esque errors, and keeps directing me to this anti-spyware program called SpyMaxx. Upon research, it turns out that Spymaxx is this extortion thing going on where they infect your machine, they sell you anti-spyware software, and it does jack shit. If you try to complain about their service, they don't care, as they now have your credit card info.
I am so going to send these fucks a letter bomb.
So I'm trying to deal with this until like, 3 am, then call it quites. Sunday morning, roommate wakes me up and says the toilets got worse and he called the maintenance guys again. So, they sent roto-rooter over, then send another guy over, a tink here, a tink there, and the whole apartment smells like shit. They sent a guy to deal with the carpet, but are leaving us for the rest of the clean up. In the midst of that, I try to apply a patch to the tire. Yeah, it would stop hissing once i took the thing out. So, i need a new tire. And I was lucky enough to find my copy of Ubuntu, so I'm writting this via a different OS. How exciting. After this, I'm going to look and see if i can access my Bookmarks, then I'm wipping my system.
So, how was your weekend?
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Sunday, May 11, 2008
Who says you need to be high to come up with some crazy shit?
The two hour car rides from DuBois to Pittsburgh do provide you with a lot of time; time to jam, time to reflect, time to theorize.
Tonight's car ride was option number three. As of late, I've been putting much thought into human nature and why it is we act the way we do. Are we truely free, can one determine how they will approach this thing called life and how do they come to that conclusion, the concept of "The MAn" and all that fun stuff.
Although it would probably deserve its own post (if not, a series), I believe that most of humanity's problems stem from those of instinctual basis, that is, those things we just know and act upon to keep us alive. Greed, the wanting of anything you can get because you never know when you'll run out. Dominance, the ability to enact your greed. Sloth, to reserve your strength when you need to act upon the previosu two listed. This may not be a comprhensive list; I'm sure some psychologist or sociologist has a more concise list, but lets go with it for now.
As humanity and technology progresses, the need for these instincts retard. We have farms and factories, ready to churn out food or anything we need. And really, thats the key thing here. When greed is diminished, everyone is content, and there is no need for any one person to dominate.
Slowly, but surely, i think we are getting to that point. It's not nececarily a bad thing, but I see it.
Now here's the trippy shit. One form of dominance that is prevelent in society, that is, societies all over the world, is that of Male Dominance. The man is the head of the household, the provider, his word is final. A cousin of mine brought up the theory that it is this male dominance that affect's his views of a certain activity. If such need for this dominance erodes, they may find they are more passive, or quite possibly even willing, to participate in this activity.
This activity... is buttsecks.
Yes ladies and gentlement, homosexuality. In a roundabout way, I am saying that homosexuality is a result of the advancement of humanity. Crazy as fuck idea, you say?
Think back to ancient Rome. Rome was the pinnacle of technology and philosophy back in the day. No one really had to worry about anything, cept being thrown in the lion's den. And you know what? THE PLACE WAS CRAWLING WITH FAGS! After Rome fell, people didn't have all of those comforts of life anymore. Their instincts kicked back in from the days of cavemen and nomads and wanted anything they could get their hands on, be it food, land, gold, women or salvation (or any combo or variation of those). Because people are preoccupied with these instincts, being confronted with an utter disregard for their means of survival seems absolutly ludicris. Thus, homophobia. Its not so much a fear of being gay yourself, its the contradiction of your instincts.
How would you explain the aversion to women? Simple, the gay person has rejected the traditional role of the male. He doesn't want to be the dominating provider(to certain extents). He wants to play the part of the woman. Being with a woman would put him right where he started. And i supose that in a world where that lifestyle hasn't been fully accepted, homies gotta stick together. The bisexual is just more apathetic.
Something to ponder. It puts an explanation to the origin of gayness. May not be the right answer, but it seems to be the most reasoned out one I've heard.
Comments, ideas, accusations of ass-hattery?
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Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Story Telling Has Evolved
You go to a theater to see a new movie. A serious movie. One of anger, revenge, and trying to find your place in life. You see the protagonist go through the motions and come upon dire, ethical, moral decissions. "What is it that I want? Will doing this get me closer to that?" Then the protagonist makes his decision and the movie continues. At the end, he may reflect on his decisions.
