I really wanted to be.
I recently changed the format and coloring of my journal. I was hoping its bright and colorful nature would lighten my not so bright moods. I look at it now and it looks childish and foolish and makes me think others who'll see it won't take me seriously.
It bothers me that I am socially disabled. It seems I cannot fit into a group as much as I try. Not that I want to be a part a clique and lose my individuality, just that I'd like to be able to have a circle of friends. Especially considering that my family is all but pacific most of the time. In that crowded hotel room on the friday night in Washington DC, I realised what the others really thought of me, and it has made me feel quite dejected. I've seen them since and I still muster a smile though it hurts me inside to know what it really behind their smiles.
A few of us went to lunch today and I might as well have sat across the street and eaten because there was a distance between the others and I. And these weren't even the people who bombarded that night. These were my "allies" and only my allies because they remained quiet. How is it that of the 6 of us that shared the same hotel room, 5 of them have become better, closer friends and I am still just me?
Not in the mood for a "final thought".
It bothers me that I am socially disabled. It seems I cannot fit into a group as much as I try. Not that I want to be a part a clique and lose my individuality, just that I'd like to be able to have a circle of friends. Especially considering that my family is all but pacific most of the time. In that crowded hotel room on the friday night in Washington DC, I realised what the others really thought of me, and it has made me feel quite dejected. I've seen them since and I still muster a smile though it hurts me inside to know what it really behind their smiles.
A few of us went to lunch today and I might as well have sat across the street and eaten because there was a distance between the others and I. And these weren't even the people who bombarded that night. These were my "allies" and only my allies because they remained quiet. How is it that of the 6 of us that shared the same hotel room, 5 of them have become better, closer friends and I am still just me?
Not in the mood for a "final thought".