Masochism Tango
So first note: Warning-- this note will be completely candid as I am at the breaking point. If I offend anyone I will apologize in advance.
Some of you know me better than others, some for many years and will realize what I am about to say pains me to admit. I am on the verge of a psychological breakdown. Most people will read this statement and say "so what, isn't everybody." What those people do not realize is me having a breakdown has been known to be a danger for years... each one of my psychological profiles warns about what could happen and it ain't pretty. My profile shows great similarities between myself and a few other famous people (not famous for good things either, think along the lines of Bundy and Dahmer bad). The main difference in the profiles is that I have stabilizers and already know of what can happen when I have a breakdown... I saw it first hand when I was on steroids. Boy pushed me over the edge and he cleared the first ten feet of ground before hitting the wall; not only that I have family history of blood pressure and temper problems-- fortunately I have been able to keep my negative emotions in check and meditate on them for the past decade or so.
So to keep myself from going over the edge, I will probably be seen near my father or boy for awhile as they are the only ones that can safely take the fire. Ladies need not worry as I never have even raised a hand that way, it is too much against my personal views to even happen. This weekend I will also be relieving a lot of stress at the toga party. Sunday morning do not even plan on getting ahold of me.
Now people are probably wondering what has made me post this, all filled with information that has you all worried about your own safety. I feel it is the easiest way to explain what is going on and why I have not been quite myself and am not likely to return to myself for another week or so. This issue typically creeps in around the beginning of April and the middle of October, the depression issue. Proves to me that TS was right as well as the theory that a body can miss part of itself when it has been removed. Typically this wave results in me just feeling bad, sickness, and hiding away until it passes, but life does not continue that way as many more stresses have hit as I am dealing with this. I have students that are disapointing me, I know they can do better but they seem so lax in their work since H&R joined the block. The added responsibilities aren't doing me in yet as I can take care of them in the mornings and are actually a nice reprieve from the continuousness of my current studies and research; hopefully, the new equipment will come in and I can do some other stuff that is less frustrating.
Onto to other news, I am working on getting my credit re-established after the ID theft in April of 2004. We figured the full two and a half years was long enough to prevent the reoccurences of any theft issues. My cell phone was essentially the only proof of any credit I have at this point and I have never had a late payment, despite the desire to hold out on cingular for being the holder of the greatest number of dropped calls.
I am going nucking futs having nothing to do, previous weekend I went out with BBB and had some fun (see results on her page), then the following wed (due to a cancellation in plans) went out with Weihu then Heartbreaker for dinner then desert respectively and that was great, had lots of good food and company. This past weekend I had nothing to do, no one to do anything with and essentially spent the weekend in bed looking at a computer screen doing research for two days at about 23 hours per day. Then my sleep cycle got all screwy and has me up at night and out during the day; I need about 3 straight days of rain to help me level off (come on mon-fri next week, all 5 days).
I am beginning to feel better now that I have gotten all this off my chest, I still need to talk to certain people I know, who will probably read this and wonder what is going on with me.
~now for surveys~
Caution formatting issues are due to microsoft
1. 1. Real Name : ya know it by now
2. Nickname : das Nerd
3. Single or taken : Taken if she'll still have me
4. Zodiac Sign : Capricorn 5, Year of the Metal Rooster
5. Sex : Male or not in over 12 years
6. Elementary School : Eustis, Seminole Springs, Howey Center for Gifted, Eustis Heights
7. Favorite Color(s): Blues, Greens
8. How many buddies : ??
9. Screenname : das Nerd or PierceSK1 (or 7 on aim)
10. Hair Color: Changes as it grows
11. Favorite Flower: Living ones
12. Hair Long or Short : middle length, like long hair
13.
14. Eye Color : mine are Blue
15. Are you healthy: ROFL
16. Height : I am 1.71 meters or thereabouts
17. Do you have a crush on someone : yes
18. Do you like yourself : when not in this depressed state
19.
20. Think you're awesome : I can be
21. Piercings: negative unless you count those surgical marks
22. Tattoos : none
23. Right or left : Right for most stuff, I eat Left handed though
__Your 'Firsts'___
24. Surgery : September 29, 2004
25: First piercing: none
26. First best friend: Jimi
27. First Award : who knows
28. First Sport You Joined : swimming at 3 months
29. First pet : Pepe the skunk
30. First vacation : Probably the Appalachins
___Favorites___
33. Movies: unknown
2. 35. Color: Blues and greens
36. Music: Country, some alt-rock, classic rock
37. Number: partial to the primes esp 7 and 13
38. Clothing Style: Comfortable on me
39. Drink: a good imported beer
40.