When the movie is all said and done, you leave the theater going over the movie agin in your head. You ponder is he did the right thing. You ponder as to what you would have done. Sometimes, those questions affect who you are. They make you question what you hold true in life.
Grand Theft Auto 4 takes story telling to a whole new level. As most in-touch audiences know, videogames are a new story telling medium. As the years have passed, games have gone from linear puzzles to multi-million dollar projects that sometimes out-costs normal movies. That money doesn't go all into graphics and programming. Nono, they've got writters, story boards, professional voice acting, the works.
But thats common of all/most new games. What makes GTA4 different? Most games have a linear plot. "Go here, kill him, kill them, kill this guy but not be able to do any more missions for that guy, kill the antagonist." GTA4 provides you with choices, and not bullshit choices. I cite Bioshock (and rip off Zero Punctuation). In Bioshock, you have the option of being either Mother Terasa or a baby eater; either save the Little Sister's from an eternity of lookin creepy, or crack their skulls open and eat their brains.
The choices in GTA4 are much harder than that.
****SPOILERS!!!!!!!***************
In the game, you are presented with two characters, Playboy X and Dwayne. Playboy X is a mover and a shaker in Liberty City who makes does quite well for himself. He learned everything he knows from Dwayne, his mentor who just got out of prison, but has found he lost everything and has been left in the dust. Shit happens, and they start to conflict with eachother. Individually, they come to me stating that they think the other is plotting against them, and wants the other taken out. Now, Playboy has been there for you, but you relate more with Dwayne. Different windows open and close based on your decission.
Not only that, but you have to make at least two more simliar choices in the game.
I have never stood idle for so long in a game. Come time to cap Playboy X or Dwayne, I drove and drove until I got to the crossroad that lead to their respective cribs. And I sat there, pondering. "What should I do? There's no guiding hand. This is a choice I have to make."
Ever wonder what you would have done in that movie? Wonder no more. You decide what goes down. There's no "You should be doing this" voice hanging over your head like in Bioshock.
Kinda funny actually, that I cite Bioshock, a game that critisizes the linearness of gaming and life's choices. But still, my analogy holds.
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Thursday, April 24, 2008
The last piece of the puzzle
Funny how when you think you see the big picture, you put in the last piece and it changes everything.
No, not even that. Perceived, I came so far with my analysis, and it was generally acurate. The only thing that changed was the reason behind it.
Looking back, it all makes sense.
A silly thing, pride. Always wanting to do the best. To garner respect.
Should there be any difference in treatment?
Perhaps the answer is no. What good would come of doing so?
There is no animosity.
There is no pity.
There is understanding.
I suck.
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Friday, April 11, 2008
My Celebrity Look-alikes
MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
Texas Hold ’em
Let me tell you a story.
In a land far away, a young boy grew. The hand he was dealt was not the finest, but the cards fell into place quite well after time. The boy was sitting pretty, very satisfied. The dealer dealt the turn card, and holy fuck was it a good card. Too good. The boy was overwhelmed at how good the card was, he thought there was no way he could loose. He went all in.
Then came the river, and all was lost.
For months, the boy was in anguish. He replayed the hand over and over again in his head. He blamed the other players, he blammed the dealer. He knew part of himself was to blame for not handling the hand propper, but no matter how he spinned it in his head, he couldn't get that hand out of his mind. Any time he thought of or was reminded of it, it brought back the sorrow and anger of that day.
He thought it best to perhaps strategizing for future hands. With time to contemplate, he thought of potential scenarios. He happened upon one; he didn't know it at the time, but this scenario was all to familiar. "What if a poor gulible sap were to go all in on the turn and- Holy Fuck."
