(no subject)
Since having changed medication, life has gotten steadily more and more difficult. Some days are ok, usually the ones when Jack is around, but others are just... awful. The thing with antidepressants is that they take a few weeks to kick in, as it were, so when one is starting a new one, there is always a period when things get worse before they get better. This happened with my old medication when I stopped and started it again, so I've had experience with this phenomenon before. But there is a chance that this new medication won't work for me, that it might not be effective for stabilizing my mood, which is just great. So I might be having these 'all-time lows', and not even be going to get any kind of stabilization afterwards.
It's been around 3 weeks now, and there is still no sign of anything settling down. I'm really tired of feeling so awful. The amount of energy I spend trying to get things done, trying to control my thoughts and look after myself and the wee one is vast, so I am continually exhausted as well. Some days I just want to stay in bed under the covers. I wish I could cry, but I am not able to.
There are so many things that need to be done in the flat, housework-wise. But I am failing with keeping up with it all. I've not done anything for several days now. Some days I will be able to get a couple of things done, but not nearly enough for the flat not to look like an absolute pig-sty. So much for domestic goddess. I feel really awful about that, which then just feeds into my depression, and makes me even less likely to get up and do anything about it. I just want to sleep.
I've got to break out of this cycle somehow. Medication isn't the solution; it might be able to assist me some part of the way, but it won't solve my problem. There has to be a change in my mind. I remember when I was 18, the doctors would say that until I really wanted to get better, no one or nothing could make me better. That seems to be the problem here. Do I really want to get better?
Of course I do!
Then why am I stuck in this cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows? Why can't I break out of this thought process that is dragging me down to uselessness? I need help, because I cannot do this by myself. I don't have enough strength.
It's been around 3 weeks now, and there is still no sign of anything settling down. I'm really tired of feeling so awful. The amount of energy I spend trying to get things done, trying to control my thoughts and look after myself and the wee one is vast, so I am continually exhausted as well. Some days I just want to stay in bed under the covers. I wish I could cry, but I am not able to.
There are so many things that need to be done in the flat, housework-wise. But I am failing with keeping up with it all. I've not done anything for several days now. Some days I will be able to get a couple of things done, but not nearly enough for the flat not to look like an absolute pig-sty. So much for domestic goddess. I feel really awful about that, which then just feeds into my depression, and makes me even less likely to get up and do anything about it. I just want to sleep.
I've got to break out of this cycle somehow. Medication isn't the solution; it might be able to assist me some part of the way, but it won't solve my problem. There has to be a change in my mind. I remember when I was 18, the doctors would say that until I really wanted to get better, no one or nothing could make me better. That seems to be the problem here. Do I really want to get better?
Of course I do!
Then why am I stuck in this cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows? Why can't I break out of this thought process that is dragging me down to uselessness? I need help, because I cannot do this by myself. I don't have enough strength.