41. Sport To Play: Poker, beer pong, etc
42. Favorite part of your house: bedroom, porch
43. Brand Of Clothing: none
44. What do you sleep with: one too many pillows, my laptop, wish it was something else
45. Favorite School: none really
46. Favorite Animal(s): dogs as pets, cats that act like dogs, marine mammals
47. Favorite Book(s): Fantasy Novels
48. Favorite magazines: none, maybe some journals
___Currently___
49. Eating: I wish, havn't eaten since noon
50. I'm drinking: havn't drank anything since 7pm
52. I'm about to: get a glass of water
53. Listening to: my windows media player (Charlie Daniels as I type this)
54.
55 Waiting For: Ebil
56. oopsies...:
57. Wearing: just boxers
___Your Future___
58. Want Kids: yes 2 or 3, preferably not cloned
59. Want to Get Married: yep
60. Careers: druggist… lol chemist in research medicine
__Which is better with the Opposite Gender__
68. Lips or Eyes: sucker for the eyes
69. Teeth or Hair: I like long hair, but all the teeth gotta be there
70. Shorter or Taller: about same height
71.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: how to decide
73. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms
74. Sensitive or Loud: sensitive
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Go outs or Hang outs: go outs
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant: a little of yin a little of yang
___Have you ever___
78. Kissed a stranger? No,
79. Drank bubbles: possibly
80. Lost glasses/contacts: nope
81. Ran away from home: nope
82. Broken a bone: nope
83. Got an X-ray: ha ha ha ha
84. Broken Someone's Heart: not that I am aware of
85. Kissed the same sex: nope
86. Turned someone down: yep
87. Cried when someone died: no sadly enough, despite all the death I have witnessed
88. Cried at school: nope
You Believe In___
89. Yourself: mostly
90. Miracles: yeps, universal balance
91. Love at first sight: can happen
95. Heaven: I don't dwell on the afterlife, just the life, I've been dead once too often as it is
96. Santa Claus: yeps
97. Sex on first date: nope
98. Kissing on the First Date: maybe a peck
99. Angels: same as 95
100. Demons and hell: "war is hell"
___Answer Truthfully___
101. Is There someone you miss right now: Yes and she knows who she is
Some of you know me better than others, some for many years and will realize what I am about to say pains me to admit. I am on the verge of a psychological breakdown. Most people will read this statement and say "so what, isn't everybody." What those people do not realize is me having a breakdown has been known to be a danger for years... each one of my psychological profiles warns about what could happen and it ain't pretty. My profile shows great similarities between myself and a few other famous people (not famous for good things either, think along the lines of Bundy and Dahmer bad). The main difference in the profiles is that I have stabilizers and already know of what can happen when I have a breakdown... I saw it first hand when I was on steroids. Boy pushed me over the edge and he cleared the first ten feet of ground before hitting the wall; not only that I have family history of blood pressure and temper problems-- fortunately I have been able to keep my negative emotions in check and meditate on them for the past decade or so.
So to keep myself from going over the edge, I will probably be seen near my father or boy for awhile as they are the only ones that can safely take the fire. Ladies need not worry as I never have even raised a hand that way, it is too much against my personal views to even happen. This weekend I will also be relieving a lot of stress at the toga party. Sunday morning do not even plan on getting ahold of me.
Now people are probably wondering what has made me post this, all filled with information that has you all worried about your own safety. I feel it is the easiest way to explain what is going on and why I have not been quite myself and am not likely to return to myself for another week or so. This issue typically creeps in around the beginning of April and the middle of October, the depression issue. Proves to me that TS was right as well as the theory that a body can miss part of itself when it has been removed. Typically this wave results in me just feeling bad, sickness, and hiding away until it passes, but life does not continue that way as many more stresses have hit as I am dealing with this. I have students that are disapointing me, I know they can do better but they seem so lax in their work since H&R joined the block. The added responsibilities aren't doing me in yet as I can take care of them in the mornings and are actually a nice reprieve from the continuousness of my current studies and research; hopefully, the new equipment will come in and I can do some other stuff that is less frustrating.
Onto to other news, I am working on getting my credit re-established after the ID theft in April of 2004. We figured the full two and a half years was long enough to prevent the reoccurences of any theft issues. My cell phone was essentially the only proof of any credit I have at this point and I have never had a late payment, despite the desire to hold out on cingular for being the holder of the greatest number of dropped calls.