Those months of self-torment and angst, it was not the hand or the dealer. Bad hands and bad dealers happen all of the time. No, it was him going all in too early. He was too eager to win. Inexperience may have played a part, but the set up and know down is what damaged the boy. It was then that the boy learned his lesson and began to finally, truely heal. Up until then, he had been broken, unable to put forth the confidence he once had. It was only until his revelation that he could be once again who he was. He held no grudge for the hand or the dealer afterwards. When confronted with those two, he felt humility and a twinge of shame. He knew to not make that mistake again.
A new hand was dealt. The boy wondered if he should match the blind or fold.
( ) [] 8<
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Monday, February 04, 2008
Illidan Stormrage
To initiate converse...
To think, moments before, I was about to extend a word of friendship.
Only to see... Do you not comprehend? Can't you fathom what confusion, frustration results? You don't, you can't, obviously. You wouldn't be in the pickle you're in if you could.
You refuse it, but they're right. They're ALL right. You are a blind fool with no sense of sociability, and that's comming from me.
Normally, I can keep an objective mind on such matters. Fuck that, not now, not with this blood resistant dagger. That resistance goes a lot further than you think now.
I hold no aliegence to you now, for you hold none for me.
Hey Hey, Goodbye.
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I iz Lezz SickZ!
YAI!!!!!!!!!!1!!11!!!!!!!!ONE!!1
*cough*
Emphasis on the "Lezz"
...Sick...Lez...theres a lesbian joke somewhere in there....
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Looking back...
is wortless.
Sans 1 post which i'm fairly fond of, all mention is removed. Any mention twists the dagger. No more. Even old emails, gone. Any fond memory that remains is suffocated by a thick lead shell.
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue.
Joyous things shall come.
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Monday, December 17, 2007
More Night time ramblings (Now 50% Less Coherent)
What is the drive? How is it that one's life achievements can be looked at by the achiever as what their path was, the right path, and have it scorned and abhored by another. Not only disagreed with, but thought to have gone in the absolute wrong and most useles direction. Why is that? The easy answer is that there is no set path, you build your own path.
But what if you have no foundation? Every path seems too specialized, too restrictive to the other posibilities. Could it be that in tryig to experience what life has to offer, I am only limiting myslef?
Consumerism, not only that, but self gratification. "I want it and i want it now." I cannot do everything at once. Steps must be taken. Not a flailing in all directions.
Am I scared of a path, of commitment? Once I choose one, there is no going back. Experience, or a blank slate. Branching out, going so far out. You can go back so far, but you remain on the same bough. I am on a bough already. I fear limiting myself, but in my fear, I am limited anyway. Fuck.
I must find something. Devotion to code, devotion to art, devotion to someone...
To create...
I will, I must, delve into what is computationally possible, and give it a flashy splash of color.
It's a start.
Either way, I am the greatest son ever. Huzzah Wii for the fam!
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Sunday, September 23, 2007
Moving/ Bidding my time till bed
Random bedtime mind-ramblings.
Finding appartments suck. Most definatly when your timeframe is quite limited.
The room is barren, devoid of all things, save the comp and tv/dresser.
Save the shadow, moving, caught in the corner of my eye.
Society never ceases to make me ponder, ponder the hows and whys.
I have yet to take it by the balls. What shall be the catalyst, i wonder? Will it come, will i ever get the chance? How crushed must a soul be, how much shit can be piled untill the breaking point is reached? Is it necesary? At that point, how bitter would one be? Would the goals from the begining hold through the strife? What does it take, what prohibits me? Where does the inhibition from the socialites outside my window come from? Is it a defense? Is it a farce? Is it a self masturbation of the ego, one that can only be filled with another? Why is this portrayed as the norm? Are people that out of touch? Am I that in-touch? Is there a balence? Why is the One not good enough?
Are we that uncontrolled?
Fucking cunt Matrix...
Well, now that i've delved into my insecurities and projections of problems, i need to get my bedsheets from the dryer, quench my thirst, and maybe check my mailbox and see what sold at the auctiohouse.
Night time ramblings suck
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Tuesday, May 08, 2007
t3h WoWs0rz
Yea verily, for I am addicted to World of Warcraft. If some strange person finds they would like to find me, I'll be questing it up in Orgrimmar on the Thrall server. I've got a 19 Warrior (Phraungkos), 12 Mage (Amedeus), and 7 Priest (Tareysa). I've also a 30 pally on Durotan (Balbermund). If you would like to try the wonders of WoW, i have some free 10 day trials, so feel free to hit me up.
