A lesson I learned

[dasbobert]

I dont appreciate being lied to. I dont appreciate being led on with thinking something. Ive had these past two days to do alot of thinking on what I want in life and out of my friends. Yesterday I went on a two mile walk to relieve the anger I was feeling caused becuase of Rocelyn. I saw alot of things from my childhood. On this journey Istopped by St. Pius Elementary School where I went for Kindergarten and 1st grade. I saw alot of memories there. Places id go play with my friends. Everything seemed so muchbigger back then, now its so small. I also stopped by King. Alot of people hated High School and love college. I love college, but I miss HS. Going through there I couldent help think of Mr. Shelburne. For those who dont know he was my German teacher, mentor, and one of my Best friends. A few months before Senior years was to end he was fired. No one, except for a select few knew why. Even closer to the end of the school year we found out he had commited suicide, we found out the same day we got our graduation robes. Ive never gotten over it. Its always lurking in the back of my mind. Till this day ive never been to his grave, as much as I want to go I just cant bring myself to do it. I went by Sonic and saw Chrissy working, and continued toward the mall and got to see Vince for a bit. Then I headed to work, where Mike picked me up to go see Joe at Best Buy and the 3 of us hung out for a bit. I want the pople in my life, my friends, to be the ones who dont lead me on and dont lie to me. The warm hearted ones that actually care about me like I do them and can stop for two seconds after rambling on and on or just two seconds from an icy cold glare. Last night I wanted so so bad to just give up the nice guy thing and be an ass to the people who have hurt me, you know who you are, but I couldent. Im not that person anymore, thats manipulative and sets out to hurt those that hurt me. Is It best I just cut those people from my life and feelings? I dont know. Tommororw will be a test of how I handle myself. Talking with Kalli and Amanda today about it really helped me out. They care about me and love me for who iam. As does Chrissy and Libbye. So if the rest of them dont, then thats fine. Their loss not mine. I wont tear myself up for losing people that bring me pain anymore. I dont like giving up. I try to look for the best in people, thats what motivates me to try to save some of these friendships. But you cant save them all, sometimes you just have to give up. Im thankful for Joe, Alex, Mike, Chris, Vince, Rocelyn*, Chrissy, Libbye, Kalli, Jen, and Robert. I just met Amanda but she has been so nice to me and sweet, she is already someone I can be completely candid with. Alex or "Lex" as I call her is also a very nice girl I hope to get to know better to. Maybe sometimes the best relationships are the ones that arent always constant.

**UPDATE**
Rocelyn and I talked today. She told me some interesting facts about Sarah I didnt know. All I can say is, what a bitch. I dont want her in my life anymore (Sarah not Rocelyn). Im glad and honored to have Roce in my life and Love her very much. I cant believe I never saw through the lies and the shit she talks behind my back. Unbelievable. I could be an asshole back, but I wont unless I am made to be that way. I love you Roceylyn!