I am going nucking futs having nothing to do, previous weekend I went out with BBB and had some fun (see results on her page), then the following wed (due to a cancellation in plans) went out with Weihu then Heartbreaker for dinner then desert respectively and that was great, had lots of good food and company. This past weekend I had nothing to do, no one to do anything with and essentially spent the weekend in bed looking at a computer screen doing research for two days at about 23 hours per day. Then my sleep cycle got all screwy and has me up at night and out during the day; I need about 3 straight days of rain to help me level off (come on mon-fri next week, all 5 days).
I am beginning to feel better now that I have gotten all this off my chest, I still need to talk to certain people I know, who will probably read this and wonder what is going on with me.
~now for surveys~
Caution formatting issues are due to microsoft
1. 1. Real Name : ya know it by now
2. Nickname : das Nerd
3. Single or taken : Taken if she'll still have me
4. Zodiac Sign : Capricorn 5, Year of the Metal Rooster
5. Sex : Male or not in over 12 years
6. Elementary School : Eustis, Seminole Springs, Howey Center for Gifted, Eustis Heights
7. Favorite Color(s): Blues, Greens
8. How many buddies : ??
9. Screenname : das Nerd or PierceSK1 (or 7 on aim)
10. Hair Color: Changes as it grows
11. Favorite Flower: Living ones
12. Hair Long or Short : middle length, like long hair
13.
14. Eye Color : mine are Blue
15. Are you healthy: ROFL
16. Height : I am 1.71 meters or thereabouts
17. Do you have a crush on someone : yes
18. Do you like yourself : when not in this depressed state
19.
20. Think you're awesome : I can be
21. Piercings: negative unless you count those surgical marks
22. Tattoos : none
23. Right or left : Right for most stuff, I eat Left handed though
__Your 'Firsts'___
24. Surgery : September 29, 2004
25: First piercing: none
26. First best friend: Jimi
27. First Award : who knows
28. First Sport You Joined : swimming at 3 months
29. First pet : Pepe the skunk
30. First vacation : Probably the Appalachins
___Favorites___
33. Movies: unknown
2. 35. Color: Blues and greens
36. Music: Country, some alt-rock, classic rock
37. Number: partial to the primes esp 7 and 13
38. Clothing Style: Comfortable on me
39. Drink: a good imported beer
40.
41. Sport To Play: Poker, beer pong, etc
42. Favorite part of your house: bedroom, porch
43. Brand Of Clothing: none
44. What do you sleep with: one too many pillows, my laptop, wish it was something else
45. Favorite School: none really
46. Favorite Animal(s): dogs as pets, cats that act like dogs, marine mammals
47. Favorite Book(s): Fantasy Novels
48. Favorite magazines: none, maybe some journals
___Currently___
49. Eating: I wish, havn't eaten since noon
50. I'm drinking: havn't drank anything since 7pm
52. I'm about to: get a glass of water
53. Listening to: my windows media player (Charlie Daniels as I type this)
54.
55 Waiting For: Ebil
56. oopsies...:
57. Wearing: just boxers
___Your Future___
58. Want Kids: yes 2 or 3, preferably not cloned
59. Want to Get Married: yep
60. Careers: druggist… lol chemist in research medicine
__Which is better with the Opposite Gender__
68. Lips or Eyes: sucker for the eyes
69. Teeth or Hair: I like long hair, but all the teeth gotta be there
70. Shorter or Taller: about same height
71.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: how to decide
73. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms
74. Sensitive or Loud: sensitive
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Go outs or Hang outs: go outs
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant: a little of yin a little of yang
___Have you ever___
78. Kissed a stranger? No,
79. Drank bubbles: possibly
80. Lost glasses/contacts: nope
81. Ran away from home: nope
82. Broken a bone: nope
83. Got an X-ray: ha ha ha ha
84. Broken Someone's Heart: not that I am aware of
85. Kissed the same sex: nope
86. Turned someone down: yep
87. Cried when someone died: no sadly enough, despite all the death I have witnessed
88. Cried at school: nope
You Believe In___
89. Yourself: mostly
90. Miracles: yeps, universal balance
91. Love at first sight: can happen
95. Heaven: I don't dwell on the afterlife, just the life, I've been dead once too often as it is
96. Santa Claus: yeps
97. Sex on first date: nope
98. Kissing on the First Date: maybe a peck
99. Angels: same as 95
100. Demons and hell: "war is hell"
___Answer Truthfully___
101. Is There someone you miss right now: Yes and she knows who she is