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Monday, February 26, 2007
Midnight ramblings.
Ah, to have my beloved computer back up and running. My window to the world, locked shut by a bad heatsink. To my dismay, my PDA has also gone dead. It seems the battery is dead, and it takes quite an effort to change it, soldering n such. I think I'll just live without and get a Blackberry or something later.
I've been growing restless for a whiel now, and not from my lack of a computer. Even tonight, with my compy back, with an unlimited access to everything. I did so little. I need to take up something, but i havent the foggiest what. An MMO, a program, a book even? Something. I've had ideas for a DnD game. Perhaps soon I shall look into such a venture. But what language? VB? Would Vb have drag and drop capabilities? I'm sure it can go online...
i now i just thought of something i could be doing, and its not that.
END TRANSMISSION
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Saturday, February 03, 2007
Quandary
This quandary being, I'm compelled to write and express, yet nothing comes to mind. No words, no logical thought process, just angst.
Anger, with myself, but unsure of the direct source. The target of anger is there, but from where it stems, I know not. A fleeting reference will turn my stomache. The fact I blinded myself, perhaps? I saw it and out-right refused to believe it. Not even "lalala, I'm not listening," but more orwellian doublethink. I lied to myself. And for what? Having that socially acclaimed trophy under my belt? But then, did I do it for society, or was there some other reason?
*contemplates*
Could the security blanket have come into play? No, to hell with society's trophy, it was about he yearning, that need, that comfort.
But, much like a child's security blanket, it is not limited to one and only one object. Something else will suffice, if not more so. It has been made clear to me, now more than ever, the only way to persevere is to find a warmer, fluffier blanket.
An innocence was lost, a mental innocence. An outlook on life, skewed. I don't know how, but it has. I don't know how to repair it. Hell, this innocence is probably what started this, and most likely, its loss ended it. I can't recall when I lost it, but at that point, I was blind to it leaving. Now, its abscence is all too evident.
Its a mental game of ping pong. "You don't give a fuck," says logic. "Oh, but you do," says emotion. "Shut the fuck up, emotion, you don't know what you're talking about." "Why are you getting so angry, logic?" "FUCK OFF"
I can't *not* give a fuck if I *do* give a fuck.
If I truely didn't give a fuck, would I be writting this?
Moving on is the best way to not give a fuck, this I have known for quite some time, but until then... fuck.
Perhaps this may reinvigorate a spot of innocence.
If you know, you know, if not, don't fucking ask.
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Friday, December 08, 2006
Off site linking test
Yeah, i'm a bandwidth hogging douche, eat me.
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Friday, November 03, 2006
EWTN, TV of the Devil
So I'm flipping through the channels of the idiot box and stumble upon EWTN, the catholic channel, and its some weird commercial/ PSA. 2 guys eating at a restaurant. The One guy orders a Fish sammich and the other a burger. The guy who ordered the fish says "Gee, are you sure you want to eat meat on a Friday?"
"Well sure, i thought we didn't have to worry about that right now."
"Well, you know, (insert inane reasoning as to why you shouldn't eat meat on Friday). But if you do eat meat on a Friday, you can counter-act it with a charitable deed latter on."
"Oh, well in that case, I'll have the fish."
I could only think about what that guy was thinking about, "Hmm, if I eat meat today, then I'll have to do something good later... Psssh, fuck that, I'll just eat the fish and not have to worry about doing something good."
Yeah, I'm sure Jesus would be proud.
Ohhhhhh, I am THIS close to an silly religion practices rant... But nothing has pushed me over that edge, so I will save that fo ranother time.
And now, to get me out of my moody mood, a Dead Baby Joke:
Whats better than a dead baby swinging around on a clothes line at 300 MPH?
Stopping it with a shovel.
GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL! (I'll be the one getting a pine tree shoved up his ass, sideways)
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