doing a little better
ok basically things haven't changed but they have.
i saw nate today to get some stuff with nana. and it made me feel better because we barly talked but it was calm and civilized. it maybe be selfish but he looked hurt/upset. hell he might of just woken up. but before hand i sent him a text message that asked for a hug. once he and nana put the stuff in the car we just kinda looked at each other. i probablly looked like a sad pathetic kid whose mommy just left them at school for the 1st time but he motioned me on. at first he said he wanted to be friends. now hes not totally sure. says it just needs time. i don't know if i can handle be friends for a while anyway. but today in some way i got a little closure. he might of just hugged me because he felt he had to and wouldn't of if i wouldn't of asked. i don't really care. it meant alot.
we did have problems.
i had/have some serious problem but i'm not gonna let myself think i was the only one who ever screwed up.
i'm also not gonna let myself think the "maybe someday we'll get back together... he'll miss me too much eventually" thoughts. because thats what i thought all last week and what made saturday so fucking hard.
people keep on saying you'll find someone better. but truth is... i don't want to think of it like that. because i love(d) nate. and when i find someone else they won't be better.. just different and i'll learn from this relationship the things he had that i hated not to love again in someone else but also the things of nate that were amazing to look for in someone else. someday i hope we can be friends.
oh yeah he told nana and scott he was sorry for how it happened and he wish he could take back what he said on saturday. once again i don't know if he meant it and i wish he could of said it to me but at least it was said. i mean i told him what i was sorry for on saturday. but at least it was said.
p.s.
nana bought me a car yay!
and i'm making something to hang on my mirror... kinda like a personal cheerleader thing... so as nerdy and lame as this might be... if ya love me could you maybe leave a comment of something nice you like about me or something so i can add it to it.
i saw nate today to get some stuff with nana. and it made me feel better because we barly talked but it was calm and civilized. it maybe be selfish but he looked hurt/upset. hell he might of just woken up. but before hand i sent him a text message that asked for a hug. once he and nana put the stuff in the car we just kinda looked at each other. i probablly looked like a sad pathetic kid whose mommy just left them at school for the 1st time but he motioned me on. at first he said he wanted to be friends. now hes not totally sure. says it just needs time. i don't know if i can handle be friends for a while anyway. but today in some way i got a little closure. he might of just hugged me because he felt he had to and wouldn't of if i wouldn't of asked. i don't really care. it meant alot.
we did have problems.
i had/have some serious problem but i'm not gonna let myself think i was the only one who ever screwed up.
i'm also not gonna let myself think the "maybe someday we'll get back together... he'll miss me too much eventually" thoughts. because thats what i thought all last week and what made saturday so fucking hard.
people keep on saying you'll find someone better. but truth is... i don't want to think of it like that. because i love(d) nate. and when i find someone else they won't be better.. just different and i'll learn from this relationship the things he had that i hated not to love again in someone else but also the things of nate that were amazing to look for in someone else. someday i hope we can be friends.
oh yeah he told nana and scott he was sorry for how it happened and he wish he could take back what he said on saturday. once again i don't know if he meant it and i wish he could of said it to me but at least it was said. i mean i told him what i was sorry for on saturday. but at least it was said.
p.s.
nana bought me a car yay!
and i'm making something to hang on my mirror... kinda like a personal cheerleader thing... so as nerdy and lame as this might be... if ya love me could you maybe leave a comment of something nice you like about me or something so i can add it to it.